A Big Disappointment

Have you ever looked forward to something for months only to realize it was not as good as you thought it would be? That’s what happened to me this week.

I was so excited that one of my closest friends (growing up) was coming to visit me, but when she got here I figured out that my excitement was in vain. This morning (when I got up early to drive her to the airport) she apologized for not spending time with me. And I simply told her that she need not apologize. It was her choice.
Here’s what bothers me the most…she stayed in our house all week, and didn’t even say thank you to us. Really?! Who the hell is actually that rude?! And a lot of people, myself included, went out of our way for her without a mere moment of appreciation for it.
I sat for hours (happily even) at the airport the night she arrived, paid for parking (which isn’t cheap in NY) only to head back later that evening because her flight was delayed. Obviously, this was not her fault, but I did it with a smile on my face because I was so happy to see her. Is it too much to ask that she could say thank you?
Nick left work early a few evenings to take her to an authentic Greek restaurant and an authentic Italian one as well because she “wanted to experience the real New York,” but she chose to do other things instead (and informed us at the last minute.) I bought her cupcakes from a famous cake boutique, black and white cookies and assorted Italian pastries that she claimed she wanted to try. And everything went uneaten…I just tossed a beautiful, freshly baked croissant (that she requested too) in the trash because she couldn’t be bothered to taste it.
Monday she spent the day with her sister who lives in New Jersey and has grown into this awesome person. Obviously, I thought it was great that she was spending time with her sister. But all day she told me that she’d be back at 3 or 4 so I should just get some work done and wait for her. I did and 4 became 6 and 6 became 8…She got back at 10 that evening by which time Nick and I had already eaten at the Italian restaurant.
I could go on and on and on…but I suppose I’ll stop. I just cannot imagine anyone being so selfish though if I’m honest with myself, this should not surprise me about Jenny. She was always a taker — not a giver. But to take advantage of me and the people around me is just sickening and inexcusable. Frankly, I don’t know how she can live with herself.
She must have sensed that I wasn’t happy this morning (way to finally figure it out Jenn.) I was not rude, was not cross…just numb really, to the fact that this person I call a friend could so openly use me and not even understand that it’s wrong. So as we arrived at the airport she said “Are we okay? You seem upset or something.”
And I said to her “I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed and embarrassed. My friends watched you take advantage of me after I was so excited to have you here. And I hate that because of your actions they pitied me this week. It is embarrassing, but what can I do? You made your choices…I just thought it would be different.”
Her only response – “I thought it would too.” (What the hell does that even mean?) And to that, I simply said “it would have been different if you had made it different, but you made your choices.”
And get this…she said that next year she would have to plan to come here for two weeks so she could see more during her trip (sights — not me.) And I said, “sure, maybe we can meet for lunch or something.” I hoped to convey that fact that she is not welcome to use my place as a hotel again. Maybe being used was fine when I didn’t realize that there was so much more to life. Now it’s embarrassing and unacceptable.
So while I feel disappointed at the moment, I am also utterly thankful that I have the life I have now. I know what it’s like to be treated with care and respect because I have friends who actually do treat me that way. I’m so blessed to be in a city I love and to have a support system of friends here who actually know how to be a friend back.
I’m sure I’ll always know Jenny in some capacity, at least I hope I do. She is my connection to the past, but without some serious personal growth (that I thought she’d experienced in the last few years) she’ll never be someone who fits into my future. And she’s the one who will lose out as a result.

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5 Comments

  • Reply
    hillary
    July 2, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    bah! Sorry about all that. I have a friend JUST like that. Take take. We knew each other since we were 6. There were 7 years we didn't talk because of this exact situation you are in. I took her camping and she was an ungrateful retch and we drove all over creation and bought a weekends worth of food she didn't eat because she wanted to go out. we were CAMPING you don't go out! bah. I feel you. It sucks when you realize just because you knew the person for 25 years doesn't mean if you met them today you'd be friends.

  • Reply
    Lisa
    July 2, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    A lot of times we grow apart from our friends. I have the same issue with my childoohd friend. I have ALWAYS come second to any and everything else in her life. I hope you feel better about it soon. As least you told her she let you down.

    – Lisa
    http://www.losewithlisa.blogspot.com

  • Reply
    FitToSeeJane
    July 2, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    I think you will be glad you had an open conversation with her, once you get over the dissapointment of it all. Good for you. You weren't unkind, but you were a friend to yourself.

  • Reply
    Connie Weiss
    July 3, 2009 at 1:44 am

    I'm really proud of you for sticking up for yourself and realizing that she really isn't a very good friend.

    That was so thoughtful of you to do all of those things for her.

  • Reply
    Who are you Weesha?
    July 4, 2009 at 5:13 am

    well, at least you know her true colours so you don't have to waste anymore of your time with her. It's good you told her how you felt too, maybe it'll make her grow a conscience. Her loss not yours!

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