First Impressions

If you could walk into a room full of strangers or meet someone on the street, what’s the first thing you’d want them to know about you?  First impressions are often based on looks, right? Maybe you would see me and think “Wow, she has fantastic taste in handbags!” Or maybe you would wonder if I always wear a scarf when it’s 80 degrees outside.  But most are more inclined to notice my size first.  

So when I walk into a party or a bookstore, and someone approaches me, I’m more than happy to answer the questions they ask…”What do you do? Where do you live?” That is my opportunity to show them that I’m not a lazy schmuck who sits around eating ice cream all day. 
It is my opportunity to prove that I’m a person who is driven, likable and accomplished.  
Living in New York is fantastic, but I often wish I could wear a t-shirt or carry a pamphlet explaining my life story or at least what brought me here. Because while I’m earnestly trying to change who I am on the outside, I am definitely worth knowing because of who I am inside. 
Last week, someone actually said to me “It’s too bad that you can’t look as good on the outside as you do on the inside because you’re a great person.” My response: Really? Eff you, dude.  Just to clarify, the person who said this is not someone I know well, nor is he someone that I care to know well.  But I did not have a witty retort like I normally would because when he said it, I knew he was right. (He’s still an a$$hole for saying that. Just saying.) 
I know I shouldn’t care what other people think…blah, blah, blah.  And if I cared everyday, I just wouldn’t wake up.  I certainly wouldn’t make a fool of myself with my trainer in a gym full of people.  And I would never have walked into a Weight Watchers meeting (which, by the way, is turning out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done — ever.)  But I would be lying to myself (and you) if I didn’t admit that the way I’m perceived by others bothers me. 
All I can do is change it, and if you know me, you know that’s exactly what I’m doing.  And most days, I hold my head high because I face my battles and conquer them.  And most people who are quick to judge me have no idea what I’ve been through or what I have already accomplished. 
But those people don’t matter ultimately, do they? The ones who matter are the ones who take time to love me just the way I am — the ones who stand by me regardless of the circumstances surrounding our lives.  And even on days like today, days when I feel like it’s just not fair, I know that I have more to be thankful for than I could have ever imagined.  

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5 Comments

  • Reply
    Jenny
    August 24, 2009 at 6:34 am

    1. everything happens for a reason 2. life, everything, it's between you and god, not you and "them" 3. the only opinions that matter, & that should even remotely affect your happiness, are your own and those of ones that love you!

    you only have one life to live, do what you love and love what you do! 😉

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  • Reply
    ♥ Kenz ♥
    August 24, 2009 at 7:35 am

    Thanks Jenny. I know you're right, but it's nice to be reminded sometimes.

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  • Reply
    Fran
    August 24, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    What a rude ash hole! Glad you don't let it get to you.

    I have never seen you but how you write you must be a happy, friendly nice person!

    So I'm glad I can read your blog!

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  • Reply
    LyndiLou
    August 24, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    You are beautiful… inside and out… and I appreciate all you share and what a good example you are of hard work and finding a great balance in life! Thank you for that! It's hard to forget what mean people say… but good for you for doing something positive in spite of it!

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  • Reply
    hillary
    August 24, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    girl I FEEL you. I have been a social outcast my entire life. I just wasn't a liked or respected person. I only recently became "outgoing" only on the internet. I don't have friends really in my "real" life and only since turning 30 do I not hate myself (only very much dislike at this point. but baby steps)

    and all it takes is one fucktard to send me into that downward spiral. Last week these two girls at dunkin donuts were making fun of the flowers in my hair and at first I was hurt. Then later in the day I was MAD mad that I let those bitches get to me. They obviously have their own issues if they are gonna pick on a strangers flowers I mean COME ON.

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