I don’t post much about religion. I don’t attend church regularly, nor do I read my Bible everyday. But I do believe that God is real though I am not particularly close to Him.
I grew up in church. In fact, my dad was a minister so I spent most of my childhood and teen years in church, bible studies, youth groups, etc. I sang in church and could look up a bible verse quicker than anyone I knew except Dad.
But somewhere along the line (actually, I know exactly where and why) church became something that I “used to do.” That was years ago, but in the last few months I’ve begun to think I should find a church home — and much more importantly, reconnect with God.
Tonight I was on my way home from Barnes & Noble, listening to the song that I posted a few minutes ago. And following that one, I heard this…
I realize His grace is what I need.
When sin demanded justice for my soul,
Mercy said no,
I’m not gonna let you go.
I’m not gonna let you slip away,
You don’t have to be afraid.”
My life has been so awesome since I moved to New York exactly two years ago. And sometimes, okay — often times, it’s hard to credit what I have and where I am to God. It’s in these good times that I find it hardest to be humble. But as I was sitting in the darkness tonight, with no distractions, I realized that I wouldn’t be so happy and fulfilled if God had not afforded me the opportunities to pursue the desires of my heart.
I also realized that I serve many “gods” other than the one who created me. I love money. If you know me, you know I love quotes too. And one of my favorites is, “The best things in life are free; the second best are expensive.”
I give into fears (though I’ve come a long way with that one recently.)
And though I give to others and care for others, I put myself first a lot. I don’t think that’s all bad. In this weight loss process, I think it’s the only way you can be. But according to the Ten Commandments I should put “God first, others second and myself last” so I need to work on that one. See, Mom? I remember them…:)
I want to be the example of someone who loves God and has faith in Him in sad times as well as happy times. He totally deserves the glory for things that I’ve accomplished…and the things that have blessed me.
I also know that some of my friends are going through tough times right now. Amber posted a quote earlier that said “the will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.” I was astounded by her ability to put her faith in Him just like that.
God will protect her and comfort her through this time, right? And He wants to love us and be there for us regardless of the situations we’re in, right? And that includes me even though I say curse words…and even though I tell white lies to get out of things when it would be just as acceptable to tell the truth. (I’ve come a long way with this too.)
I want to be the kind of person who honors God, and I honestly don’t know where to start. I want to go to church though I find it terribly difficult to motivate myself to get up on Sunday mornings. And I don’t know where I’d go.
I know I’ve talked about what I want a lot in this post. And I’ll just mention one other thing I want. If you’re someone who prays…someone who believes in God and following His will and everything, then will you pray for me?
Pray that I can embrace God in my own life…and that I can be less bitter towards church and organized religion. Because while I’ve come a long way in forgiving in the last several years, I know that Jesus loved the ones who hurt Him too. And He forgave. He did not judge. And He made the ultimate sacrifice so I could spend eternity with Him in spite of myself. I would like to live a life that is pleasing to Him…so pray that I can start to do that, will you please?