Beauty Emotions Inspiration

Just Another Day

I weighed in last night and lost another pound, and that’s not too bad considering I weighed in on Monday. 😉 Normally, I would not weigh in more than once a week. I just needed to get back into my regular, treasured Thursday routine.

So I was feeling good…87 pounds – that’s a nice, big number. I feel like I’ve come so far, but last night I was reminded (in a cruel sort of way that is too embarrassing to share) that I still have a long way to go. I’m still overweight and unattractive, and that light I see at the end of the tunnel is still far off in the distance.


But that light is there. I can see it. And I’m much closer to it than I was 11 months ago! I know without a doubt that I’ll reach a day when I’ll look in the mirror and like what I see regardless of whether anyone else likes it or not. And while I still have a long road ahead, when I put my hurt feelings aside it’s easy to see that I’ve come a long way.

There were days this week in which I felt pretty. And yesterday, I was told by more than a few people that I’ve played some part in helping them succeed in their personal weight loss. And though they did the work themselves, I don’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing that.

So will it be easy to move forward knowing that I’m still so unattractive to say many? Yes…I’ll continue moving forward because I’m not doing this for them. It would definitely be nice to be considered pretty in general, but that’s not even close to the top of my list of reasons. I want to keep feeling good. I want to be healthy and confident. I want to be able to ride my bike uphill without stopping. I want to wear stilettos. I want to jog in Central Park while looking like I belong there. The list could go on, but if you know me then you probably already know the reasons.

So…my feelings were severely hurt last night. And it will take some time heal, but it will. And while I can’t be sure when it will go from an open wound to just another scar, I’m hopeful that it will be soon because the good has certainly outweighed the bad in the last (almost) year. And I’m more than willing to deal with the pain because I’m moving forward so I won’t stay unhappy too long.

How do you deal with it when someone hurts you? Is it easier to forgive when you know they would never hurt you on purpose? Or is it easier to forget about it if it’s a stranger?

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16 Comments

  • Reply
    Anonymous
    March 5, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    Well I've only just recently started reading your blog, but I have to say I find that you to be an ATTRACTIVE person. Yes, you are a plus size girl still but you are VERY attractive. You take care in you appearance and I think you look fab. Last year I myself lost 70 lbs with WW and I went from a size 22 down to a 16. I am still a plus size girl and I guess still considered "fat", so I too am aware that some IDIOTS will still feel that way about me. But you know what? I know different and that's all that counts. Don't be down on yourself! Don't believe the haters!

  • Reply
    Angela
    March 5, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    Kenz ~ First of all, good job on both weight losses this week!! That is totally fab! It truly broke my heart reading your post this morning! Although I don't know you personally, what I've come to know of you on your blog, I can't imagine how anyone could be hurtful towards you! You posts are truly an inspiration to me and many others out there and I can only imagine what a positive & uplifting person you are in "real life." To know someone hurt you makes me sad for you. I know many people in the past who have hurt me I've come to realize they are hurting in their own personal life and their way of dealing with it and making themselves feel better is to hurt others … You know you are a beautiful person inside and out so don't let it get you down girl!!

  • Reply
    Deb Willbethin
    March 5, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    Awww. Sorry you had your feelings hurt. Hope you feel better soon. Deb

  • Reply
    Tammy
    March 5, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    There is more to being "pretty" than what is seen on the outside! You are a beautiful person because you take care of yourself and share your journey (good days and struggles) with others who are in your shoes! I will say that my husband is VERY judgmental about people's looks, and it is hurtful, whether he is saying it about me or about a stranger. I just keep my head up, and continue to take care of ME! Remember, that beauty is only skin deep, and being "pretty" will only get you so far in life. You are beautiful to a lot of us!

    PS. Congratulations on the 1-lb. loss!

  • Reply
    {Absolutely, Positively} Josie
    March 5, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    when someone hurts me, i know the only way to get over it the right way is to do what you're doing. but it's very hard for me!

    you've some some great physical features, and you accent them too well to not know that!

    you live a dream life. you inspire a ton of people (myself included) every single day with your blissful, gimmick-free weight loss progress. i know i can come here and count on you to have done the right thing. it doesn't matter what was/is ever said or done to you, it doesn't lessen your effect. i think it makes you a stronger role model for having overcome that adversity the right way.

    so, please keep on being you, and be bolder than ever!!

  • Reply
    The Monkey and Me
    March 5, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Kenz, to hear you say about yourself unattractive – I just yelled out loud "No way!" That couldn't be more further from the truth! Just look at your million dollar smile! You are such a beautiful woman – don't let anyone take that away from you. And I am so sorry to her that someone has hurt you. You have made amazing strides this year, this month, this week, and you are an amazing person!

  • Reply
    {ALL} for a Better Life
    March 5, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Well, first off congrats on the loss. Secondly, you look beautiful. Thirdly, I know EXACTLY what you mean and feel. To answer your question – I think it hurts me regardless if it is a stranger or somebody I know. It particuarly hurts when you know you you have come so far and yet are being judged by your exterior. My "hard" attitude would love to say that I brush it off and screw you, you don't know me but that wouldn't be 100% true. It hurts me deeper than I care to admit and it sticks around even longer.

  • Reply
    Julie
    March 5, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    Hey Kenz! You have beatiful features… You know this… and so does everyone else… Just to look at your glowing face shows it to the world! 🙂 Here is my advice, not that you asked for it… but I thought I would just give it anyways…This is what I would do, If I knew the person, I would definately point out how they just made me feel. I am not shy about my feelings and I am very very careful not to hurt others feelings. If someone says something that I find hurtful, I tell them. Most times, they didn't mean it the way they said it… or, if they did.. then you just pointed out to them that it is unacceptable behavior for an adult. It is something that is hard to do, but you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and if someone chooses not to then you have every right in the world to say your peace with them and reconcile your feelings. You will feel better knowing that you can and will speak up for yourself if and when the situation occurs again. I want you to know and I have said it before but you are a huge inspiration to me. I have alot of weight to lose, in fact I think we weigh just about the same. Every day I read your encouraging words and I choose to stay on the right path for me! You can't just brush off your feelings, the brain doesn't work that way.. Some how, some way they have a way of coming out, it is my choice to let them out on the front end and not let them fester! Just my two cents! I really hope that you can tell whomever hurt you that what they said to you was hurtful and unneccesary! Good Luck!

  • Reply
    Keri
    March 5, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Well I wish I had a good answer but to be honest I think I carried this weight around because I didn't know how to deal when someone hurt my feelings. Did you see Jessica Simpson on Oprah? She was called fat at a size 4!! You know what this tells me.. some people will always just be negative and think that woman should be a 0-2 well I say, who gives a sh*t what they think!! Just keep saying that to yourself and work it out on the treadmill. You're doing awesome and you really are beautiful!

  • Reply
    Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit
    March 5, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    You want to jog in stilletos? You're unattractive?

    I don't understand any of this…

  • Reply
    Keelie
    March 5, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    I used to teach elementary school and let's just say that childen, although usually unintentionally, can be the most hurtful of all! I was always asked if I was pregnant, why my belly was so big, etc. I have to admit that I actually considered slapping a 5 year old once…=] but that's not helpful.

    I am holding onto a comment you left on my blog several weeks ago–I think of it when I am feeling like you seem to feel today. You said, "I'm not ashamed of who I am or who I was because I'm becoming the person I want to be." Those words are so powerful and I have claimed them as my own anthem. Thank you!!

    You ARE pretty, but you are much more than that.

    Keelie

  • Reply
    Genie @ Diet of 51
    March 6, 2010 at 1:30 am

    I'm sorry to hear that someone hurt your feelings, but unattractive….NOT!!! You have a beautiful face and smile, plus an obvious inner glow that comes through in your photos and in your writing.

    Overweight–OK, for now–but you are not unattractive. That's just wrong.

  • Reply
    Anonymous
    March 6, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Whoever it was that hurt you showed their inner ugliness on the outside. And I wonder if they thought they belong on the cover of Vogue or GQ? Just remember that pretty is as pretty does.

    Alexis

  • Reply
    Natalie & Shane
    March 7, 2010 at 12:15 am

    I have been following your blog for a while now. I am very impressed at the remarkable steps you have made towards wanting a new life, and all the dreams that you have accomplished. Don't let others get you down. Keep the positive attitude!!!! You truly are amazing and 87 pounds is a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!!! Boo to having your feeling hurt. They are probably just jealous that it hasn't been them losing the weight. Keep up the great work. You look amazing. I just know that one day you will be an amazing WW leader. Please let me know when that happens, so I can fly to the Big Apple every week for my meeting.

  • Reply
    Natalie & Shane
    March 7, 2010 at 12:15 am

    I have been following your blog for a while now. I am very impressed at the remarkable steps you have made towards wanting a new life, and all the dreams that you have accomplished. Don't let others get you down. Keep the positive attitude!!!! You truly are amazing and 87 pounds is a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!!! Boo to having your feeling hurt. They are probably just jealous that it hasn't been them losing the weight. Keep up the great work. You look amazing. I just know that one day you will be an amazing WW leader. Please let me know when that happens, so I can fly to the Big Apple every week for my meeting.

  • Reply
    kelly
    March 7, 2010 at 2:26 am

    Hi – this is the first time I have visited your blog and your post made me sad. When I looked at your picture, the first thing that went through my mind was "Wow, she's beautiful!" Don't let other people get you down, people are mean and thoughtless. Keep up the great work.

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