I weighed in last night and lost another pound, and that’s not too bad considering I weighed in on Monday. 😉 Normally, I would not weigh in more than once a week. I just needed to get back into my regular, treasured Thursday routine.
So I was feeling good…87 pounds – that’s a nice, big number. I feel like I’ve come so far, but last night I was reminded (in a cruel sort of way that is too embarrassing to share) that I still have a long way to go. I’m still overweight and unattractive, and that light I see at the end of the tunnel is still far off in the distance.
But that light is there. I can see it. And I’m much closer to it than I was 11 months ago! I know without a doubt that I’ll reach a day when I’ll look in the mirror and like what I see regardless of whether anyone else likes it or not. And while I still have a long road ahead, when I put my hurt feelings aside it’s easy to see that I’ve come a long way.
There were days this week in which I felt pretty. And yesterday, I was told by more than a few people that I’ve played some part in helping them succeed in their personal weight loss. And though they did the work themselves, I don’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing that.
So will it be easy to move forward knowing that I’m still so unattractive to say many? Yes…I’ll continue moving forward because I’m not doing this for them. It would definitely be nice to be considered pretty in general, but that’s not even close to the top of my list of reasons. I want to keep feeling good. I want to be healthy and confident. I want to be able to ride my bike uphill without stopping. I want to wear stilettos. I want to jog in Central Park while looking like I belong there. The list could go on, but if you know me then you probably already know the reasons.
So…my feelings were severely hurt last night. And it will take some time heal, but it will. And while I can’t be sure when it will go from an open wound to just another scar, I’m hopeful that it will be soon because the good has certainly outweighed the bad in the last (almost) year. And I’m more than willing to deal with the pain because I’m moving forward so I won’t stay unhappy too long.
How do you deal with it when someone hurts you? Is it easier to forgive when you know they would never hurt you on purpose? Or is it easier to forget about it if it’s a stranger?