Boyfriend Friends Love Obesity

The Love Part

I’m overweight…duh. But even at my heaviest I’ve been lucky to find a smart, good looking, well-rounded and even keeled guy who loves me back as much as I love him. I suppose he’s not perfect, but he’s everything I think I deserve and a little more. 😉 When my dad describes him to people he says “He’s the kind of man who will walk into your house and make you feel more at home.” My mom and sister love him too. It’s easy. So the question is…how did I get so lucky while many of my friends (all of whom are still thinner than me) struggle to find a loving relationship?

During the first year of our relationship I often questioned why he’d love me while I was so heavy. I worried that he would open his eyes one day and change his mind, but he hasn’t. And now that we’ve been together for over two years, I’m starting to believe that he’s not going anywhere…;)

I met him at my heaviest weight, and from date #1 he has treated me like I’m worth my weight in gold. He loved me before I decided to lose one pound, and he’s been extraordinarily supportive on my journey to lose weight. He’s attracted to me because I’m smart, because I don’t give up on things I want to accomplish and he thinks that most things I do are cute. 😉 He also loves the fact that he can beat me in a game of Scrabble, err, in many games of Scrabble.

One of my closest girlfriends weighs about 50 pounds less than I do now. She’s super pretty, dresses well and is always well-groomed. She knows guys who are willing to be friends with benefits, but she struggles to meet guys who want a relationship with her. I know…I know…It’s text book, right? But it makes no sense to me because she has so much to offer. She is a fantastic cook, funny, self-sufficient, loves to read and she tells it how it is. Did I mention how adorable she is?

My friend and I have had discussions about this in the past, and she insists that she just doesn’t find opportunities to meet new guys. I like to create opportunities so I tell her to sit at a bookstore or a coffee shop for an afternoon. Or join a reading group or a cooking class. She enjoys those things which means she could meet someone who has similar interests.

I’m not saying that it’s easy…or that I get nearly as much attention from guys as I do when I’m thin. To be clear, I definitely do not. But I don’t need attention from everyone because I found the guy that I’d like to spend my life with…

Do you think it’s impossible to find love when you’re overweight? Do you struggle to believe that you’re worth being loved even though you may not be happy with what you look like outside?

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9 Comments

  • Reply
    Sarah
    March 19, 2010 at 4:32 am

    Obviously weighing in on this one. It is not impossible! I met my (now) husband when I was 85+ pounds heavier 8 years ago. I did not know he was going to be that guy, but there he was, the moderator of a Survivor (Outback!) message board. We only came together however once I loved myself and knew myself as worthy of being loved. All the mutual interest in the world won't help you if you don't know who you are and why you are deserving.

    And btw… I don't think it is just the heavy that deal with this. The thin do too. Self esteem goes a long way. I look at my twin sis… gorgeous (yes thin) and smart too! But the men in her life! Tragic. Everyone is loveable, but you have be happy with self first. It's not just weight that holds people back.

    So happy you have found the one for you! imho Life is better when shared.

  • Reply
    kaitlin
    March 19, 2010 at 6:24 am

    I feel like commenting on this, but I don't have a whole lot to add. I have never really had a serious long term relationship. I dated a couple of guys, and while one of them ended up being kind of a weirdo, the other one was, and still is, a good friend. Neither of them were bothered by my weight whatsoever. So definitely not impossible. But other than those two guys, I haven't even really dated anyone else. I do feel like I am pretty self confident though, and I love who I am, and most things about me. Perhaps I just haven't been in the right situation yet to meet the right guy. It is comforting to hear your story, and be reassured that yes, eventually, this will happen for me as well. Thanks for sharing! =)

  • Reply
    Tasha
    March 20, 2010 at 6:14 am

    I'm 22 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. I've struggled with my weight since I was young. Let me take that back. In high school, I accepted it. I just thought that I was over-weight and it will never change no matter what I do so I won't even pretend to be interested in anyone. Now that I'm finishing up college, I want to make a serious life change. That includes entering the dating world and finding happiness in many ways. I've been "involved" with several guys, but have never had a boyfriend. I'm still searching and feel confident that one day I will find "the one."

  • Reply
    Genie @ Diet of 51
    March 20, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    The more confidence that a woman exudes, the more that men–and the more men–are attracted. It intrigues and challenges them. They want to know more "that girl".

  • Reply
    Genie @ Diet of 51
    March 20, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    P.S. Missed a word: more ABOUT "that girl".

  • Reply
    TxMarianne
    March 21, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    It is most definately possible, and it sounds like you've found it!
    It also sounds like you've found a great man. My husband and I have been together 8 years and will celebrate 5 years of marriage in June. We have been together at our heaviest weights(me:230's, him:270's), and now our lightest so far(me:170's, him:180's). I think when you fall in love you fall in love with that person as a whole and weight isn't a factor.

  • Reply
    Zuzuli
    March 22, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I am a huge advocate of loving yourself first and then everyone else will love you too. I think this definitely applies to men as well.

    I have always been overweight but never considered myself less worthy of love. So, I keep being friendly and fun and funny and that's what attracts people in general to you.

    I am the largest girl out of my circle of friends and think most of the girlfriends I hang around with are gorgeous – yet I seem to be the one who gets lucky in love.

    Weight is a factor to those who only look on the outside. If someone isn't willing to take the time to learn about who you are as a whole, then he/she isn't worth it.

    My two cents… 🙂

  • Reply
    Losing Weight Daily
    March 24, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    My partner is attracted to confidence, intelligence, humor, ambition, big dreams, hard work, compassion, creativity … he has a "type" in the physical sense but that's less important that the qualities he values most.

    I've long struggled with this and feel incredibly lucky to have such a successful and happy 5 year relationship. I will never understand it. But I don't have to.

    I have some rather cynical thoughts about the state of dating and relationships (both romantic and friendship) in cities like New York, but instead I choose to enjoy life for what it's brought me.

  • Reply
    Adie
    March 26, 2010 at 8:13 pm

    for YEARS I wondered how I was the one girl in the "group" in high school that always had such a good boyfriend. I have always been a big girl but yet I still ended up having plenty of boyfriends. To this day, sometimes I still wonder.

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