Okay, so I’m being over dramatic. The truth is that I left rock bottom behind a long time ago, and I have no intention of going back. But I am seriously struggling right now. I’m exercising, staying active and drinking a lot of water, but I’m also eating way too much. This has been quite a struggle for me since I came back from vacation a few weeks ago. And enough is enough.
My super duper friend, Diz, asked if I was stressed, and I said no. But I think I spoke too soon. I mean, life is great. I’ve had an amazing weekend. But after speaking to D, I began to question myself, and I found that I am under pressure (that I’ve put myself under) to hit the 100 pound mark. This might sound ridiculous, but I’m being completely honest when I say that I feel like I’ve disappointed some people by not hitting it already. And while anyone who feels disappointed can take a hike, it has been weighing on my mind – and not in a good way.
I find myself thinking “I’ll do better tomorrow” then I find myself making choices that are even worse the following day. Today has been the most horrible eating day I’ve experienced in over a year! It’s completely unacceptable, and it has to stop now. I found myself thinking about making better choices last Sunday. And I did really well Monday through Wednesday, but that’s hardly enough to make the kind of progress I have made (and want to continue making.)
I’ve been thinking about portions a lot this week. If you’re a Weight Watchers member then you understand. When I started at WW, I had 44 points per day, and now I am at 35. I often struggled to eat enough to reach 44 points – and sometimes I struggle to eat 35. But I can safely say that it hasn’t been a problem this weekend. I’ve even used all of my flex points too which is something I rarely do.
When I had 44 points per day, it was beyond easy to eat cake from time to time while still eating several servings of fruits and veggies, whole grains and lean proteins. At 35 points, it’s harder. When I eat at home 35 points seems like an endless amount of food so I’ll be doing that over the next several days. I have to take control of myself again.
I’m a happier person when I eat well and exercise. I feel lighter on my feet, and I have much more energy. Eating poorly makes me feel gross so this phase needs to end starting right now. I have to power to make my own choices so I’m going to start making good ones immediately. I am going to get through this one day at a time. I’m going to stop saying “I’ll do better tomorrow” and start doing better now. My best will be good enough so it’s time to get started. I’m ready to see results, and I’m ready to start working for it. Today is a new day, and I’m going to make it my masterpiece.