Healthy Eating Healthy Living Junk Food Weight Watchers WW Points

Is This What Rock Bottom Feels Like?

Okay, so I’m being over dramatic. The truth is that I left rock bottom behind a long time ago, and I have no intention of going back. But I am seriously struggling right now. I’m exercising, staying active and drinking a lot of water, but I’m also eating way too much. This has been quite a struggle for me since I came back from vacation a few weeks ago. And enough is enough.

My super duper friend, Diz, asked if I was stressed, and I said no. But I think I spoke too soon. I mean, life is great. I’ve had an amazing weekend. But after speaking to D, I began to question myself, and I found that I am under pressure (that I’ve put myself under) to hit the 100 pound mark. This might sound ridiculous, but I’m being completely honest when I say that I feel like I’ve disappointed some people by not hitting it already. And while anyone who feels disappointed can take a hike, it has been weighing on my mind – and not in a good way.

I find myself thinking “I’ll do better tomorrow” then I find myself making choices that are even worse the following day. Today has been the most horrible eating day I’ve experienced in over a year! It’s completely unacceptable, and it has to stop now. I found myself thinking about making better choices last Sunday. And I did really well Monday through Wednesday, but that’s hardly enough to make the kind of progress I have made (and want to continue making.)

I’ve been thinking about portions a lot this week. If you’re a Weight Watchers member then you understand. When I started at WW, I had 44 points per day, and now I am at 35. I often struggled to eat enough to reach 44 points – and sometimes I struggle to eat 35. But I can safely say that it hasn’t been a problem this weekend. I’ve even used all of my flex points too which is something I rarely do.

When I had 44 points per day, it was beyond easy to eat cake from time to time while still eating several servings of fruits and veggies, whole grains and lean proteins. At 35 points, it’s harder. When I eat at home 35 points seems like an endless amount of food so I’ll be doing that over the next several days. I have to take control of myself again.

I’m a happier person when I eat well and exercise. I feel lighter on my feet, and I have much more energy. Eating poorly makes me feel gross so this phase needs to end starting right now. I have to power to make my own choices so I’m going to start making good ones immediately. I am going to get through this one day at a time. I’m going to stop saying “I’ll do better tomorrow” and start doing better now. My best will be good enough so it’s time to get started. I’m ready to see results, and I’m ready to start working for it. Today is a new day, and I’m going to make it my masterpiece.

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19 Comments

  • Reply
    kaitlin
    May 3, 2010 at 2:48 am

    Wow. This is so close to what I just wrote, it is scary. I know how you feel. I feel ridiculously gross, and I hate it. I felt the same pressure when I was trying to hit 50 pounds/under 200. Isn't it weird? We are doing this for ourselves, but when our friends and readers become part of the journey, too, it's like there is an instant pressure to prove something. Don't worry about us, Kenz. We love you no matter what. You just focus on yourself, and doing what you need to do. The rest will fall into place, and the weight will fall off.

  • Reply
    Physicallee Fit
    May 3, 2010 at 3:03 am

    I was feeling gross last week and I was eating way too much and I was discouraged!

    What I decided to was change my attitude. I started to focus on all the good stuff that would happen when I was thinner (things that are difficult/impossible for me to do now). It helped me get my head back in the game.

    Please don't let us stress you. I joined the losing-weight-blogger-world for support, to offer and accept.

    Look how far you've come already. You can do it.

  • Reply
    {Absolutely, Positively} Josie
    May 3, 2010 at 3:20 am

    right on! don't get me wrong, i want to see you lose 100 and more, but not getting there by x date isn't going to make you any less of an inspiration. if anything, it's proof that slow and steady wins the race. even though i still think you've dropped it pretty quickly, while managing to stay sane and reasonable.

  • Reply
    ♥ Kenz ♥
    May 3, 2010 at 3:44 am

    Oh gosh girls! I didn't mean I had disappointed any of you. You all are always beyond supportive! I don't think for one moment that I have to be anything I'm not or hit it on a certain day…I just kind of felt like I was letting my parents down, but after talking to Dad moments ago I know that's just silly.

    I'm going to make today a healthy day and go from there. Thanks for being so supportive again today!

  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    May 3, 2010 at 3:51 am

    🙂 Welcome to the human race, Kenlie. 🙂

    I'm sorry you've been struggling. I had no idea. I may have missed a post.

    When one doesn't follow their best intentions and repeatedly eats wrong things or too much, fear starts, then develops into panic. That's a terrible, frantic way to feel.

    Speaking it out loud, like you did just now, is a key step. Once fear is exposed, it immediately loses some of its power. Lies can't tolerate the light.

    What lies? Well, that you are going to totally lose control and gain all of your weight back, for instance. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. It's just not. or That your bloggy friends will think you're a fake–NOPE.

    You are loved, Kenlie. Do know that none of your bloggy friends are fretting about that magic 100 pound mark. We all want you to hit it–but the timing is what it is. You aren't letting anyone down.

    Of course, you are aware of the struggling I have done with making wise choices, so I suppose that you already knew it would be impossible to let me down–you are so many lightyears ahead of me, even on your worst day. chuckle.

    You know the drill. Do what you can do, control what you can control–and relax. You got this far following program; you'll make it the rest of the way. I have no doubt.

    Unless you shoot yourself in the foot. But from what I've just read, you've unloaded your revolver and are pushing on with less pressure to perform.

    Good job.

    Deb

  • Reply
    Frau
    May 3, 2010 at 7:10 am

    You know what to do and you will do it. Don't beat yourself up, you have done so well and are allowed a few bad days you are human. Now pull yourself up put on those red patent shoes click those heals together and get back on track. You are amazing and you can do this. Have a wonderful week.

  • Reply
    Shell
    May 3, 2010 at 8:24 am

    This number – this "100" – is really, just a number. I mean it's great and terrific and we're all excited for you to reach such a milestone but it's really just a number.

    We were excited when you reached the number 5 and the number 50 and 95.6 was pretty darn terrific too.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is don't get yourself all psyched out because of a number looming in your future. Don't let doubt enter into your mind.

    You have done a terrific job and continue to do so. You inspire many and will continue to do so.

    You said it best, start right now – don't wait for tomorrow. Before you know it – losing "100" will just be a happy "remember when" as you continue on your journey.

  • Reply
    annie
    May 3, 2010 at 10:05 am

    I am in the same place, too! What is that saying: fall down 7 times, but get up 8.

    Its funny, but I'm so glad you posted this – I was just beating myself up a few days ago, thinking "why can't I be like Kenz!" Thank goodness you are normal!

  • Reply
    Tammy
    May 3, 2010 at 10:06 am

    I could have written your post almost word for word! I am going through the EXACT same problem! I was so excited to get below 200, and now I am stuck. I'm eating too much, and I can't seem to get an exercise program started. What Deb said about saying it out loud hit a chord with me. I need to tell my support group that I am struggling and why. You will continue to do well, I am sure. You seem to be one of the most determined people I know. Here's to all of us getting it together. Thank you for your honesty. It helps to know that I am not alone.

  • Reply
    Karen@WaistingTime
    May 3, 2010 at 11:35 am

    I know you can do it! And you are not the only one who chooses to overeat knowing how much better it feels not to! Time to rededicate to what you know works, what you know you can do… and get it done:)

  • Reply
    The Monkey and Me
    May 3, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    please don't beat yourself up girl. This is a life long journey – what will happen when you reach goal? (And you will – just not on any schedule you try to set – but in due time.) There will be days you aren't perfect – you may totally blow it once in a while – but the journey will continue. You will plateau – but the journey will continue. You will get frustrated, discouraged, and unmotivated at times, but the journey will continue.
    Now – I am going to practice what I preach this week – and continue my journey. Haven't lost any weight in quite some time. My body keeps finding itself back at the same comfy weight it always settles at, but I will continue my journey.
    It's not a diet right? It's a lifestyle.
    No way you will go back to life before – it doesn't exist for you anymore.
    You have already created a new life for yourself. You are already living it. It's not waiting for you at a perfect weight – it's now – and you've already made the changes that will take you to your goals and beyond.

  • Reply
    Anonymous
    May 3, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    This too will pass. Blah. Such a cliche. But we all go through the bitter and the sweet. Makes the sweet so much better. Blah. Another cliche.

    Well, at least our hearts are in the right place.

    Blah. Etc.

    Carry on! Live, love, laugh!

    *sigh*

  • Reply
    M
    May 3, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    I think writings you feelings down and thinking out out will be very important to you. One day at a time, wise words to live by. I tell myself all the time.
    We are a work in progress!! You've made a new life for yourself and you're so very inspiring.
    When I just don't want to exercise I think of you and get myself out the door and always feel better ! Thanks, Kenz! We think you're terrific!

  • Reply
    jennykate77
    May 3, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    I think all people who are trying to lose weight go through valleys and mountain tops. Sometimes things come so easy…exercising is a breeze, you're craving fruits and veggies, etc. However, sometimes you're in a valley and things don't come as easy. These are the times when your determination and strong-will are what get you through! YOU can do this! Don't put the pressure on yourself for that 100lb mark…it will come.

    Keep on keepin' on.♥

  • Reply
    Genie @ Diet of 51
    May 3, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling, Kenz. I don't know what the stats are, but I know that few dieters make the journey without hitting some rough spots. It's pretty much impossible to erase years of eating issues with a few months of dieting.

    Well, maybe with the help of a lobotomy. Or, with that drug-induced coma that I sometimes long for….

    Anyway, you've done amazing and this is just a hiccup. You've got it figured out and you know you don't want to go back, so do everything you can to grab onto the side of the slippery cliff and start climbing again. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

  • Reply
    hillary
    May 4, 2010 at 2:00 am

    I've been counting since 10.26.2006 (I did it once before that) and I get 20. For awhile I was at 18 but they changed the program and now I get 20 again. I can't tell you how hard it is to stay at 20. For awhile there I had to work to even get 20 now it takes everything I have to stay even remotely close to 20. I do eat most my flex. I don't go over that. I find I lose more if I have most my flex though. I don't eat exercise points though.

  • Reply
    Q, La, and Gooner
    May 4, 2010 at 2:11 am

    It is so easy to get discouraged and then make poor choices. I tend to feel crappy when I find out people have lost DOUBLE what I have in the same amount of time… For me to really "hunker down" I cleaned out my house of all snacky foods. It has REALLY helped!

  • Reply
    Barb
    May 4, 2010 at 3:29 am

    I have felt the same way so many times – it's all part of the process. We all have good days and bad. Don't beat yourself up, you have done so good, and will continue to do so! You have encouraged and helped so many who have felt the same way you do right now. When I feel like giving up – I just read your blog, you always make me feel better!

    Keep your chin up, hold your head high and remember who you are and how far you have come!

    Hugs,
    Barb

  • Reply
    Blue~
    May 4, 2010 at 7:50 am

    Wow – was going to try and say something meaningful because I 'heard' what you were saying in your post, but you have a fantastic support group here – who say it so much better.

    There are two things that help me when I am in a funk about what I am doing and where its heading, and that is to set myself some attainable goals – both physical in terms of exercise and dietary in terms of what I plan to eat in a day. The best of intentions are nothing unless followed by action, they are just intentions, and its easier to act on them if you have a plan laid out to follow – rather than just wafting about hoping to do it good today.

    Hard as it is to hear, when faced with a choice – we have just that…pick up or turn round. Grit your teeth and turn round. (I will remember I said that) lol.

    Blue~

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