Emotions Healthy Living Just Saying Lifestyle weight loss

It’s Personal

I was reading through some of my favorite blogs this morning when I came across something sad – a post by a dear woman who struggles with her weight. She wrote that she hoped her son would choose someone skinny because weight-loss takes too much energy. And I was surprised by how much her words affected me.

Normally, statements made by others (especially when they’re not directed specifically at me) roll off my back. But her statement (which she had every right to make, of course) has been on my mind a lot this afternoon. I find myself feeling sad for her, but I also feel defensive with a tinge of anger.

Let’s start with the sadness I feel for her. I understand that losing weight isn’t easy, but most things worth having require some work. I have a feeling that my blog friend is much more lovely and unique than she gives herself credit for being. And it makes me sad to think that she’s on a similar journey and not enjoying herself. Not everyone feels the same..I know. But if I had realized how much fun I could have losing weight I would have started much sooner.

My defensive feelings come from a very personal place. As an overweight 29 year old who, by the way, is living out my dreams every freaking day, I feel pretty offended that she hopes that her son will never choose (a younger version of) someone like me.

Losing weight takes energy, sure – so does going to law school and graduating with honors. But isn’t that accomplishment worth the energy? Beating cancer takes a lot of energy too, but again…is it not worth it? And yes, it takes more energy to go out and enjoy the lives we’ve been given than it does to sit on the sidelines while life flies by without us, but isn’t it worth the energy to live?

I believe in being extraordinary. And though I am far from perfect, I am living my life with that purpose in mind. I also believe I can do anything I want to do, and I see the proof when I look in the mirror. And while I wish I could say that I’m the exception, I know that I’m just one more person in a sea of people who are doing their best (most days) to be the person they choose to be.

As I said, I know that my blog friend was not directing her comments at me. And I know that I shouldn’t take her comments so personally. I think she was simply wishing her son a life without complication. But it’s always complicated. And thin or not, we’ll all suffer through trials at some point.

I can’t forget to mention how much energy I have now that I’ve taken an interest in losing weight. I feel like a completely new person. I jog for pleasure. Weird, right? But it just proves that life really is what we make it, and our attitudes greatly impact our well-being. It’s not easy to change who you are from the inside out, but that’s what I’m doing. And in my estimation, it is energy well spent.

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  • Reply
    May 18, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    I get where you're coming from. I truly believe that my husband is the one for me, and it's partly because he NEVER let my weight get in the way.
    I think this woman's wish was just a manifestation of her own insecurities and troubles. I can see why she would say something like that. My husband has been with me through "thick and thin", lol, and I know it hurts him when I'm upset about my weight.
    At the same time – I think about all we would be missing if he passed me by just because of my weight. I'm so glad he didn't, because all the good stuff that we've shared trumps the minutes of lows that my weight struggles have caused.

  • Reply
    May 18, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    I think I read that same post. I had a bit of a different take on it. Probably as a mother of boys. Or mother period. Just knowing that we wish our children have as easy a life as possible. I know that they can learn from facing adversity, but it doesn't mean I don't wish they have the easiest path. I hope my sons find a woman they love who loves them back. Regardless of what she weighs or looks like or her religion or race or even if SHE is a HE. And I know my husband doesn't mind my weight like I do… but I DO know that my weight issues have certainly impacted him. Poor guy has to hide his Dove Bars! I think it is just a mother's nature.

  • Reply
    Bombshell Beauty
    May 19, 2010 at 12:59 am

    You're really got me thinking here, Kenz. One of the reasons I like you so much! It's interesting to me because my husband and I met when we were both overweight, then settled into the couch with one another for a year and gained even more weight…then we lost it all together. Our lives are no easier now that we've lost weight. It's just a different set of trials to tackle together every day.

  • Reply
    Genie @ Diet of 51
    May 19, 2010 at 1:25 am

    Hey Kenz,

    I'm so very sorry if you took my wish for my son personally, because it was not meant to be discriminatory or insulting. But, I can see how it could be interpreted that way, I wish I wouldn't have added that, and I apologize for doing so.

    Also, I think you misunderstood what I meant about "energy".

    What I meant was–from my experience–having a weight problem has sucked so much energy out of my life and I know it has held me back in many areas. I didn't necessarily mean that the energy of losing the weight wasn't worth it. I was mourning the energy spent living with the problem, including the self-consciousness, the worry about not being healthy, etc., etc.

    So, in that respect, Jenn was right when she said, "I think this woman's wish was just a manifestation of her own insecurities and troubles."

    Maybe I should revise my statement to say that I don't want my son to marry a woman like his dear old crazy mom, with all of her food issues. (This would include a skinny girl with his mom's food issues, because we all know that those sisters are out there, too.)

    So, please don't be mad or sad. I want the best for him and I want the best for you! You are extraordinary in your attitude and in the way you live out your dreams every freaking day. You really are.

  • Reply
    May 19, 2010 at 3:54 am

    Kenlie —
    You are such an inspiration to so many people. Keep being you and enjoying the journey. You have accomplished so much.


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