Yesterday was stressful at points, but it was also incredible at points. And in the stream of mixed emotions I’ve found myself reflecting on what has changed in my life over the last year.
Someone important to me, who has faced the challenges that I’m facing now only to find himself on the side of victory, summed it up better than I’ve ever been able to. He said “The way out was found because I completely surrendered the dishonesty within, the excuses, and the rationalizations that always gave me reasons to fail.” And like many things he says, this resonates within me.
I have had ups and downs on this journey which began about 429 days ago, but the voice inside me presses on because when I’m honest with myself I know I can do this. I also know that I have to continue to be honest with myself for this to work…to leave behind the reasons/excuses that brought me to the point in which I had to change or miss out on my life. And I have let them go. They no longer shape who I am.
My life changed when I realized that “what happens to me is not as important as what happens within me.” The justifications I found for fast food…the short-lived happiness I felt while eating too much Chinese food and soda while watching Gilmore Girls could never compare to the inner joy that flows from the depths of my being every time I realize that I’m making choices to shape my life to be what I want it to be.
I have a long way to go, but if you’ve ever been where I am then maybe you can relate to the unparalleled confidence I have in myself and my ability to reach my goal – which, by the way, is more than a number on the scale. I want to achieve and maintain a healthy weight, but I also want to maintain a healthy outlook in other aspects of my life.
Somewhere along this journey I discovered that being who I am is okay because I love the person I’ve become. I’m not ashamed..I’m not afraid. I am focused and strong. And it’s all been buried inside me the whole time.
Growing isn’t always easy, but the rewards are definitely worth the effort. It isn’t magic. It’s just takes determination. And today, I’m more determined than ever to live the life has played over and over in my dreams. I’m on my way, and I cannot imagine wanting to be anywhere else.