Beauty Lifestyle Love weight loss

More Reflection

If you know me, you know that I love myself (most of the time.) But when it comes to my body, which is a work in progress for sure, I still find it terribly hard to accept it as it is today. Don’t get me wrong..I’ve made tremendous progress!

I think I put myself out here from day to day because it’s the best way to stay honest with myself. But it’s also because you all prove to me time and again that being exactly who I am right now is okay. And I think now it’s more important than ever to remember that this person I am right now is enough.

It’s not always easy to push insecure thoughts out of my mind, but when I do I often realize that people are willing to accept me and love me as I am. And because I believe that’s true, I’m going to share pictures from the weekend – even though I don’t feel pretty or put together or cool when I look at them. {This is me growing people..just saying.}

Saturday, while I was at a pool party with friends, a few cool things happened. First, when I got out of the pool I noticed that I could wrap my towel completely around my body. And to some of you, that’s perfectly normal, but it didn’t come close to wrapping around me last year. It’s an unmistakable gauge of my progress, and I’m feeling pretty good about it…

Later that day, I had another important experience. I was sitting on the steps in the pool daydreaming while everyone was taking turns jumping into the water to catch a beach ball, and when they started calling for me to take my turn I did it. I would not have done this last year or the year before, but I went for it. And let me tell you…making a running jump into the deep end of the pool is liberating.

After doing it once I did it several times even attempting to flip into the pool at one point. Um, I might need to work on the whole flipping into the water thing later…;) Speaking of flips, I found a pic of myself doing a flip last year and decided to place it side-by-side with one from this weekend. It’s probably hard for you to tell at this angle, but I’ve lost about 60 inches around my body. I can’t wait to place another picture next to these next summer. Just saying.

It isn’t easy to walk around in my swimsuit all day even when I’m surrounded by people who like me. But I did it last summer, and I’m going to do it again this summer because life is not going to wait for me until I feel perfect or until I reach my goal weight.

We get one life – one opportunity to make it mean something. And I want mine to be full. I don’t want to look back ten years from now only to realize that I should have enjoyed it sooner. Instead, I choose to enjoy it here and now. I’m ready to fly…

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  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 9:35 am

    Good on you for making yourself do something that you are not entirely comfortable with to ensure that you don't miss out on fun with your friends – that is AMAZING!

    You are right. When I look back on my life, i'd rather remember the great times I had than think of all i'd missed because I was too frightened/ashamed to join in…

    I wish I had your courage with the bathers, though – just saying 🙂

  • Reply
    Sneaker Teacher
    June 9, 2010 at 10:02 am

    GO Girl! Congrats on going for something and doing something that would have previously not done. You are shrinking, yet in other ways you are growing so much!

  • Reply
    Sean Anderson
    June 9, 2010 at 10:11 am

    First of all, you're beautiful. Second: A very real and nice contrast in the flip pictures. And third:
    You inspire me.
    My body issues have plagued my brain with crippling insecurities from a very early age. Even now, after losing what I've lost–my brain still battles those same insecurities. Why else would I recently enjoy the freedom of a jet-ski skimming across the water, something I could never do at 505 pounds, while fully dressed in a shirt, jeans, shoes, and socks…Still imprisoned by those very powerful body images, obviously.
    But I read your words, and they chip away at these rock solid insecurities—When you said "It isn't easy to walk around in my swimsuit all day even when I'm surrounded by people who like me." Something clicked in me. When I'm out there and feeling these irrational thoughts–I need to remind myself that I'm surrounded by friends who like me, no matter what. These are people who liked 505 pound Sean too, these are not the cold and careless, deliberately hurtful people from my past.
    I'm not saying that I'm completely cured–but reading your words here—and fully appreciating your attitude, has created a sincere desire to start chipping away at this boulder of insecurity. You empower me. Thank you so very much—I can't even explain the depth of that thank you…

    My absolute best always,

  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Yay for more fun this summer than last! I wish I could take the same attitude you do, though. I can't even bring myself to wear shorts in public. But every day is a baby step in the right direction, right?

  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    All right. That's it! I'm digging out my swimsuits! Pool, here I come!



  • Reply
    {ALL} for a Better Life
    June 9, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    GO YOU! I can so see the difference and wow! You are doing this and I love what you said about being around people that support you regardless! Thanks for that little reminder!

    The towel around your whole body is HUGE, I get it!

  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    Another insightful, inspiring post! I have a before/after picture on my computer here at work. We have our WW meeting today, and I haven't weighed since May 19 (I was sick, then I was on vacation, so I missed two meetings). It isn't going to be a good day at the scale. But, because of you, I'm going to start a diary – not just the food diary – but kind of like a blog just for me. I need to be more honest with myself and work some issues out in order to stay the course. You are fabulous, and I admire the way you can do the whole bathing suit thing! I'm never comfortable in those, even among friends.

  • Reply
    SherRon, Shoes To Lose
    June 9, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    I can see a big difference. You are beautiful! Thank you for reminding me that I need to live TODAY and to just wait until I'm in a certain size or at my goal weight.

    Thank you!

  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    KENZ!!! You are an inspiration!

  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    I could tell a big difference in the pictures. Good for you for feeling comfortable enough around your friends to try things you wouldn't before. Keep you the awesome and THANK YOU for being you and for INSPIRING me.

  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    You are beautiful. You were beautiful at 400 lbs and you are beautiful now. Most everything our culture tells us about beauty is silly and superficial. You have a sweet caring attitude towards humanity, a keen intellect, a lovely spirit of adventure, and all those aspects of your being show through in your face and your body. I watched your treadmill video from awhile back and was blown away by your zest for life. You inspired me. I am riding my recumbent bike for 1000 minutes this month because of YOU.

    Whether you choose to lose more weight, or stay the same, or regain…you are still going to be beautiful. When you are 80 you will be beautiful. Pretty clothes are lovely. Perfume and jewelry are fabulous. But friends who love you for yourself…priceless!


  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Yes, I can tell a big difference! I'm so proud of you for putting yourself out there! You are a true inspiration to so many, more than you know. I decided a couple of years ago to get out there in my swim suit too. I was tired of holding the boys back because I didn't want to be seen in a swim suit! I'm still not comfortable, but I try to push pride aside and just go for it. I always feel better once I'm in the water!

    Good for you!

  • Reply
    Aero cardio
    June 9, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    I do cardio exercising at home myself to lose some weight, which I'm also blogging about. Your blog is interesting.

  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    Good for you to wear your swim suit. You rock!

  • Reply
    June 9, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    Honey you can def see a diff between last year and this years flips. You're looking fabulous, keep it up!

  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    June 10, 2010 at 5:06 am

    Kenz, You are the bravest woman I know! Deb

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