Just Thinking Out Loud

I’ve been losing weight pretty consistently for over a year, and I’ve made a lot of progress so far. But on days like yesterday I find it hard to accept that I still have so far to go. I mean, I’m not interested in quitting. There is no option in my mind except to continue moving forward. But it’s tough to know that I’ve come so far and still have so far to go.

Then I remember how easy it was to jog on the treadmill at 4mph for 8 minutes yesterday. To some that’s no big deal, but to me it’s an awesome accomplishment. I also remember how hard it was to shop for clothes only a year ago because I had to squeeze into the largest sizes in the plus-size stores.

I think about how I used to long to ride a bicycle and how I can now ride mine anytime I want to. I also think about April of 2009, shortly after it all began. I was traveling to meet my niece who would be born hours before my arrival. I remember walking back into the rental car company (in the snowstorm) to ask for a car that had more room in the driver’s seat because I just didn’t fit. I remember the anxiety I used to feel each time I stepped foot on an airplane…and how awful I felt every time I had to ask to be seated in a different spot because I wouldn’t fit into the booth at a restaurant.

(Reading to my newborn niece in April of 2009 – 12 pounds into my weight-loss.)

I think about how hard it used to be to walk – waddle is a more accurate description. And I remember the constant anxiety I’d feel because I fell so often. I even fell down the stairs more than once.

(Now I don’t think twice about carrying her around the store because I’m strong and my balance is good.)

I think about how hard it used to be to walk – waddle is a more accurate description. And I remember the constant anxiety I’d feel because I fell so often. I even fell down the stairs more than once.

These are all things that no longer happen because I’ve lost over 100 pounds. Life is better; I am better. I control my habits, and I own them. Whether my choices are good or bad, I take responsibility for them. And I take pride in that.

So while I still have a long road to my goal, I am so much closer than I imagined I’d be when I started. I hoped I’d do well on this journey, and now I can look at myself and say that I have.

I’m proud of who I am today and confident in the person I’m becoming. Today I know that my goals are within reach. After all, I’m almost halfway there! It’s not just a wish anymore…it is my reality. Weight-loss is a mental challenge so instead of thinking about what I have not yet accomplished, I choose to be proud of everything I have accomplished. And just like that, I feel better again. πŸ˜‰

I drank 18 glasses of water yesterday, and I’m feeling pretty good about that too! =) Check out this photo of Sean’s adorable mom as she rocks the water challenge. Isn’t she cute?! I can’t wait to hug her! πŸ™‚ And don’t forget to send in your own water photo so we can show the world (or, ya know, the people who read our blogs) that we are committed to staying hydrated.


And because the PEWC is going so well Sean jokingly suggested that we consider having an ice cream cone challenge. I think we’re already all over that challenge Sean. Ha.. Our photos are proof. We should probably just stick to the water challenge, at least officially, right? πŸ™‚

(I would guess that this cone was closer to 180 calories than 150. It was bigger than usual – and sooooo tasty!)

How’s everyone doing today? What’s for lunch? And what will you do to burn calories today? I hope whatever you’re doing, you’re making the most of your Tuesday!

Bottoms up Friends…

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19 Comments

  • Reply
    Sean Anderson
    July 20, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Oh Kenz, this post brought tears to my eyes. You're doing so well and heading straight into major epiphanies along this road that will carry you for the rest of your life. Your physical transformation is already incredibly successful—and now you're transforming in all of the other ways–the most important ways.
    Readjusting, redefining, and completely transforming our relationship with food and exercise is something that is so beautiful when it happens—because the weight loss and physical transformation simply become a side effect of these changes.
    And as WW has taught you—and calorie counting has taught me, this road doesn't have to be about deprivation—it mustn't be, it's about developing our healthy friendship with all foods.
    Once I embraced the idea that I could enjoy anything and everything,, in reasonable-responsible portions–it totally lifted the anxiety I had always experienced while trying to lose weight.
    You're amazing baby. I can't wait to read about, and better, actually experience more of your NSV physical breakthrough experiences. You know—I still have a long list of things I want to do "when I lose my weight," so uh…let me know when you're ready for that sky diving trip. πŸ˜‰ (I'm so scared of heights–just saying…)
    Thank you for writing such a beautiful post—and thank you for just being so incredibly you. You're truly one of a kind.

    Always…
    Sean

    P.S.–My mom–just adorable!! She'll be so excited to be included on your blog!

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  • Reply
    Tammy
    July 20, 2010 at 11:41 am

    Ok, the mushy factor is off the scales!! oh, I just made a pun and didn't mean to, lol. I emailed Sean my water-drinking pics this morning…I told him I better see them posted soon since I had to dig my camera and cord out of the bottom of a box I'd already packed to move! lol

    I know it can be daunting when you still have a ways to go….I still have a good 75 lbs. to lose, and sometimes when I think about that #, it just makes me want to puke (PEWC)!! lol But hey…we're getting there girl…ok, well you're getting there…I've been stalled out for at least a month…but my mind is still in the right place and I've got a challenge brewing. In fact, a lady emailed me from a company yesterday wanting to do a giveaway for my readers with some of her awewsome products, so those will be the prizes once I work out the details! I told her this offer came just in time as I'm wanting to do a challenge in August! Anyhoo, back to the point…you've done amazing things so far with your progress Kenz and I know you will continue to…I'm here to support you all the way…email me anytime girl!! πŸ™‚

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  • Reply
    Tammy
    July 20, 2010 at 11:42 am

    And did you notice I don't know how to spell the word awesome? lol πŸ™‚

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  • Reply
    Mae Flowers
    July 20, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Very inspiring post. Running for 8 minutes at 4 mph is an awesome accomplishment, along with all of the others! Keep it up! πŸ™‚

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  • Reply
    Tammy
    July 20, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Another insightful post! You are doing great, and looking at how far you've come is something to be very proud of. Not to mention, all of the NSV's you listed! Now, I have a question — where are you getting the ice cream cones, and how many points do you think they are?

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  • Reply
    TiffanyDSmith
    July 20, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    I loved reading this today. Somehow it seems as if you've spoken the words from my heart. You are a beautiful soul. Thanks for sharing your story and for being so candid!

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  • Reply
    Amanda
    July 20, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    What an amazing, inspiring post πŸ™‚ You're rocking it, Kenz!

    On my end, we're hanging in there. Sadly, an old family friend passed away this weekend rather unexpectedly so there's been some severe shock. His son is my oldest friend in the world — we met when we were two years old. He's the evil twin I never requested but always had, LOL. Anyway, we're all all going to make it, but at the moment everyone's pretty numb.

    My water intake bombed over the weekend. I did get a couple glasses in both days, but mostly I just sucked down massive amounts of Diet Coke. Good news is, I'm back on track and had 64 oz. yesterday and am on my second 32 oz. cup already today. Next weekend I'll be on a massive immediate-and-extended family vacation hiking out in Montana so I have a sneaking suspicion I'll at least have ONE good weekend water-wise during this challenge!

    Lunch today is a whole wheat sandwich thin with Black Forest ham and a slice of pepper jack cheese with spicy mustard, one pickle spear (or two — it's not like it's going to break the bank), and the remainder of my grapes, which should equal about a cup once I pick out the ones that are well past their prime.

    And if I'm hungry later in the afternoon, fortunately my office stocks peanut butter (in both smooth and crunchy varieties — there are violent preferences for each and there are some battles not worth fighting) for occasions just such as that. 1 TBSP and all be golden πŸ™‚

    Have a great day!

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  • Reply
    Amanda
    July 20, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    erm… "all" = "I'll". Because eye kan spel.

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  • Reply
    Deb
    July 20, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    I love your blog. πŸ™‚

    Thank you for another inspirational post.

    I started my day off with a run, and I might go swimming this evening as well. A trip to the amusement park is planned with my kids today, and I will be packing a lunch. πŸ™‚

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  • Reply
    Lisa
    July 20, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    You have come so far. I was a size 28 at my heaviest…I know I've regained a lot of my weight back but your post reminded me that I'm not a size 28 anymore….thanks for the insightful post. You are going to go all the "weigh" with this!!!

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  • Reply
    seattlerunnergirl
    July 20, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    I remember the first time I ran for more than a minute without gasping for air like I was about to die. I also know how it feels to have come so far, but still have so far to go. Here's the deal: time passes, regardless of what we do with our days. And as you said, turning back or giving up – not an option. So keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep making healthy choices. Keep celebrating your successes and making the mental/emotional work as important as the physical. And one day, you'll reach goal, and you'll realize that the time it took would have passed either way. And you'll be proud of how you chose to use that time.

    Keep up the great work!

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  • Reply
    CertifiablyFit
    July 20, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    What a great reflective post you have written here. I often reflect on my progress too. 100lbs lost brings a lot of great positive changes to our lives doesn't it?

    Anyway I happened to find your blog from one of my new blog followers. So glad I wandered over here. I'm following you from now on. If you get a chance stop by and say hello on mine.

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  • Reply
    creatingsarah
    July 20, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    (claps) I love this entry! How uplifting. You're awesome, girl.
    I'm officially starting the challenge today and I'm so excited!
    I'd definitely participate in an ice cream challenge. hahaha ;D

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  • Reply
    β™₯ Shrinking Kenz β™₯
    July 20, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Tammy, you asked about the ice cream cone, and it's from McDonald's. And their nutrition facts state that each cone is approx. 150 calories, 3.5 grams of fat and 0 grams of fiber making it a total of 3 points. Of course, sometimes they load up the ice cream so I just use my discretion when deciding how to point it out.

    I had never thought about getting cones from there until I learned that Sean often got them. And wow..I was missing out big time! They're so good! And they're such a great point value in my opinion..:)

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  • Reply
    β™₯ Shrinking Kenz β™₯
    July 20, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    SeattleRunnerGirl is officially my hero..She always knows exactly what I need to hear…wow..

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  • Reply
    Tammy
    July 20, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    I was hoping you would say McDonald's because I love their ice cream, but rarely let myself have it! One McD's that I pass every day had their cones for 59 cents! I know you don't have one near you, but Chik-fil-a has good soft serve, too.

    Just wanted to say that I didn't join the PEWC because I usually drink a lot of Crystal Light, and I didn't want to commit to giving that up. After reading so many wonderful stories here, I've only had water or my skim milk for the past two days. I don't think I'm up to 64 oz. yet, but I'm trying. We are going out to a dinner/meeting tonight, and I wanted to save some extra points. I really think drinking the water has helped me not snack today. In fact, I still have a peach to eat! So, I'm on board now!

    PS. I love SeattleRunnerGirl, too!

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  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    July 20, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    hahaha. I was all ready with a pithy analogy about a garden-, but instead, I'm just going to advise you to reread Sean's comment. So sweet. πŸ˜€ Deb

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  • Reply
    Jill
    July 21, 2010 at 5:16 am

    Kenz I have recently started reading I am a follower of seans, actually I started losing the same day as sean, I am about 30kgs(66pounds) into my journey. I have fallen from the wagon alittle, and you have inspired to get back on track , I am a weigher at 2 ww meetings and tomorrow I am off to join my own meeting for me to get weighed at. I love reading both yours and seans blogs everyday both very inspring people.

    Anyway just wanted to say hi from Australia. Jill

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  • Reply
    Heather A
    July 21, 2010 at 6:24 am

    Here I was with a lovely mushy post, but after reading everyone else's comments, all I can think of is something you blogged about a while back about how you now love to sweat. How working up a good sweat reminds you how far you've come and all of the wonderful choices you are making for your health.

    Today, I worked up a heck of a sweat, pushing myself during my workout and loving every minute of it. When I returned home, my mom and I had a quick, but telling conversation…

    Mom: *looks at me quizzically* You're all wet.

    Me: Yeah, I know.

    Mom: *pause, still looking quizzical* Is that sweat?

    Me: Yep.

    Mom: I hate to sweat.

    Me: Not me. I love it! Sign of a good workout. *grin*

    That's when I thought of you (and Sean and Deb and many others) and how you've inspired me through some great (and not-so-great) moments over the last several months. Through your posts, I have come to understand and believe that it is my determination and commitment that will see me through the rough times and bring about success. No small feat getting this cynic to be open-minded to such a simple idea. πŸ˜‰

    No matter what the numbers on the scale say or what challenges life throws at you, you just keep moving forward, finding the positives as you go. I see that as a great success! I hope you see it too. πŸ™‚

    Ok, so I ended up getting a little mushy after all. hehehe πŸ˜‰
    ~H.

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