Today has been a productive day. It started with a manicure and pedicure then I had sushi for lunch and made an order for my birthday dinner next week. My birthday is Monday..just saying. Then I spent most of the afternoon with people who are like family to me before coming home to get some work done.
I was feeling pretty amazing on the way to lay by the pool with loved ones, but I didn’t leave feeling completely awesome. Instead, I let comments that stupid teens made dictate my level of enjoyment. Seriously? I didn’t let that affect me this much when I was tipping the scales at nearly 400 pounds.
So why, when I’ve come so far, would I allow petty comments from strangers keep me from enjoying an activity I love? I think it’s because I’ve come so far. It bothered me before, obviously. But it bothered me today when two beautiful, young girls laughed at me without hesitation because they don’t know me. They don’t know how much my life has changed. They didn’t meet “Kenz, the girl who has lost weight and gained freedom.” In fact, they didn’t meet me at all. They never spoke a word to me. Instead, they snickered and made comments (that I could hear) about how fat I was.
I’m disappointed in myself for letting it bother me, but it did just as much as the first rude blog comment I received last month. I know I’m still far from my goal, but I’m so much closer! I walk around feeling awesome most days, and I honestly thought that my self-esteem was stronger than it was today.
I left the party early, explaining that I had important things to do at home. And that was not a lie..I did them. But the truth is that I would not have considered leaving had I not seen and heard the girls laughing at me.
For the record, if anyone at the party had heard what the girls were saying, they would have torn them up. I was surrounded by people who like and accept me so these girls that I didn’t know were the exception. If anyone had heard them talking that way they would have immediately shut them down and come to my defense. But I should have come to my own defense. And I usually do.
I had a weak and embarrassing moment, but I’m ready to move on. I did what I needed to do for myself tonight and finished the evening with a sweaty, heart-pounding workout, and I feel good. I know how far I’ve come, and I know where I’m going. Ultimately, that is what is most important.
I don’t need everyone I meet to know that I live a healthy, fulfilling lifestyle, but I am looking forward to the day that I’m no longer a walking target for insults. And that day is coming soon. A year from now this won’t be something I worry about much. Until then, I’ll continue enjoying the positive changes while doing my best to ignore the jerks.