Exercise Reflection

Here’s What I Know

I know that I can’t control everything, but I can control what I put into my body. And I know that I can’t make anyone love me, but I can love myself. I also know that I can’t change what happened yesterday, but I can choose to make today better.

This morning I woke up after a few hours of sleep, and I felt refreshed. I’m not sure how that happened, but I’m glad it did. I worked on a few things this morning then went to lunch with Dad. After lunch I headed to the YMCA, and I rocked that place.

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, and I feel really good about burning almost 400 calories before jumping in the swimming pool. I did 16 full laps which is half a mile, but I could have continued which makes me feel like Rocky.

I still don’t know what will happen or what my life will be like 6 months from now, but I’m making today as good as I can make it. And right now, that is enough.

One more thing…I mentioned that I might not continue blogging, but the truth is that I’m not sure how I could stop. When nothing else seems right this blog is right. I feel so loved by you all after receiving so many incredible messages on my blog and via e-mail. Thanks to each of you for making my darkest place a little brighter.

Today I feel hopeful and strong. And while I still feel confused and scared, I’m in a much better place than I was this time yesterday. Thank you for being here for me…I’m not going to give up.

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21 Comments

  • Reply
    Allan
    August 19, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    Much better. Sounds positive. My new project is coming together and I will have an update Monday. Keep being strong

  • Reply
    foodie McBody
    August 19, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    Please don't stop your blog! It is so amazing and awesome, low days, great days, all of it in its honesty. It is a gift to so many of us. Just sayin.

  • Reply
    Jessica
    August 19, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    Keep you chin up Kenz! Several years ago, the man I loved and had been with for 5 years broke up with me and was engaged to another woman in one month. There engagement only lasted a short time and they were married. And about 4 months after that she was pregnant. I was devastated, in about a years time he was married, with a child on the way, in the house we had picked out together. My heart was broken…but out of that heartache I became stronger.
    I am now married to my soul mate, and often look back on that time and all that hurt as a blessing in disguise.

    I don't know the details of what is going on in your life, but know that out of confusion, despair, heart break, and suffering can come wonderful things.

    Never give up on yourself and your future…it is probably brighter than you could ever imagine.

  • Reply
    Anonymous
    August 19, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    This is your Connecticut fan. You sound much better; you worried me. You have been a constant source of inspiration because I have had a battle with myself after a long time of success and a really wonderful relationship with food. I had to face some things about that relationship — that I was really an emotional eater —
    and a stress eater. But I found center again and began again — and am determined to make my goal this time and to maintain it — joyfully. I don't know if you lost a job or a boyfriend or both or what kind of work you do. But someone who writes as well as you do and is as disciplined as you are should be really valuable in the workplace — I know I could use someone like you in Connecticut. And someone who "puts is out there like you do" is just plain courageous. So don't give up blogging, rocking it in the exercise room, talking to all of us out here who have become your cyberfriends. Whatever is going on it will pass and something better will replace it. Of that I am really certain. Just stay in the moment and love every tiny microsecond of life — and loving to sweat and to make new friends and to experience new things.
    Whatever you are grieving, grieve it fully and completely and with your whole heart. I lost a husband in a tragic air accident and I grieved for two years but what followed in my life was worth living for and fulfilling.
    Live fully and completely. You are clarly a passionate and strong young woman. Your fan from Connecticut.

    I will be getting my blog up and going here soon, and join you guys. And if somneone doesn't love you as you should be loved, accept that there is a force wiser than we in the universe who looks after us in ways we don't always understand. And — you have a fabulous voice.

  • Reply
    Tammy
    August 19, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    So glad you are sounding better! And that you will most likely keep blogging! Still thinking of you….

  • Reply
    ♥Amber Filkins♥
    August 19, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    LIke, like, like, like! Oh wait, I'm not on FB??

    I am SOOOO glad that you are feeling so much better. And IIIIIII know why you woke up feeling refreshed after only a few hours sleep. It's because I asked Jesus for that very thing.

    Keep on going girl. We all love you and are here for you. And I'm super glad you're not giving up the blog.

    ♥♥♥

  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    August 20, 2010 at 12:02 am

    😀 It's true what they say–You can't keep a good woman down! 😀

    it's okay to be scared. And sad. Anyone would be. Not just anyone would still dare to hope,tho. Obviously, you're a cut above the regular gal.

    But, I already knew that.

    Deb

  • Reply
    kristi
    August 20, 2010 at 12:06 am

    So glad you are doing better, I have had bouts of depression (especially when fighting battles for my autistic son) but I have made it this far!

  • Reply
    KellyNY
    August 20, 2010 at 12:07 am

    I'm so glad you're feeling better! You're such a positive person, and it shows in your writing. Keep on keeping on, Kenz!

  • Reply
    Jo
    August 20, 2010 at 12:39 am

    Kenz, I don't know what you're going through, and I haven't been following you long enough to make much of a comment, but I just want you to know I wish you the best. Whatever it is, death, illness, legal issues, financial issues, health issues, no matter what, you have a great support system to help you through it. Lean on them/us. You can make it through. You are strong and resourceful. Put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time. If you have made bad decisions, from this moment on, make good ones. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you don't see it yet.

    I wish you all the best.

  • Reply
    {Absolutely, Positively} Josie
    August 20, 2010 at 12:43 am

    i know you'll do what's best for you, but it's my own hope that you don't stop blogging.

    since the first day i read your blog i have been inspired by how constant, consistent, and committed you are!

  • Reply
    Lisa @No More Diet Drama
    August 20, 2010 at 1:40 am

    So happy you feel refreshed!!! Keep going Kenz.

  • Reply
    Jodi
    August 20, 2010 at 2:06 am

    So glad you are feeling better Kenz! You had me worried.

  • Reply
    Patrick
    August 20, 2010 at 3:08 am

    Glad to hear you will keep on blogging.

  • Reply
    287@lifedoesntweight
    August 20, 2010 at 3:41 am

    I am so glad that you are in a better place today! Your posts are so inspiring for many, many people, including myself. I have been reading your blog now for several months and your character shines through everyday in your words. You have so many gifts to be thankful for: A loving family and support system, a gorgeous voice (I love to sing, too:)), fabulous scrapbooking skills, great taste in fashion, designer quality jewelry making skills, and it sounds like you are very accomplished in education and
    travel. That is quite the hefty list and with that many things in your favor and then some, there is no doubt you will be on your feet again very soon!
    Don't run from whatever grief you are feeling for the recent losses you have experienced and remember everyone needs to deal with it in their own way. Feel free to cry, exercise, scream, or whatever it takes (besides overeating or homicide (JOKE:))to get through it.
    It also sounds like you have a deep faith in God and don't ever let that waiver. He will not give you more than you can handle, even though we may not like how he dishes it out.
    Change is a scary thing and you may not have all the answers now but they will come to you in time. Until then, keep your chin up and know that you are a strong, capable woman that has a very bright future ahead of her- so put on your shades and get ready!
    Kim

  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    August 20, 2010 at 4:40 am

    Hey, Kenz! I just stopped back because I realized that I forgot to comment on the things that you "know" that begin this post.

    I LOVE the things you know. 😀 They are wonderful truths–and all things withing your grasp. Great, great things.

    Deb

  • Reply
    Tammy
    August 20, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    I'm glad you're not giving up on yourself…I know things are rough right now, but try to remember it's just for a season…it'll pass and the sun will shine again. 🙂

  • Reply
    Helen
    August 20, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    There's a season for everything… and a reason for the season. Now you move to the next. The best thing about all this? All those things you "know" are your foundation. You build on that and every single day will get a little better.

  • Reply
    Jennifer Sara Jansky
    August 20, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    Your posts are inspiring and I'm glad I found your blog. I too have begun blogging my way through my weight loss and reading others with similar goals is so helpful. Your blog helps others and that is a great thing. 🙂

  • Reply
    Mike
    August 20, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    New Follower!
    Your blog is an inspiration to my new commitment to lose the weight. I am Currently at 504 and have finally come out of the fat closet and made my weight loss blog public and you are so right. There is so much negative energy in the world about weight loss, the people who comment and visit help combat that.

    My Weight Loss Blog

  • Reply
    Erin
    August 22, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    I found your blog through Sean's and like his, this is a constant source of inspiration for me. I want you to know that no matter how well we plan our lives, we never really know what is going to happen. It takes amazing strength and wonder to stand up and say "I don't know where this is going, but I am going to enjoy the ride." You are beautiful and strong, never forget that.

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