I’m a sucker for happy endings whether they’re real or fictional. And I do believe that life has some kind of happily ever after waiting for me even though I have no idea what that means as I sit alone in the quiet tonight. I know what I want…I want to find my way back home. And if home really is where the heart is then I know precisely where I need to be. I’m just not sure how to get there.
Over the last few days I’ve been trying to concentrate on the big picture, remembering that I’ve come a long way. I spent some time looking through old photos (many of which I can’t post out of respect for people who don’t wish to be on my blog.) But I found several that really make me feel good about where I am in my life even through its imperfections.
This picture was taken on the Hudson River before I began losing weight. It was freezing out there, but I think I thought that the blanket would hide my extra weight at least a little. Clearly, it did not.
And this photo was taken the day I broke my foot in Washington D.C. I was on an escalator in the metro that was wet with some kind of cleaning astringent, and my body went forward while my foot stayed behind. This happened only a few weeks before I would change my life.
I’ve been doubting myself a lot lately, but when I look at these pictures I cannot deny that I can do what feels impossible. I can become the person I want to be even if it’s not easy, and that’s what I’m working toward. It’s the same goal I had when I started this weight-loss journey, but it means so much more to me now than just losing weight.
My body is much smaller, and I know that somewhere beneath the uncertainty I’m facing now I possess an iron-clad will to continue down this road. While I may not know exact numbers because I’ve been away from my regular scale, I’ve discovered that I’m much stronger than I knew I was. My body can handle a lot more than it could when I weighed over 100 pounds more, and if you know me personally then you know how grateful I am for that.
My strength and endurance makes me feel like a rock star. I’ve been doing 16 laps in the pool per day after completing a couple of miles on the elliptical machine, and I know I could do much more. My current goal is to work up to 32 laps (one mile.) I’m not sure what I’d do without the gym right now. It’s definitely my OK BFF. 🙂
I know I can’t predict the future, but I do know that it will be good because I’m going to focus on the positives while working on being the best version of myself. A little painted canvas hangs between a window and a wall sconce in my favorite room in New York, and it says this…
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
I’ve heard those words a thousand times. I’ve even put them into practice in some areas of my life, but I had no idea how important they would become until now. I’m still not sure that I fully grasp the concept. They are simple words yet full of wisdom, and I am going to do my best to make this my motto.