Exercise Quotes Reflection

Just For Me

I’m a sucker for happy endings whether they’re real or fictional. And I do believe that life has some kind of happily ever after waiting for me even though I have no idea what that means as I sit alone in the quiet tonight. I know what I want…I want to find my way back home. And if home really is where the heart is then I know precisely where I need to be. I’m just not sure how to get there.

Over the last few days I’ve been trying to concentrate on the big picture, remembering that I’ve come a long way. I spent some time looking through old photos (many of which I can’t post out of respect for people who don’t wish to be on my blog.) But I found several that really make me feel good about where I am in my life even through its imperfections.

This picture was taken on the Hudson River before I began losing weight. It was freezing out there, but I think I thought that the blanket would hide my extra weight at least a little. Clearly, it did not.

And this photo was taken the day I broke my foot in Washington D.C. I was on an escalator in the metro that was wet with some kind of cleaning astringent, and my body went forward while my foot stayed behind. This happened only a few weeks before I would change my life.

I’ve been doubting myself a lot lately, but when I look at these pictures I cannot deny that I can do what feels impossible. I can become the person I want to be even if it’s not easy, and that’s what I’m working toward. It’s the same goal I had when I started this weight-loss journey, but it means so much more to me now than just losing weight.

My body is much smaller, and I know that somewhere beneath the uncertainty I’m facing now I possess an iron-clad will to continue down this road. While I may not know exact numbers because I’ve been away from my regular scale, I’ve discovered that I’m much stronger than I knew I was. My body can handle a lot more than it could when I weighed over 100 pounds more, and if you know me personally then you know how grateful I am for that.

My strength and endurance makes me feel like a rock star. I’ve been doing 16 laps in the pool per day after completing a couple of miles on the elliptical machine, and I know I could do much more. My current goal is to work up to 32 laps (one mile.) I’m not sure what I’d do without the gym right now. It’s definitely my OK BFF. 🙂

I know I can’t predict the future, but I do know that it will be good because I’m going to focus on the positives while working on being the best version of myself. A little painted canvas hangs between a window and a wall sconce in my favorite room in New York, and it says this…

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

I’ve heard those words a thousand times. I’ve even put them into practice in some areas of my life, but I had no idea how important they would become until now. I’m still not sure that I fully grasp the concept. They are simple words yet full of wisdom, and I am going to do my best to make this my motto.

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  • Reply
    August 22, 2010 at 9:23 am

    Great perspective with the old pictures, sometimes we have to remember how far we've come!

  • Reply
    August 22, 2010 at 10:11 am

    You are doing great and even though I have always known that you are beautiful, big or small I love you always. But you are so much more than just these pictures show. You need to remember that you are precious in his sight (God). Looks means a lot to the world and they see big people different but we are people who love others and want to be loved. I know in my heart that a door will open for you a place back home I am not giving up on that. I am proud of your weight loss and you look fanastic and I know you will continue to lose weight and your outside will keep changing. But for anyone that knows you; really knows you; we all know that you have always been beautiful inside and out. You are kind, considerate, help others, thoughtful,willing to do what it takes to help the underdog ( you were always for the underdog growing up and that has not changed), you love deeply. Talented I can go on and on, but I think the picture has been painted you did all this thought a hard childhood; parents divorced; but always loved you. Your faith and friends and family has always been there for you, even though we have not the means to help you find a place; we know that God will help open the right door for you. Trust him and lean on him and see God work a mircle for your life. He does give us the desires of our heart. Keep on going to lose weight met your goal you are so much closer than when you started. I love you MOM

  • Reply
    August 22, 2010 at 11:58 am

    You are amazing, Kenz; you have accomplished a phenomenal achievement and you have the drive and will succeed in reaching your ultimate goal.

    Hang in there — you rock.

  • Reply
    Genie @ Diet of 51
    August 22, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    So much progress; keep going and you'll figure it out.

  • Reply
    Sean Anderson
    August 22, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    I love this post–the attitude, the introspection is deep and powerful—and key to really understanding ourselves. "Just For Me" is absolutely brilliant–because it is…it must be.
    What a beautiful transformation—and the most wonderful epiphany is when we realize that the transformation on the inside is the most profound. The outside transformation gets all the glory—but we know—you and I know, it's much deeper than that…And when we reach a point of clarity like this—it really sets us free—and everything falls into place…
    You're an amazing individual–full of beauty, talent, love, compassion–and everything that is good—Your friends know it, your family absolutely knows it, and you know it.
    Embrace yourself, embrace this "Just For Me" motto—and LIVE IT!
    By the way—Your mom is beautifully brilliant—full of love and wisdom. You're surrounded by love and support—and you put that together with the love you have and continue to discover for yourself—and there isn't a limitation that applies to you.

    The circumstances of the moment, the emotions of the moment–neither of them will stand in the way of your flight to freedom. They can't stop you now, you're unstoppable baby! Wrap your arms around you, smile, and confidently proceed toward a wonderful future…
    You're amazing…an inspiration…you're one of the best…You must know this about you. It's just something you should know.

    Always here for you…

  • Reply
    August 22, 2010 at 10:17 pm

    Great pics from the past. I love that they show just how very far you've come already. You are so inspirational! I hope that the words of the serenity prayer will be of comfort to you and that the wisdom will come. Give it all to God and He will bring to amazing places in your life! <3

  • Reply
    Shelli Belly
    August 22, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    What a post full of HOPE! Youve come so far. I'm going to go dig up some old pictures. As Sean would say Keep on Keep'n on. Go check out this video because it symbolizes what we all are doing for each other.

    You gave me a little push today.

  • Reply
    August 23, 2010 at 12:03 am

    Because of you and because of Sean and
    my reading of your blogs, I have put my blog together and it's up with the
    first day post! And I have started again. I lost 85 lbs and gained 27 back
    in the last six months — old patterns of behavior and stupid thinking — stinkin' thinkin' is what they call it I think you that you are a terrific inspiration and I have almost 100 lbs to go, so water in hand and a commitment in writing online — I'm
    going for it — for the permanent lifestyle change that I believed had happened and would last. I let down my guard. I love your openness and your open posts. You are pretty amazing.

    My bog is called, "waitingtolose" and
    is called WaitLoss (because I waited until I was so much older to really confront this powerful issue. You are
    beautiful and young and you haven't quit. How absolutely fabulous.

    Visit the blog — I'm a later comer to the water challenge and fully on board for exercise and eating properly. When I did the first 85 I felt wonderful; I ate really nutrious foods and they nourished my mind and my body and I felt fabulous!

    I hope that every day is better and better for you and that you find your
    "true north."

  • Reply
    toni martin
    August 23, 2010 at 4:35 am

    Hi! I am trying one more time to post… I'm still not sure n how….but…..

    I am not sure exactly where you are "residing" right now, but through your amazing blog, I know where YOU are. Bless you!!!!

    Sometimes I think about the disciples following Christ down from the upper room after the Last Supper…There were no street lights and I'm thinking not everyone had a lantern…I picture Jesus leading the group and the perplexed disciples following closly behind…sometimes with enough light to just illumine the next step…maybe some just hearing the swish of His clothing or the sand moving under His feet. Still they moved forward, knowing the character of their Leader…trusting that He would lead them where they needed to be…

    may you hold on to Him as you journey. He will never leave you nor forsake you!

    "He who began a good work in you will carry it on until the day of Christ Jesus" Phil. 1:6

  • Reply
    Lisa @No More Diet Drama
    August 23, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    Great post!!! You have come so far and WILL continue to climb your mountain and reach the victorious top!

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