After posting a very emotional message on my blog today I drove right by the YMCA. I skipped the elliptical machine without even looking for justification in my mind. I chose to grab dinner (an unhealthy one) then picked up a few things at the store and headed straight to Dad’s house. I didn’t expect him to be here when I arrived, but he was.
He was waiting with open arms to talk to me and just listen. He had already read the blog that I posted only moments before so we sat and talked. He shared things about his life, but mostly just listened to me as I repeated everything that I’ve said in my head a million times.
I shared my frustrations and my grief and my questions. I also shared the fact that I felt horrible about skipping my workout though not horrible enough to have done it when I had the chance. As we sat in the kitchen I began thinking about how good I feel after I exercise, and when Dad headed to bed he asked if I planned to workout. I said I knew I should, but I didn’t think I would. Then he put the DVD on and close his door, and I worked out after all.
As soon as I began the 30-Day Shred I was glad I was doing it. It’s ridiculous that my mind is so willing to fight my body. My body craves exercise, and it was as it was clear only a couple of minutes into my workout.
Now I’m sweating like crazy and in desperate need of a shower, but I feel better than I’ve felt all day. I didn’t drink water throughout the day either. Whaaaat? But I’ve had 8 glasses so far this evening, and I plan to drink a little more before bed. My goal for tonight is to consume 10 glasses.
I can’t say that I have all the answers I was searching for earlier this evening because I don’t. But I feel good knowing that I did a couple of good things for myself today. I ate more WW points than I should have because I didn’t make good choices at dinner. I ate reasonable portions throughout the day, but I ate foods that were too high in fat and calories. It would have been easy to scratch the whole day, but I didn’t. I finished strong, and today that has to be enough.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I will do better. I will have that date with the elliptical machine that I talked about in my last post. I will drink water throughout the day, and I will make healthier food choices. Sometimes all we can do is take it one day at a time – one choice at a time.
I’m still not sure what the big picture looks like, but my immediate future (you know,the next 24 hours) are going to be filled with good choices. My internal hope has returned, and I’m going to cling to it as I move forward in the coming days.
Thank you all for listening today…and thank you for your continued support. It means so much more than I could ever express. Now I’ll go to sleep and wake up (hopefully) refreshed so I can face the day head on.
I’m tired of feeling sad and worried so I’m going to focus on the happy things going on in my world, and I’m going to look for joy until I find it.