Motivation Reflection

Am I Really Saying This Again?

I enjoyed every minute of the holidays. And while I didn’t eat everything I in sight, I ate much more than I should have eaten. I don’t feel guilt as much as disappointment in myself…and I feel bloated.

But today is a new day. I know I’ve said this a million times, but today is a new day full of opportunities to make good choices. And I’m determined to make that happen.

One of my heroes, SeattleRunnerGirl, said something that has resonated with me since I read it yesterday. She said, “My body is satisfied with far less food than my mind.” And while that probably isn’t a new realization for me, it’s definitely food for thought. And I’m determined to win this battle within myself.

Right now I’m hungry. I’ve eaten well today, and as the evening continues I find it hard not to snack myself into the late hours. This has always been true, but in the first year of my weight-loss I prepared for it by eating healthy, whole foods during the day.

And another thing that helped me as I lost the first 100 pounds was reminding myself that I can eat again tomorrow. I don’t have to eat everything in one day because the food will still be here tomorrow.

I had some solid workouts last week, but I haven’t exercised since arriving for holiday fun with my family. I committed to doing 30-Day Shred six days a week for a month, and I am recommitting to working out today.

This inner struggle is getting old my friends. I’m frustrated with myself, but I won’t give up. I am going to keep trying and keep admitting my faults and weaknesses until those weaknesses no longer exist. Maybe I’ll regain the control I had in the first year…or perhaps it will be a battle for the rest of my life. Either way, I will fight to succeed…to lose weight…and to take pride in myself for doing my best.

It’s not easy today, but I’m going to do it and hope that tomorrow is a little better.

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11 Comments

  • Reply
    Jill
    December 29, 2010 at 2:50 am

    I don't think the struggle ever fully goes away, but you can definitely triumph over it for periods at a time! "I don't have to eat everything in one day because the food will still be here tomorrow." – so true, but not always easy to remember!!

  • Reply
    Tammy
    December 29, 2010 at 3:00 am

    Kenz, I could have written this post! I'm going through the same situation! The quote from Seattle Runner Girl is a great one, and I'm going to try to remember it. Also, you are right about the food still being there tomorrow. Tonight I stopped at Walmart and browsed through what was left of the Christmas stuff. I looked for the pretzel M&Ms in the holiday candy, but then I told myself that I can buy pretzel M&M's any day (in colors other than red and green)! I considered that a victory! However, the reason I was out was to go to a visitation, and I wore a skirt that I wore this time last year. The bad news is that it ended up being too big before winter was over, so why can I wear it again? Lack of focus, lack of motivation, and lack of exercise pure and simple. So, count me in as someone who is starting over AGAIN with you! May we have better days ahead!

  • Reply
    Moving Mertle
    December 29, 2010 at 3:09 am

    You are doing great. One thing I tell myself is a pound is 3500 cals, a 1-200 calorie snack before bed isn't going to ruin my life.

    The opposite end is that it takes a while to readjust to a lower calorie plan after holidays. Changing it up with different workouts and foods makes my struggle a little easier since there's something to look forward too.

    Don't forget you are the BOMB!! Look how far you've come. Little changes lead to big results.

  • Reply
    Mandy Lou ♥
    December 29, 2010 at 4:19 am

    You have had one tough year. It really is no surprise that you just aren't into your weight loss journey with as much enthusiasm as you were before all of you your major life changes. Many people would have jumped off the weight loss wagon you were on and gained many of the pounds that you fought so hard to lose. Hang in there Kenze! You have no other choice right?

    Anywho… Have you heard of this blog? http://www.skinnytaste.com If you haven't check Gina out, great stuff. And if already know 'her', you know how great her WW recipes are!

    Good luck! 2011 here we come!!

    Aimee in Oregon

  • Reply
    Delane
    December 29, 2010 at 4:22 am

    If you think suddenly your struggles with food and snacking are going to go away, they won't. You need to learn to change your habits and modify you behavior to lessen the struggle. But they will always be there. Well, at least this has been my experience.

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    December 29, 2010 at 4:37 am

    Delane, I would never suggest that my struggles will just disappear. They come and go, but I'll fight through them when I need to.

  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    December 29, 2010 at 5:55 am

    You know, sometimes it DOES seem as though the food struggles go away. It does. There are those strong seasons in which saying no to food is just a decision–not a struggle. And a decision we carry out with success.

    The strong days. Those are the days when we look at other people's struggles and sympathize, but are glad we've found the secret and hope they find it, too. We found what clicks. The right food combination, the right habits, the right mindset.

    Then somehow, what worked isn't working. The clicks we were so confident in aren't clicking. Something happened, usually something emotional/mental. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes we have to figure out what set us off.

    But as we look out from under a bad food choice, dazed and confused, we realize that we need to get back on track. We make the decisions we made before, the choices we made before, the battle plan we made before–that all worked. Only now they don't. So we decide again. And again. And again. And, sometimes, panic threatens.

    We blog and express our fear and frustration. Some commenters are in that strong place–that place that they think is permanent because they did the right things–and they give advice or lectures. Others are where we are, or remember when they were, and offer compassion and hope.

    Eventually, as we determinedly do not give up–that strong place appears again and we stand in it. This time, there will be no haughty confidence that tells us and everyone else that we've got it down. This time we know that we're standing in Grace, a grace we cooperate with, but do not create. And we hold on tight, with gratitude and relief.

    The moral of my story? Recognize that this is a cycle that every dieter goes through. Never give up. Search out your emotional issues and the lies those issues are whispering in your ear–and tell yourself the truth, instead. Keep deciding and doing that next right thing–no matter how many times you falter. Expect grace to appear, putting that strong place under your next right step.

    We're going to keep doing this thing, Kenz. We're going to grap hold of what's true and we're going to get back to a strong footing.

    I'm praying for us to find what clicks for us now and for us to come to that strong place–again.

    Deb

  • Reply
    ~Karen C.L. Anderson~
    December 29, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    I am proof that the struggle does, indeed go away. No, it doesn't happen overnight and sometimes there are physiological issues, not just emotional ones. I had to learn many lessons many times…I think that is actually the biggest lesson of all, realizing that I have to continually learn my lessons! HA! Hang in there kiddo!

  • Reply
    Annie
    December 29, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    You are ready and you have all if the tools to do it! You go girl! 🙂

  • Reply
    trippingtiffies
    December 29, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    PRETTY PLEASE explain to me what the 30 day shred is. My resolution this year is to loose 60-80 pounds. I'm 5ft tall and am 200 lbs and I need to know how to do it! Help me Kenz!

    typicaltype@hotmail.com
    fashionintheforest.blogspot.com

  • Reply
    SeattleRunnerGirl
    December 29, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    Thanks for the shout out, Kenz – I'm so honored that you would call me a hero! But you have to see yourself as a hero, too. I'm no different than you are – in fact, I am struggling in a very similar way right now! And the VICTORY isn't in ultimately losing the weight, or at least not JUST that. It's figuring ourselves out and finding a way to give ourselves what we truly NEED – filling the need that we're currently filling with food.

    Keep up the fantastic work – never giving up IS winning!

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