Dating

Another One Bites The Dust

Some of you know I was dating a guy (who doesn’t read my blog so I feel I can open up about this, by the way.)  We weren’t serious or anything, but I liked him.  He’s very tall, dark and handsome – a brainiac scientist who has been a gentleman more than anyone I’ve ever dated.  Seriously folks..this guy walked on the side of the sidewalk closest to traffic, opened every door in sight…he even opened the car door for me even if I was driving.

We looked at millions of Christmas lights together even though we both wondered if he would burst into flames or something. He took pictures of us even though he thought his fingers might freeze off..and he has the prettiest dog ever.  She loves me. 😉  He even put M&M’s in the popcorn we shared at the movies because he likes it that way too.  🙂 

He played the guitar and sang songs to me for hours.  He took me to a Brad Paisley concert and insisted that I take a picture of the giant Christmas tree that I adored, cooked dinner for me and kissed me in a way that made me forget everything else.  TMI? If so, sorry…but I think of you as friends so forgive me. 

I knew that something didn’t seem right over a week ago so I sent him a text message tonight, and he expressed that “he didn’t want to do this and hopes we can still be friends.” We spoke after that, and well..I had every intention of telling him off, but I was more interested in hearing why.  He had planned to wait until we saw each other to share the news, but I’m glad he didn’t.  I don’t need to let anyone see the disappointment in my eyes.

He said that he was going through a rough time now.  And he is..I know he is though I won’t share the details, and that he wants to resume dating when he gets through it.  He thinks good guys finish last, but he doesn’t understand that he’s choosing it this time. He allegedly likes me, but he’s been withdrawn..and not just from me.  He stays at home most evenings and doesn’t spend much time with his friends which isn’t the norm. But seriously?  I’ve heard this before, but unlike the other guy who said this to me, I think Mountain Man means it.  I think he truly believes that it’s not fair to me and that he’ll work through it and find me.   But is that okay? Really?

He sees everything from one perspective – his.  He thinks he’s right even when he’s wrong, and he doesn’t view the world in the way that everyone else views it (which is attractive until it screws up my plans to be with him.)  He’d rather get through the rough time alone than have someone who cares about him rub his shoulders or just listen.

He also said that he didn’t want me to give up better options (like moving to Austin or elsewhere) for him.  Makes sense too, I suppose…but uhhh, I wouldn’t.  I also believe that he doesn’t want to be with someone else.  And I believe he cares about me at least a little (though not enough, obviously.)

I believe he’ll call (I think.)  He has said so many things that other guys say, but unlike other guys he has backed up his words with action every single time.  He thinks in black and white, and he says exactly what he means (even when it makes no sense.)  But I wish I could convey how important it is to work things out in his head soon.

I wish he knew that I could help him now, and that he doesn’t have to go through the bad stuff alone.  I wish he knew that he didn’t have to entertain me 24/7 (actually, he knows that already.)  And I wish he knew that as much as I like him now, I won’t sit and wait for him forever.  I mean, surely he knows I won’t.  Surely he can see that I’ll have to put my chin up and smile my way into a new direction.  Of course, I’m fooling myself for hoping he’ll see any of this.

At this point, I just have to accept that it’s time to move on again.  I can’t make him want me, and even if I could I wouldn’t want to.  Maybe at some point I’ll stop skipping a breath when my phone rings.  And maybe at some point, I’ll be able to think of him without wondering if I’ll ever be right for anyone.

At least this time I was 100% myself.  I was totally honest with him which is something I can’t say about every relationship I’ve been in.  I gave him the opportunity to like me for who I am instead of who I hope to be someday, but it seems the person I am wasn’t quite enough this time.  Maybe at some point I will be? 

I do know that I’m (still) ready to settle into my new routine.  I’m ready to continue embracing my weight-loss journey fully and to continue molding myself into someone I’m actually proud to be.  I think I have put so much pressure on myself to be in a successful, happy relationship because I want to believe that someone can want me before I reach my weight-loss goal, but I have changed so much.  And I guess I’ll continue changing, right?

I wonder if Mountain Man will call…I wonder if he’ll wait so long that I’m no longer interested. I wonder if I’ll ever find someone to love who loves me back (not saying that I was in love with Mountain Man, for the record…) I wonder if I’ll ever love myself enough not to care if I’m loved by someone else…

I know that I don’t have to have all of the answers tonight.  I also know that there will be other tall, intelligent boys to kiss at some point, but tonight I only want one.  And I don’t have him.  I’m not asking for advice or pity…okay, maybe a little pity. 😉  I’m just sharing the contents of my heart because it’s all I know to do right now.

Was this post overly dramatic?  Absolutely.  Is that okay with me?  Absolutely.  Maybe it’s time to listen to sad songs and sleep…tomorrow is a new day, right?

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34 Comments

  • Reply
    Annie
    January 9, 2011 at 4:34 am

    :'( so sorry you're having a rough night and had a breakup! Someday your prince will come! {{hugs}}

  • Reply
    alwaysjessie
    January 9, 2011 at 4:34 am

    I'm so sorry things didn't work out=[ There's nothing quiet as upsetting as getting your hopes up and not having them work out.

    *hugs*

    On the topic of sad songs, you picked a fantastic one! 🙂

  • Reply
    Kelly
    January 9, 2011 at 4:38 am

    Kenlie, I'm sorry you're hurting right now. 🙁 It's his loss. And not for nothing, but this is your blog. Which means you can be as dramatic or TMI as you want to be. Your blog is your space! Don't forget that. ((HUGS))

  • Reply
    Sabrina
    January 9, 2011 at 4:48 am

    *Hugs* Chin up girly!! It is his loss. However, I am a firm believer that everything always works out as it should.

  • Reply
    Steelers6
    January 9, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Eeeee…I was sure hoping that title was referring to another POUND lost….but was kind of afraid to read thinking it might be about MM… *sigh*

    Well, thanks for sharing, sweetie, and hugs to you.

    Chrissy

  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    January 9, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Awww, Kenz, I'm sorry. Sometimes peopel have to walk their own path thru hard times. We can't tell them how to do it. Your Mountain Man is in that place. It's okay to care about him anyway–it's not about you.

    As for you–When sad things happen, It's okay to hurt. I've said before that only the mentally ill insist on being happy all of the time.

    Deb

    P.S. And while I'm saying what I've said before, when it doesn't matter if the boy is tall, your'e ready for that for a lifetime relationshiop.

  • Reply
    purple_moonflower123
    January 9, 2011 at 5:57 am

    Sorry about the break up! It is his loss, as you deserve someone so much better, who will be there for you through the ups and downs (that is what makes a strong relationship).

  • Reply
    Chris
    January 9, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Does this mean that I will finally get an opportunity to date you? He is not the only man that will open your car door or take you to see Christmas lights.
    Take your time getting over him, but when you are ready you have a date with a tall gentleman if you want it.

  • Reply
    Anonymous
    January 9, 2011 at 6:08 am

    I dont usually comment, but you are beautiful. I would be happy to take you out and treat you like a lady.

  • Reply
    als
    January 9, 2011 at 6:34 am

    Aw, Kenz, I'm sorry. I've been in a very similar situation, and it sucks. But it will get better. And there ARE guys out there who will appreciate you for YOU. Just look above! 🙂 *hug*

  • Reply
    Renee (@lowfatpie)
    January 9, 2011 at 6:41 am

    I'm so sorry Kenz. That sucks. I hope he does get in touch and it's meant to be that you guys should be together later. And in the meantime, focus on you… who knows where you will be in mind, body and spirit when he "comes back"? We will see you through this. xx

  • Reply
    Stoy
    January 9, 2011 at 6:47 am

    You are beautiful.

  • Reply
    Pauly
    January 9, 2011 at 6:50 am

    You have to move on with your life. If he comes back and you want him fine, but you can't wait with that insecurity when everything else has been so up in the air for you. Move forward honey.

  • Reply
    seattlerunnergirl
    January 9, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Oh, friend. I have so been where you are at. And you know what? In hindsight, I'm *glad* that relationship of mine ended. The end was a new beginning for me, and allowed me to lean into who I really was and embrace that without needing someone else to validate it.

    It was hard, though. For a while, actually. I remember my sister had just had her first baby, and she came over the next day carrying the baby in her car seat with a box of tissues inside…and I totally lost it. And you know what? That's okay.

    It's okay to be sad.
    It's okay to want more.
    It's okay to want love from others.

    Just know that you are 100% worthy of that love from YOURSELF and anyone else, right now, just as you are. And give yourself a little bit of time to wallow in the sad, and then stop. You'll know when it's the right time.

    Hang in there & know we are here for you!

  • Reply
    Sib
    January 9, 2011 at 9:01 am

    ((hugs))

  • Reply
    The Skinny Doll
    January 9, 2011 at 9:02 am

    oooooh! Boys are SO silly sometimes! You just want to shake 'em so they can hear you… don't be too blue… there's a saying here in Ireland.. if its meant for you … it won't pass you… (a little along the lines of "if you set something free and its meant to be it will come back" … till it does BIG *hugs*

  • Reply
    ~ Darla ~
    January 9, 2011 at 11:27 am

    You are gorgeous and witty and smart and there is someone special waiting out there for you. One thing I've found through the experience of time (okay, I'm old – lol) is that when it is meant to be, it just is. It really doesn't have to be so difficult or complicated. I had the same issue as you with a man I dated for 2-1/2 years. I loved him. I think he loved me too, but not in the way I needed. It tore me apart, but lo and behold I then met another man (now my current husband) and I cannot believe how happy I am and how much easier and better and happier my life is now. As Garth Brooks said, "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers…"

  • Reply
    Cassie
    January 9, 2011 at 11:27 am

    I'm glad to hear you be honest with yourself. And there really isn't any blame, like you said, you were being 100% you, and that should be commended.

    Even with my own past, I have changed myself to fit into a relationship. Sounds like you may have done that in the past as well. Kudos to you for being yourself.

    The heartbreak only makes us stronger. But we inevitably must go through it from time to time. I think it's great that you are taking the time to reflect on things.

    At the end of the day, you do you, you know yourself the best. And be the best you that you can be!

  • Reply
    SUE M.
    January 9, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    I hate to say this but, "He's Just Not That Into You." Get over it. Quit trying to analyse the situation. If a man wants to be with a woman, he will be with her no matter what "he's currently going through." Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I'm a realist. You're a beautiful woman with much to offer. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on. No man is worth obsessing over. Just sayin'.

  • Reply
    KCLAnderson (Karen)
    January 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    I couldn't have put it any better than Val (seattlerunnergirl)!! Ditto to everything she said…

  • Reply
    Beth
    January 9, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    I am so sorry you are sad.

  • Reply
    Jess
    January 9, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Oh Kenz…. so sorry this is happening. Sounds like he is being selfish, which in my world is wrong, but that is my humble opinion (not that you asked for it). Anyways, hoping he DOES call you at some point! HUGS!

  • Reply
    Peg C
    January 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    It is hard when you find someone you really like and there are blips in the road. If it is meant to be, it will come together. Don't stop taking care of yourself and doing what's best for you. It will eventually come together, especially if you open yourself to all possibilities, not just the tall dark and handsome ones.

  • Reply
    Formerly known as Frau
    January 9, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    ((Hugs)) it's not you it's him…you deserve the very best!

  • Reply
    Claire
    January 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    So totally disagree with what Sue M. said. SOME guys when they have major things going on in their lives have to put those things first. It's not usually about them, it's about others or their life in general. I know several guys who have walked away from great women that they truly care about, thinking they need to handle what's going on in their lives by themselves.

    It's not easy to deal with, it's not right from our standpoint, but it is what it is. Kenz, just remember that it's not about you. Don't think if you were a better person or more lovable that he would choose to have you in his life to help him deal, because that's just not true.

    Accept what he says, he knows himself better than anyone else. I'm sorry this has happened, but stay focused and keep on learning.

    Claire

  • Reply
    Joanna
    January 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    I'm so sorry – sorry for you, even more so for him. He let a good thing slip through his fingers, and he will have to live with that regret. He will realize it – hopefully it won't be too late when he does.

    I can tell you that I went through my share of "Mountain Men" when I was on the hunt for my Prince…and he didn't arrive until I stopped looking.

    Your knight in shining armor is out there – where you least expect him to be…and he's on his horse riding your way.

    Chin up. 🙂

  • Reply
    Patsy
    January 9, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Sorry this has happened. It sucks when you really like someone and they get cold feet (or whatever means it's not right at the time).

    Well done for not pining around waiting for when the time is right for HIM! You may miss The One if you did that!

    Hugs!

  • Reply
    Rebecca
    January 9, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    If this guy is who you claim he is, there is nothing wrong with you or him. He is simply old-fashioned and feels he needs to bring his A-Game to the relationship table. He doesn't want your help because he wants to be your supporter, provider, protector. He doesn't want to date you when he is down and out because he doesn't feel he has the right to. He sounds like a great guy. Hopefully, this a slight downturn in his life and he'll skyrocket up again. And I'd bet (based upon what you have said) he calls you as soon as he does.

  • Reply
    ♥Amber Filkins♥
    January 9, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    🙁

  • Reply
    Victoria
    January 10, 2011 at 3:25 am

    I know it sucks, but if he can't appreciate you now, he doesn't deserve you later. You are beautiful!

  • Reply
    Sarah
    January 10, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Oh my goodness! That sucks, Kenz.. I wish I had some insight, but it looks like all my words have been taken by others.. lol.. I love the song you chose, as I used it to get over my "big" relationship breakup a few years ago..

    I wish I could fill ya in on when your breathe will stop catching when ya hear the phone.. I still have that issue with a guy I liked.. I see him on FB and wonder.. but it sound like you got 2 guys already in line to take you out! 🙂

  • Reply
    Veronica
    January 11, 2011 at 4:44 am

    Can you tell how loved you are, dearest Kenz? 🙂

    *sigh* Still, my heart aches with you and yours. I wish I had the answers to make it all better. But I have the kindred heart that understands your pain, your desires/wishes and dreams them for you, too…. I've lost some hope in this area of my life, having never – EVER – being in a committed relationship but always having dreamed of what you said up there "someone to love who will love me back"…

    I'm so proud of you. In more ways than one. Hugs to you, my new & dear twitter/blogger friend Kenz.

  • Reply
    Funnyrunner
    January 11, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    awww, I'm sorry to hear about it, Kenz. Chin up and keep exercising – it helps us deal with emotions. I haven't checked in with your blog in awhile and I'm blown away by your progress! Congratulations!

  • Reply
    Sarah
    January 12, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    Honey, its true: you are beautiful. I mean, I'm not kidding, you are. Right this minute.

    I have never encountered someone who had such a similar struggle to me. I have always been assureing myself that the better me is down the road, that the skinnier me will solve all my problems. Even when I have a problem with my boyfriend now, I think "well, no matter. When I'm thinner, he'll either be happier to be with me or I'll find someone better." It's how I've always coped with feeling inadequate–blame the fat.
    Everytime I come to this blog, I get inspired again. Your words never seem pretentious and I always see my own stuggle in you. It is SO INSPIRING to see someone overcomming it, too! 🙂
    Don't fool yourself into believing no one will come along for you. It's simply not true. He's out there. 🙂

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