Believing in Myself

I’m feeling a little aggravated with myself lately in spite of the last few months of mindful eating and excellent workouts.  I could be doing better.  I could be losing more, but I’m losing what seems to have been gained during my time in Oklahoma late last year.

Looking back, I think I may have gained about 15 pounds? Perhaps 10?  We’ll know where I stand officially in the coming weeks, but I believe I’m losing those pounds that seemed to creep in at the end of the year.  And you may remember that I visited a Weight Watchers meeting two weeks in a row in October.  They weighed me on the same scale both weeks and logged that I lost 13.8 pounds that week.  I killed my workouts and eating that week, but I’m not convinced that they were accurate.  Regardless, I have been working to lose weight, but I think I’ve been losing those pounds this year.

I was looking through old Facebook photos tonight in an attempt to remind myself that I am shrinking.  And I realize, as I approach my two year mark, that I haven’t really lost anything substantial since the end of April 2010.

Why is it so easy to look at the negatives?  And why have I gotten so comfortable saying that I’ve lost 100 pounds?  Note to Kenlie: You’re not done yet!  Stop acting like it. 

A few nights ago, Brad said something that I needed to hear.  He said that what matters most is what I’m doing today.  And I know he’s right so I’m going to be happy with myself for my killer workouts and taking responsibility for my body and my eating habits.  I’m going to focus on the positives and continue moving forward.  After all,  I’m losing weight decently again…and I’m sweating regularly. 🙂 Thanks for being such a stellar friend B, and for always saying what I need to hear when I need to hear it.

Now I’d like to talk about some of the major positives that have been happening recently.  Here’s what’s good:


  • I’ve completed 7 5k’s so far this month (exceeding that on a few days.)
  • I’ve completed different cardio workouts  on 8 other days.
  • I tried yoga for the first time with my dear friend, Foodie McBody, last night via Skype, and I felt like a rock star. 🙂   Working out with her for half an hour last night was incredible. =
  • I have revisited my love of beans – white beans, edamame, red beans…I love beans!
  • I’ve committed to doing at least 100 crunches per day this week, and I’m killing it…even doing 200 some days.
  • I can jog a mile without stopping.
  • I’ve managed to keep off at least 100 pounds (even during the most tumultuous times of my life last year.)

Now that I have focused on a few of the positives – which are fantastic –  it’s time to focus, once again, on the fact that I’m not done yet.  After losing the first 100 pounds, I feel incredible!  My body moves more quickly…I’m more stable….and I can walk up several flights of stairs without feeling winded.  I don’t stress as much about flying. Sometimes I feel cute. I can wear high heels without stressing. The list of positives is really long!

But this journey is far from over.  I’m still very overweight.  I still don’t like how I look.  I still want to run 13.1 miles without stopping.  I still want to weight clothes in single digit sizes.  I still need to address some issues that I have with food, body image and overall self worth.  In short, I still have work to do.  And I believe I’m worth the effort.

Since the beginning of the year I have felt renewed and energized and ready to take on food and exercise challenges head on.  I have owned every food choice, every rest day and pushed myself further than I had pushed in months.  I never quit, but my head space is much clearer now.  And I am focused.   The numbers are creeping down once again, and I’m looking in the mirror everyday, doing my best to appreciate what I see.

I am smart, and I am capable.  And I’m finally starting to believe it, at least a little, again.  So let me lay it all out now.  Yes…I wish I could say that I’ve lost another 100 since last April, but I’m proud to say that I’ve kept off 100 pounds since last April.  Regrets won’t change anything so I’m moving forward, and I’m doing it with the knowledge that I do have the strength to finish this marathon. 

I wouldn’t give up how I feel today for anything, but I’m ready to know how it feels to accomplish the biggest life goal I’ve ever set for myself.  I’m moving forward like ‘the little engine that could,’ and I am determined to reach the top of the hill.

Here are a couple of reminders of where I was before I started my journey…You can click the photos to make them bigger if you want to.

 Outside of Grand Central Station
My first taping of The Rachael Ray Show

My clothes are 12 sizes smaller now. =0) 
Christmas with my family

13 thoughts on “Believing in Myself

  1. Shane G.

    Kenz, your friend Brad has it exactly right. You can think and reminisce about what you didn't do over the past year and you can feel bad for yourself, but that is called the past because it passed already, can't fix that part. It is the future we own, and that you can do something about! I am here with all the love and help you need girlie girl, just let me know how to help you!!

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  2. Pedaling

    what you've done so far is major! i've been reading yours and other blogs like this for inspiration–i appreciate your openness and perspective. keep on. i like the words of advice on mattering most what we do today.

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  3. KCLAnderson (Karen)

    This is a very powerful post because you are focusing on all the wonderful positives in your life. And yeah for the Skype Yoga session with Foodie!! 🙂 And those SHOES! Very sexy! You just keep on keepin' on girlfriend. Your spirit and perseverance will not let you down!

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  4. Spoonful of Me

    It is easy to focus on the negative and not the postitive. You look great and you are a great inspiration to all of your followers, friends and family.

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  5. Jaime

    Hi! I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now, as I am new to the blogging world. Your post today is exactly what I needed to hear! You are an inspiration!

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  6. | PN |

    I am so very proud of you! Your post totally made me misty. The accomplishments you've made are life changing, not just for you, but for your followers, friends and family. I am so glad that Brad made you look at the NOW and the positives. Losing and keeping off any amount of weight is phenomenal, but doing that with 100 lbs is fan-freaking-tastic.

    You can do it, Kenz! Keep up the awesome work, and keep rocking those hot stuff shoes! <3

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  7. Ellie

    I love that you are excited to be able to wear nice shoes again. My weight loss journey has revived my own love for shoes. In the past year I have lost at least 15 lbs and bought at least 5 new pairs of shoes. Confidence is key.

    You have come such a long way. Congratulations.

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  8. Zepherine

    This why I love your blog. I feel the same way as you and haven't lost any substantial weight since May of last year either, but I haven't gained very much either. I refuse to give up. I know you won't either.

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  9. Brittany

    Kenz, you truly are amazing!! The amount you have lost so far, and kept off, is so inspiring! I am struggling with the same thing. I lost 50 lbs for my wedding, and then when the motivation wore off, unfortunately I gained all of it back plus some. I work out hard and try to eat healthy, I attend weight watchers, but something was missing. I can tell you, I've finally found that something! I'm not sure how you feel about religion, as it is a different thing for everyone, but if you are interested, check out this 21 day devotional I found FOR FREE on amazon kindle! It has been amazing for me! It's called "Craving God: a 21 day devotional challenge". It's life changing! Whether this is something you want to check out or not, I want you to know you are amazing and are going to do fabulous! I love that you look at all of this as a lifestyle change, and as much as we want a quick fix now, it's going to make us healthier for the rest of our lives! You Rock! 🙂

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