Healthy Living Milestones Reflection weight loss Weight Watchers

Three More Days

Disclaimer: I toot my own horn regularly, but I’ve taken it to a whole new level in this post.  It’s emotional and raw, but it’s real…and it’s for me, and it has to be said.

Saturday will mark two years since the day I started living a new life – a healthier life that I decided to document from day to day on this blog.  In some ways, it feels like only yesterday that I walked into the basement of a school in New York to attend my first Weight Watchers meeting.

I was filled with so much hope that day, but I really couldn’t see beyond the next few weeks. I didn’t know what to expect.  I wanted to learn how to lose weight, but I was too terrified to think of what was in store for the coming months and years.  

I had no idea that I’d be a regular at the gym – you know, the kind of member who shows up and sweats as opposed to just paying a fee every month.  I didn’t know that I’d be able to do a 5k whenever I felt like it or that 101 crunches everyday for 100 days would seem like a piece of cake. 😉   I didn’t know that I’d love doing anterior raises with a side lunge or that I would do 50 minutes of aerobics without hesitation.

I knew I’d give up sodas for a while, but I thought I’d introduce them back into my diet by the summer.  I had no idea that I’d get to a point in which I was disgusted by Dr. Pepper – a drink that practically controlled me for years.

I thought I might learn about portion size, but I had no idea that I would find such a deeply rooted connection between food and my feelings.  And I certainly didn’t know that I’d still be working on that two years later.

I had no idea that I’d lose 100 pounds in about 13 months then spend the next several months fighting myself to maintain that loss while trying to heal my body, mend my very broken heart and create an entirely new existence for myself.  I had no idea that I was so tough. 

Exactly two years ago today, I hated the person that I was.  I seemed to have everything I had always dreamed of having – a brilliant boyfriend whose favorite phrases were “I love you” and “anything your heart desires,” the most perfect dog ever and a future that seemed as bright as the sun, but  I desperately wished to be someone else – anyone else.  And it has taken every bit of the last 727 days to begin to understand that the person I was – the person who lied to herself and everyone around her – was not the person that I had to be.  And it’s not the person I am today.

This journey of a newer, healthier life has been incredible and, at times, tumultuous.  Would I change some of my actions over the last two years? Hell yes..absolutely.  I’ve made some big mistakes.  I’ve hurt people I loved, and I’ve burned a few bridges that I’d give anything to repair.  I have faced some serious obstacles and life-changing circumstances, but this period, so far, has been the most extraordinary learning experience of my life.  I’m still a work in progress, but I’m different today.

I’m still selfish sometimes.  I’m still deeply flawed, and I still have some regrets and some pretty painful scars.  But as I reflect on the last two years, I find myself completely humbled and grateful for the opportunity to become a person that I’m proud to be.

The finish line – you know, the weight target that I plan to reach before learning how to maintain for the rest of my life – is still way down the road.  But I’ve come far enough that I am absolutely confident that I’ll get there.  And I’ve learned that this journey is about so much more than just changing the outside.

My confidence wavered a bit last year, but I didn’t give up.  And I’m really, really proud of myself for that.  I proved to myself that I’m worth this effort, and the downward trend on the scale has begun to reflect that once again.

It’s been almost two years, 12 clothing sizes, over 100 pounds and 100 inches lost.  And while I could have lost much more by this point, I’m choosing to be pleased with myself because it’s still more than I could have dreamed of on this night exactly two year ago.

If you have ever taken time to read a post or comment then I want to thank you.  The unwavering support I’ve received in the last two years through this blog has played such a huge role in my success, and I expect that it will continue to have that affect in the coming year.  Through my ups and downs – including my darkest hours – most of you have never stopped believing in me.  You’ve reminded me that I matter…that I’m worth it…and that there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

When the new year began, I found myself ready to move forward with zest once again, and it feels good.  I’m really looking forward to writing a different kind of post around this time next year as even  healthier, fitter girl who loves herself even more than I do today.  But I also plan to take time to appreciate how far I’ve come and to appreciate moments along this journey for what they are – unique opportunities to be a little bit better today than I was yesterday.

My head is clear, and my heart is open.  And I’m looking forward to making the next 368 days the best ones yet…

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30 Comments

  • Reply
    Sarah
    March 31, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Yea for you! It's inspirational to see someone else's success.

    Sarah
    notaneffingdiet.blogspot.com

  • Reply
    Steelers6
    March 31, 2011 at 11:44 am

    Super post, and it encompasses some of the reasons I read (every post!) You are so honest and open, and the writing is so easy to read. Well written.

    I loved this:
    It's been almost two years, 12 clothing sizes, over 100 pounds and 100 inches lost.

    Wow. I can see you being a speaker at/for WW or other speaking engagements. This is powerful stuff, dear!

    So proud of you. And the post didn't seem overly 'horn toot-y' to me. ?

    Onward!
    Love, Chrissy

  • Reply
    KCLAnderson (Karen)
    March 31, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    What a breath of fresh air you are!!

    I don't think any of us ever realize just how profound this journey actually is when we first start. Congrats to you!

  • Reply
    Maria_NJ
    March 31, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Bravo girl… did you get my message, I sent you an email about fitBloggin. You said that you are looking for a room and I was just wondering if you found one…I have one for Friday and Saturday night. Let me know if you are still interested.

  • Reply
    Sneaker Teacher
    March 31, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    You are awesome girl!

  • Reply
    Jennica
    March 31, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    I am so excited to have found your blog!! I just recently started my journey into healthier living and I have over 100 lbs to lose. Your blog has been one of the biggest motivators in keeping me on track and I wanted to thank you for that. Seeing you deal with some of the heart issues surrounding food has forced me to look at those same issues within myself instead of just focusing on the external. When I read your blog it gives me hope that I can get there, too! Thanks so much and keep up the great work!!

  • Reply
    Jeanette
    March 31, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    Thank you for sharing this! It touched my heart, and encouraged me to keep pushing on…

  • Reply
    Maria
    March 31, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    You almost made me cry! Congrats on making it this far and cheers for keeping going!

    Maria
    Maria's Musings and Weight Loss

  • Reply
    sorryaboutyourweight
    March 31, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    I think what I appreciate most about your blog is that you are realistic. You don't inflate your numbers to make it seem as though you dropped 100 pounds ridiculously fast, and you are truthful about how hard it can be at times.

    The comments about how surprised you are at the unexpected changes, like being a regular at the gym, give me hope that it will get better. Now, I'm still struggling with getting to the gym as much as I should and learning which foods are good for me. I enjoy your optimism!

  • Reply
    | PN |
    March 31, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    You rock, Kenz! This was NOT at all tooting a horn. You've busted your butt to get where you are and totally deserve to feel good about the progress.

    I love your blog and feel inspired by your posts! You are going to rock fit blogger 🙂

  • Reply
    Chubby McGee
    March 31, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    I'm happy you started your journey and I love how much you've uncovered about yourself.

    You almost made me tear up, too!

    You are the WOMAN!

  • Reply
    Tammy
    March 31, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    You are the best! Congratulations on your two-year anniversary! Are you having a party or anything — I would celebrate in some way!

    Thanks for sharing with all of us!

  • Reply
    healthyem
    March 31, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    what an awesome post. i only "met" you after you'd already lost 100 pounds, and become a hardcore exerciser and all that. you make it look so easy almost, and you're so positive and confident, and it's inspiring and encouraging to read about how it wasn't like that in the beginning for you, but that you've stuck it out and grown into who you are today! i am committed to having the long-term perspective as i proceed on this journey… thanks so much for leading the way for so many of us.

  • Reply
    Kim
    March 31, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Beautifully written! Congrats on such wodnerful achievements! Keep up the great work and keep on Bloggin'! You are an ispiration!

  • Reply
    ashleysweigh
    March 31, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    You have done a wonderful job and still continue to do so! I am very proud of you, and you are very much of an inspiration to me. So, thank you!

  • Reply
    Laurie
    March 31, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    This is fantastic and it is no way tooting your own horn. You are not braggin at all, you are showing great and admirable accomplishments that you worked HARD for. I am so inspired by you every time I read you. Thank you and congratulations.

  • Reply
    brookenotonadiet
    March 31, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    You're beautiful, amazing, and completely inspiring. Just like we keep you motivated and believe in you, you have done the exact same for me. Keep up the awesome work! I can't wait to see where you are a year from now! *Hugs*

  • Reply
    Roz
    March 31, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    I am SO glad I found your blog Kenz! You are a true inspiration!!! Congratulations on your two years-healthy living anniversary!!!

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    March 31, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Jennica, sometimes it's so hard, but sometimes it's SO AWESOME. I'm so excited to hear that you're on this road with me. It's an incredible journey..=0)

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    March 31, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Tammy, I'll be at an all-day company party/carnival type thing. Maybe I'll just have to pretend that the party is for me. 😉

  • Reply
    Beth
    March 31, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    Such a wonderful read! You sound so peaceful, so at ease because of what you have been through and what you have learned.

  • Reply
    Kimberlynn
    March 31, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Thanks for such a moving post! It's a blessing that we've all had the chance to share in your journey. You've been open, honest, and real. I'm so excited for you and all that this next year holds for you.

    Be blessed!!!

  • Reply
    Melinda
    March 31, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    Wow! Congrats on your accomplishment!

  • Reply
    PlushBelle
    April 1, 2011 at 2:54 am

    Words can't express how much I love this post and your blog. <3

  • Reply
    LoriV.
    April 1, 2011 at 3:30 am

    I just found your blog and I'm super excited about it! This was a great post and you should toot your own horn. Awesome stuff! Be proud of yourself! I'm inspired.

  • Reply
    Zepherine
    April 1, 2011 at 3:47 am

    Here, Here!!!

  • Reply
    lanae
    April 1, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Although a few months ago I had no idea that these blogs existed, I am grateful that your's is one of the first I happened onto. You've been such an inspiration and I agree with every comment written here. Only thing I can think of to say is thank you for sharing and bravo!

  • Reply
    Foodie McBody
    April 1, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Kenz I love you. You are so inspiring. I can't wait to hug you in person at Fitbloggin!!

    Love, your Yoga Partner

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    April 1, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    I love you too yoga partner. <3

  • Reply
    Pinky
    April 1, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Great Post Kenz – thanks for all the inpsiration you give me down here in NZ Good luck for the rest of your journey

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