Unexpected Fears About Weight Watchers Meeting

I’ve said this many times before, but Weight Watchers has changed my life.  More accurately, the people in my Thursday meetings in Westchester County (half an hour or so outside of New York City) changed my life

When I walked into that meeting almost two years ago, I was welcomed immediately! And when I left that evening, I knew that I had just been exactly where I needed to be.  For the next year and a half, I walked into that group every Thursday – often times staying for two meetings because I had bonded with so many in both.

And these members, including our incredible leader and equally amazing receptionist, were there to hug me when I was having a rough time and to celebrate every little accomplishment.  They celebrated when I reached the 100 pounds mark, and when I was at my lowest point at the end, many of them pulled me aside and reminded me that it wouldn’t always feel so bad.

Together, we walked a 5k, though several of us hadn’t done it before.  We donated hundreds of pounds locally during the Lose For Good campaign each year and most importantly, we were able to relate and understand our fears and accomplishments together.

I made friends that I thought I’d keep for a lifetime, and that’s where it gets scary.  It has been months since I last attended a meeting in New York, but it’s time to go back.  When I left New York, everything hurt…my heart, my body and my mind.  I was utterly miserable.  I was saddened by the loss of love that I believed I had (even if I could not yet see that some of the blame was mine.)  I talked about it, cried about it and eventually of tired of hearing myself whine so I stopped.

I stopped blogging about the “gut-wrenching agony” – yes, a flair for the dramatic, I know.  I stopped talking about how unhappy I was.  I changed my phone number and stopped lamenting over my regrets…I cut out as much negativity as I could, and after a few months I started feeling better.

But in cutting out the painful parts, I cut out the good parts too.  It was easier to ignore the people who meant something to me than to admit that I had been wrong in any way.  I wasn’t sure who to trust or who liked me or who had taken the other side.  It seemed easier to “cut my losses” than to face the fear of rejection.  

Now, several months later, I’ve begun dealing with the anger I feel toward others as well as myself.  And I miss my friends.  Some of them are gone forever, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  But now, looking at the big picture, it seems overly dramatic (even for me) to assume that everyone I loved hates me.  In fact, most of them probably thought nothing of it apart from maybe wondering why I fell off of the earth.  And after talking with a close friend moments ago for the first time in months, I am relieved to know that those silly fears were just that – silly fears.
 
I’ve always said that I wanted to go back to NY, but this self-doubt and rejection didn’t surface until the ticket was purchased.  And these particular fears took me by surprise.  I’m still nervous, but I will not let that keep me from walking into that Weight Watchers meeting filled with people that mean something to me. There may be people who no longer like me or those who expect an explanation, but there could also be a heart-warming homecoming complete with a weigh-in and a hug.

I’m going to hope for the latter and show up regardless because I am done letting fear rule my life.  This whole process is scary, but as I said in a recent post, it’s not nearly as scary as giving up before I try.

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17 Comments

  • Reply
    Spoonful of Me
    March 17, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    I am sure that everyone at that meeting is going to to be glad that you are back and will greet you with a hug and a weigh in.

    Good luck with everything.

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  • Reply
    Ellie
    March 17, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Well I would hope they welcome you back, so much work goes into losing weight and having the courage to let other people know you are trying to lose weight they should have no time to hold anything against you. Or you against yourself.

    Good luck, I'm sure everything will turn out alright.

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  • Reply
    Princess Dieter
    March 17, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    I think you will get an amazing welcome. I think you will find that love and comfort and support again there. I'm so glad you're going back.

    I can say with all honesty that all the folks I've lost touch with that I cared about, I wouldn't think twice about any arguments or disagreements or whatever. Something about a long absence make me crave to forget the bad and build on the good. Good is better!

    Have a wonderful reunion and rebuilding I'm kinda excited for you! 🙂

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  • Reply
    keepitupdavid
    March 17, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    It's gonna go so much smoother than you're thinking it will! I recently got back in touch with an old friend who I thought would never be interested in speaking with me again, and I was stunned how quickly it was all just water under the bridge. You'll be fine!

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  • Reply
    Julie
    March 17, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    I bet that all of those friends of yours at the meeting will be so happy to see you they won't mind that you haven't been in for a while. I like to think that people, overall, are pretty understanding. Have fun!

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  • Reply
    Steelers6
    March 18, 2011 at 12:15 am

    I think your WW group will be glad to see you. And I'm sure your figure has changed since they last saw you too!

    Too bad Jasmine (the Thai place) isn't still there; not that you would go often, but I know you liked it, and had friends there. I guess it will be interesting to see other changes that have occurred in your city!
    Exciting!
    Chrissy

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  • Reply
    Brittany
    March 18, 2011 at 12:41 am

    It'll be great! I know it! Then i can come and visit 🙂

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  • Reply
    The Monkey and Me
    March 18, 2011 at 2:01 am

    There are posts of yours – such as these that I have no words for I just want to stand and cheer!!! Yay Kenz!!! You are awesome.
    So glad you are going back – so proud of you – and can't wait to hear about it.

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  • Reply
    Anonymous
    March 18, 2011 at 8:42 am

    I LOVE this quote and I think it says it all about FEAR:

    Facing fear is ultimately easier than constantly navigating around situations that provoke it…..Kristin Armstrong in her book "Mile Markers"

    I am really starting to think this way and it's so liberating!

    You will do great! LOVE your blog!

    Tina K

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  • Reply
    Beth
    March 18, 2011 at 10:59 am

    I'm excited for you!

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  • Reply
    Martie
    March 18, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    If they were truly your friends to begin with they'll understand and welcome you w/a big hug and smile when they see you. Most everyone I know needs to take a break from everything and everyone at one point or another in their life, yours happened to be last summer. I'm happy to hear you're in a better place after doing quite a bit of self reflection. It's harder to be honest w/yourself than to others and so I admire you for that. I don't get to read your blog as often as I used to due but catch me up please. Are you going to NYC for a visit and popping in on the meeting or are you moving back (for good) and giving it another go? Don't take this the wrong way as it's not meant to me a snippy comment but…are you independently wealthy? How can you afford to move from one city to the next for only a few months at a time? It costs alot of money to move your belongings and of a small fortune in depo$its and such to get a new apartment. I never see you reference a job and so that leads me to believe you haven't worked for some time. Yah I know that's nosey but that's me. lol ps. you should start a nailblog too 🙂

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  • Reply
    Annie
    March 18, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Oh yay!!! So happy for you that you're going back to NY and back to WW! I'm sure you'll be welcome with wide open arms, hugs and lots of smiles. So proud of you!

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  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    March 18, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Martie,

    There are a few details that I choose not to discuss on my blog – work, finances and sex. I think we all have our limits and these are mine..

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  • Reply
    Brandi.
    March 18, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Good luck! Remember not to let it get to you too much {I know… easier said…}. Moving forward is definitely easier than going back and admitting that, in part, you were wrong, too. But, here is a great big virtual ((HUG)) for you! You will do great!!

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  • Reply
    Roz
    March 18, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    I love your honest posts!!!! Know what? You'll be welcomed back with open arms, hugs and friendship!!!! (LOVE Weight Watchers! If you get a great group, which you obviously did – you'll just pick up where you left off) I can't wait to read your post about how good you felt!!! Take care of yourself, have a good Friday.

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  • Reply
    Skinny Jeans Gal
    March 19, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    NO FEAR! Loved the post. ~Karlie

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  • Reply
    Martie
    March 21, 2011 at 12:59 am

    Kenz said….
    There are a few details that I choose not to discuss on my blog – work, finances and sex. I think we all have our limits and these are mine..

    I say…

    Point taken Kenz and I hope my post didn't offend. All that aside, how did the meeting go? In a nutshell what exactly is it about NYC that you love so much? Is it the energy, opportunities, landscape, (dare I ask) food or what? I admire your courage and sense of adventure!

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