Looking in the mirror is supposed to be easier after losing weight, isn’t it? And in truth, it is much easier to look at myself than it was, but I’m still aware that I’m not pretty by societal standards. And that leaves me feeling insecure – some days more than others.
So when someone calls me pretty or beautiful – which seems to be happening a lot lately, it’s hard to imagine that they’re not a) feeling sorry for me or b) patronizing me. In my mind, I see myself as someone who has the potential to be pretty – you know, after I lose another seventy pounds or so. And, believe it or not, that’s a big improvement in my self image, but I long for the day that I feel fine (dare I say like) about what I see. I often wonder if that day will ever come.
I feel cuter more often than before. I dress well and my smaller clothes are much more flattering. I know that I’ll reach my physical goals, but will I feel pretty then? Will I look at myself and think “yeah, I see a cute person on the outside now.” I don’t aspire to become full of myself, but I do aspire to feel satisfied with my looks. And I wonder if I ever will.
Time will tell…