Mom: I’m going to say something to you, and I don’t want you to get mad.
Me: Oh no, Mom..this can’t be good. What is it?
Mom: Well, it’s just that I read your blog today.
Me: You read my blog everyday.
Mom: Yes, but today you sounded so desperate.
Me: I believe I actually even used the word “desperate” in today’s post. I don’t mean I’m desperate to settle for any old guy. You know darn well I could have done that at 20 years old or any number of times since.
Mom: But you said you like someone. Who do you like?
Me: Just this guy that I’ve been talking to a little. I’m planning on spending some time with him next week.
Mom: Well, it sounds so forceful when you say “Make it happen.”
Me: Mom, I’m not demanding it or something. I’m just flirting with him via my blog in case he reads it. No big deal.
Mom: And how do you know he’s all of those good things?
Me: He’s nice to me, he can do pull-ups and he can, uh, scale mountains with a 50 lb pack on his back. I’d say that’s strong, no? (Literally LOL-ing by this point) But it’s nothing to get worked up about. We’ll see what happens later.
Mom: Well, I don’t want people to think you’re desperate.
Me: Let me read a few excerpts from my blog real quick. “…I’m not willing to settle or go out with someone just because he asks. I want quality…”
Mom: Well, it makes more sense when I hear the inflection in your voice, but still…you’re okay how you are. You don’t need anyone to make you better. (This coming from a woman who doesn’t want me to die alone. ha)
Me: Here’s something else I said, “…I know that I am fine on my own and that I would be fine on my own for a long, long time. And let me be clear – I do not want to go back and live in the past. I want to move forward and be with someone who is right for me. I don’t want to rush into a relationship or marriage either, but I want something real with someone who is strong and loyal and kind. I want to flirt, hold hands, *get butterflies*, mutually enjoy the good company and go from there.”
Interjection by step-dad: Oh whaaaaaat? You put stuff like that on your blog for everyone to read? Really? ::shakes his head in shame::
Me: I write about most things on my blog. I’ve been doing it for, you know, over two years now. People are usually really respectful and often appreciate the personal things I share.
It’s hard to explain to those who don’t blog how cathartic and all-around incredible it is to lay it all out honestly. I realize that I say things that my parents and family don’t want to see, but I am careful to stay away from topics that would cause embarrassment and/or any other negative feelings.
But this is how I feel. I’m far from desperate, kind of. I’m not desperate to love someone just because they’re around. If that were the case, I could have married my first boyfriend at 20 or a few others since. I suppose that desperate was a poor choice of words on my part. So…just to be clear, I mean I desperately long for someone to love who will love me back.
And I said yesterday, I deserve someone incredible. And I have absolutely no intention of settling for someone just because he asks me out on a date. Seriously, I’m too busy for that kind of nonsense. Any questions?