Dating Love

Snap Out of It Kenz!

I didn’t workout over the weekend (apart from gardening, walking a lot and doing my daily 101 crunches.)  I felt sore and a little under the weather, but those are nothing more than excuses.  I can’t remember the last time I skipped three days of exercise so that changes today.  My plan is to go to the gym and kill myself for about 45 minutes like I did Friday.  I felt incredible, and I’m ready for that feeling again.

In other news, I’ve been asked out a couple times lately, but I’m really only interested in going out with one guy who kind of likes me too, I think..maybe…  He’s tall and strong and smart and smokin’ hot and very busy at this time of year so we’ll see what happens there. Actually, I think he checks my blog from time to time so I better not say anything more.  Of course, if he’s reading this, I can only assume that he likes me too (unless he’s just checking my workout logs to see if I’m slacking.) So note to guy: I’d like to go out with you next week. Make it happen, okay? 😉

Meanwhile, why do I so desperately want love in my life? I’m not willing to settle or go out with someone just because he asks.  I want quality, but why can’t I just turn off these emotions and accept that I’m going through a period of change and growth? Why can’t I stop day dreaming about what could be and, instead, be happy and fulfilled alone?  Why? Why? Why?

I know I have to settle into my new life.  I know that I am fine on my own and that I would be fine on my own for a long, long time.   And let me be clear – I do not want to go back and live in the past.  I want to move forward and be with someone who is right for me.  I don’t want to rush into a relationship or marriage either, but I want something real with someone who is strong and loyal and kind. I want to flirt, hold hands, *get butterflies*, mutually enjoy the good company and go from there.

Okay so…I’m not perfect, but here’s what’s good about me.  I am funny when I’m not trying to be, smart, considerate, polite, easy-going, vocally talented, crafty, sweet, motivated to change for the better, loyal, a good kisser, supportive…I like sports and cars and love my family.  When I get angry, it doesn’t take me long to resolve it.  I’m a pretty good baker, and I’m good at other things too. =)

But I’m also overly emotional sometimes.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I’m needy sometimes and need a lot more reassurance than the average girl.  (Thank you jerks who used me and made me feel unloved for that one.)  I like chick flicks and think twitter is the best site on the web.

Maybe I haven’t always deserved an incredible guy, but I do now.  I’m not sure when or where I’ll find him…or if I’ll find him.  I wish I could shut off these desires.  I wish I didn’t care, but I do.  I usually like to end on a positive note, but I’m not trying to be negative in this post.  I just wonder why it matters to me so much.  Regardless, I’m not sure how to change it so I’ll just try to relax and not worry about it any more today.

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21 Comments

  • Reply
    Nina Patricia @ The Adventures of Nina Patricia
    April 12, 2011 at 5:12 am

    Since I've been there this is what I have to say: I use to tell people all the time that I did not want or needed someone and that I was fine on my own. I lie to everyone and myself. I knew I wanted someone to love and to love me.
    Eventually that guy appeared and guess what? he wanted the same things, he knew me better than me and is everything I want or need.
    Keep saying it because someone one day will hear you (sooner than you think) and that person WILL want to know you want the same things.
    I recommend you read the book " God on a Harley" it will explain this much better than I can 🙂
    big hug

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    April 12, 2011 at 5:17 am

    Yeah, I definitely want it..I'm just not sure if I'll get it or not.

    "God on a Harley" sounds like an interesting title. I'll look it up. Thank you Nina. =)

  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    April 12, 2011 at 6:52 am

    🙂 Well, you are quite right in that since you are about to move to a different city, you really do need to wait before starting a realtionship. (You said that in this post, right?)

    But here's the deal: Think back to your human behavior classes in college. The developmental stages of greowth to be exact. What was that guys name, anyway? Erickson, maybe? Anyway, you're in that whole building a relationship, starting a family stage. Which if I were not currently braindead, I could give you the real name for it.

    Suffice to say, at 30, wanting a serious, meaningful and real relationship is exactly where you should be. 😀 So relax. Nothing wrong with you. When you're settled, it'll happen.

    Deb

  • Reply
    Maria_NJ
    April 12, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Kenz you are selling yourself short. OK, so these guys are asking you out and you don't want to go…You don't have to marry them, go, have a nice time, give the guy a chance. He might be totally different than you perceive him. You won't know unless you try. Hey it might have another effect too, maybe the "Mister Right" might get a little jealous thinking you are being asked out by other guys. I say go…

  • Reply
    fatboy kris
    April 12, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Make the first move, ask him out. It's rare for chicks to do, always impresses.

  • Reply
    Chubby McGee
    April 12, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    You do deserve love. And you'll get it. Everything always happens when it's supposed to.

    I learned that with my kids. If certain things hadn't happened at exactly the second that they did…I wouldn't have the two boys that I have. I'd have two other kids. I think of it as fate…sending exactly what…er…who…you need at exactly the right moment. Sometimes, you've just got to wait a bit to get what's meant for you. 😉

  • Reply
    HilBil
    April 12, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Hi! I just recently discovered your blog and I love it so far! I look forward to reading more about your weight loss journey…

    I also wish you luck in finding love – Lord knows it's not easy!

  • Reply
    Ms. PJ Geek
    April 12, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    I LURVE God on a Harley!!..need to dig it up and read it a 5th time. Lessons were learned from that book……I was single till I was 32. Made some guy mistakes. When I gave up the search for a guy (after writing a letter to God months before outlining the guy I wanted), I found the guy. The guy I asked God for. Coincidentally, He had prayed to God years before about the woman he wanted, and I was her. When it's right it happens. Meanwhile, you got big changes to pursue.

  • Reply
    HS @ Our Debt Blog
    April 12, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Such a girl LOL… but everyone wants love nobody wants to be lonely.

    HS

  • Reply
    Lisa
    April 12, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Meanwhile, why do I so desperately want love in my life?

    Because you're normal?

    Only you can judge your desperation level, but most of us want someone in our corner.

  • Reply
    Laurie
    April 12, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    I love this, it is so honest.
    And Mr. Smokin' Hot, if you are reading, go for it, Kenz is amazing and adorable and creative and if I weren't married and were a guy, I might just scoop her up 🙂

  • Reply
    keepitupdavid
    April 12, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    "He's tall and strong and smart and smokin' hot and very busy at this time of year…" So, he's a tax accountant? 🙂

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    April 12, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    David…lol Not so much….you crack me up though…

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    April 12, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    And Laurie, thanks for the love! I don't think he's reading it that closely though. lol =)

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    April 12, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Kris, No way..we're planning to spend some time together so we'll see what happens then..

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    April 12, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Deb, my city plans are set..so much to talk to you about. I'm just going to give you a call. <3

  • Reply
    Need to Get ME Back
    April 12, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    I've been there! Sometimes you just go thru periods where you crave that rush and excitement. Thats why I tried online dating. I'm not looking for anything serious, but I met someone and its at least fun and exciting. I wrote about it on my blog yesterday 🙂

  • Reply
    Sarah
    April 12, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    I'm new to your blog, so I've been playing catch-up reading your archives to learn about you. 🙂

    I just turned 30 this year and everything went so topsy-turvy with my wants in love, life, etc…One thing I have decided on is to just give up fighting what I (me, myself, and I) want, and just go with the flow! Everything seems to work out in the end!

    Can't wait to read more on you! Thanks for sharing! 😀

  • Reply
    Brittany
    April 12, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    Aww Kenz… i love you girl! you know it's trueee 🙂 oh oh oh *singing 80's awesomeness* But seriously guys suck balllllls sometimes. hahahaha. But you are beautiful, strong, amazing, and talented! You will find love someday i know it! I hope it's sooner rather than later 🙂 I have hope in Mr. FF!

  • Reply
    Roz
    April 12, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    Dear Smokin' Hot Man. Ask Kenz out, she's great!!! Yours truly, a frequent blog reader and Kenz fan!

  • Reply
    | PN |
    April 13, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Amen, Roz!

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