I didn’t workout over the weekend (apart from gardening, walking a lot and doing my daily 101 crunches.) I felt sore and a little under the weather, but those are nothing more than excuses. I can’t remember the last time I skipped three days of exercise so that changes today. My plan is to go to the gym and kill myself for about 45 minutes like I did Friday. I felt incredible, and I’m ready for that feeling again.
In other news, I’ve been asked out a couple times lately, but I’m really only interested in going out with one guy who kind of likes me too, I think..maybe… He’s tall and strong and smart and smokin’ hot and very busy at this time of year so we’ll see what happens there. Actually, I think he checks my blog from time to time so I better not say anything more. Of course, if he’s reading this, I can only assume that he likes me too (unless he’s just checking my workout logs to see if I’m slacking.) So note to guy: I’d like to go out with you next week. Make it happen, okay? 😉
Meanwhile, why do I so desperately want love in my life? I’m not willing to settle or go out with someone just because he asks. I want quality, but why can’t I just turn off these emotions and accept that I’m going through a period of change and growth? Why can’t I stop day dreaming about what could be and, instead, be happy and fulfilled alone? Why? Why? Why?
I know I have to settle into my new life. I know that I am fine on my own and that I would be fine on my own for a long, long time. And let me be clear – I do not want to go back and live in the past. I want to move forward and be with someone who is right for me. I don’t want to rush into a relationship or marriage either, but I want something real with someone who is strong and loyal and kind. I want to flirt, hold hands, *get butterflies*, mutually enjoy the good company and go from there.
Okay so…I’m not perfect, but here’s what’s good about me. I am funny when I’m not trying to be, smart, considerate, polite, easy-going, vocally talented, crafty, sweet, motivated to change for the better, loyal, a good kisser, supportive…I like sports and cars and love my family. When I get angry, it doesn’t take me long to resolve it. I’m a pretty good baker, and I’m good at other things too. =)
But I’m also overly emotional sometimes. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m needy sometimes and need a lot more reassurance than the average girl. (Thank you jerks who used me and made me feel unloved for that one.) I like chick flicks and think twitter is the best site on the web.
Maybe I haven’t always deserved an incredible guy, but I do now. I’m not sure when or where I’ll find him…or if I’ll find him. I wish I could shut off these desires. I wish I didn’t care, but I do. I usually like to end on a positive note, but I’m not trying to be negative in this post. I just wonder why it matters to me so much. Regardless, I’m not sure how to change it so I’ll just try to relax and not worry about it any more today.