A few weeks ago, I expressed some trepidation about attending my old WW meeting in NY. I knew it might be a bit uncomfortable, but I really had no idea that it would be so grossly disappointing. There were a few friendly faces and a couple of people who were genuinely excited to see me, but for the most part it was filled with fake smiles and unkind words peppered with a couple of hurtful sneers by girls that I once considered friends who, for the record, didn’t even have the courage to tell me that they no longer like me to my face (or why.)
I’m happy to report that I weighed less than I did at my last meeting there, but I’ll formulate some thoughts on that in the coming days so I can be more specific. Tonight, I just have to mourn the loss of what I thought I had. I thought I had friends there that I’d have for life – friends that would take me as I am, forgive my petty mistakes and listen to my side of the story.
I’ve known for quite some time that it was unlikely, and that did lessen the sting I felt as I faced people that I enjoyed countless days with for over a year – people who didn’t mind calling on me for help or a shoulder to cry on…people who were never motivated to exercise regularly until they entered my world.
It hurt to watch those people sit where I used to sit and laugh about secrets that I am no longer privy to. The good news – yes, there’s good news – is that I don’t have to go back. I learned a harsh lesson last night, but it was also invaluable.
I learned that it’s okay to let the past rest. I cannot change it, nor do I need to change it. For months I moped around thinking that I needed that meeting in order to lose weight. My heart truly believed that even though my mind knew better. And in January, I started taking full responsibility for myself again. I never stopped owning my choices, but I started owning my journey again.
That group played a role in my success for a time, but they didn’t lose the 100+ pounds for me. I lost 100+ pounds for me. I made myself accountable through weigh-ins and through this blog. And today, I take credit for the changes and sacrifices that I made to get where I am. And I’m going to continue striving toward the goals that I have set in place personally without those people.
I’ll always care for a couple of them – the ones who hugged me immediately and asked when I’d be back. Perhaps I will be back someday. That meeting will always be where my journey began, but today I’m utterly thankful that it’s not where my journey ends.