New York City Reflection

New York? Los Angeles?

Though I hadn’t planned on it, my trip to Los Angeles forced me to think about what I want out of my life.  For months, my heart was in New York, but  being back recently I’ve realized that most things I loved about the city are different now.  I am different now.

New York has a tendency to take its toll on people.  Living there is an incredible experience, but it can be a grind too.  And in my experience, it’s a place to make tons of friends on the surface, but building friendships on a deeper level was hard for me.  It was nearly impossible for me, in fact.

It was, sadly, too easy for me to play the game – often times pretending to be someone I was not in an attempt to seek approval from the people around me.  And as embarrassing as it is to admit that, I have to because it’s not who I want to be.  

I have a couple of friends in the area that I believe will always be there for me, but for the most part, it’s not easy for someone like me to make friends in a city that is consumed by social status and body image. It was tough to be honest with the people around me and with myself.

The weather was dreadful in New York last week before I flew to Baltimore.  Cold and rainy downpours made me wonder yet again…Do I really want to start over in this place?  The answer, surprisingly, is no.

Of course, I experienced some incredible things in NYC too.  Last week, while running from 57th St to Central Park South, I ran into one of my favorite singers of all time – Tony Bennett!  He smiled at me – completely acknowledging my existence and my efforts as I ran toward the park.  That’s definitely something that doesn’t happen everywhere!

Taking a break to photograph myself in Central Park.

I enjoyed my time in New York City.  And I’m fortunate to have a few great friends there and memories that I’ll keep for a lifetime, but the city is cold and hard and far from the people I love.  And at this point, I think I need to be surrounded by supportive and encouraging people in a place that has sunny days, fresh produce and good Thai food. =)  And it doesn’t hurt that you can rent an apartment with twice the space for half the price.  Who knew that LA was so much cheaper than NY?!

As I mentioned in a previous post, I found myself riding a bike on the beach in Venice the other day thinking “Why don’t I live here?”  Good question…so I’m going to apply to a couple of schools, consider my job options and work on moving toward some big goals which no longer include moving back to New York.

I guess I’ll need to come up with a new tag line for my blog. 😉  Until then, wish me luck with this next step.  So many things have fallen into place for me lately.  I can’t wait to see what unfolds here…

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  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 10:41 am

    One of Tony's most famous songs was that he left his heart in San Francisco so maybe you could use that…I told you I think it is a great move, that way my Mike will know someone when he moves out there…he threatens all the time… LOL

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 11:41 am

    I have always wanted to visit NYC. I don't think I could live in a city that size, but visiting would be fun 🙂

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Good for you! I often dream about picking up and moving across the country to sunny Cali too. I hope you can make your dream come true!

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Oh yea! I'm happy for you. I tell ya girl you're gonna love living there. The sun, the sand, the ocean, the fresh healthy food and the boys! Hellooo, the boys! You're gonna thrive and enjoy and look at all the fab people you already know there. Fun. You're very lucky and I'm excited not only for you but for the rest of us to read about your adventures and accomplishments!

  • Reply
    Absolutely, Positively Josie
    May 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    I'm excited to see where life takes you!

  • Reply
    Spoonful of Me
    May 25, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    I really think LA would be a great place for you to live. I have never been there but after reading your post about it, I can tell through your words how much you truly enjoyed it. I have also never been to New York but I have always thought of it as somewhere that would be nice to visit but not somewhere I could live.

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Kenz, I just have to tell you how much FUN it is to read your blog on a daily basis. You're an amazing writer and I never thought you could see someone change through words, but you've proven me wrong.

    I wish you the best of luck in this next step of your life. A cross-country move isn't the easiest thing to consider and then successfully pull off. But I know you can rock it with flying colors, because of the rock star you are!

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Good luck! It is always eye-opening to discover that we *need* to be in a different place (geographically) and that where we are now, once the perfect place, is no longer for us.

    I love your blog and I can't wait to see where this adventure leads you!

  • Reply
    Nina Patricia @ The Adventures of Nina Patricia
    May 25, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    New York is wonderful but I cant never live there, and believe me I have every reason for it: The Hubs is a newyorker and 95% of his family is still there. It would be so much easy having people around us that can help us but is not where our heart is right now. So glad that you are changing each day and embracing new adventures. I know this would be fantastic for you.

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    I just started reading your blog and I love it. I recently relocated to the NYC area and have had a hard time "fitting" in with people. I'm overweight and sometimes feel out of place with all the skinny people and their views on body image. The thing is, it's mostly the females who I feel treat me this way. I, like you have some wonderful people in L.A. and I keep telling my husband that I want to live there eventually. Follow your heart and do what's best for you. Congrats on all your success! Best! JZO

  • Reply
    The Creativity Beast~
    May 25, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Hi, I just wanted to wish you luck in whatever path you choose to pursue. It's hard to make big life changes, but it sounds like you are handling it well.
    I became aware of your blog when I saw you on CNN last week and I am really enjoying it. I mentioned it on my blog last week when I was responding to your FMM question.
    Take care.

  • Reply
    Curvy Nerd
    May 25, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Yay! L.A. will be glad to have you! I've really been surprised by how much I like it — I had so many preconceived notions that are true for such a tiny subset of people here (who are easily avoided!).

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Good for you! I lived in/around and worked in NYC for 18 years. There are parts I miss, but it does take its toll. I look forward to reading about your new LA adventures!

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Good luck! Life changes can always exciting and scary. I know, I'm going through one right now also.

  • Reply
    Chubby McGee
    May 25, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    I know the weather there is just lovely. You won't have to worry about snow anymore!

  • Reply
    Losing It
    May 25, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    All you have to do is take out "the city that never sleeps" and change it to "the city of angels"

    That would cover it I think 😉

    Good luck! I would love to live in Cali too.

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    Hi, I got turned on to your blog after your recent difficulty with SW airlines because I was so incensed by the way you, your mother, and Barbara were treated. The "fat hate" in this country is truly overwhelming and I almost can't read any comment sections on any blogs or news sites anymore due to the ignorance of the "skinnies" out there. I have struggled for so long with my weight and it seems like a struggle that will never end for me. I lost almost 60 lbs with Weight Watchers about 5 years ago. It was only the tip of the iceberg for my goal, but it was a start and things were good. My husband and I then moved cross country (from Salt Lake City, UT to rural Western Maryland) for his job. Being so far from my family and friends brought depression and homesickness and, you guessed it, weight gain. I then got pregnant, lost a TON of weight due to hormones (best diet in the world) and was doing great. Only gained the weight of the baby, which is good as I was already about 80 lbs overweight BEFORE I got pregnant. As you can imagine, having a child (who is now a toddler) has brought much anxiety, panic attacks, and more depression, which has caused my weight to balloon yet again. Your blog has been a bit of sunshine in the depression I've been suffering lately and I've almost convinced myself to start trying to lose again. Anyway, I wanted you to know how much your blog has touched and inspired me and I wish you all the best in your life choices. I hope it works out for you to move from NYC to LA, but I would think body image, etc. is WAY more pronounced in LA than on the east coast. All those Hollywood types seem so shallow to me. I hope you don't run into much discrimination there. Keep up the good work and best to you in your future endeavors.

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    I'll second Lanae's comment up above. The boys *are* pretty awesome in LA.

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    No matter which city you choose I know you'll take it by storm. Love the park picture!

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    May 25, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Stacey, you're right..losing weight is tough, and I avoid the stories because I don't want to see the hatred. Nothing good can come from it.

    I don't have family in NY either so I already know what it's like to live far away from family. And I'm lucky to have some incredible people in the LA area so I think it will be a great move for me.

    Discrimination happens everywhere, but you'd be amazed – at least I was – at how friendly and accepting people in Hollywood have been toward me.

    I wish you the best in losing weight. It feels incredible as you know, and I hope you realize that you're worth the effort just as much as I am..

    Please don't hesitate to email me..I love Weight Watchers too..=)

  • Reply
    ♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥
    May 25, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    Lanae and David,

    Oh the boys….sigh…my plan is to move, settle in and just wait for the right guy to come into my world…

    Until then, David, you'll have to hear all about it…over and over. LOL

  • Reply
    May 25, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    To me, NY seems like the most intimidating place in the world. Without Hollywood's glamourization (is that a word?) would have as many people flock there?

  • Reply
    Tasha Lee
    May 26, 2011 at 1:47 am

    You will succeed no matter where you go. You are a person with amazing determination and you can't beat year round sunshine! Good luck to you no matter what you choose!

  • Reply
    May 26, 2011 at 2:09 am

    What fun news! I can't wait to hear where you end up!

  • Reply
    Miz PRN
    May 26, 2011 at 2:29 am

    …I've been reading your blog for awhile now, no a commenter, just a reader from a distance. And just wanted to say that you're looking great Kenz. I watched the video of your interview and you're just how I imagined you to be in person. What struck me most besides your high intelligence and natural beauty of course was your inner beauty, gentleness and vulnerabitlity. Keep up the great work because I look forward to continue following your weight loss success and journey through life and all it has to offer.

  • Reply
    May 26, 2011 at 4:04 am

    YAY! You're going to love it here!!!!
    On a side note… I listed you as one of the blogs I appreciate for Blog Buddy Appreciation Day 🙂

    ~Alyssa from the Double Chin Diary

  • Reply
    Dizzy Girl
    May 27, 2011 at 1:30 am

    I love it! MOVE OUT HERE NOW!!!!



  • Reply
    May 28, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    Well I'm sad that "Andalusia, Illinois" isn't a choice. But, I do think that LA is the place for you. It's still NOWHERE near me, but I guess I'll have a place to stay when I visit LA. 🙂

    Good luck and I can't wait to continue reading how everything turns out!

  • Reply
    May 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Another new blog reader here (found your blog as I was trying to follow along with all of the Fitbloggin fun) — this is a great post and speaks right to my heart right now!

    I have lived in NYC for the past 7 years (and I grew up in the area), and while I love it, I am feeling a little burnt out. It is hard on you, it is expensive, and it can be a hard place to connect with people. I love my friends, but sometimes it feels like we are all so busy and so spread out that it can be hard to see each other.

    I too have started plotting out some goals for the next few years of my life, and I think a change of scenery is in order. We'll see what happens, but I think it is important to take stock, consider the options, and not be afraid to start a new adventure!

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