Inside My Headspace

This is the longest video blog I’ve ever posted so please don’t feel obligated to watch it. I posted it for me in the hopes that it will work as another step toward a healthy and successful existence.

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49 Comments

  • Reply
    Corinthe
    July 17, 2011 at 1:35 am

    I made it to the end, and you aren’t alone. We all struggle with this weight loss thing and for me, weekends are the worst. I have a man to come home to, and we’re trying to do this together, and it is still hard.

    Congratulations on starting again in the moment, because I think that’s when it’s the hardest-realizing you have to start again at the beginning.

    I am consistently so impressed with your honesty and the strength you demonstrate. Know that, even when you don’t feel like you’re inspiring yourself, your words reach people and affect us.

    I hope you rocked out your 30 day Shred! Enjoy your Sunday

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 2:18 am

      I so just rocked it….I’m all sweaty and gross, and day one has begun…

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      • Reply
        Corinthe
        July 17, 2011 at 2:31 am

        Yay! Congratulations 🙂

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  • Reply
    Tammy
    July 17, 2011 at 2:01 am

    Kenlie, you are a WINNER and don’t ever forget. Sorry you are struggling right now, but I know you will find your way again. Take as many Day Ones as you need. I know I seem to be needing plenty of them myself right now, but soon I will find my way too. Focus on only one day at a time and make today the best you can so that at the end of the day you will have no regrets.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 2:18 am

      It’s the end of the day, and I’m feeling better than I was only moments ago. Thank you so much Tammy!

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  • Reply
    Melissa (@MelGetsFit)
    July 17, 2011 at 2:11 am

    {{{Hugs}}} I know exactly how you’re feeling. I’ve been struggling the past couple of weeks as well. I’ve really been struggling with loneliness and the lack of having a significant other and have been eating emotionally as a result. I see me repeating the same eating patterns I did after my divorce seven years ago when I gained so much weight. I don’t want to make that mistake again! I’ll be right there with you making tomorrow (Sunday) a new day one for me as well. Love you, girl!! xoxo

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 2:19 am

      Love you too Mel! Let’s stick it out long enough to workout together and do fun stuff without the bother of boys and much longer!

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  • Reply
    Brenda
    July 17, 2011 at 2:12 am

    Just finished your vlog and I had to tell you that, 1) you are not alone, today was one of many day 1’s for me and 2) you are amazing and you will win this fight.

    You made me stronger with your honesty and your desire.

    It’s surreal to feel like I’m looking in a mirror listening to my own thoughts but it’s actually you. I needed to hear what you had to say. Thank you.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 2:20 am

      Knowing I’m not alone does make it easier…..thank you Brenda.

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  • Reply
    Nina Patricia
    July 17, 2011 at 2:14 am

    I made it to the end and it is so hard for me to post a comment without being the longest one EVER. You are a WINNER and an inspiration. I have the Hubs- who is also overweight, with tons of health issues and a Dr. insisting he needs surgery- and is super hard for me. Every night I struggle because I’m not sleeping due to stress, so of course I snack…is like a vicious cycle but I WILL get out of it somehow. Don’t despair, everything you want in life WILL come to you. And hecks, like the girls in Sex & the city said: we’ll be each others soul mate!
    Sending you tons of love

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 2:22 am

      Thank you Nina!

      And you know, my head knows that a guy isn’t the answer…it’s the void that I have fill within myself. My head knows it…my heart and stomach often forget.

      I’ve over eaten while in awesome relationships in the past. I just need to figure out why food seems to enhance everything in such a positive way (you know, until it doesn’t.)

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  • Reply
    Katie
    July 17, 2011 at 2:29 am

    How could I not watch through the end! This video was amazing to me because of your honestly and willingness to say, hey, I am making choices that I don’t like and I am going to change that. And you can! Your weight loss journey has been amazing so far and in the real world it is a loooonng hard process that of course has setbacks and challenges, but what matters most is what you choose to do in the face of a challenge. Based on the fact that you shredded at midnight, I think your choice is obvious.

    I wish I lived near you so we could work out together!

    -KT

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  • Reply
    Tasha @ LettuceMakesMeFat
    July 17, 2011 at 2:31 am

    Your strength is motivating. I’ve been experiencing something similar the last few weeks. For me I tend to hide from the problem…I won’t post because posting makes it real. I wish I were more like you. You realize there is an issue and you take charge, today. I’m rooting for you!! And if you ever need someone to talk you down from the chips…I’m your girl! Good luck and please keep us posted!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:01 pm

      Posting about it makes it real for me too. It has worked so well, and it’s time to make it work again. And thank you…=) I’ll definitely keep you posted.

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  • Reply
    Susan
    July 17, 2011 at 2:42 am

    You’re incredible Kenlie! Your honesty and dedication is such an inspiration. Everything you’ve said resonates with me, and I’m sure many others. One of my favorite things that you said tonight is “I’m going to have as many day ones as I need to until I get to my goal”. I don’t know you but I am SO proud of you! Keep up the great work 🙂

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  • Reply
    Kenlie
    July 17, 2011 at 2:45 am

    Thank you Susan! Whether we know each other or not, that means a lot….

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  • Reply
    Emily
    July 17, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Kenlie. In the past week or so I’ve read SO many bloggers that have been going through the same feeling. (SkinnyEmmie, Jasmine @EatMoveWrite) Myself included. It’s so hard to write about. I’ve just simply stopped blogging lately, b/c I don’t know how to verbalize that feeling of NO control. You said it so perfectly in your vlog.

    I know that you will push through this funk, because you’ve done it before. It can feel so insurmountable, but know that we’re all here to support you, not matter how many “Day Ones” you have. 🙂

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:02 pm

      Thanks Emily. I’m here too, and I’m not going anywhere. We (those of us you listed) all know what it takes and have proven we can do it. We just have to keep pressing on. Thanks for that reminder and for support.

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  • Reply
    Deb
    July 17, 2011 at 9:11 am

    So proud of you Kenlie!! Youre such an inspiration to so many!! BUT, this journey is for YOU, and youve graciously allowed us to walk with you on it.

    Youre right, we all have issues. Id do better if …. or Id workout more if… or Id eat better if….
    This video sounds like your ‘kick yourself in the butt’ and now youre ready for your restart. Just like the Little Red Engine, I think I can, I think I can, and then I knew I could!!!
    You go girl!!!
    Deb

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:03 pm

      “I think I can, I think I can…I knew I could” I love that…

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  • Reply
    Megan
    July 17, 2011 at 9:20 am

    Your new blog title could not be more appropriate for this video.
    You are half way there! Sure you have half to go, but celebrate every pound, ounce, point whatever. No matter what the loss is — Celebrate it! Each loss is an accomplishment from the last time. Don’t focus on what you have to go to; focus on the small steps. One week at a time, heck one day or even one hour at a time.
    I know this is a tough journey but you have already shown yourself that defeat is not an option for you.
    My little advice for late night snacking is — when you get that ‘i need snacks now’ crave have the serving size of your choice snack (if you still have the calories or points available ) then go brush your teeth! Many foods do not mix well with a fresh toothpaste taste.
    All the weigh is on her way — watch out!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:04 pm

      Thank you Megan! I did level 3 of the Shred last night after posting this, and I’m still feeling ready to exercise with you this week.

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  • Reply
    Tammy
    July 17, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Kenlie,
    I think we all have the same issues. I’m trying to make my exercise more consistent and my snacking less often. I hear you on the loneliness. It isn’t just because you don’t have a guy at home. I have a husband, but I don’t get to see friends often. I boohooed to my husband about it a couple of months ago – I mean I really cried. I see where my friends have girls nights or even girls weekends, but I never get invited. I wonder where I went wrong with that. I have two great sisters and my mom, but we are spread out and don’t get to spend a lot of time together, so that compounds my sense of being alone.
    You have made a lot of progress, and you are aware of what you need to do to keep from going back. When you get settled in LA and can start back to WW meetings, that will probably. The meetings are kind of therapy, in a way.
    Here’s to a successful day 1! For all of us!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:05 pm

      I know it’s not just the guy…I snacked when I had a boyfriend too. I think being back at a WW meeting will help immensely, but I need to get on the ball before that, you know?

      Here’s to day one!

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  • Reply
    Peg
    July 17, 2011 at 9:58 am

    It is hard to accept that we aren’t perfect and our lives aren’t exactly what we expect them to be at any given point. We are human and perfection isn’t an option for us. We just need to keep trying to be the best person we can and it is easy to see that you are doing just that!

    100+ pounds lost is great and each day is another opportunity. You’ll get through this low point and come out on top! You’re an inspiration to the rest of us who also struggle with self esteem and validation issues.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:06 pm

      Thank you Peg. Your comment reminds me that I should feel validated. I know I have faults, but I’m going to keep working through them….

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  • Reply
    KCLAnderson (Karen)
    July 17, 2011 at 10:00 am

    {{{Kenlie}}}

    One thing they never tell us about is that it takes a lot longer for our heads to keep up with our bodies. Yeah…you lost 100+ pounds and maybe your head needs some time to catch up. Now…that doesn’t mean “gain all the weight back and start from the beginning.” The struggle you’re experiencing is normal…and unfortunately our current “health” culture doesn’t really recognize it.

    Thank you for the inspiration. I want more for myself too and I’ve been in the same kind of headspace you have. So let’s join hands and take a step 🙂

    ♥ you!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:07 pm

      Have I ever mentioned (I know I have) that I’m so so so happy to know you? Okay..just saying..

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  • Reply
    Rhonda
    July 17, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Hey Kenlie,

    First off, you are not alone in your struggles. However, you need to forgive yourself! You CAN and will continue on this amazing journey, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
    I will pray for you! Let God wrap His arms around you and give you the love and affection you want to feel. He loves you! Big hugs to you my friend. Hang in there!

    This song helped motivate me recently…am I going to sink or swim?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCeoaodjkBQ&feature=related

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

      Sometimes I feel like I’m sinking, but I really want to swim. I’m going to keep swimming.

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    • Reply
      dad
      July 17, 2011 at 11:15 pm

      good word, rhonda!

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  • Reply
    Michelle S.
    July 17, 2011 at 11:49 am

    I just wish I could give you a hug. You’re one of the people I really look up to as I have a lot of weight to lose. It broke my heart to see you so despondent. A lot of what you were saying rang true to my own life; I’m 33 and single and hate not having the companionship. It wasn’t always like this for me but now I’m concentrating on me and hoping I’ll feel better and more willing to share myself with someone. I’m only down 9 pounds so far (still have another 80 or so to go) but at least I’m heading in the right direction. Please know that you haven’t let anyone down, life is full of peaks and valleys and nobody can be perfect all the time. The valleys suck, but know also that you’re not alone, you have a lot people cheering you on. Keep your head held high, you’re awesome! And I thank you for being such a great inspiration for me.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2011 at 3:10 pm

      Thank you Michelle. You’re right…peaks and valleys…..I’m looking forward to the next peak, but I know I have to get through the valley first.

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  • Reply
    Christine
    July 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    “Dedicated to change” is a great way to put things in perspective with a lifestyle change. I think you are on the right path to another self discovery on what works for you. You are a great inspiration. Let’s not forget… honest and fabulous!

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  • Reply
    Mary
    July 17, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Kenlie, you aren’t alone at all. There are some great exercises to work on centering the balance in your life in the book Eat it Up by Dr Connie Stapleton. While the book is geared for those after weight loss surgery, had I found this book 10 years ago and worked the exercises, I’m not sure I’d be facing the knife in surgery in the near future or hadn’t put down the knife and fork years ago. If you do a search you can read the first two chapters on the book or if you need the link just shoot me an email. I featured you in my newsletter this week because I think your idea for Friend Makin’ Mondays is a really neat idea to involve your readers. Stop by. Take care.

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  • Reply
    Jodi in Canada
    July 17, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Wow, I did also make it to the end and you are way stronger than you think. I lost 100 lbs myself and I haven’t lost anything since about Christmas. When you were talking about running to food for comfort I realized that is when my ex and I started having problems and we split up in February…. I need to smarten up too!!!!! Just did my first hard work out in months….. let’s all do this together!

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  • Reply
    Lyn @ Life Lyn Style
    July 17, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    You are an awesome person. I’m honored to have met you. Thanks for your honesty and for sharing.

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  • Reply
    Jenn
    July 17, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    First, thank you for your honesty. I just logged on to see what you’ve posted today…I too am in a funk. I was looking for some motivation and inspiration. I think I got it. I know I’m not alone. You know you’re not alone. There are going to be (lots) of bumps in the road. That’s OK.

    You’ve come so far. You know what you felt like at a hundred pounds heavier. You know you didn’t like that feeling. You know where you’ve been and you know where you want to go…just need to get on the path to get there! This is just the next step in your (mine as well) journey.

    Keep your chin up!

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  • Reply
    Sarah
    July 17, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    I just wanted to stop by and tell you to keep your head up. I am kind of going through the same things right now. I feel like I am failing and feel lost to a degree. Another thing is in the evenings is whats terrible for me I find myself snacking for no reason and not because I am hungry. I just keep working at this everyday and sorting through my feelings. Stay positive and you can do this!

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  • Reply
    Kris
    July 17, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    Thank you for sharing your struggles so openly. It took me 4 years to reach my goal (107 pounds lost), and at times I thought I’d never get there.

    Now, I’m also losing focus – work stress, life stress, an injury keeping me from my favourite exercise – all wonderful excuses to eat crap and gain a little back.

    Stay strong, stay focused, and you will win. You’ve done it before, and it sounds like you’re ready to tackle the next step!

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  • Reply
    Aunt janice
    July 17, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    U may not realize it but by getting on here like u did was another great start,u realize u need a jump start too continue,u have done great n u will continue on this journey all the way til the end, u will finish n than maintain u weigh without a doubt,although their will be bumps n the rd throughout ya journey just like anything else n life ,u get up n move forward,what an inspiration to get on here n say what u said,keep going forward n don’t dwell on not doing much Latey go forward,love ya

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  • Reply
    dad
    July 17, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    that’ a good aunt talking.

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  • Reply
    Lorri
    July 18, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Thank you so much for posting that. It took some real courage, and I applaud you for it.

    I’ve been struggling as well recently. I was on a great roll. Working out, eating super healthy, tracking and being aware. The last few days have been an incredible struggle. I suffered an eating and exercise set back last week, and it’s been incredibly difficult to get my head back in the game.

    I’m currently separated from my husband of 20 years. I stay at his dad’s house (with him and the kids) on the weekends and all summer. Because we have a weird relationship (apart but still involved but not in a relationship in any healthy manner), it’s been tough. Falling asleep downstairs while he’s asleep in OUR bedroom. Being in the room with someone who only saw you, and now doesn’t really seem to see you at all….Rough. It’s been a struggle.

    Thank you for putting yourself out there in such a real and relate able way.

    *HUGS*

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  • Reply
    Kristen
    July 18, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Kenlie ~ Way to go posting that hard, emotional vlog! That is so hard to put yourself out there like that… I think you’ve discovered the difference between vulnerability and transparency. Anyone can be vulnerable after they’ve gone through a tough situation, but to be real and transparent DURING the difficult situation is SO hard, but you’ve done it! Thanks for being honest, now we know how to encourage you.

    One of the best things people can tell me when I’m struggling with something is that I’m not alone. There are hundreds/thousands of people in the world struggling with this same thing. I’m one of them. I’m a late night snacker. I’m not always satisfied with what I see. I’m not being pursued by any men.

    How I deal with it is through my faith. I HAVE to always go back to the fact that I believe that I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY made. And if I’m not happy with the way that I look, then I’m slapping God in the face. Now, that doesn’t mean that we should totally lose control and let all our guards down on our weight loss journeys, but it does mean that know matter what I look like today, tomorrow, 10 years from now, to God, I am perfect. Even if no other man on this earth sees what God sees, I can be okay. It’s tough and a DAILY struggle, but I have to believe that God is in control and that His plans and purposes for me are far greater than what I can even imagine.

    One thing I did to help with the “lack of man” was I went out and bought myself a pearl ring with diamonds on the side. It’s beautiful, I love it. I wear it on my wedding finger. For me, it reminds me of Matthew 13:45-46. I am the fine pearl that God was looking for and he paid the ultimate price to purchase me. I’m worth it to him! It’s just a nice reminder for me daily that someone desires me 🙂

    Also, for the late night snacking, I’ve had to evaluate my relationship with food. When I’m in the mood to snack (like you, when not hungry) I try to ask myself before eating, “why are you eating this? what is the purpose? is it for fuel? for comfort?” When I take some time to reflect before, I stop myself sometimes. Another good thing to do is drink some water when you’re having unnecessary cravings. A lot of times our brain confuses hunger/thirst signals, so try drinking a glass of water and wait like 5-10 minutes before snacking on something.

    Hope this encourages you. I want you to know that you are a rock star! You’re beautiful and you’re working hard and it’s going to pay off.

    Hugs!

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  • Reply
    Believe | Fit and Free with Emily
    July 18, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    […] enough, “struggling” seems to be the theme of many bloggers lately. Kenlie posted a truly moving vlog, Emmie confided in some bad habits returning, and Jasmine fought through […]

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  • Reply
    Steelers6
    July 18, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Yes, WINNERS lose 100 lbs. That is fer sure.

    Yes, you DO matter. That’s fer sure!!

    I like your attitude about “day one”. You will get to the end goal. You get major points for keepin’ on..Seriously! You do not give up.

    Made me think of the scene in “Finding Nemo”.. “just keep swimmin’, just keep swimmin’.. I really liked the song Rhonda posted, but I do need to add this one… haha.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmyUkm2qlhA

    Chrissy

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  • Reply
    I miss blogging! | Running Knitwit Mom
    July 20, 2011 at 12:12 am

    […] struggles and how she is going to try to overcome them. She mentioned that Kenlie had posted a vlog so of course I took the time to watch that this morning. I typically follow Kenlie and read her […]

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  • Reply
    My Relationship with Food
    July 27, 2011 at 12:02 am

    […] in a video blog, I talked about my need to figure out why I always seem to crave more than I have, and that’s […]

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  • Reply
    Tara
    August 1, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    A very important tip that I have taken away from Chris Powell is to remove your reward food from your house. Those chips and the other snacks that are calling you late in the day need to be removed from immediate availability. Chris says that you should never bring home (and assumbly not order in) those kinds of food. If you want them, go out to a restaurant and sit there to eat them or go the convenience store and get them and eat them before you get home. It is too easy to turn to comfort foods when they are so close at hand.

    My husband and I were both a lot lighter when we did this (we were doing it because my MIL lived with us and always had something to say about what you did/ate). Later, on our own, we started stocking the freezer and pantry with the comfort foods we enjoy. As a result, we have both become way too inclined to over do it, and substantially heavier.

    We just decided, today, to go back to not having the stuff in the house. We will be making deliberate trips out to enjoy them.

    Maybe that would help?

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