Weighing On My Mind

I’ve kept 100 pounds off for over a year now, and I’ve added a little  more to my total loss in the last 12 months.  I’ve continually weighed myself and tracked my food intake – only a little more than half the time, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a steady and progressive move downward.  That has to change because I want it to change.

For some, weight-loss is simple, at least that’s how they portray it.  The entire industry and some people in it, would have you believe that losing weight is easy, but in my experience it has been pretty complex.  For me, there’s a lot more to it than “eat less, burn more.”  If you’re nodding your head in agreement, keep reading because this is not the end of the story.  It’s MY responsibility to keep trying, and it’s my responsibility to figure out what will work to take me to the goals I’ve set for myself.

I’ve lost enough weight to know that with a little consistency (counting calories…points…whatever…) I can lose weight, but the complexity comes in when I think about why it’s so hard for my mind that accept that my body doesn’t need as much food as it craves.  I know that when I don’t overeat, I feel better.  Not only do I feel happier with myself, I also feel less bloated and lighter on my feet.  And I know that when I workout, I feel better – usually only a few minutes into it.  But there’s a battle of wills going on in my head, and the strong, health-minded girl who was winning needs to take control again.

Instead of detailing where I went wrong (I’ve been doing that for months so check my archives if you’re curious) let’s talk about my plan to go forward.  I know that I should find a new Weight Watchers meeting.  Being so transient in the last several months has made it nearly impossible to attend meetings, but in a month or so, I’ll be able to rejoin.  No, Weight Watchers didn’t lose the weight for me, but the meetings did keep me accountable regarding the numbers on the scale.  Like I said, I track my intake on e-tools most of the time, but I don’t track it as closely as I did when I knew I’d be stepping on the scale for someone who would then write it down and keep it in a little book.  Is that a character flaw?  Maybe…but what’s important is that I recognize what I need and do it.    I’m not a failure unless I give up, and that my friends, is not going to happen.

But I don’t want to wait until I can rejoin Weight Watchers meetings to lose a substantial weight again.  I want to see results sooner than that, and I can. I can. I can. I can. I can.  I can. I can. I can. I can.I can. I can. I can. I can.I can. I can. I can. I can.I can. I can. I can. I can.  The question is….what am I going to do to make that happen?

I’m going to take it one day at a time, and I’m going to keep trying.  I’m going to keep searching for an answer to why I think about and desire food so much more than my body needs it.  I’m going to keep looking for an answer to why I eat properly half the day then find myself willing to toss it out of the window at the end of the day.  And I’m going to keep reminding myself that the power to change belongs to me.  I am going to do better today.  And I think I’ll start posting my weight on my blog instead of only posting the pounds lost.  Brilliant, right?  I know…Look for a new weight record soon.

I’m going to keep working through these complexities inside my head.   I’ve said this many times, but it’s just as true today – losing weight isn’t always easy, but it’s so worth it.  I am so worth it.  And I post on this blog nearly everyday because it’s cathartic.  I post here in the hopes that I’ll find the answers that I’m looking for with a healthy dose of support from those of you who take time to read it.

My journey has been filled with ups and downs, and I won’t make apologies for it.  I’m just going to keep trying.  And hey, if losing weight really was simple, it wouldn’t make a very good story would it?

Today is a new day, and I’m ready to face it…I think…Wish me luck…

 

You Might Also Like

58 Comments

  • Reply
    Lisa
    July 13, 2011 at 1:41 am

    Like you said… You CAN. You have a great additude and with that you can do anything. 🙂

    – Lisa
    http://inweighovermyhead.blogspot.com/

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:38 am

      Thank you Lisa! I’ve been wondering about you! I hope you’re doing well!

      0
  • Reply
    Kris
    July 13, 2011 at 2:25 am

    You are worth it! Lots of people lose motivation and hit a major plateau during a large weight loss, myself included. It took me four years to finally reach goal from my highest point! FOUR YEARS! And for over a year, I hovered in the same 10 pound range, losing a little, gaining a little, going nowhere – until mentally and physically I was ready to try again, and tackle the last 50+ pounds.

    Yes, lots of people say it is simple, but really? Similar to money (spend less than you earn… um… DUH!.. easier said than done sometimes), it is more about the mind than the math. If you can get your head in the right place to lose weight, that is half the battle, and this post sure sounds like you are there. 🙂

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:40 am

      I’ve heard this before, and it gives me great hope! My friend, Sarah, stayed around the same weight for about a year and a half then lost the remainder of the 185 she lost. And she’s kept it off for six years.

      People like you and Sarah make me keenly aware that I can do this too.

      0
  • Reply
    Brandy
    July 13, 2011 at 7:09 am

    Well said! And you summed up how I feel about Weight Watchers VERY well. I lost almost 60 pounds two years ago and I know WW was a huge part of that, not because it did it for me but because it made me think about what I was putting in my body and helped me be more accountable. I gained back about 80% of my weight because I got busy and apparently got it in my mind that it would be okay to eat anything and everything I wanted without giving it any thought or even exercising. Now that I’m back on WW I eat so much LESS and yet I don’t feel deprived because I’m eating GOOD and nutritious foods, there are days I can barely get all my points in. And I write it all down. AND I’m accountable. It makes a difference for me so I do understand. Beyond all that though, you are 100% right – you CAN do it! 🙂

    0
  • Reply
    Jennifer S
    July 13, 2011 at 7:19 am

    ONWARD! You’ve got this now run with it!

    0
  • Reply
    Marla
    July 13, 2011 at 7:35 am

    I like how you said, “No, Weight Watchers didn’t lose the weight for me, but the meetings did keep me accountable regarding the numbers on the scale.” Weight Watchers gives you the tools you need, but each person needs to use them. We all experience set backs. It’s part of this journey. It’s how long we let these set backs effect us that makes the difference. And if I could find a way to turn my brain off when I’m full that would be perfect.

    You can do this! We all can do this!

    0
  • Reply
    Corinthe
    July 13, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Well said! I also really like how you said WW didn’t lose weight for you-it’s true! Any program will work, it just depends on your dedication level. And that’s mental. It can be so hard to stay focused and on track, there’s so much support at WW meetings it’s incredible. Good for you for not giving up and refocusing yourself to your goals.

    0
  • Reply
    TC Meagher
    July 13, 2011 at 8:51 am

    What a great post and all the comments are right on. The only way right now I am keeping myself accountable is by writing my weight down on my calendar. I started this journey May 4th and have lost 13 pounds. Just that small amount has made me feel so much better, I have had a few setbacks, but I love reading these posts to help keep me going forward.
    Moving forward on
    TC

    0
  • Reply
    Marilyn
    July 13, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Please reread that first sentence you wrote. Over. And over. And over. You are amazing!! WOW! ♥♫

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:42 am

      Thank you Marilyn…so much!

      0
  • Reply
    JoAnn
    July 13, 2011 at 9:32 am

    I think posting your actual weight on your blog is a really, REALLY, big step for you. You’ve been holding back on doing that for a long time. Seeing that number go down will also be a very positive experience each week and you won’t want all of us seeing that number go up, will you? 😉 Again, it’s a step toward being the real you and accepting your flaws and your strengths.

    I’ve thought about rejoining WW, haven’t done it yet, I may do WW online for awhile, until fall at least.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:43 am

      I’ve stated my exact weight on my blog several times and web on national TV…I am so proud of the number because it’s so far removed from the original, but I’ve never posted it regularly. And I do think it’s time. 🙂

      0
  • Reply
    Hilary @ The Big Weight
    July 13, 2011 at 9:58 am

    Have you ever considered going to a therapist to talk about this? I read on the PriorFatGirl how Jen is going to help her figure out her issues with eating, etc. I thought it was a brilliant idea and one I want to strongly consider for myself. It seems like such an obvious option, but a light bulb really went off when I read her post about it.

    0
    • Reply
      Nancy
      July 13, 2011 at 7:10 pm

      To get to the mind control in our weight problem HAS to be worked on to dig into the underlying reasons that trigger our throwing caution to the wind. I KNOW how it’s like a drug addict needing a fix at times. The only way to become in control of the need to use food for comfort or to handle a feeling is to go to a weight control therapist. Take it from one who has gone through the loss and regain over – and over and gained more than I lost – 6 times. Why won’t you let yourself take the excess weight off? Those extra pounds are protecting you, working for you somehow. It’s NOT simply just eat less move more, like you said Kenlie. That’s a skinny person’s formula.
      N~

      0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:45 am

      Oh yes! Definitely! I went for over a year to discuss my food issues which is why I believe I’m finally able to begin facing them now. I’ll resume therapy in the coming months when I’m finally settled somewhere again. It works wonders…I’m a big fan.

      0
  • Reply
    Lorie
    July 13, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Hi Kenlie, you can do this!!! You are an inspiration to many and when you are ready mentally again you will tackle this….hopefully you are ready!!! I know what you mean about checking in to someone at the meetings, that too has helped me, I don’t want to let that stranger down, although we now know each other now, even worse, I so want to impress this person for some reason and it helps keep me accountable, it’s what works for me. You can do it, think of all those delicious great recipes you have that are healthy and you enjoy….I love to plan my menus and get so excited to eat, so I understand there too, I LOVE FOOD…but I’ve somehow come to love the food that is good for me….who would have thought that was possible…I used to crave fast food and junk, and now I actually crave homemade chicken cordon blue and brocolli, and who knew you could cook pierogies in the oven, not fry them and they are just as good????…it’s amazing to me how my tastes have changed; don’t get me wrong, once in a while I want a cookie or ice cream, so I eat it, but that is life and those things will never go away, but the need to have them all the time will…you can do it and we all know you will!!! Good luck!!!! We are all here for you to support you and can’t wait to see you get through the next phase of your journey!! HUGS

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:46 am

      Hugs to you too!

      0
  • Reply
    Rosalie
    July 13, 2011 at 10:18 am

    OMG! Your statement about tossing it out the window at the end of the day is ME!!!! I do great all day but between 7pm and 11pm, I can’t stop eating! I am also trying to lose a significant amount of weight and it’s an every day battle.
    You are doing a great job! Your blog is an inspiration! I read it daily…thanks for taking the time to write it!
    You CAN do it…great job so far!

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:46 am

      Thank you for being here!

      0
  • Reply
    Jules Big Girl Bombshell
    July 13, 2011 at 10:25 am

    I am right there with YOU! Same boat ….different lake!

    0
  • Reply
    Patty (135 by 2012)
    July 13, 2011 at 10:26 am

    You are worth it. You can do it. I know you will do it. You are strong, determined and capable. I believe in you!

    0
  • Reply
    Heather
    July 13, 2011 at 11:00 am

    I couldn’t agree with your post more – there are constant ups and downs in weight loss, as in life. We learn and grow from them and do the best we can. I agree also that writing about it can be cathartic and am just now learning how supportive comments from readers can be. Good luck and keep up the good work – you’re worth it, we all are!

    0
  • Reply
    Alana
    July 13, 2011 at 11:30 am

    You can do it! Hugs!!!

    0
  • Reply
    KLA
    July 13, 2011 at 11:42 am

    I just found your blog; congratulations on your journey so far. What an amazing accomplishment!

    My question is the same as Hilary@thebigweight. Have you thought of therapy? Last year I finally invested in myself and my future and went to see a cognititve behaviour therapist. With her help I’ve been able to determine why I binge. It’s made a big difference, my cravings for junk have decreased, I eat healthier and my anxiety with food is under control.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:48 am

      Yep…I’ve done it and will again. It has been monumental in my journey so far..I think I’ll post about it soon.

      0
      • Reply
        KLA
        July 15, 2011 at 3:07 pm

        Please do, I’d be interested to read about it!

        0
  • Reply
    Cat @Breakfast to Bed
    July 13, 2011 at 11:59 am

    I have been there. Trust me. YOU GOT THIS. You have a stellar, healthy attitude, and you want it. YOU GOT THIS!

    0
  • Reply
    Renee @pinkypie
    July 13, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    I totally understand this Kenz. I have been struggling, mentally and physically for so long now, but at the end of the day, it’s only me who is going to get through this. Whatever it takes. That may mean analysing and changing constantly but it definitely takes acceptance. Acceptance that I, that WE are not like others who don’t struggle. You have so many positive things you can focus on to get you through it. Eventually you WILL be where you want to be and you’ll have a lot of maintenance experience under your much smaller belt. I have tons and tons of faith in you!!

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:49 am

      Thank you so much for these words…I’m seriously moved.

      0
  • Reply
    Ali @ PriorFatGirl
    July 13, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    It’s all about moving forward, and it’s so huge that you’re able to see that. Acknowledge where you’ve been and move forward. Knowing how to do that is a challenge, and it sounds like you have a really good idea…..

    For me, I know that as soon as I reintrouce starchy, carby “stuff” I fall off the wagon, so I am choosing to do just 7 days of no bread/pasta/rice etc. Am I eating low carb? Nope. Still having some fruit, yogurt, milk….just acknowledging that for ME a “balanced” diet doesn’t work when I’m trying to lose weight. 1 piece of read of 1/2 a cup of brown ric derails my efforts. So I choose to not eat them.

    I can’t wait to hear about your journey from here on out, K.

    x0 Ali

    0
    • Reply
      Nancy
      July 13, 2011 at 7:37 pm

      I have finally figured out the “physical” trigger can be just having one piece of bread or a little rice to start me on a binge. While on the journey to goal, staying away from rice, pasta, bread ( & of course ice cream) helped tremendously. Unearthing what psychological, emotional undercurrents set up the turning to food is necessary. Also deprivation can only be sustained so long. Then the pendulum swings WAY to the other side. Make your choices well Kenlie, FOR YOU, not to impress anyone else – including a WW leader. It helped you with your first monumental accomplishment and that’s GREAT. Think deeply what you need now.
      N~

      0
      • Reply
        Kenlie
        July 14, 2011 at 2:50 am

        Definitely thinking…and trying to figure it out.

        0
  • Reply
    Stephanie O
    July 13, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    I think this is a very interesting statement, “why it’s so hard for my mind that accept that my body doesn’t need as much food as it craves.” It definitely applies to me – I’ve been struggling with a plateau myself. I had been feeling sorry for myself, but then I decided to just keep on keepin’ on. I added weight training to my routine and set my calorie intake where I believed I would slowly lose weight again. I also started monitoring body fat, and sometimes when it seems I really really *should* have lost some weight, I’ve traded fat for muscle and that’s not bad. It seems to be working, but I’m definitely ready to adjust things as necessary.

    I think wrestling with why your brain craves more than you need is something worthwhile to do, but I also don’t think you have to find the answer to that question to be successful. In the end, the recognition that you already have – that you naturally crave much more than you need – allows you to solve the problem, whether or not you know exactly why it’s there in the first place. By all means – wrestle with the question! But even if you don’t answer it completely, you will be successful with your weight loss. You *know* how to lose weight already. You have had tremendous success, and you will continue to, because you know what to do and how to do it.

    Thanks for sharing your journey, bumps and all.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:52 am

      Very very very good point. Maybe I don’t need that answer to succeed. Wow…that’s powerful and liberating.

      0
  • Reply
    Dee
    July 13, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    It’s not easy, no matter how much you have to lose. I have struggled with the same 10-15 lbs for way to long and finally lost it by making a conscious change in my eating habits and constantly reminding myself of “my eating rules”. I think the key is exactly what you said, don’t give up. There will be setbacks, but what matters is that you keep trying. No one ever succeeded by failing to try. I read an inspirational story about a woman who remarked that while she couldn’t comprehend making changes for the rest of her life, she could make a change for just one day. And those one days added together made the difference. There’s no doubt you will be successful in achieving your goals. Look at all you’ve already accomplished! You are amazing and an inspiration.

    0
    • Reply
      Nancy
      July 13, 2011 at 7:46 pm

      As hard as it is, Losing 10-15 pounds is SO different than needing to take off 100 or 200 or 300 or more pounds. Why you have an extra 10-15 pounds on you is WAY different than why we have 100 pounds or more extra pounds. It is discouraging to keep gaining 10-15 pounds back and having to lose it over and over. But losing 100 and putting on 120 …. losing that and putting on 140 etc. There are underlying issues.

      0
    • Reply
      KLA
      July 15, 2011 at 3:20 pm

      I’ve been working with a CBT for almost a year now. Funny enough, the decades of dieting and following traditional dieting rules (such as restricting foods – both in types and amounts) causes me to overeat/binge on food. Of course, everyone is different, but I’ve had to rethink my weight loss strategy to ensure that it is both physically and mentally healthy.

      0
  • Reply
    Missy
    July 13, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Yes you CAN! You WILL do this! I’m battling the same head war. Together, we’ll win.

    0
  • Reply
    Pat Barone, MCC
    July 13, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Kenlie:

    I hear you and I too thought weight loss should be simple, but it is anything but simple. Once I stopped expecting it to follow a pattern, or be like I’d heard it should be, I could really be with myself during weight loss. I lost over 70 lbs., it’s now closer to 90, and I’ve kept that first 70 lbs of weight off for 11 years.

    As a coach, I approach weight issues with a four-prong approach: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. It addresses EVERY layer of a human being and allows healing/growth in each layer.

    I’d love to see you in my next class! If not, this is the time when you learn to be with yourself in the hard places. Ya gotta do it, if you want your weight loss to stick around.

    For me, I just got so tired of the regain phase, which is caused by dieting, that I was willing to stick with myself through the hard places.

    You can do this. We are all capable of it!

    Pat Barone, MCC
    America’s Weight Loss Catalyst

    0
    • Reply
      Nancy
      July 13, 2011 at 7:52 pm

      Where do you hold your classes? If it does not apply to our area, who in our area could you recommend?
      N~

      0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:54 am

      I’d love to be a part. I really hope it can happen. I appreciate you so much Pat!

      0
      • Reply
        Pat Barone, MCC
        July 24, 2011 at 11:01 am

        The classes are held via teleconference, available anywhere in the world. I’ve been doing them for 9 years now and only work in small groups so they tend to fill quickly. My next start date is Sept 13. Here’s a link: http://www.patbarone.com/GroupCoachingforWeightLoss.htm

        This is truly for people who want to stop renting weight loss, and own it. You have to be ready to stop the struggle and do it. We all get to that point at some time, and it’s a real gift to be able to give yourself the time to make the mental adjustments to move ahead in life, away from overdependence on food.

        My weight loss of 74 lbs. is at 11 years now, and I’ve lost another 20 too.

        Pat Barone, MCC
        America’s Weight Loss Catalyst

        0
  • Reply
    Carbzilla
    July 13, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Hi there – I just found your blog so forgive me if this sounds too personal right off the bat. I know what you’re talking about, and I agree that some therapy would be very helpful. In almost every case, overeating is a coping mechanism learned at some point in our lives which perpetuates beyond its original purpose. Once we learn it, we’re so smart that we start applying it to many occasions beyond the one we first used it for! Once you start seeing it like that, you comprehend it beyond “cookies are delicious…I love cookies” (and I’m just speaking for myself on that one). You’ve some soooo far. You may just find it helpful to take it to another level to go forward from here. You can do it!

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:55 am

      Yeah…I’ve done it..There’s definitely a post coming about it.

      0
  • Reply
    Ashley
    July 13, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    I’ve found the affirmations help me. I’m an emotional eater, and can very much relate to eating healthy for half the day and then throwing it all out the window.

    http://www.successconsciousness.com/index_00000a.htm

    0
  • Reply
    KCLAnderson (Karen)
    July 13, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Something I realized just today is that it’s near impossible to take this particular journey without taking breaks from it. There’s something exquisite about the learning that takes place when we do. And then there’s the rush of actively getting back on the path (and I say “actively” because we’re still on the journey even if it seems like it’s in a passive way). Does this make sense?

    I think I’ve been taking a break for a while but have felt pulled to be more active (and I don’t mean literally, as in exercising, but it is that too) lately.

    0
  • Reply
    Amanda
    July 13, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Kenz, you’ve got this! And yeah, the formula to losing weight is simple, but the path isn’t necessarily easy. You haven’t given up, though… and that is key.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:57 am

      Nope! No giving up! 🙂

      0
  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    July 13, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    You know, Kenz, I found this post helpful in several ways. For one, it reinforeced what I have known, and that is the fact that no one has an easy ride from start to finish when it comes to weight loss.

    There are just too many factors involved. Eventually, no matter how smooth the ride has been or for how long, one of those factors is going to rise up and bite you in the butt.

    I’ve had my own difficutl perioed (Right. No secret there!) and during those times, I would read blogs like yours and wonder what was wrong with me. Read your posts from a year ago and you’ll see what I mean. You were full of sunshine and how easy it all was–just took commitment and a positive attitude. And it worked for you, too. Until it didn’t.

    I had always suspected that you’re smooth sailing wouldn’t last the whole trip down the Highway to Thin–and I sincerely hoped that I was wrong. I was sorry to see it when you began to struggle and have sincerely prayed for you to push through that and get back to a smooth highway.

    The good news is that it took a HUGE bump in the road…with a few crater sized potholes thrown in…before your experience became this post. That’s good news because it shows how really tough you are. (It took much less to derail me!)

    The better news? Those “butt biters” and bumps and potholes have shown themselves to you–which means that you will defeat them. I have no doubt.

    Deb

    0
  • Reply
    Mary
    July 13, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    You are an inspiration to me. I need to lose over 100 lbs myself. I joined ww in May and I’ve only lost +/- 8 lbs but I know I can do it. I want to encourage you to press forward and I know that I’m one of many that cheer you on.

    0
  • Reply
    Heidi @ Finishing the Hat
    July 13, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    You can you can you can you can you can. I believe in you – and you don’t need luck to do it, so instead, I will wish you strength. : )

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 14, 2011 at 2:58 am

      Thank you Heidi!

      0
  • Reply
    Charlene
    July 13, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Kenlie…

    I am only 8 weeks into my weight loss (This time!!) and have 130 to go. Like you, my struggle is not with knowing what to eat, or how to eat, or how to exercise…. my struggle is doing it consistently, over the LONG haul, in order to acheive my goal.

    This week I found hope in a book… nothing new, nothing we don’t already know, nothing we haven’t heard a hundred times… the difference is in how concisely the author presents it, AND… he gives you an action plan. The book is The Traveler’s Gift by Andy Andrews and I wrote about it on my blog at http://losing4luke.blogspot.com/

    With the 7 decisions presented in this book, I have renewed faith that I will not fail this time, I will not quit. Let me know if you decide to read it and tell me what you think.

    0
  • Reply
    Nina Patricia
    July 14, 2011 at 1:41 am

    and for post like this is that we continue to read. You can, and so can I! thank you again

    0
  • Reply
    Lyn @ Life Lyn Style
    July 14, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    You’re awesome! Thanks for sharing.

    0
  • Reply
    Finding Training Inspiration – Weekly Links | Trying To Tri
    July 15, 2011 at 9:19 am

    […] All the Weigh, Kenlie wrote a great post about the mental aspect of weight loss. Having been down this path, I know weight loss is more about the mind than the calories! Fighting […]

    0
  • Reply
    Napkinwriter
    July 29, 2011 at 12:54 am

    This is just all very real. I wish you joy and beauty in each day and celebration of all successes you experience.

    0
  • Leave a Reply

    %d bloggers like this: