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Where Should I Begin?

Donut, Donut holes, 1 serving of Chicken minis from Chick-fil-a, more donut holes, roast beef sandwich, iced coffee, more donut holes, salad, cup of chicken Alfredo, 3 bread sticks, ice cream, more ice cream and cake……

And surprise…now my stomach hurts…….my body feels bloated, and I can honestly say that I had forgotten what this awful, overstuffed feeling was like. This feeling used to be the norm for me, but it hasn’t been in a long time. I decided, when I woke up at 5am that I’d allow myself to be whimsical with my eating all day. I figured I wouldn’t go too crazy, but I would indulge more than usual.  That was a bad idea.

I’ve never looked at vacation or holidays or birthdays as an excuse to eat worthless garbage, and I don’t really have an excuse for my actions. My workouts have been weak – almost non-existent for the last four days, and I’m not doing nearly as much as I should/want to do for myself.

Again, no excuses. I had a great day today with family and friends. Thirty-one has been kind to my so far, but it’s time for me to be kind to myself which probably means I need to get tough with myself first. I thought I was beyond eating too much crap in one day, but I’m not.

Though my workouts have been pretty solid and consistent in 2011, my food habits have regressed. And it’s time for me to take control. It’s time for me to stop maintaining and start acting like a person who still has 100 pounds to lose.

I can do this, and I will pick myself up as many times as I have to. I will not quit. I will forgive myself for my edible transgressions today, and I will respect myself and my body more tomorrow.

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30 Comments

  • Reply
    Lindsey
    July 6, 2011 at 12:49 am

    I did the same thing today. I stuffed myself and then felt horrible and regretful, and I wondered the same thing! Why in the heck do I keep doing this to myself!! Sometimes it’s hard to remember that before you indulge!!!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:49 am

      I made a conscious decision to indulge..and it felt gross so I don’t think it will be happening again for a long time…I’m going to work to see to it that it doesn’t..

  • Reply
    Amy @ A Little Nosh
    July 6, 2011 at 6:03 am

    I had a similar day, but without the birthday excuse. Today’s a new day and a new start, and this blog post was just what I needed as motivation.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:50 am

      I don’t think the birthday should be an excuse, but the new day was much better. Yay! =)

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    July 6, 2011 at 6:15 am

    I had done the exact same thing on July 4th. I decided I would “enjoy” the holiday and the way I did it was to eat just about anything I wanted. I went to bed feeling sick. I’ve lost over 80 pounds this past year and have also slacked off on my adhering to a healthy diet. Today it’s back to the gym and counting calories.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:52 am

      I hope your day was better today! And congrats on the loss!

  • Reply
    Corinthe
    July 6, 2011 at 8:22 am

    I had a whole weekend feeling like that! I am in the process of being kind to myself to get back to where I was, thanks for the inspiration. It’s nice to know we’re not alone in our experiences on this. Go Kenlie!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:52 am

      Go Corinthe!

  • Reply
    KCLAnderson (Karen)
    July 6, 2011 at 8:27 am

    It’s not about “never again,” it’s about catching yourself sooner. So good job!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:53 am

      Thanks Karen! You’re so wise!

  • Reply
    Janet
    July 6, 2011 at 8:41 am

    I really know what you are talking about right now. Fortunately I only had one of those days within the past few weeks and I was so glad that I ended up only eating too much salad while my mind kept searching for “something”, a something that would make the undefinable craving just shut up!!

    Having to really stay focused for a long time, sometimes really wears me down. Stumbling every now and then really sucks but as long as you pick youself back up, you will find your way again. Keep it up Kenlie. I traveling the same road. You are so much more determined than myself it seems. I am sure you are already standing strong again. You are a strong woman, you’ll be fine. 😉

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:54 am

      Thank you Janet. You make a good point about our minds searching for something…that’s what I’m trying to figure out too. Let’s keep it up.

  • Reply
    Chubby McGee
    July 6, 2011 at 9:06 am

    Ugh…that feeling that comes after all the fats/sugars. I know it so well now. I call it the “sugar shits” (sorry…but…yea). I always forget that it’ll happen, too, while I’m enjoying the moment. Then, I just get mad and down on myself.

    The upside is that you’ll be right back in the swing of healthy eating again and your body will LOVE you for it and you’ll feel amazing again. 🙂

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:55 am

      Yep..already feeling good again…

      Also, you crack me up. LOL

  • Reply
    Peg
    July 6, 2011 at 9:22 am

    First – Happy Belated Birthday!

    Try not to beat yourself up about your eating choices yesterday. Move past the poor choices and get right back to making the good choices you are capable of making. Remember, you gave yourself permission for a one day pass, now it is back to being good to yourself.

    Funny, how we sometimes think that by eating whatever we want is a gift to ourselves. It really isn’t a gift – it is more like punishment. I wonder if I looked at it like that I might make better choices. Hmmm, something for me to think about.

    Anyway – happy birthday and here’s to a year of great decisions! May we all be closer to our goals this time next year!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:55 am

      Yeah, it’s weird…I thought I might enjoy eating junk food, and I do..but not as much as I did. It was too much and so not as rewarding as it used to be..

  • Reply
    Miss April
    July 6, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Ahhh, glad it made you feel like crap! (in a nice way)…. You’re worth more than those donut holes sister!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:56 am

      Amen April!

  • Reply
    Tammy
    July 6, 2011 at 10:51 am

    A couple of weeks ago, I OD’d on doughnuts, too. I don’t even really like them all that much, but they were there and I was under stress…. Of course, I knew they wouldn’t cure the situation, but I ate them anyway. I’m with you on getting back on track. I can get back on track, but my problem seems to be staying there…..

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:56 am

      You just keep trying Tammy….

  • Reply
    Valerie
    July 6, 2011 at 11:02 am

    We all slip up, but what’s done is done and while I know it’s easier said than done, there’s no use stressing over what you cannot change. What you can do, is remember that feeling, and use it to fire up your motivation and perservere. You can do it! 🙂

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      I have turned it around, and you’re right…the feelings of accomplishment that come as a result of making healthy choices is invaluable! I can do it. =)

  • Reply
    Kris
    July 6, 2011 at 11:45 am

    Your last paragraph is the most important piece – forgive yourself first. Then move on! I’ve been binging (mildly, but enough for me to feel uncomfortable) on junk lately – chips after working out, too many salted nuts, ice cream…

    And now I’m struggling to drop the junk again. I know I feel better when I don’t eat it, it just tastes so good!

    You have a great attitude, you’re on the right track, and I know you’ll get there. 🙂

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:57 am

      “Drop the junk!” I like it!

  • Reply
    Roz
    July 6, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    Belated Happy Birthday!! And I have NO doubt you’ll get back on track before you know it! Take care, be kind to yourself!!!!

  • Reply
    Brooke
    July 6, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    I was on vacation last week and I was proud that I got my butt up and went with my friend to her YMCA and did water aerobics and I went to the water park and did some swimming too, but then we had a bday party and I had cake and ice cream……we ate pizza one night and chinese twice. I had just finally got over my block and lost three lbs the week before and I knew my actions were probably reversing every lb. However, you are right. You can NOT punish yourself it will simply not help. I just kept thinking of the positives I did. Like the aerobics, only eating two slices of pizza, not letting myself go back to the chinese buffet for another plate, doing some exercise in the Lazy River (lol, its good exercise when the current is pushing against you and you are walking, not lounging.). Now, I’m trying to re-adjust my body to eating properly again……each day I’m getting better. I still may gain when I weigh in this week, but I will know that I have already begun to change habits. Someone once told me, “You have your whole like to eat, why do you have to eat that ____now?” Well, I didn’t actually like that saying, it sounded like it came from a skinny person, so I changed it to fit my mindset. “I have the whole day to eat, why do I have to eat it (all my points-for me) right now?” It seems to help. I’m cruising in October and I wanted to be 28lbs lighter for my 28th bday on the cruise………I have 3 months and I’m discouraged, but I will not give up……..I will lose what I can and be happy with that. You’ve lost 100lbs in a year!!!!!!!! I lost 30 and then gained 10lbs back. Be proud of yourself and what you have so far accomplished!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 7, 2011 at 12:59 am

      Don’t stay discouraged! Just keep moving closer to your goal!

  • Reply
    Jenn
    July 6, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Happy Belated Birthday!

    And I too had a day like that today…and it’s not over yet! Reeling it in now though. I think sometimes we need a day like that to remind us of how horrible we really feel when we eat all the garbage.

    You’ve come so far! You’ll get to the finish line, I just know you will!

  • Reply
    Cynthia
    July 6, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    lol @ chubby mcgee and the ‘sugar shits’. I haven’t laughed at something ‘diet’ related in so long 🙂 We’ve all been there and truth be told Kenz you’ll/we’ll be there again at least once because well it’s what makes us human. We should never judge ourselves too harshly on the mistakes we make, rather the things we do right all the other days of the year! Reading your blog it’s easy to see you don’t have many days like this so don’t sweat it. You’ve come so far, there’s no way on Earth a binge or two will have a lasting/negative impact!

  • Reply
    Australian Rose
    July 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    I’ve finally realised that those cravings just won’t go away. Ever. So I’m focusing on finding healthy substitutes for when I do want something sweet or full of carbs. I never wanted to be a picky eater during meals with friends but I need to take care of myself and they don’t actually mind that much swapping our junky restaurants for healthier versions (or at least ensuring “salad” appears on the menu of a junky restaurant!). Junk food has also been banned from my house. Walking 10 minutes in the cold to the supermarket makes junk food much less appealing and I never buy anything in packs, because the other 5 doughnuts end up getting eaten by me eventually even if I don’t want them.

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