Monthly Archives: August 2011

Vegetarian Anyone?

I’ve been considering life as a vegetarian recently, and I think I’m going to try it.  I’m going to eat vegetables (obviously) and fruits and beans and tofu (extra firm please) and other vegetarian-like things once I know what those things are. I will still, however, eat egg whites, fish, cheese and other dairy products.

I’m not saying that I’ll do it forever or even a month.  I just want to try it.  I want to know if I’ll miss eating meat or if I’ll feel healthier and lighter without it or if it will be too high-maintenance for me to handle.  I’m curious so I’m going to find out.

Are you a vegetarian?  Have you ever considered it? Do you have any suggestions for me as I start exploring the possibilities?


Checking In

A 24-hour period without the internet can throw me into a frenzy of withdrawl.  Is anyone else addicted to technology? (Come on, I know you are too!)

I’ve been off the radar for a few days as I find myself traveling and trying to figure out the next step.  Financially and otherwise, it didn’t make sense to stay in L.A. right now because of some unexpected things so I’m going to regroup and make a new plan.  I’ll keep you updated.

Right now I’m tired from traveling which isn’t over yet so I’ll share some of my thoughts, fears and hopes later this week – including my thoughts on becoming a vegetarian, my new workout plans, my desire to go back to therapy and my future.  Friend Makin’ Mondays will be back in the rotation next week too.

I just need a little time to readjust.  I hope you’re having a good week and that you’ll be back to weigh-in with your opinions on the ideas that are swirling in my head.


They Didn’t Choose Me

I did something today that I never thought I’d do…I auditioned for Biggest Loser.  I went to the casting call, stood in line for several hours, made friends and met a couple former contestants.  It was a fun day, but I didn’t get a callback so I will not be appearing on Season 13.  I was, however, recognized a few times because of my blog which was the coolest. thing. ever. 😉

Laurie, Philip, Amber and me...

Adam from Season 5


Austin from Season 11

When I heard that callbacks for L.A. were complete, I was bummed because I didn’t receive one.  And while I was really, really, really, really hesitant about auditioning for the show, I’m glad I tried.  I got up at 6:30 Saturday morning and drove to the audition because I believe in myself and what I can do.

I have already proven that I can lose weight, and I’ve been fighting inside my own headspace to reclaim the success that I had in losing the first 100 pounds.  It’s not easy, but I know it’s possible.  And I’m willing to battle myself and the obstacles in front of me in order to reach my goals.

I’m not sure how long it will take, but I’m going to continue working out and working through my issues with food.  And I am going to what’s best for me because it’s my responsibility.  And I know I’m worth the effort even if Biggest Loser isn’t sure yet.


Slimmons Friends

I talk about Slimmons a lot because I’ve had so many incredible experiences there!   I have had some amazing workouts, and I’ve also met some incredible people.  And one of those people is Paul.  Aside from the fact that he’s seriously handsome, he also has an incredible story to share.  And last night he shared it with me so I’m sharing it with you.

Paul was one of the first people I noticed at Slimmons when I was there in May because he seriously knows his stuff!  He makes the entire workout look effortless which is awesome for me because I typically stand right behind him.

He began his journey that started at Slimmons in January.  He had reached a point in which he knew he wanted to change his body and habits so he went to Slimmons after a friend suggested it.  And he had so much fun that he just kept going back.  He also changed his food habits replacing snacks (often times quality chocolate) with homemade fruit salads and adding turkey to his personal menu. And he lost 25 pounds.

It’s obvious when you’re talking to Paul or watching him workout that he feels fantastic.  He’s a great example of someone who has changed his habits and his life.  And while I have a long way to go, it’s much more fun to exercise with others who have embraced healthy living.

Do you find motivation in people you meet at the gym?  Are you driven or in any way affected by what the people around you are doing when you’re working out?


Another Day

Richard Simmons has a way of pushing me to do more than I think I can do, and that works both physically and mentally.  And tonight, he knew I was upset/tired/frustrated, but he helped me burn major calories and even put a smile on my face when I felt like crying.  (I cried too, but let’s talk about the smile first.)

He wore an awesome outfit today which featured a pink tutu, and he made me wear it for the pic.  I was so nervous that I’d ruffle the tutu beyond repair, but urged me to put it on and go from there. Obviously, I don’t look as cute in the tutu as Richard, but I feel great about the fact that he encouraged me to wear it.  I also feel great about the fact that I was able to give it back to him in one piece. 🙂

When I’m working out Slimmons (even on nights like tonight when I’m not bouncing off the walls with energy) I’m reminded of the reasons I came to L.A.  and the reasons I think I should be here right now. I’m facing a temporary yet immediate struggle, and I don’t know how to fix it.  I do know that I need to give it my best effort because we only truly fail when we stop trying.

I don’t have all the answers, but I do have the support of my friends and family.  I have a good head on my shoulders and a loving heart.  And I’m working to do my best with what I have…and tonight, that’s enough.


Still Trying

It’s a new day, and I’m still trying to figure out what to do with myself in the immediate future.  But today looks brighter than yesterday.  I’m emotional, and sometimes I allow my fears to replace my hopes.  It doesn’t happen often, nor does it last very long…But yesterday, I found myself feeling more hopeless and scared than I have in the last year or so…I even considered giving up my blog.  (Actually, the thought entered my head and left as quickly as it came, but it was still a scary feeling.)

I decided to blow off steam by going out to eat so I headed to my favorite new place, Souplantation.  I ate two giant bowls of salad, a blueberry muffin and a piece of cornbread.  I didn’t need all of it, and I knew it.  I just ate because it felt better than worrying about my future.  (Look, I’m not making excuses…I’m being honest here, and it’s not easy to admit that I still struggle with these choices so bear with me. )

After that, I spent some time talking to Dad on the phone and to my friend Kelly after that.  They both told me that giving up is never an option and that things would be better soon, etc.  They both also made the point that I’ve come through harder stuff before, and they’re right.

But that wasn’t enough yesterday so I went to Crumbs Bake Shop.  My goal was to buy a cupcake and eat it (which is okay from time to time, in my opinion.)  But yesterday, I made a conscious decision to get it because it would make me feel better.  It sat in the car with me…It came inside with me, and I placed it in a bowl thinking I’d eat it at some point.  The problem is that I didn’t really want it.  (What?! Who has ever heard of Kenlie not wanting a cupcake?!)

All night, I knew that the cupcake was there…I knew that I could eat it and that no one would know, but I didn’t.  And right before bed I considered it again, but I decided against it.  And this morning, when I woke up, I felt so proud of myself.  I didn’t feel pride for not eating a cupcake.  I felt pride for stopping myself during an attempt to feed my feelings rather than dealing with them.  And this is what happened to the cupcake…

They're not as tasty when you want them for the wrong reasons..

After eating a peach and a banana, I removed the cupcake from the bowl and smashed the crap out of it!  if you’ve never struggled with emotional eating then you probably can’t understand how hard it was and how good it felt to smash the cupcake.  Now it’s in the trash, and I feel a little bit better about myself than I did when I bought it.

I still have issues to work out, but I’ve reclaimed hope today.  I’m also going to weigh myself tomorrow so I know where i stand for the week.  And I’m going to enjoy the rest of this Tuesday (which will include my first solid workout in 3 days) and move forward feeling a little big stronger than I did yesterday.



Friend Makin’ Mondays: The Last Thing

This weekend was epic so I’m sad to see it end, but I’m looking forward to so many things this week like spending time with KeepItUpDavid (which I happen to be doing as I write this post) and seeing friends from Louisiana and enrolling for school and going to an audition for a TV show (that’s very LA, right?)

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: The Last Thing

1) What is the title of the last book you read?  I am currently reading “The Help” because I want to see the movie (which seems much more interesting than the book so far…)

2) What is the last movie you saw in a theater? I saw two this weekend with friends at a drive-in theater!  It was so much fun!  (Details and a few pics coming later!)

3) Briefly describe the last person you saw today.  I am currently looking at KeepItUpDavid (well, when I look away from the computer screen. hehe)

4) Which store did you most recently shop in?  My last stop was at Trader Joe’s where I bought bananas, peaches, mini pretzel bread and brie bites.

5) Who’s the last person you spoke to over the phone? Aunt Janice…she’s traveling around the US, but she was checking in on me. 🙂

6) Where’s the last place you vacationed? I spent a large part of this year traveling…my last official vacation was Aruba last year, but since then I’ve been to Baltimore, New York (obviously) and Louisiana, Oklahoma, Colorado and now L.A. which feels like a vacation everyday.

7) When was the last time you kissed someone of the opposite sex?  Last week…;)

8) What’s the last thing that made you laugh?  KeepItUpDavid’s comment on Kelly’s latest blog post.

9) What’s the latest app that you downloaded on your phone?  Instagram…I haven’t used it yet, but I do want to try it soon!

10)  What’s the last kind thing you did for someone?  I helped an elderly woman read labels at Menchie’s (my favorite yogurt shop.)  It’s sad that I had to think for a while to come up with this, but it shows me that I need to do more to be kind in little ways and big ways…


Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions!  I hope you like them!  If you have an idea for FMM, please e-mail me, and it could be featured!  Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments!

Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle!

If you’re friends with me on Facebook and/or twitter then you probably know that I have a new bike.  I’ll share some details about that later, but right now I’m just so excited to share pics and talk about my first experience with it.  It’s 2012 Trek Lexa C WSD, and it rides like a dream!

My long time friend, Joe (a bicycle commuter in L.A.) put my bike together so we could ride to Slimmons.  I was so nervous to ride in traffic, but Joe made it easy.  And I was thrilled when he decided to join me for a workout with Richard!

Our bicyles are friends.....

On our way to Slimmons...

By the time we arrived at Slimmons, I was on cloud nine!  I faced my fears of riding in L.A. traffic, and it was so rewarding!  And I was surprised by how easy it was to get there.  Commuting by bike is so much faster than driving, and I can’t tell you how happy I was with myself for stepping out of my comfort zone again.

Joe and Me before our workout

Aunt Janice and Joe joined the workout and had a blast, and Barbara watched and took pictures with us after class.  They loved being there, and I loved that they were so close for a while.  I already miss them, as they left yesterday.

Aunt Janice, me, Richard, Barbara and Joe after our workout...

And, of course I had to take a solo picture with Richard before hopping on my bike again.  I love taking pictures with Richard…I’m quite sure I’ll always love it.  He’s just such an incredible person, and I feel so lucky!

On my way home via my bicycle...

I’m excited about adding another fun form of exercise to my regular routine.  I’ve missed having a bike and a car, and now I have both again.  I also feel as though I’ve regained control of my body and habits.   I’ve been struggling with cravings lately, but I’m winning the battle.  And I know that if I keep this up, the scale will yield good results Monday.  I’m a work in progress, and that’s okay.

Life is so good right now, and I’m thankful for the people and the opportunities in my life.  I have friends and family that support me and a body that is strong enough to change.  And I’m going to continue reminding myself of these things because I believe in myself now, and I believe that I will reach my goals.

I feel renewed today, and I’m looking forward to a weekend filled with exercise and health-minded friends.  What are your plans for the weekend?  Will you make healthy choices that you’re happy you made Monday?

More On Cravings

I’ve talked about craving more than I have before, but I still have a lot of self-reflection to do in this area.  Lately, I’ve been feeling quite strong in my workouts, but food has been a struggle.  And I’m trying to look within myself to understand why. It’s frustrating to admit over and over that I still struggle with my food choices because I kind of assumed I’d have it all figured out by now.  It felt so easy during the first year…

In addition to more food than I need, I crave other things.  I crave love and attention. I crave physical affection from a significant other.  I constantly desire new nail polish (check out my stash if you think I’m exaggerating!)  And I’ve always believed that I’m in need of a new handbag (even when I actually own several.)  For years, I have gone through various phases in which I tell myself that I want and/or need new things.

When I lived in New York, I couldn’t go into Sephora without buying a new lip color, nail polish, moisturizer, eye shadow, etc.  And I still find it nearly impossible to walk in without buying something.  The gratification of purchasing something new (whether it’s food, makeup, clothes or the latest techie gadget) gives me a thrill.  Am I the only one who feels this way?  Am I working through an addiction to food, affection and shopping?

The answer is clearly yes, and while I’ve decided that it’s more important at this point to control it than to understand why, I still want to figure it out.  I want to feel settled and satisfied.  Wanting things (much of which I don’t really need) all the time is exhausting.  I may need a new sofa, but I still have much more than many who seem happily satisfied with less.

Why do I crave so much more than I need?  I don’t have the answer, but I’m going to continue searching for it.  It may not be the most important question that I could answer for myself, but it definitely matters.  And as I continue down this road to self-understanding, honesty, love and acceptance, I’m going to continue to ask the tough questions because that’s the first step toward finding the answers.

Does this self-reflection make sense to anyone else?  Do you crave more than you need?