I’ve talked about craving more than I have before, but I still have a lot of self-reflection to do in this area. Lately, I’ve been feeling quite strong in my workouts, but food has been a struggle. And I’m trying to look within myself to understand why. It’s frustrating to admit over and over that I still struggle with my food choices because I kind of assumed I’d have it all figured out by now. It felt so easy during the first year…
In addition to more food than I need, I crave other things. I crave love and attention. I crave physical affection from a significant other. I constantly desire new nail polish (check out my stash if you think I’m exaggerating!) And I’ve always believed that I’m in need of a new handbag (even when I actually own several.) For years, I have gone through various phases in which I tell myself that I want and/or need new things.
When I lived in New York, I couldn’t go into Sephora without buying a new lip color, nail polish, moisturizer, eye shadow, etc. And I still find it nearly impossible to walk in without buying something. The gratification of purchasing something new (whether it’s food, makeup, clothes or the latest techie gadget) gives me a thrill. Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I working through an addiction to food, affection and shopping?
The answer is clearly yes, and while I’ve decided that it’s more important at this point to control it than to understand why, I still want to figure it out. I want to feel settled and satisfied. Wanting things (much of which I don’t really need) all the time is exhausting. I may need a new sofa, but I still have much more than many who seem happily satisfied with less.
Why do I crave so much more than I need? I don’t have the answer, but I’m going to continue searching for it. It may not be the most important question that I could answer for myself, but it definitely matters. And as I continue down this road to self-understanding, honesty, love and acceptance, I’m going to continue to ask the tough questions because that’s the first step toward finding the answers.
Does this self-reflection make sense to anyone else? Do you crave more than you need?