My Weekly Weigh-In and Other Stuff

I was on the phone for hours last night with a friend who is way too easy to talk to.  So when I finally went to sleep, I slept for a few hours before waking up to a busy day.  I was really, really productive! I packed a few suitcases of things that I’m taking back to L.A. this weekend and accomplished several other important things including my weekly weigh-in.

After a huge loss last week (8.8 pounds) I didn’t expect much today, but the scale definitely reflected my efforts because I was down another 3 pounds making it a total of the first 100+ whatever + 11.8!  Reframing my thoughts and working on worrying about the total number less has really had a positive affect on me.  I feel strong and confident and ready to conquer this week too!

I can’t express how great it feels to workout and make mindful decisions all week that allow me to step on the scale with confidence.  I know that we all have varying opinions on the scale, but seeing the numbers in black and white is crucial to me. And right now, I like what I see (kind of.)

Seeing the downward trend again makes me feel like a rock star, but I still have so many issues with how I look.  I’m still living apologetically – still insecure about what the outside looks like in spite of how far I’ve come.  I’m not sure when that will change, but I know it will at some point.  Until then, I’m going to keep taking it day by day.

I read a quote on twitter today that had a pretty strong impact on me.  And it was particularly poignant because I’ve been fighting major feelings of insecurity regarding my body since this afternoon.

“A stranger’s judgment of you does not define who you are; it defines who they are.”

It’s a powerful statement, and it’s true.  Seeing that quote turned everything around for me, and I began replacing my insecurities with positive thoughts of how far I’ve come and what I’m doing right now.

It has been a fantastic day, and I’m not quite as scared/sad/anxious/worried about the next chapter of my life as I was only a few days ago.  I’m moving in a good direction, and it feels like the right direction.  (Remind me of that when I need to hear it, okay?)

What about you? Are you moving in a positive direction?

 

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27 Comments

  • Reply
    PlumPetals
    August 2, 2011 at 1:12 am

    What an awesome feeling!! Congrats 🙂
    I’m right there with you on the whole dealing with the emotional/mental aspect vs physical as I try to lose weight. It’s something that I’ve been writing about a bit lately … still have quite a ways to go though.

    Love the quote you posted. Definitely something to keep in mind.
    Thanks 🙂

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 2, 2011 at 5:43 pm

      It’s definitely the hardest part…more difficult than any workout for sure…but it’s also very important. At least we’re facing it. =0)

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  • Reply
    Kris
    August 2, 2011 at 2:46 am

    My challenges lately have not been weight loss related (I’m at goal, and although I’m trying (unsuccessfully) to lose another 5 pounds for racing, I’m OK with me).

    Restructuring at work left me in a new position without clearly defined expectations. Plus, I loved my old job, so being moved out of it sucked. And my pay scale got lowered – not affecting me now, but I’ll never get a raise again in this position. Do I sound like I’m whining yet? I don’t mean to, but it’s been hard.

    This past weekend (I work shift work), I spent a lot of time defining the focus of what I want to accomplish in my new role; talking to the staff who report to me in an attempt to build rapport and a stronger team, and trying to sort out the one major thorn in my side. Taking control is definitely moving me in a positive direction!

    Great post, Kenlie, very thought provoking. 🙂

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 2, 2011 at 5:44 pm

      Life always seems to provide something to work through, but you’re doing it…good for you Kris!

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  • Reply
    Diane Jourdan
    August 2, 2011 at 2:56 am

    Congrats Kenlie on your loss and feeling better about yourself. I saw that quote also on Twitter and I plan to show to my beautiful daughter. Good luck with your move.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 2, 2011 at 5:45 pm

      Thank you Diane!

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  • Reply
    Jen
    August 2, 2011 at 6:13 am

    Congrats! Love that the scale is showing your hardwork!
    Do you know how much you’ve lost altogether now since starting on your journey?

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  • Reply
    Brandy
    August 2, 2011 at 7:01 am

    Kenlie, sometimes it feels like you say the things that have been bouncing around in my head, even when I couldn’t put words to it. I definitely feel like I live apologetically. It’s as if I feel like I should apologize for gaining weight back after losing it before. Or that I should constantly explain, “oh I’m trying to live healthier and lose weight!” Why do I have that need inside me? Thank you for helping me recognize it so that maybe I can actually deal with it.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 3, 2011 at 2:24 am

      It’s not easy to deal with stuff like this, but it definitely matters…I’m glad you’re going to face it too!

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  • Reply
    KCLAnderson (Karen)
    August 2, 2011 at 8:09 am

    You are SUCH a rockstar 🙂

    I’ve been moving forward (I think we’re all moving forward whether it feels like it or not) but it’s been aimless…

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  • Reply
    Brooke
    August 2, 2011 at 8:30 am

    I’ve been frustrated for almost a year now, after losing 32lbs, but then stopping and gaining a bit back. Its been another year and I’m just now starting to show signs of loss again. 32lbs is good (we always wish it was more, right?), but its not the amount, its the number. After dieting most of my life…….that 30lb mark haunts me. No matter how big or small I was…….30lbs was my stopping point. I couldn’t get past it. Its like my body hits a brick wall and stops. This time, when I hit 30 and stopped……I lamented for a while and then decided……I’m going to start over. I wiped my WW charts clean and started from the current weight and started counting each lb over and over again. I still stalled, but it was easier to be positive about it when I didn’t think about the number “30” and what it meant in the past.
    As for the image of myself. I for some reason have a really positive image of myself in my head. In my head I don’t see cellulite, jiggly parts, round sections. I guess I only see what I want to see and the only time reality really hits is when I look in the mirror for too long. I’m not sure if that is healthy or not. Even skinny girls have insecurities about their body. That’s what I try to remember. I always say on my blog, that you have to love yourself, the way that you are, at every point and time.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 3, 2011 at 2:25 am

      I think there’s a balance between loving yourself and accepting that you’d like to change…I think it’s good to evolve, and we should keep trying to figure out how to get beyond our self-imposed hurtles. Keep it up Brooke!

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  • Reply
    auntiekim
    August 2, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Wow, wow, wow. 12 pounds in 2 weeks? That’s crazy good. You should be really proud of the hard work you did to accomplish that. Congrats!

    I’ve been pretty stalled for the past 2 months. I’m down 75 pounds so far. I’m eating right and exercising like a fiend so I’m not sure what else I could possibly do to kick-start this thing again. I guess my body just feels like taking a break.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 3, 2011 at 2:26 am

      It’s so common Kim..happens to me and to others…just don’t give up..Keep working on it, and the results will start coming again.

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  • Reply
    Amanda
    August 2, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Congrats with the rockstar results! I’m a fan.

    I love that quote. I just put it on a post-it note on my computer at work.

    I go to WW at work and we were dark for almost a month because we didn’t have enough people. It was obvious with my results that I need meetings and support. I’m excited for my meeting this week because it feels like a good week. Last Thursday, I was two pounds away from my 10% goal.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 3, 2011 at 2:27 am

      The meetings matter for me too. I can’t wait to go back! 10% is a very big deal! Keep it up!

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  • Reply
    suzanne
    August 2, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Fantastic!! You worked hard for that great loss 🙂

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 3, 2011 at 2:27 am

      Indeed I did Suzanne! =) Thank you!

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  • Reply
    Annie Weighs
    August 2, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Congrats on your recent losses!!! Love that quote. 🙂

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 3, 2011 at 2:27 am

      Thank you Annie! =0)

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  • Reply
    Dominique
    August 2, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Awesome job and awesome outlook! 🙂

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  • Reply
    9a
    August 2, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Reading your blog definitely has a lot of “heavy” emotional impact on me …

    So, I am going to attempt to not “comment-purge” here too much today … (Your quote holds water, both positive and negative, because “opinions” are definitely more about the reader’s visceral reaction and Id … and not very relational to your actual journey.)

    Everyone knows how it feels to have people whisper and judge … and here you are publicly facing all of your (fans, friends, family, accusers and anonymous abusers) and taking it all in, weighing it, and still choosing you first. (Win all the way!)

    (Which is what this blog is all about, right?)

    Right now I am 1/4 of the way to where I want to be. (I’ve been pretty much at a standstill since May.) I was hoping to be at 100 lost by August. (1 year.)

    … But instead, here it is August, and I am all Beatle-d at 64!

    I think it’s great that you are back on track and of course the numbers are always going to hold that extra-bit of validity. (I wish I could say that I am beyond numbers, (I’m not!), but these days my “first” goal is to not go backwards and give myself some “reasonable” wiggle-room … and every day I do that is a good day.)

    It was massively disappointing to not make my weight goal this summer, but I look back and the alternative was so grim and I am at peace with how it’s going, which in reality is pretty cool and will help me make it, eventually …

    There are two main things that keep “in the moment” with my healthy living quest and trying to stay static-free in regard to people’s various opinions and the mean little inner voice that can creep in on me:

    1. I remember how it felt to be hopeless and start losing actual “basic” mobility.

    I would drive around until I could get “rock star” parking at my destination and still barely making it 5 feet to the entrance. I was always looking for the closest place to sit down, having “basic” tasks become hernia-inducing. I would always pick a place that had “drive thru” and eat in my car.

    Now that my body “can” move again, I never want to stop moving … I find myself standing a lot and looking for reasons to “run” around the office as much as possible at work. (In my old life I would pray that I could just sit at my desk until I had to go home – I would sit so long my legs would swell twice their size.)

    2. I think about how many normal “positive” “happy” “confident” “pretty” days I have had since I started actually loving myself and treating my body with respect on this trek and now at 358 (this week!), in comparison to the limited amount of times I felt those type of emotions on the way up to ~422.

    Seriously, I could count the old “good days” on one hand, and they tended to be the holiday/birthday “life event” variety only. It’s way too easy to get caught up in the “bags of cottage cheese” that are forming under my now defined “real” arms and overall body “deflation.” (At least my “old fat” was firm!) It’s easy to think about how at my “best” I will still not be “thin enough” (re: society).

    Still, I am so much happier now and I feel like this is sort of my life lesson to think about how far I have come emotionally and how I choose to live my life in an honest and humble way … where I give myself (and others) a break. As for super lame “mean people” … If I am feeling extra-snarky I just think … “Yeah, OK, my body isn’t that “pretty” right now, but there *is* surgery for that … and so far no one’s come up with personality surgery!”

    Seriously though, I 100% don’t hate me anymore and really that’s all that matters. At the time that I ate all the cookies etc, I needed them and I was broken. It’s just such a relief to be free of that and be as close to “recovery” as I have ever been with food. (This means everything to me.)

    My personal new “Positive Direction” Goals:

    Now that my body is getting stronger and some of my heel pain is actually going away … I signed up for two months of twice a week training at my gym. (I can’t really afford it, but I am budgeting it in because it’s important to me to progress with my new found “activity level.”)

    I know that this time I am not starting at zero … I have a plan, and I want something I can turn into a long-term part of my life.

    While I was interviewing my new trainer … the *last* question I asked was, um so … how long do you think is “reasonable” to lose the next 50! (Thing is, this use to be the FIRST and only question that mattered to me.)

    (So, I think it’s all about baby steps and self-kindness.)

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 3, 2011 at 2:28 am

      Baby steps and self-kindness? DEFINITELY!

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  • Reply
    Deb
    August 2, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    Wow, way to go!!!!

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  • Reply
    Nina Patricia
    August 3, 2011 at 12:36 am

    good for you. I think I am moving on a positive way (not so much weight loss right now, I basically stopped last week while going to the Hospital, etc) but im being better and doing good for me, and only me. Learning to say no to others if is something that needs to be done.
    I;m so sad I missed this weeks FMM but I will use the questions on my blog later in the week. Keep going!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      August 3, 2011 at 2:30 am

      Wishing you the best Nina!

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  • Reply
    David (Keep it up, David)
    August 3, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    LOVE that quote. That’s all for now.

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