I’m sitting inside a Starbucks (a place that’s always familiar) on Wilshire Blvd. with my headphones in my ears and a million emotions swirling around in my head. Immediately upon arriving last night, I went to Ralph’s for eggs and cheese (yay! Tillamook!) then to Trader Joe’s for cereal, more cheese (my beloved brie bites) and a few other essentials. And the emotions started flowing…
When I lived in New York, I went to Trader Joe’s regularly. And last night, while I was looking for soy sauce, I ran across a certain food that I used to buy – shrimp that my ex-boyfriend used to like – and suddenly I realized that I miss him so much it almost hurts. I’m not saying that I wish I could be with him again (though part of me longs for the life we had when we thought it was good.) Instead, I really just wish I could talk to him about everything – his grams, where I went wrong, what’s happening in my life now… He felt like my family, but that isn’t going to happen. And as I begin this new chapter, I know it’s time to say goodbye to him.
We haven’t talked in almost a year, but I think about him everyday. He was my friend. I don’t say his name much anymore, but it’s time to start thinking about him less too – what he’d think about my workouts with Richard Simmons or how much he’d love laying on the beach all afternoon or how he’d laugh at my idea to run from my apartment to Sprinkles (a cupcake place that I haven’t tried yet.)
I’ve known for months that the rest of my life would happen without him, but now I feel as though it is finally happening! The new chapter has begun which means it’s time to turn the page. I have a few new friends, a new place to workout, new pots and pans and a new zip code.
Life has provided a clean slate for me, and while I’m nervous, I’m also ready to create the life I want so I’m going appreciate my surroundings and opportunities and fear less. I’m going to continue working to accept myself as I am – a work in progress who has made mistakes and great strides.
I’m choosing to move forward with my body, my mind and everything else because life is what we make it. And I want to make mine extraordinary. Wish me luck…..