There’s a guy in L.A., and he’s tall, handsome, brilliant and well-spoken. He has an appreciation for good food, culture and fitness, and he has a heart of gold. He’s funny and dreamy and really nice to me. And as I think about my future and what I want out of it, it’s hard not to picture him. He is the personification of my desires, but who doesn’t want the gorgeous, extraordinary guy who treats you as if you’re the only person in his line of sight (even when you’re surrounded by beautiful people?) Guys like him do exist, and from time to time, I’m lucky enough to know them. But they don’t come around everyday, and when they do, everyone else wants them too.
And over the last few weeks I’ve spent far too much time thinking about the kind of person I need to be to attract someone so beautiful inside and out. I’ve dated some pretty incredible guys, but we’ve never taken it to the next level. I’ve never been married, and I’ve never been willing to face the reasons for that. It’s easier to tell myself that “he just wasn’t the guy for me.” And while I believe that’s true so far, I’m not sure if I’d recognize the guy for me if he appeared in front of me today.
So I’m allowing myself to think about the kind of girl that this guy will choose long term, and I would guess that she’ll be beautiful, intelligent, charming, talented, funny and loving. She’ll probably also be driven and easy to be around. Maybe she’ll cook meals for him or eat the meals he cooks for her, and she will undoubtedly be self-confident enough to know that he’s as lucky as she is. She’ll be honest with him, let him see her at her worst and expect him to love her anyway, and he will because her beauty outweighs her flaws.
And while I’m more content to let love find me than I’ve ever been, I find myself thinking about what I can do to ready myself for it because if love found me today, I’m not sure I’d realize it. I know that I need to realize that I’m lovable before I can believe that someone can love me. I still have work to do within myself, and I’m doing it so I guess the rest will work itself out in time.