Boo…Hiss…Grrrrrrrr………

I’m not an expert on weight-loss, but I’ve lost enough to know it’s possible, even for me.  And I struggle to find a balance between sharing that message with everyone I know and actively staying quiet about it.  Changing the way I eat and how I exercise changed my life about two years ago, but if you read my blog you know that it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses for me.  The first hundred was relatively easy while the second has been a big struggle.  I’m still struggling to make headway, and I’m not giving up though it would be easier to do than I’m ready to admit.

After seeing my 4.8  pound gain  this week (you know, the one that I fully expected to see when I weighed in last night) I found myself thinking about some things that I shared with someone earlier this week.  Actually, I’ve talked about it a few times this week – once at dinner with a new friend and once during a Skype call with another person who matters to me.  Both of these people are winning the battle against weight-loss themselves so they understand what I went through in losing the first big segment of weight.

But this week, I’ve come to realize that most people (even these people and others who care about me) really can’t fully understand the battle I’m facing now.  They know what it’s like to look at a gigantic mountain and think “how am I going to climb that?”  But I don’t think many people can imagine looking up from the bottom of my personal Everest only to realize that the top is so high up that I still can’t see it – even after trying to desperately to climb it for so long.

When referring to my size, I typically use the word ‘overweight’ because it’s nicer than ‘fat’ and isn’t as gross as ‘obese.”  But the truth is that I was much more than merely overweight when I started…I was super obese, and I’m still obese now.  And throughout this journey I’ve struggled with anger at God and the world…I’ve felt resentment toward those who have weight problems that are far less severe than mine and  jealousy toward those who don’t seem to struggle with weight at all. And mostly, I’ve hated myself for making it this way.  I mean, I did it.  I talk about taking responsibility all the time, but there’s a fine line between taking responsibility and wallowing in shame.

I often feel as though the last year of my life was wasted.  I think about how I could be approaching my ultimate goal by now if I hadn’t allowed my emotions and my circumstances to affect me, but they did.  And I’ve learned so much about myself in the last year.  I’ve learned who I want to be, and it has also become painfully obvious that I wasn’t happy with who I was.  Again, this isn’t new information if you’ve read my blog before.

It’s hard to admit that I still struggle as much as I do, but it’s the truth (and something I haven’t always been so willing to admit.)  Seeing a gain on the scale this week after the amount of effort I put in at the gym left me feeling completely deflated even though I expected it.  But that’s not the end of the story.  If  losing weight was as easy as the weight-loss industry wants to make us think it is, then we’d all be thin by now.  We wouldn’t struggle for days or weeks or years.  We’d walk down a straight, flat, obstacle-free road, and there would be no story to tell at all.

The truth is that I have to keep trying.  I have to accept the numbers on the scale (which do matter to me) and understand that if I want to see something different next week, I’ll have to do something different.  Working out is a huge part of the equation, but what we put into our bodies will definitely be reflected as well.  So over the next 7 days, I’m going to make some big changes – again.  I’m going to workout, eat at home as often as possible and reduce the amount of processed foods I’m eating again.  I did that in the month of September, and I felt great.  I made a choice to retreat to processed foods that were low in nutrients for about 10 days, and I paid for it.  I’m still paying for it.

But it’s a new day, a new week and a new opportunity for me to do my best again.  I’m not perfect, and my journey will never be one of perfection.  But I can proudly say that I haven’t given up, and I won’t.

 

 

**And the winner of the KitchenAid blender is………Entry #131, Daisy. Daisy, I’ll e-mail you shortly, and you’ll have 48 hours to respond with your details before a new winner is chosen.  Thanks to everyone who participated! =)**

 

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47 Comments

  • Reply
    Stephanie O
    October 14, 2011 at 1:17 am

    Hey Kenlie – I’ve lost about 30 pounds recently, and am just getting to the point where I feel like my body has some “body” shape to it rather than being mostly roundish. And I’m *STILL* “obese.” (200 pounds, 5’6″, BMI is 31-32 I think) The labels are discouraging.

    Also – I know how easy it is to look backwards and think “if only I’d done _____ last year, think where I’d be now!” I’m in a pattern that has me losing about 0.5 pounds per week – it’s almost immeasurable in the random fluctuations, but over weeks I can find the trend. It’s achingly slow, and sometimes I think I should change something to speed things up (so I won’t have those thoughts in a few months!). But the truth is that what I’m doing now is pretty sustainable within my life, so I’m not worried about the speed. Try not to fuss at yourself about the past – you can only change tomorrow.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

      Congrats on what you’re doing Stephanie. That’s fantastic…and you’re right..it’s not a race. Keep it up! =)

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  • Reply
    Becca
    October 14, 2011 at 2:29 am

    I too know that this weightloss journey will probably be a lifelong battle for me also. Whilst I know I have done well, the self torment never ends and I am my own worst critic. So whilst I could easily say don’t be so harsh on yourself, I know it’s easier said than done.

    It’s easy to think where we could be if it wasn’t for this that and the other but in reality Life Happens, we can’t just work to lose weight, we need to live too and we need to look at smaller goals. I go for 5% challenges. The milestones are small and eventually, lots of small milestones = a larger one. Why plan to visit all the US states in one mass when you can visit each state one by one? Each one is a step closer to where you want to be.

    We can do this, and I still think you have done amazingly! 🙂

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 2:15 pm

      I like your thinking here…Thank you!

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  • Reply
    Ryan Yewell
    October 14, 2011 at 4:36 am

    Make a big pot of stew, a big stirfry, and a large dry salad, and you’ll have veggie food all week! 🙂

    Round things out with nuts/seeds/beans/fruits/smoothies/Greek Yogurt/etc. and your body will do what it does best, adapt to the new intake! 🙂
    RY

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 2:16 pm

      I seem to be happiest and healthiest when I’m doing these things so I’m going to do it your way this week RY…

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  • Reply
    Beth@WeightMaven
    October 14, 2011 at 7:10 am

    We probably started around the same weight and have made about the same progress, so I completely know what you are talking about (tho I’m much older, so I’ve yo-yo’d — in a big way — more I suspect).

    I think you’re spot on about persevering (I love this quote from Calvin Coolidge re persistance: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/nothing_in_this_world_can_take_the_place_of/201002.html). I also think you are absolutely right about processed foods. I follow a mostly paleo diet called the Perfect Health Diet and my experience along with many others who do it is that their cravings for foods are really reduced.

    One suggestion tho re the exercise. I once lots a lot of weight and maintained via what I now refer to as my exercise bulemia stage. I now follow an exercise path modeled on what our bodies essentially evolved to support: lots of low and slow, some interval training, and some weight lifting. This page explains why: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/definitive-guide-primal-blueprint/

    Best of luck!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

      That is a great quote on perseverance. 🙂 Thank you!

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  • Reply
    Beth@WeightMaven
    October 14, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Sorry, just realized I didn’t make the point I wanted re exercise, which is a lot of women go what Mark Sisson calls the “chronic cardio” route to lose weight. This can be problematic in weight loss for a couple of reasons. One, too much of it can result in excess cortisol production which will hurt weight loss efforts. Second, it’s not the calorie burn that is the most important … it’s the changes that exercise makes in the body. So doing lots and lots of cardio and not seeing big losses on the scale can be tough to take (and keep up with!). We’re all different, so it makes sense to do what works for you, but just wanted to suggest that it may not be that people have to do Biggest Loser types of pain-filled workouts to be successful!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 2:23 pm

      I don’t do BL workouts…for sure..lol I don’t think it’s necessary or realistic for most, but I do think cardio is incredibly important. My heart is in stellar shape even though my weight hasn’t changed much in the last year..and I owe that to cardio, definitely. 🙂

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  • Reply
    Joshua
    October 14, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Hey –

    I just wanted to drop a note and tell you how inspiring this was. I really needed it today. I’ve only been doing this for a solid week, and I felt like there was no end in sight. You see this huge mountain in front of you. I see this huge mountain below you. You’ve come so far, and accomplished so much. Please be proud of that.

    You are human. But you are so strong!! Many times, we’re stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Keep up the good fight! I’m proud of you for coming this far, and owning everything you’ve done (good and bad). It may sound strange, but when I read something like this, I realize that I’m not alone. Others who have blazed the trail before me fight the same battles that I fight. And some that I have yet to fight. So thank you!! Here’s hoping you have a wonderful weekend.

    Josh

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

      Wow…thank you Josh!

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  • Reply
    Eliza
    October 14, 2011 at 8:03 am

    Hi Kenlie,
    I just recently stumbled upon your blog and just wanted to say that you’re doing great and I wish I could give you a big hug (sounds like you need it). Persevere!! it will make you a better, stronger person.

    Take care,
    E.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:08 pm

      Thanks Eliza! I’d take a big hug…=)

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  • Reply
    Anne Schexnaydre
    October 14, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Joshua
    WELL SAID !!!!!!!!!!!!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:10 pm

      He did say what I needed to hear…:)

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  • Reply
    Marla K.
    October 14, 2011 at 9:55 am

    I cannot see your mountain to climb, but I can tell you that I have been there just recently when I focus on numbers, think about working so hard ALL the time and getting “stuck” or going backwards. As someone who loves numbers output does not equal input and sometime when that last over several weeks it is most discouraging. And each time I find myslef at this point I might find one more “tweek” and have to reevaluate and think to myself “am I willing to do X” and while the other part of me is screaming “WHAT”S IT GONNA FREAKING TAKE!!!! ”

    It is your personal Everest and it seems impossible today. And that’s OK because you just can’t help how you feel. However, I will say it you look like you are on the right track. Get out of your head thinking about the mountain and just start going!! GO GO GO! You have an eating plan (check!), you have a killer workout plan (check!) and you have a support team (check!). You can do this Kenlie! Consistency does pay off!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:10 pm

      I know I don’t have to reach the top today..I just want to make some progress…thanks for putting it into perspective! 🙂

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  • Reply
    Momma Hunt
    October 14, 2011 at 9:58 am

    I completely understand where you are coming from. I often find myself throwing a bit of tantrum about the fact that I have to work as hard as I do to loose the amount of weight that I do. Sometimes it is easier than others, but that is why we are all here. In the bloggy world looking for support in addition too or instead of the real people in our lives. Thanks for always sharing with us

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

      Thanks for being here and being so encouraging!

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  • Reply
    Nancy
    October 14, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Kenlie you have this so down pat which doesn’t make it easier I know ~ and exercise and what you eat….. but I am SO HAPPY you are blogging! I think THAT is helping you when you blog daily. It helps me to read what you write – that’s for sure. Please continue – – – daily. Thanks.
    N~

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm

      Blogging has undoubtedly helped me keep the first 100 pounds off.

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  • Reply
    Kris
    October 14, 2011 at 11:22 am

    You may not want to hear this, but maybe it will help – I hope so! It took me more than four years to lose my weight, from my highest point until I reached my goal – and I had “only” 107 pounds to lose.

    It was hard. I plateaued several times along the way. I lost and gained and lost and gained the same 20 pounds a few times. For a long time, I really never believed I would reach my goal weight. Then finally, it was so close – and I made it.

    You can do this! Your first 100 pounds came off fast (so did my first 40). You’re stuck in the middle right now – your body has adjusted to it’s “new normal”. Eventually, something will click, whether is it a new type of workout, or incremental changes to your eating habits, or even the weekly meetings – something will click.

    Don’t get too discouraged – it took a long time to gain the weight, and unfortuantely, it does take a long time to lose it. You’ll get there. 🙂

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:13 pm

      I think it clicked last month….I just made poor choices for about 10 days so I can’t blame my body…I just have to remind myself that it’s what I put into it.

      Thanks for the encouragement…

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  • Reply
    Anne Schexnaydre
    October 14, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Kenlie
    Just wanted to send you a quick message.
    YOU CAN DO THIS
    YOU ARE DOING THIS
    WE CAN DO THIS
    Strength in numbers!
    Hold your head high!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:14 pm

      Thanks Anne! =0)

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  • Reply
    TL
    October 14, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Hi, Kenlie. I lurk, usually, but had to chime in here since I feel my situation is a little bit similar. I lost 100 pounds and then didn’t do anything else for almost 2 years. Two years! What was I thinking? I think part of it was that I had done something big – 100 pounds! – but it was frustrating that I still needed to do it again (plus more). Perhaps I wanted to celebrate…but felt like I couldn’t. I’m not sure. But the next 100 pounds was certainly hard to even start working on. So hard, that I ended up gaining back about 30 instead. Very frustrating. I finally stopped messing around this year and am close to getting those 30 off (again). I don’t want to ever have to re-lose lost weight again. And this time, when I reach that 100 pound mark…I’m going to keep on going to pound 101, 102, and so on. All the best to you – as others have said, you have all the resources and a great plan…so you’ll be able to do this thing!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

      Wow..thanks for this comment TL. We can both do it…

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  • Reply
    Latina Barbi
    October 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    I say we are CURVY women!! muah!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm

      Hahaha true..

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  • Reply
    auntiekim
    October 14, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    I really related to this post on a couple of different levels. I confess that eating-wise, I’ve had a pretty easy time of it. It was the exercise part that I struggled with, and still occasionally struggle with. But, out of the blue, a couple of weeks ago I had a meltdown that really threw me for a loop. (you can read about it here…wish I knew how to do those fancy linky things: http://fortyisthenewfabulous.blogspot.com/2011/10/wednesday-weigh-in.html). I’ve had another one since that time. It was pretty eye opening for me to see that I don’t have that part figured out after all. I’m pretty sure, but not 100% sure, that it’s anxiety over the surgery I’m having on Monday. I’ve been telling myself I’m not nervous, but I obviously am as witnessed by my full blown anxiety attack this morning. Not a good day for me.

    The part about feeling like you’ve been climbing forever and still don’t see the top of the mountain? Been there, albeit under very different circumstances. It took me 20 years to graduate college. Twenty freaking years!!! Can you even imagine how long that is? I worked full time my entire adult life and only took two night classes a semester. It takes forever. For years and years and years and years and years I plugged along and never saw an end in sight. It took me years to go from being a freshman to a sophomore, then a sophomore to a junior, etc. It was incredibly discouraging but I kept on going. And it was really, really hard. Really hard. And I wanted to give up more times than I can count. The day I got on that stage was the happiest day of my life. The degree itself doesn’t actually mean all that much to me, per se…lots of people have them. But I know for sure they didn’t work as hard as I did to get it. We all got a time to say a few words if we wanted and when I mentioned how long it took me, and how proud I was that I kept on going…I got a standing ovation.

    So, while the circumstances are different, the feelings are the same. I UNDERSTAND. Keep on going. You’ll have good days, you’ll have bad days. You’ll make progress, you’ll have setbacks. It will mean so much to you with each milestone you reach.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm

      You amaze me, and I wish you the very best in your surgery Monday. I’ll pray for you….

      And wow….20 years paid off huge. I’d give you a standing O right now if you were here! 🙂

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  • Reply
    Cheryl
    October 14, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Please don’t feel that the last year has been wasted. You’re being far too hard on yourself. Those people that you resent for being thinner than you may be facing other problems: being out of work, being in debt, fighting a disease or whatever.

    Remember what Plato said: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

    I went though a REALLY difficult thing this year (not trying to compare to what you are going through, but for me it really, really sucked) and I did spend some time sitting around crying and asking myself “why me? why must I suffer?”. You know what? There are just no good answers to that question. I mean, someone could give me an answer, but would it make what happened any easier or more acceptable? I’m going to have to say NO.

    So I decided to turn it around. I’m going to take what I went through and I’m going to be a beacon, a helping hand, for others who are going through what I went through, or who might go through it in the future. I was grateful for the help and support I received, and I can be that for someone else and that means this awful horrible thing didn’t mean nothing, it means *something*.

    Your struggle means something to someone, Kenlie.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 16, 2011 at 3:04 am

      You’re so right, and I don’t resent them often…I just had a rough day…I know you’re right…thank you…

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  • Reply
    Mara
    October 14, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    I understand your frustration! I’ve lost 116 pounds this year and it is always disheartening when it seems like you are working hard but are “stalled.” What keeps me going is reminding myself about all the things I can do now that I couldn’t do 116 pounds ago. And yes, I was content with my life at that weight but I would say that I am definitely happier now. Keep up the good work! And remember it is as much about the steps along the path as the destination.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      October 16, 2011 at 3:05 am

      There are so many things that I CAN do now…and focusing on those is definitely a better use of my time. Thanks for that important reminder!

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  • Reply
    Steelers6
    October 14, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    K, I love that you say you learned so much about yourself in the last year. I’m glad you were paying attention. And I am so proud of your determination & sticktoitiveness. Really. I mean sometimes we slip back a bit on the stones of the mountain, but we keep on climbin’, and get right back at the ‘better’ way of eating.

    I don’t always have a chance to read all the comments you get, but they are very encouraging and uplifting, & truly beneficial even if your name isn’t Kenlie. I feel like I can learn from the commenters myself. And I have to say auntiekim’s post above almost made me teary. Wow. She *should* be SO proud. That is certainly a testament to perseverance! I can only guess how many times she would have felt like taking a break or quitting. Wow. Chrissy

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    • Reply
      auntiekim
      October 15, 2011 at 1:23 am

      Kenlie’s post struck such a chord with me that I came back to read more comments. Thank you, Chrissy, for your kind words about my comment. Today especially, your words meant more to me than you could ever know. Thank you.

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      • Reply
        Steelers6
        October 19, 2011 at 12:01 am

        Aww! Well you sure have a right to speak on perseverance, dear. Such a great support group here. 🙂
        Chrissy

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  • Reply
    Mel
    October 15, 2011 at 1:23 am

    Hi Kenlie,

    I too have stood at the foot of that mountain… And I am still climbing it. I’ve lost 16kg in the last 5mths and have another 20 to lose. (I’m sorry I’m not sure what that is in pounds). I went went the low carb, high protein diet with help from my Naturopath, and I’m very happy with the results. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I’ve enjoyed it.

    Would you consider another weight loss program aside from Weight Watchers? Not even the low carb, high protein, but something else even? I know what even with my program every few months I need to ‘detox’ by going back to eating wholegrains, no dairy, low meat & loads of fruit & veg to help my body prepare itself for the next load of weight loss…. Maybe all your body needs is a change?

    Anyhow, I enjoy your blog… Good luck with climbing that mountain.

    Mel
    Australia

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  • Reply
    Kathie
    October 15, 2011 at 5:42 am

    Kenlie I agree with all u want to do this weight to help more those numbers down.

    What I didn’t see u say is you will increase your drinking of water…..you will find this will be an amazing thing to do

    Keep on keeping on

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  • Reply
    Jane
    October 15, 2011 at 6:46 am

    You are not alone. I have been rooting for you since a few months before your SouthWest incident. Besides me, there are people out here who have lost a heck of a lot of weight. Many have lost more than your final total and have had trials that I cringe to think about but I watch them keeping on and keeping the pounds off. Everyone has their own Everest, as you wrote. There are different trails to the top. The trail that is right for someone else may not be right for you. But if the trail you follow is not getting you higher perhaps you need to look to your personal Sherpa for another trail. I know you can make it.

    Jane~
    Keepingthepoundsoff.com

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  • Reply
    Dawn
    October 15, 2011 at 10:49 am

    I have tried and failed at diets forever. I have lost great amounts in the past only to give up and put it all back on. I am not saying this is easy or that I have not been a complete failure at it more than once, but I have learned something new. I failed due to stop/starting. Trying for a bit then giving up. Giving up for a couple of days then back on, giving up for 10 days, then back. This stop start approach showed I wasn’t really committed to it. Not really.
    Since the start of 2011 I have followed a rigid plan. Its quite simple, its a start….with no stops. None. It isn’t easy, but then stop/starting isn’t either. I’ve learned to just do it. Not to flap about, not to mess up here and there. Just do it. Has it been any harder than the old fails? No honestly it hasn’t. I made myself a decision – a line in the sand moment and I said…all the nonsense stops here, I’m going to do this, and do it 100% and the only thing between me and success is to have the determination to do it. I don’t know where I found it from but I did. Do I get scared that one day old habits will creep back in – yes truthfully I get very scared, but over 9 months in – I’m living a new life on the results and that’s the best way I know to keep doing it.
    My advice, may be harsh, but true is just to do it.

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  • Reply
    Renée (@pinkypie)
    October 16, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Hey Kenlie – you’ve had some lovely comments and feedback here and I’m not sure I can say anything that will be more or even equally impactfull…

    I just want you to know that I also know how you feel a bit. Let me put it this way – I follow and read along and I see people’s success every day. And it seems so easy to them. Eating, Running, losing weight, maintaining, etc. I wonder what is wrong with me? I wonder why I am so alone in this? I want to know what I did to the universe to deserve the struggle and the frustration.

    I can’t compare to the number or the amount that you have lost and still have to lose, but I can say that I also still can not see the top of the mountain. 23 months now I’ve been on a plateau. Yes, that’s one month shy of 2 years. And you know what? I honestly have no idea when I will ever get through it, IF I will ever get through it. It’s frustrating. It’s heart-breaking. ESPECIALLY when you work hard and you get no result. Or you strive to be perfectly on plan but you are so hungry that you have the feeling you’ll pass out and then you know NOT eating is NOT good for you. It feels like 1) no one understands, 2) no one wants to hear you (in this case me) bitch about it and 3) it’s a no win situation.

    You and I and perhaps many of your support system are learning to maintain in the middle of the process. Which is good in a way. When we finally get there, which we will, we’ll know what to do. Keep making healthy choices, keep moving your body, keep trying new/different combinations of things and eventually we will get there.

    lots of love and strength to you xxx

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  • Reply
    Bella
    October 16, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    I can relate to your post so much. I think I’m climbing my own Everest (love the analogy) and I am almost to the part of the mountain that would offer a bit of a respite, I’m mere steps away, yet I can’t seem to get a foothold.

    Both of us just have to keep moving forward, because going back down before we’ve accomplished our goals would be the real waste. And that’s just now who either of us are.

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  • Reply
    SC
    October 18, 2011 at 11:24 am

    sorry to tell you this but 45 minutes of the elliptical as all your exercise is kinda a joke..walk or run for a way better work out. the elliptical is what i call the “lazy man’s work out.” just walk for a couple hours- you will burn alot more..

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  • Reply
    Karen
    October 18, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    This paragraph really spoke to me, where you wrote:

    “I often feel as though the last year of my life was wasted. I think about how I could be approaching my ultimate goal by now if I hadn’t allowed my emotions and my circumstances to affect me, but they did. And I’ve learned so much about myself in the last year. I’ve learned who I want to be, and it has also become painfully obvious that I wasn’t happy with who I was. ”

    I’m one of the people you sometimes resent (“felt resentment toward those who have weight problems that are far less severe than mine”) as I’m trying to lose about 50-60 lb. to go from being “mildly” obese (if there is such a thing) to being a healthy weight again, as I have been most of my life. Like you though, I started along just fine, losing 20 lb. bet. July – Dec. 2010, but then my world was turned upside down when my father was diagnosed with Stage III lung cancer. The next 8 months were a chaotic blur (in hindsight) of going to Dr. appts., hospitals, and drive-thrus in between all my already chaotic days being a mom of young kids who works full-time outside the home. I did not make great choices, and many days, didn’t make even any good choices, and I paid the price. I saw my 20 lb. loss dwindle to 12 lb., and even though my dad passed away on Aug. 9, I’m still struggling to get back to good habits & good choices, more than 2 months later. My weight lost to-date is back to 15, but the 35-45 I have left seem insurmountable some days.

    Just in that one paragraph you wrote though, you make an excellent case for how your past year has NOT been wasted. You’ve accomplished & learned so much, and you keep trying. That’s more than a lot of people can say, and I applaud you for your efforts, but also your open-ness in writing about them.

    The next 100 pounds may come off more slowly than the first, but if you keep making the effort, they WILL come off, and that’s what counts. Your writing inspires me, and I am thankful for the thoughts you share.

    Take care,
    Karen

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