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Here I Am Again

I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I started this blog for myself.  I wrote posts to keep myself accountable and to look back at victories as I climbed my personal Everest, and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.  Over the last year, I’ve written countless posts about getting back on track, hitting my internal reset button and figuring out how to move forward after I did it for so long, and today is going to be another post about taking one step forward and ten steps back then more steps forward. This hard thing (fixing my body and mind) is something I am determined to do – even if I have to work at it for the rest of my life (and I know that’s the most likely scenario.)   And I’m certain that my blog has helped me maintain the work I’ve already done.  I don’t want to guess where I’d be without the support and accountability I receive here.

It is no secret that I’ve struggled over the last year (though yesterday was better.)  I’m proud of maintaining, but in September I thought I had found my new groove.  I thought I had figured it out again, but I have not.  Rejoining a Weight Watchers group gave me a renewed sense of hope,  but joining alone is not where the magic happens!  The truth is that I’m struggling to control my food portions.  I don’t remember having this much trouble on a consistent basis when I started WW in 2009, but I am now because I’m not following the program – at all.

I can think of a few seemingly justifiable reasons to be struggling lately (death of my uncle, toe injury, new meds…)  But the truth is that the reasons/excuses are not as important as making the changes I need to make to adjust.  I worked out yesterday – 45 minutes on the recumbent bike, upper body and 100 crunches which didn’t bother my toe too much, but this is my first healthy day since Wednesday.  Eating more crap and drinking wine and beer is not exactly the way to counteract my lack of gym time, but that’s what I did this weekend.  Yes, my weekend was amazing, but I’d look back with fonder memories if I could look forward with more confidence.

Every Thursday, no matter how poorly or how well I’ve eaten all week, I find myself ready to start over…ready to tackle the next week…until Friday night or Saturday night. At that point, I find myself thinking that I can worry about it tomorrow…I’ll say to myself “I’m going to workout so why not eat this extra piece of bread (or three?)” and  I end up spending Monday through Thursday trying to undo the damage that I did Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  And while it makes absolutely no sense, I know some of you know exactly what I’m talking about so my goal for the next 7 days is to track my food intake and to sweat hard at least 5 times.  When I do that, it works so I’m going to exercise and eat foods that I’m not embarrassed to enter in e-tools.

I say no to myself pretty often, but lately I haven’t been doing it enough.  Over the last four weeks, I haven’t said no much at all (at least consistently,) and I haven’t said yes to the gym or to vegetables and other healthy habits.  And I don’t want these setbacks to become my new normal though sometimes it seems they have.  If you’ve ever been to my blog before then you know that this isn’t new for me, but you also know that I don’t give up.

I know I’m not the only one struggling right now.  I also know that I have to keep trying because I definitely cannot accept failure and/or defeat.  If losing weight was easy……..well, you know the rest…….


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  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 1:19 am

    You are definitely not the only one struggling right now! I finally went for a run today after not having worked out for the last 2 1/2 weeks (and like you said, it’s always something – I went out of town, it was too dark, I was sick…) Today was a good, back on track kind of day with food and exercise. One day at a time, that is how we will tackle this. Try not to look down the road, but focus on what you are going to do today. Just today. You are persistent and you are amazing – you’ll do great!

  • Reply
    Lily Fluffbottom
    November 8, 2011 at 2:43 am

    One day at a time. That’s all we can do.

  • Reply
    Princess Dieter
    November 8, 2011 at 2:59 am

    Use your blog as your accountability tool. Lots of us have gone through something like this, and I’ve seen some bloggers do well by using the “If I eat it, I post it.”

    It might give you pause, many pauses, on Fri-Sat-Sun, if you commit to post all your eats for those days. EVERY point and bite. Think about it. 🙂 Might help hold you back on the days of temptation.

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 4:19 am

    It’s odd how many of us are struggling right now – is it the time of year? The year in general?

    I have started and restarted trying to eat healthy & clean so many times this year – yes, I’m at goal (or, almost. I gained enough that I need to lose a few to get back). But I know if I don’t try, I’ll just keep gaining, and so, I try again.

    Today marked the end of 7 good days. I decided Halloween would be my last bad day for a while, and it was. Now I just have to keep building.

    It gets easier every day, and you’ve done this before. You can and will do it again!

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 7:04 am

    I think the time of year isn’t helping. The weather turns cooler and the days get darker and I find myself wanting potatos! Gravy! Carbs!

    I too need to get back on the exercise wagon. I’ve been shorting exercise time to get outdoor things done over the summer and fall, and certainly yard work has at least some exercise content, but it’s not the same.

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 7:51 am

    I’m in the exact same boat. The weekends are terrible for me, and I waste time and energy trying to make up for it by my Wednesday meeting. I haven’t been exercising, either, because I’ve been sick. Trying one day at a time is what I’ve got to do, too. And, I’ve got to remember that Saturday and Sunday are just days – nothing special about them.

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 8:35 am

    I just started WW today online and will go to my first meeting Friday morning. I’d struggled to lose 25 lbs and gained it all back within a month and a half of starting new meds. I was really bad about screwing around with those first few days and trying to make it up during the rest of the week too. It’s hard to remember that weigh day doesn’t really matter. It’s what we do ALL week that makes the difference. I’ll join you in the 5 days of exercise. I haven’t been able to go grocery shopping yet but I’m going to try to make good choices with what I have. The fact that you’re still here and still trying is an inspiration. Reading your posts is one thing that brought me back and let me to decide to try WW this time.

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 8:48 am

    My goals are the same! Tweet me if you need encouragement!!! I just posted on my blog the *gain* I had…OUCH. Just really weird. But I’m getting back on track and will be kicking it into high gear!!

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Something that definitely helps keep me on track during the weekends, is my Weight Watchers meeting is Monday night….so I’m always thinking about getting on the scale in a couple short days in the back of my mind. This week I have a wedding to attend on Friday so I know that will keep me on track all during the week too 🙂

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 9:31 am

    If you gave up completely………..that would be quitting, but starting over, no matter if you have to do it every week……….or every day…….or every hour……..is Not quitting.

    PS-I’m on WW and I combat my weekends by having my weigh in day be Friday, then my weekly points start over on the weekend. This is when I tend to eat a bit more b/c of more time on my hands and eating out. I do this on purpose, b/c I know I will not need any or as many weekly points during the week. It has been really good for me.

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Kenlie I have that EXACT same problem! EXACT! on thursday I am ready to take on the world and by Monday I am beating myself up for making bad choices during the weekend. I wish I had an answer for you. I don’t. Weekends suck for me too!

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 10:12 am

    This is exactly my problem. I start every Tuesday with great intentions and then they fall apart on the weekends. It’s so frustrating cause I feel like it’s becoming inevitable!

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    I find it easier to “be good” on the weekend when I am home, but my social calendar is full now through the end of the year. I have a small gain on Monday from eating out on the weekend, but it’s usually gone on Tuesday. If I’m on top of my game through the week, I still record a loss. I figure if I can keep moving in the right direction, I’m way better off than if I waited for my New Year’s Resolution!

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    I am right there with you. It seems like every I try to start over and do better. Some weeks are better than others. So far this has been a good one for me…but then again it is only Tuesday!

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    I am totally on the struggle trail too lately! (What is super annoying is how I can see the first 100 lost within my reach … and I am stuck at 78 lost!) To reach my “ultimate” long-term personal goal, I started with a 242 lb. challenge … so it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Yet, it’s nice to be only 145 away from the 200 … instead of 222 away! It’s that sort of thing that makes me happy and helps me not to give up. The things that keep me going are …

    Thinking about how far I have come and how strong I am now. I was killing it on the elliptical yesterday night and I was having trouble getting my heart rate where I wanted it – because I was better at it, where I use to not make it 5 minutes. (I am so much stronger now!)

    Trying to see this all as how I choose to eat and live and not a diet. If I want a cupcake I will have one. (It might be a Starbucks mini though, and just one!) Trying to not let a slip-up result in an all-out binge. Last night I had a cake pop, oatmeal and a hot chocolate for dinner. (Normally I have steamed chicken and veg.) I had made some chili, but instead of eating it too, I put it away for later …

    Every day of maintaining a weight is a win. I know that if I do more good than bad to my body, it will reward me eventually. It’s been sooooo slow … but I am so happy to be where I am today. The old me and my old thinking never got me very far for very long.

    Making real change is hard … that’s what you are doing and it’s worth it. The main thing is not to torture yourself for a fun weekend! It’s OK to have those, just make sure you balance and don’t give up on all of your hard work or discount how far you’ve already come! I know it is the times that I am super hard on myself that I mess up the most and fall apart. Slow is doable … crazy crash-stlye is not!

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Except for the blog part, this is me exactly! I guess all we can do is work to do better next time. As Craig always reminds me “there’s nothing I can do about it now,” so there’s no use dwelling on what you did or didn’t do because it can’t be changed. And I definitely find that logging your food makes me less likely to even want those extras because I don’t want to have to log it in.

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    I just had this discussion with my husband this weekend. Years ago i kicked ass – and i dont remember it being so hard. I was low carb for over a year, and when i had a bad day or a cheat day i’d get right back on track the next day. I lost 50lbs and felt and looked fabulous. 7 years later, ive gained all the weight back, plus 10lbs and i am having the hardest time keeping on track with any diet. In the last year i lost 19lbs, but over the summer i fell off plan and gained it back… To me, its not the diet plan i follow (ive been following WW the last few years on and off) but, its just me staying ON IT.. Why is it so hard? – WHY can’t i get back to that place?? Thanks for posting this… i can totally relate.

  • Reply
    November 8, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    Fun size Milky Way…Fun size Twizzlers…Fun size Whoppers…Fun size Milk Duds. Too many. And I didn’t count a single one on my points. Ugh.

    You know what the winning combination is. You’ve unlocked the secret to successful weight loss. Go for it, woman. As they say in every Adam Sandler movie, ‘YOU CAN DO IT!” Smooches to you, my friend. 🙂

  • Reply
    November 9, 2011 at 10:41 am

    You are definitely not alone with this struggle. It’s a battle many of us face! It’s not a quick and easy fix, it’s a lifetime change that will take time tweaking here and there. But most importantly you have the awareness of what needs to be fixed. You’re in the right mindset. You’ve come a long way and will go much further. Your past is proof of it!

  • Reply
    November 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    this may seem like an odd suggestion but have you ever considered switching you ww meeting night ? i know i am better behaved with a meeting just after the weekend , like say monday or tuesday than i am i feel i have the weekend to ” be bad ” and make up for it later in the week . i dunno , just thought i would mention it. after all , it is all just a series of head games isn’t it ? lol and no i do not mean that in a bad way! the physical change is the result of numerous small ( and sometimes larger) changes both physical and mental.

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