I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I started this blog for myself. I wrote posts to keep myself accountable and to look back at victories as I climbed my personal Everest, and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. Over the last year, I’ve written countless posts about getting back on track, hitting my internal reset button and figuring out how to move forward after I did it for so long, and today is going to be another post about taking one step forward and ten steps back then more steps forward. This hard thing (fixing my body and mind) is something I am determined to do – even if I have to work at it for the rest of my life (and I know that’s the most likely scenario.) And I’m certain that my blog has helped me maintain the work I’ve already done. I don’t want to guess where I’d be without the support and accountability I receive here.
It is no secret that I’ve struggled over the last year (though yesterday was better.) I’m proud of maintaining, but in September I thought I had found my new groove. I thought I had figured it out again, but I have not. Rejoining a Weight Watchers group gave me a renewed sense of hope, but joining alone is not where the magic happens! The truth is that I’m struggling to control my food portions. I don’t remember having this much trouble on a consistent basis when I started WW in 2009, but I am now because I’m not following the program – at all.
I can think of a few seemingly justifiable reasons to be struggling lately (death of my uncle, toe injury, new meds…) But the truth is that the reasons/excuses are not as important as making the changes I need to make to adjust. I worked out yesterday – 45 minutes on the recumbent bike, upper body and 100 crunches which didn’t bother my toe too much, but this is my first healthy day since Wednesday. Eating more crap and drinking wine and beer is not exactly the way to counteract my lack of gym time, but that’s what I did this weekend. Yes, my weekend was amazing, but I’d look back with fonder memories if I could look forward with more confidence.
Every Thursday, no matter how poorly or how well I’ve eaten all week, I find myself ready to start over…ready to tackle the next week…until Friday night or Saturday night. At that point, I find myself thinking that I can worry about it tomorrow…I’ll say to myself “I’m going to workout so why not eat this extra piece of bread (or three?)” and I end up spending Monday through Thursday trying to undo the damage that I did Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And while it makes absolutely no sense, I know some of you know exactly what I’m talking about so my goal for the next 7 days is to track my food intake and to sweat hard at least 5 times. When I do that, it works so I’m going to exercise and eat foods that I’m not embarrassed to enter in e-tools.
I say no to myself pretty often, but lately I haven’t been doing it enough. Over the last four weeks, I haven’t said no much at all (at least consistently,) and I haven’t said yes to the gym or to vegetables and other healthy habits. And I don’t want these setbacks to become my new normal though sometimes it seems they have. If you’ve ever been to my blog before then you know that this isn’t new for me, but you also know that I don’t give up.
I know I’m not the only one struggling right now. I also know that I have to keep trying because I definitely cannot accept failure and/or defeat. If losing weight was easy……..well, you know the rest…….