Sex and Cupcakes

I spend a lot of time reflecting on my relationship with food, my daily habits and my self-worth.  I constantly remind myself that I’ve come a long way…that I’m strong enough to do this…And yet, after all this time, I still don’t understand why (or how) food consumes my mind so much from day to day.

I constantly crave cupcakes – constantly. Sometimes I want to look at them (cupcake shaped items like candles, cookie jars, etc.)  Other times, I want to wear them (note my apron or the Tiffany cupcake charm on my bracelet.) Sometimes I want to bake them, but I always want to eat them.  I do not eat cupcakes (and/or other sweet snacks) nearly as often as I day dream about them, but I do want to figure out how and why my mind lusts after  rich, decadent, cream cheese frosted mini cakes of deliciousness on such a regular basis. (See? I’m doing it again!)

I love this little charm...:)

Is it my love for new York (the place in which I developed my cupcake habit?)  Is it because cupcakes are so often associated with happy events like holidays, birthdays and parties?

For many years, I assumed that my love for sweet treats and other junk food came from a lack of romance and physical affection…I assumed that I was using food to compensate for the things I wanted and didn’t quite have, but I had a realization recently (yep, facing facts again) that it’s not true.  These days, I’m struggling with my food intake.  We all know that.  But I’m not eating because I’m sad…I’m not eating because I’m stressed or because I feel like something is missing.  I don’t really know why I crave more than I need, but I still do.  I’m still chasing my personal “a ha moment!”

Since I started dating Cal a few months ago, I’ve been showered with attention, compliments and kisses. (Don’t worry Cal…I won’t go into too much detail after this post.)  I know he thinks about me, misses me when I’m not around, etc.  He’s not afraid to show affection for me in public, but he’s happy to show affection privately too.  In short, I know our feelings are mutual which means that my cupcake lust theory (craving food because I lack a mental and physical connection with someone who matters to me) is completely off base.

I crave physical affection (yes, I’m talking about sex and everything that goes along with it in a serious relationship,) but I still crave cupcakes too.  When I think about Cal – how excited I am to see him…how much fun we’ll have – I sometimes find myself thinking that it will be even better if we stop at Menchie’s for fro-yo or Whole Foods for salad, brie and a baguette.  I don’t understand why my mind reacts that way, but I hope to figure it out at some point.

Life feels pretty damn good right now.  I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.  But I still have goals, and I still have some hurdles to cross.  I’m thankful that the man I crave wants me today, but I’m also thankful that he willingly offers his support (by making healthier choices himself and creating healthy and satisfying meals for me from time to time.)

I have some habits that I need to change, but I’m an intelligent, capable person who doesn’t quit so I’m going to keep fighting this personal battle with food.  I am determined to win it so today I’m going to focus on enjoying things in life that matter reminding myself that I don’t have to understand my cravings to control them. 

How do you handle intense, recurring cravings?   Am I the only one who has ever experienced food lust?

 

 

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33 Comments

  • Reply
    Anne Schexnaydre
    November 17, 2011 at 5:44 am

    kenlie

    sex and cupcakes… really??????

    ok, here are my immediate thoughts.
    Each week, I see you see you start off strong with “food” goals, then, they seem to go by the way side after a few days … and then, you seem a little defeated.

    So, this week, why don’t you set a “FITNESS” goal (instead of, or in addition to) a “FOOD” goal. You can kill it in the gym, right? So, figure out something that you have NEVER PHYSICALLY done before ( …um, and sex with Cal DOES NOT COUNT !!!!). Like, climb the ladder 1500 steps, or, walk the longest distance you have ever walked).

    Set a fitness goal that you have never before achieved, AND JUST DO IT !!!!!!
    That may put you on cloud nine, where the rest of your body is !!!!!!!!!!!

    Take care!
    Anne

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:29 pm

      Well, Anne….you know me……sigh…….and you’re right. I’ll create a fitness goal today and let you know what it is!

      I think it will be a walking goal…

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  • Reply
    Nancy
    November 17, 2011 at 6:16 am

    First time I have posted here. You seem like such a sweet nice lady! JMO but I think you need more to do! I know when I am busy, I don’t obsess about food or even think about it all that much. I don’t know what you are doing now but even volunteering a few hours a week- we all have the same amount of hours to work with- can change your life and hey, less free time means less time to snack! Also, don’t forget to plan- I am sure you planned a lot when you were lost your 100 pounds.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:30 pm

      Thanks Nancy! I’m constantly busy (which is maybe part of my problem.) Food doesn’t bother me as much when I’m at home, but I’ve been traveling (and will be) for the next 8 weeks or so. I lack the familiarity of routine, but I’m not sure how to change that now.

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  • Reply
    Jessica
    November 17, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Why do you think that way? I believe we have been raised in a society that associates everything with food.. Kids cannot go to a soccer game without having snack time and rewards of junk afterwards… So much for being physically active. My boys have scout meeting at 630pm at night.. roughly 1hr after we sat down to dinner.. the meeting is 60min.. and yes.. there is a snack included…. almost always some sort of overly sugared store bought baked good and HFCS filled pouch of *fruit drink*. I LOVE my kids school.. it is an amazing group of dedicated staff.. but once again.. WHY must everything revolve around rewarding kids with food? Treat bags at every party/event.
    The positive is the choices you are making…FRO/YO ( just found out a Menchies is coming to my local mall area yesterday!) over Coldstone, Salad meal over Buffet eat a thon.
    But like Anne mentioned maybe change up your goal… what will your fitness goals be next week? Focus on those.. and make food goals that are smaller.. I will eat a veggie filled salad everyday…

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:31 pm

      You and Anne are both right! I’m going to create a fitness goal and start today.

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  • Reply
    Anne Schexnaydre
    November 17, 2011 at 7:17 am

    duh … I failed to mention one thing ….
    whatever fitness goal you set this week… no matter what it is …
    I will join you in accomplishing !!!!!!!!
    Dear Lord, please don’t let it be a RUNNING GOAL. Amen.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:31 pm

      Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh? Nice! I’ll let you know!

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  • Reply
    Brooke
    November 17, 2011 at 9:04 am

    For so long you used food as a connection to “good feelings.” That just won’t go away overnight just b/c you have found happiness somewhere else. In fact, now you can have happiness x2 if you have fulfillment with Cal and food. At least this may how your mind sees it. You can’t replace your ‘want’ for food with something else. Its like a cig. smoker replaces their need for a cig. with food. Do I have any clue how to fix it? Nope. Still there myself, and I don’t even have a Cal. Just insight I guess.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:32 pm

      Thanks for making me feel like I’m not just insane. It’s a tough thing to figure out, but I’m going to keep trying to do it until it happens.

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  • Reply
    Momma Hunt
    November 17, 2011 at 10:11 am

    OMG I lust after food all the time. Sometimes more than others. I know what you mean that we always think it is because we aren’t happy that we crave the food, but for me even when I am happy I crave certain things too.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:33 pm

      Yep….same here. I probably exaggerated a bit in my post..I should have said I crave it in the evenings. During the day, I don’t care about food nearly as much. Weird, but I just had that little realization.

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  • Reply
    Chubby McGee
    November 17, 2011 at 10:24 am

    I’m a huge fan of food porn. Love it. As for my strange affection for cupcakes: I allow myself to have one once a week. I just budget it into my calories and physical exercise. As a matter of fact, I WALK to the bakery in my town to get one. LOL! I love it.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:34 pm

      That’s a GREAT idea! I allowed myself to have a serving of cake everyday during the first 100 pounds, and that seemed to work pretty fabulously. I’m not sure when I decided that it was so bad to do that. I mean, it helped me reach my first gigantic goal.

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  • Reply
    DesertNails8
    November 17, 2011 at 10:50 am

    I’m handling intense recurring cravings in a couple of ways. One is I substitute a healthier food, so like for cupcakes I will make Dee McCaffrey’s Plan D muffins. They are made with oat bran and don’t have any refined sugar in them or oil or flour. Then I generously top it with organic greek plain yogurt. The second way is I try to stop, set myself down or pause to ponder what had I thought about a few minutes before? And then I’ve been practicing letting my thoughts float free of myself without judgement because it seems like there’s usually some sort of prickly weed burr in there. I know it sounds weird but it is really working for me. Oh I almost forgot, I also ask myself when was the last time I had a good amount of protein because sometimes when I crave baked goods it’s because I need to balance my nutrition. Best of luck to you in finding some great tools to deal with the cupcake cravings.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:35 pm

      These are really interesting and thought provoking questions….I’m going to try some new methods too…

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  • Reply
    Shala
    November 17, 2011 at 11:03 am

    My number one is On The Border chips & salsa from the grocery store. I LOVE them. I have zero problem eating them anytime & gorging myself. So I avoid them like the plague. I can’t just “buy a serving” like a cupcake. I keep the salsa in the house, but never the chips.

    True story.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:37 pm

      I like those chips too…..I measure them out and eat an ounce at a time and feel okay. With sweets (cupcakes, fudge, rice krispy treeats, etc) I find them in my mouth before I’ve even considered whether or not I should have one.

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  • Reply
    TL
    November 17, 2011 at 11:33 am

    I have the food issue too. How I defined it (for me), is that food is one of my hobbies. I just love, love, love it. Not all of it…but some really good stuff. With unlimited funds and an unlimited calorie budget, I could plan a culinary extravaganza – both of things eaten out and cooked at home. It’s something I found I could be a little bit passionate about. Not unlike someone who is really into wine, I guess.

    So I’ve had to change my mindset into food being fuel and really special treats, rather than being an every-day (or every week) hobby. With that focus, I’m less likely to over-do. I still WANT a chocolate and almond croissant, but I haven’t stopped to get one in forever, because it doesn’t work as good “fuel.” There will be a day when it will be the special treat I want, but I don’t know when…after all…it’s not really special if it makes me tired/bloated/gain weight.

    I feel like I’m rambling…but I could identify with the comment about “it would be even better if I stopped at [X] for some yummy [Y].” I agree with the others about fitness goals, too!

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:38 pm

      It sounds like you’re doing what I’m trying to do in a sense….say no even though I don’t understand why I’m so intent on saying yes….

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  • Reply
    kelly
    November 17, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Yummmmm,cupcakes! yup-ice-cream too! I just started a new medication a couple months ago and it makes me have cravings for all sweets.It’s driving me nuts,I’ve gained 10llbs. after losing 120lbs.How do you do it?Carl? Seems like ypu crave all the time…but you obviously aren’t eating them,your losing weight……..what gives? How do you ignore them?

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  • Reply
    Chona
    November 17, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Oh. My. Gee. I lust after food constantly. I’m always thinking about my next meal. This is the second day in a row I’ve talked myself out of driving to KFC and trying one of those famous ‘bowls’. I lust after pasta, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, pizza, anything really. But, in order to stay on track, I remind myself how I feel AFTER I eat this food. Yes, there’s the euphoria post-inhalathon, but then I spiral into this self-hateathon almost immediately after my last bite. And, my bites are pretty quick. After the gym today, I looked the other way when I passed the KFC and got a cup of coffee instead. And when I got home? I ate the salad I made at Whole Foods the day before and one of my Trader Joe’s soy veggie corn dogs. It wasn’t fried chicken drenched in gravy, mashed potatoes, corn and cheese, but feeling good about myself the rest of the day is MUCH better than the temporary satisfaction of a calorie-filled meal. Maybe I’ll try one soon. Who knows? I try not to deny myself anything, but it’s good to just keep my feelings in check as well.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:39 pm

      “…I remind myself how I feel AFTER I eat this food. Yes, there’s the euphoria post-inhalathon, but then I spiral into this self-hateathon almost immediately after my last bite.”

      There’s so much truth in that…I will start reminding myself of that again.

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  • Reply
    Dawn
    November 17, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    We are all basically the same, we eat more than we need…for a whole load of different reasons.
    I have heard that after a while in a new relationship, its easier to gain weight as you do social food things together, meals out etc. He sounds like a really nice guy and you are strong and determined enough to keep going on your plan and keep making progress.

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    • Reply
      Kenlie
      November 17, 2011 at 4:40 pm

      I eat out with or without Cal. 😉 And he’s happy to help me figure out how to get through this…I just have to keep trying….sigh…

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  • Reply
    Fiona
    November 17, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    No way, you are NOT the only one who has food lust. I think about food ALL the time. What I’m going to eat next, etc. Cupcakes sound good! For me, it’s cheese danishes, chocolate croissants, donuts….sigh….I deal with it by diversion, distraction, whatever it takes.

    Loved your post!!

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  • Reply
    Kathie
    November 17, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Couple of things come to mind…..

    Firstly if you never allow urself to have some it becomes so big in your ,ind that u lust after it…..

    Work it into ur programme once or twice a week see if that helps

    It may also be that it was a big thing when u over ate and gorged that it was cupcakes and you associate that with the hand/mouth need that goes with addictive behavior … ie smoking(hand/mouth) eating(hand mouth). Bite finger nail (hand mouth)

    Just a thought

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  • Reply
    angela
    November 17, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    I know you are on weight watchers, so I think you have to work into your points plan

    As for traveling, are you staying at friends/family or hotels? I think you have to treat your food like a diabetic or someone with a food intolerance: tell others you have a food requirement and pack it or buy it so you have good choices

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  • Reply
    Nina Patricia
    November 17, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    I do this to. If I’m sick I crave Chinese (gawd knows why), if we are celebrating I want Ice cream.
    I had a past boyfriend that I associate everything about him with Oreo Cheesecake!
    I don’t have a clue why we do this.

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  • Reply
    Kris
    November 17, 2011 at 11:02 pm

    With trigger foods (and cake and cupcakes are definitely one for me!) I do best when I avoid them. Period.

    It’s dumb – I can go out to a nice dinner and have a slice of cheesecake and be OK… but put me anywhere near a cheap store bought slab cake or tray of cupcakes, and I’ll down 5-6 slices! UGH!

    The mental part of weight loss is the hardest. Even now, after being at goal for 18 months, I struggle with binges.

    Good luck, Kenlie – it’s great that Cal is being so supportive in helping you try to figure it all out. Don’t give up, you’ll get there!

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  • Reply
    Meredith
    November 18, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Hi Kenlie,
    I like your blog – I’m in the same struggle, though I haven’t lost 100 pounds yet (only 20 so far). I have the same problem. I read in the book Willpower (good read) that the most effective strategy for cravings is to tell yourself you’ll have some later. Research shows that this self-talk works better than telling yourself you can’t have any or just breaking down and having some. Even if you do eventually have some of whatever it is you’re craving, their research indicates you’ll eat less of it than with other strategies.

    I’ve been trying it to good effect so far. Research doesn’t always pan out in the real world, but it’s worth a shot.

    Personally, I think my lust for food is a form of addiction, like the cigarettes I used to smoke. Problem is, you can’t stop eating . . .

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  • Reply
    Elanor
    November 23, 2011 at 12:41 am

    If you figure this one out PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I eat right most of the time but cake (read other response) keeps making it’s way in. I even gave myself a rule that I can only eat free cake, the next week we had 3 birthday parties so I had cake every other day. How does that happen??

    Saving for something is helping though. I need to save $10K by the end of next year in order to move to Canada (nothing against the US!). So every little bit helps and suddenly that cupcake doesn’t look as appealing (I heard you gasp). But still doesn’t help with the abundance of free cake…

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  • Reply
    JoAnn
    November 29, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Hi Kenlie, I was just wondering, have you ever seen a therapist about your food issues? I’m thinking that it may help (I’m not a therapist). I am actually planning to see one myself.

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