Monthly Archives: December 2011

Not My Shining Moment, But…

I did it.  I weighed in, and I’m up 8 pounds since my last weigh-in.  I knew that I wouldn’t like what I saw on the scale, but as I said yesterday…I admit it, and I take responsibility for it.  And that’s really all I have to say about it.

Actually, I do have one more thing to say.  Attendance was down in my meeting tonight, as I’ve heard it has been in other meetings.   And it would have been very easy to skip the meeting/weigh-in tonight, but I am so glad I went.  I am proud of myself for going – for keeping the promise to myself to show up and keep trying.

I stepped on the scale feeling discouraged, and I stepped off of the scale feeling discouraged.   But I left the meeting feeling refueled and refreshed and ready to take on the new week.  That’s why it is so important for me to attend the meetings – even those that I don’t want to attend.  It’s why Weight Watchers works.

I’m so thankful for the group I’ve found here.  When I left New York, I could not imagine finding another group that was filled with compassionate and like-minded people, but I have.  And I’m thankful for it.  Now I’ve said everything I have to say today. 😉


Keeping A Promise To Myself

Well, it’s weigh-in day, and I can tell you right now that it will not be pretty.  I will show a significant gain this week which made me consider skipping my weigh-in, but that’s not how it works.  I’m going! I ate and I exercised less, and now it’s time for the scale to reflect what I already know is coming.  For the record, I do think that going on and off of the birth control played into my gain a bit too, but the reasons don’t matter as much as the fact that I am back on track.

I don’t expect to undo several weeks of damage in two days.  (Sigh…I wish.)  Instead, I’m going to face the scale because I made a promise to myself, and I’m not going to let the yucky number piss me off, stress me out or impact what I’ve done this week. 

I am back in the habit of exercising, tracking and being more mindful of everything I put it in my mouth.  I have tossed out the divinity, the fudge and the caramel cashew trail mix from Target that I’ve been waiting since September to eat.  The cookies that Mom and I made went to an office of folks that were more than willing to get them off of our hands, and they’ve been replaced with cabbage, sugar snap peas, raw nuts, grapefruits and other foods that are delicious AND healthy for me.

Regardless of the number on the scale (it’s going to be bad, remember? I’ve already peeked) I know that I’m on the right track.  I know that I’m living my healthiest life today.  I lived it yesterday, and I’ll do it again tomorrow.  And right now, that’s as far into the future as I need to go.

The fact remains that I started here……..

My friend, Gordon, and me in 2008.

And now I’m here…

With Cal now...

And I feel different…better.  But I’m far from finished.

The scale does not define me, but my actions do.  And my actions will be reflected when I step on the scale this evening.  But hey, it could be worse.  I worked out a few times while I was gone (elliptical and swimming laps.)  But as my trip progressed, so did my leniency.  I admit it, and I take responsibility for it.  And that’s really all I have to say about that…

Have I Reached My Tipping Point?

I joined Weight Watchers in 2009, and I lost over 100 pounds.  Awesome, right?   (I know.)  I’ve said it over and over, “I’m proud of my accomplishments with weight-loss so far, etc. I know that losing a substantial amount of weight (and keeping it off) is a good thing, a hard thing…I should be proud of myself,” etc.  But I am so utterly tired of repeating myself, and yet, I’ve spent the last several months feeling helpless to change that.

My goal, when I walked into my first WW meeting, was not to lose 100 pounds.  In fact, I didn’t have a goal beyond the next week.  “Just lose something so you’re a little lighter next week, self.”  That was the plan.  It was not about the key chain or the charms or the 5 pound stars.  Instead, my focus was on nothing more than just weighing less next time I stepped on the scale.  I quickly began to love ‘Bravo’ stickers because those seemingly insignificant things like eating 4 bites of ice cream and tossing the rest or saying no to nachos at the movies collectively yielded big results.

I didn’t get specific about processed and unprocessed foods…nor did I waste time feeling guilty when I indulged in my favorite things like pad thai or cake.  That is, after all, the beauty of Weight Watchers.  I simply tracked it – something that I did religiously when I was losing weight like a champ – and moved on.  And that worked.

Looking back at the last year I am forced to face the realization that I weigh almost exactly what I did at this time last year (3 pounds heavier actually, according to my home scale this morning.)   Over the last several months, I’ve fought tooth and nail to hang on to what I’ve already accomplished though I realize that my efforts look futile.

I still have more than 100 pounds to lose, and I’ve been pretty candid about that in posts over the last year.  I’ve also been candid about the ups and downs, but I haven’t lost weight.

In the fall, I rejoined Weight Watchers, and I started to see the numbers coming down again.  I started to find a new groove then I started traveling.  I started missing meetings, taking birth control pills, drinking less water…and I didn’t fully commit to tracking.  Sure, I did it here and there, but I wasn’t consistent and neither was my weight-loss.  I’m back (still have some travels on my agenda, but not like the last 2 months) so I’m going to face the scale Thursday even though I had planned to skip it until the new year. (Not sure what my thinking was there.  Excuses and denial, I guess.)

I stopped taking the birth control pills last week, and I’ve already noticed a significant increase in my energy levels so I’ll speak to the doctor about alternatives sometime later.  Right now, I’m just going to focus on taking off the ridiculous amount of weight I’ve gained since I began taking them.  I can’t blame them entirely for the change in my weight.  For the record,  I ate some fudge over the holidays and during my travels…and cookies and trail mix, etc.  But I certainly didn’t realize that the scale would show a difference of almost 20 pounds since my last weigh-in.  Seriously?  (And I thought I was doing pretty well.)

Whatever the reasons for it, my weight has been going up NOT down, but the same strategy that works for so many of you will work (again) for me.

  • I will track my food intake everyday – consistently and accurately.  
  • I will follow the Good Health Guidelines that WW has set for me (fruits and veggies, water, oils, dairy, activity…)
  • I will focus on today and not on the big picture (which is clearly too overwhelming.) 
  • I will strive to lose 2 pounds between each weigh-in (realizing that it adds up instead of worrying about how slow it all seems.)
  • I will exercise 4 to 5 times per week (even when I don’t feel like it.) 
  • I will not skip meetings because I don’t want to face the scale. (I’ve only done that once ever, but I will NOT do it again…period.)
  • I will not give up. 

It would be easy to look at my post (and my blog) and say to me “Whatever Kenz.  If you were going to do anything, you would have done it already.  You should just throw in the towel.”  And there are folks who do and will, no doubt, say that in the comments after this post though I probably won’t publish them.

But believe me, no one is as hard on me as I am.  It’s beyond frustrating to admit that I’m still obese even though I’ve been at this long enough to have reached my ultimate goal.  It’s embarrassing and humbling to realize  (and publicly admit over and over) that losing weight is harder for me than I ever could have imagined that it would be as I entered 2010.  But it’s much easier to accept the fact that I need to keep trying than to accept the fact that I have failed so I will not quit.

Here I am again, promising myself (and you) that I’m going to keep trying…I’m going to keep telling myself that I am worth the effort (even during times that I don’t believe it.)  And I am going to make weight-loss a priority again (instead of a chore) starting right now.

Attending Weight Watchers meetings alone will not be my salvation because my leader, Penny, cannot do it for me…WW CEO, David, cannot do it for me…My dad cannot do it for me. Those of you reading this cannot to it for me, but if I track and follow the guidelines (minus the free fruits thing which does not exist in Kenlie’s world) I have little doubt that I’ll see last results again.  And that’s what I want.

There’s no shortcut.  There’s no simple solution that will replace my time, my sweat and my efforts.  This is about me and my goals and my willingness to do what’s best for me and what matters most to me.

It’s late December, and I realize that I could wait until January to make some kind of resolution….But this cannot wait.  My health matters today.  My confidence and belief in myself matters today.  I believe I’ve reached my tipping point.  I’m ready to do things differently right now so I’m done writing, and now it’s time t hit the gym.



It’s hard to believe that 2011 is almost over, but I’m looking forward t0 2012.  With each new year comes a new start, and while 2011 provided some incredible moments (good and bad) I’m ready to see what the new year will bring.  And if you’re reading this post, I have a question for you…

Are you going to make a New Year’s resolution?  If so, what will it be?  



Friend Makin’ Mondays: 2011 Holiday Experience

It’s the Monday after Christmas, and I don’t have much to say because I’m under the weather.  I spent Christmas Day in my pajamas and took a four hour nap in the afternoon that could have been longer.   I also took a little time to paint my nails. I can’t complain about the day, but I’m certainly looking forward getting well.

Started the day wearing this color...

Ended the day wearing this color...

This week’s topic will be short because I’m not feeling well and because I’m guessing that most of you are still traveling. But if you’re able to take part then I hope you’ll take a few minutes to tell us a little about your holiday.

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Do you celebrate Christmas and/or Hanukkah? If so, tell us about your Holidays 2011 experience…Did you enjoy it?  Do you wish it had been different? 

Since we had the most low-key Christmas ever,  I don’t have pictures of myself to share (believe me, you wouldn’t want to see me today) I’ll share some pics of the sweets I made.  I’m proud to say that I enjoyed making them more than eating them.

Over the holiday weekend, I ate a couple of cookies and half of a slice of NY cheesecake that I made from scratch (recipe courtesy of Kelly) which seems reasonable to me.  I suppose that not being able to taste food helped curb the temptations to eat it. I did eat more while I was out of town so I plan to get back to normal today…I need to get back to the gym daily too.  Anyway, here are a few pictures of my creations.  I realize that I need to cool it with Instagram. Ha..

Sparkly tree...

Second year in a row...

Christmas Day Fun

I decorate cookies with Cal's mom in Texas last week too.

Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! Happy holidays and happy Monday!



A New Philosophy (Because the Numbers Do Matter)

A couple of weeks ago, I said that my short-term goal was to lose 14 pounds, and that’s still my goal.  I knew it would be a lofty goal to achieve over the holidays, but I’ve decided that the time line isn’t as important as I was making it.  And after talking with Cal’s mom, Patti, last week I’ve decided to try something different.

It is common knowledge to many of you that Weight Watchers recommends losing half a pound to two pounds per week, but that doesn’t seem like much at all when losing 100 feels like it has barely made a dent.  But the truth is that time flies, and two pounds a week added up over a year would bring me into the 100’s – something that seems completely foreign to me right now.

So while my immediate goal is to reach 279 – a magic number in my mind, I’m going to spend more time focusing on tiny goals like 2 pounds per weigh-in, and that will be enough.  Patti, a successful, self-made real estate broker who owns a few different real estate offices and kicks butt at everything she does, lost 50 pounds by focusing on two pounds each week, and I know that would be less overwhelming for me too.

I’m hoping (and expecting, I think) to see a loss at my next weigh-in which will be the Thursday after Christmas.  Two pounds would be awesome, but any loss over the holidays would be nice.  (I say this as I’m about to indulge in a small piece of carrot cake that I made from scratch earlier this week.)

We had company...

I swam laps again yesterday, and I really wish I owned an Olympic size pool.  Of course, I’d be content just living close enough to swim regularly at the YMCA.   Until then, I’ll keep using the elliptical and treadmill and weights at Anytime Fitness.

I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays.  Hasta luego mis amigos. (I’m learning Spanish, remember?)

Beunas Noches!



FMM: Have You Ever? (And Some Other Things…)

Being at Dad’s house this week (and Cal’s parents’ house last week) has been great so far, but I’ve been busier than I would have imagined before I left.  And I miss my blog friends – big time!  I know that FMM may not be popular this week because we’re approaching the holidays, but Mondays are so much more fun for me when FMM is a part of it.  And I know that a few of you feel the same way so let’s do it.

Before that, I want to show you how I wore my hair for the wedding.  I had planned to see Megan before the wedding, but that didn’t happen so I fixed my hair myself at the last minute. Thankfully, I had some bobby pins in my purse.  I didn’t feel as glamorous as I had hoped, but the wedding was beautiful.  And Torri and Daniel are married now!

You can't really see my hair in this one, can you?

Over the weekend, Dad and I took Cal to the bombing memorial in Oklahoma City.  It greatly impacted our lives almost 17 years ago, and it’s still an intense place filled with memories that should never be forgotten.

OKC Bombing Memorial

Dad shared his memories with Cal and me...

We’ve also has some good meals and time with friends who have mattered to me for a long, long time.  I could write so much more, but now it’s time for FMM.

FMM: Have You Ever?

1. …traveled outside of your home country?  If so, where?  I’ve been to several fun places including Germany, Austria, Switzerland, France, Aruba, The Bahamas, etc.  And I plan to visit the UK at some point in the next year or so…

2. …performed on stage in front of at least 1,000 people? If so, share some details!  Yep…several times, but one of my favorite moments was singing with Don Henley from The Eagles or when I sang with Toby Keith.

3. …watched an episode of Jersey Shore?  Um, no…

4. …baked a cake from scratch?  If so, what’s your specialty?  I baked a carrot cake from scratch last night, and I really hope it’s half as good as Mom’s.  I’ll take a picture if it turns out well. 😉

5. …worked in a grocery store?  Yep.  My first job ever was pushing carts and carrying out groceries at a local grocery store.

6. …dated someone who was your best friend first?  No, but that sounds like a good way to do it!  I like to date guys that I’d want to be friends with too, of course.

7. …made a difference in someone’s life during Christmas?  I’ve volunteered and such.  Most years, I choose someone on the angel tree with the Salvation Army, and today I rang the Salvation Army bell in front of a store with friends…

8. …been on TV?  Yeah..

9. …had cosmetic surgery? No…that will probably change at some point when I’m at goal though.

10. …learned a second language?  If so, what else do you speak? I’m trying to learn Spanish now.  Cal is fluent, and my dad knows quite a lot too.  I’d like to get serious about learning it.

Now it’s your turn.  I know it’s a busy week, but I hope you’ll take a few minutes to share your answers on your own blog.  And if you do, don’t forget to come back here to link up in the comments.  Happy Monday friends…

Greetings from Oklahoma

Cal and I arrived in Oklahoma this evening, and we spent the evening with Dad.  We had some drinks and watched the debate while I knitted a scarf and Dad and Cal had their own little intellectual and theological debate.  Check out the scarf I made. 🙂

Sitting on the floor, entertaining myself…:)

I have so much to say about my plan to lose more weight in the coming weeks.  Cal’s mom, Patti, shared her philosophy on weight-loss, and I’ve decided that her plan will work for me too. We shopped yesterday from around 3pm until midnight.  It seems I  have finally met my match…ha 😉  Actually, she shopped much more than I did, but I had a great time with her…and I would guess that I burned quite a few calories walking because we literally didn’t sit until we hit Saks just before they closed. I picked up a couple of things, but I still have shopping to do!

Opening the first of her prezzies from Auntie! 🙂

I’ve also taken some time to workout at Anytime Fitness this week – totally confirming that I made the right decision between gyms.  I can go anytime, literally…and that’s precisely what I need.  It makes it really hard to come up with excuses not to workout when I can do it anytime and almost anywhere.

And while I’m here at Dad’s, working out with be more awesome than usual because after cardio, I’ll hit the pool.  I plan to swim at least a few miles over the next week, and I’m really looking forward to how that will make me feel.  I’ve kept my eating under control over the last couple of days too so I’m moving in the right direction, and it feels good.

I’m tired so I’m going to sleep, but I have to say that I miss you guys.  I hope you’re all enjoying this busy yet awesome season.  Sending out some virtual hugs to you……Good night from Oklahoma! 🙂


Busy Days

Life gets busy at this time of year, doesn’t it?  🙂  And there are so many fun things happening that I didn’t take time to post yesterday.  I considered doing FMM today, but I don’t know how you’d feel about that so instead, I’ll just share an update.

I haven’t worked out in the last few days.  I’m traveling, but I’ve decided to make time to workout today anyway.  There’s an Anytime Fitness a few miles from here, and there’s also a beautiful lake right outside so maybe I’ll just take a walk/jog with Cal’s dogs.  Either way, I’ve decided that Tuesday will be a healthy day, and I’ll worry about Wednesday tomorrow.

I got to spend the day with relatives before Cal and his mom joined us for dinner, and it was so good to see Aunt Meme.  I’d like to post photos, but I haven’t uploaded them yet.

Maybe I’ll have more to share after a good night’s sleep.  Until then, will you share what’s happening in your world?  I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected since late last week so fill me in.  Are you working out?  Are you eating well in spite of holiday parties?  What’s important to you this week?


Almost the Weekend

Last night I fell asleep sitting in the big chair in the living room crafting and watching Christmas movies, and I woke up and got into bed around 4am.  Oops!  After our Weight Watchers meeting, Mom and I made several batches of pecan pralines for my uncle and for the family Christmas dinner that’s coming up. Making candy on the agenda tonight after the gym as well.  After the candy making, I made Christmas cards and put together a few more packages because everything has to be mailed out today.

Simple this year...

I was pretty aggravated about my results when I stepped on the scale last night.  I was down 0.6 pounds, and while I prefer a loss to the alternative, I deserved to lose more.  I worked out several times last week (and need to start updating my workout page again) and ate reasonably even over the weekend.  I discovered a new love for raw cabbage and said no to cupcakes at one point, ice cream at another time, etc.  I did what I was supposed to do so I can only assume that if I keep doing it, I’ll show a nice loss when I’m back from my next trip.

Cal and I are heading out tomorrow after the wedding so I’ll have plenty of opportunities to make healthy choices before my next weigh-in.  I have an exercise plan in place that will include going to the YMCA near Dad’s house where I can workout then swim, and at least at the moment, my desire to live healthy is bigger than my desire for junk food.  I’m going to do my best to cling to that feeling, and take it one moment at a time.

I have a lot to do today so I’m cutting it short. What are your weekend plans?  Is it just me, or does life seem to get busier as the month progresses? 🙂