I joined Weight Watchers in 2009, and I lost over 100 pounds. Awesome, right? (I know.) I’ve said it over and over, “I’m proud of my accomplishments with weight-loss so far, etc. I know that losing a substantial amount of weight (and keeping it off) is a good thing, a hard thing…I should be proud of myself,” etc. But I am so utterly tired of repeating myself, and yet, I’ve spent the last several months feeling helpless to change that.
My goal, when I walked into my first WW meeting, was not to lose 100 pounds. In fact, I didn’t have a goal beyond the next week. “Just lose something so you’re a little lighter next week, self.” That was the plan. It was not about the key chain or the charms or the 5 pound stars. Instead, my focus was on nothing more than just weighing less next time I stepped on the scale. I quickly began to love ‘Bravo’ stickers because those seemingly insignificant things like eating 4 bites of ice cream and tossing the rest or saying no to nachos at the movies collectively yielded big results.
I didn’t get specific about processed and unprocessed foods…nor did I waste time feeling guilty when I indulged in my favorite things like pad thai or cake. That is, after all, the beauty of Weight Watchers. I simply tracked it – something that I did religiously when I was losing weight like a champ – and moved on. And that worked.
Looking back at the last year I am forced to face the realization that I weigh almost exactly what I did at this time last year (3 pounds heavier actually, according to my home scale this morning.) Over the last several months, I’ve fought tooth and nail to hang on to what I’ve already accomplished though I realize that my efforts look futile.
I still have more than 100 pounds to lose, and I’ve been pretty candid about that in posts over the last year. I’ve also been candid about the ups and downs, but I haven’t lost weight.
In the fall, I rejoined Weight Watchers, and I started to see the numbers coming down again. I started to find a new groove then I started traveling. I started missing meetings, taking birth control pills, drinking less water…and I didn’t fully commit to tracking. Sure, I did it here and there, but I wasn’t consistent and neither was my weight-loss. I’m back (still have some travels on my agenda, but not like the last 2 months) so I’m going to face the scale Thursday even though I had planned to skip it until the new year. (Not sure what my thinking was there. Excuses and denial, I guess.)
I stopped taking the birth control pills last week, and I’ve already noticed a significant increase in my energy levels so I’ll speak to the doctor about alternatives sometime later. Right now, I’m just going to focus on taking off the ridiculous amount of weight I’ve gained since I began taking them. I can’t blame them entirely for the change in my weight. For the record, I ate some fudge over the holidays and during my travels…and cookies and trail mix, etc. But I certainly didn’t realize that the scale would show a difference of almost 20 pounds since my last weigh-in. Seriously? (And I thought I was doing pretty well.)
Whatever the reasons for it, my weight has been going up NOT down, but the same strategy that works for so many of you will work (again) for me.
- I will track my food intake everyday – consistently and accurately.
- I will follow the Good Health Guidelines that WW has set for me (fruits and veggies, water, oils, dairy, activity…)
- I will focus on today and not on the big picture (which is clearly too overwhelming.)
- I will strive to lose 2 pounds between each weigh-in (realizing that it adds up instead of worrying about how slow it all seems.)
- I will exercise 4 to 5 times per week (even when I don’t feel like it.)
- I will not skip meetings because I don’t want to face the scale. (I’ve only done that once ever, but I will NOT do it again…period.)
- I will not give up.
It would be easy to look at my post (and my blog) and say to me “Whatever Kenz. If you were going to do anything, you would have done it already. You should just throw in the towel.” And there are folks who do and will, no doubt, say that in the comments after this post though I probably won’t publish them.
But believe me, no one is as hard on me as I am. It’s beyond frustrating to admit that I’m still obese even though I’ve been at this long enough to have reached my ultimate goal. It’s embarrassing and humbling to realize (and publicly admit over and over) that losing weight is harder for me than I ever could have imagined that it would be as I entered 2010. But it’s much easier to accept the fact that I need to keep trying than to accept the fact that I have failed so I will not quit.
Here I am again, promising myself (and you) that I’m going to keep trying…I’m going to keep telling myself that I am worth the effort (even during times that I don’t believe it.) And I am going to make weight-loss a priority again (instead of a chore) starting right now.
Attending Weight Watchers meetings alone will not be my salvation because my leader, Penny, cannot do it for me…WW CEO, David, cannot do it for me…My dad cannot do it for me. Those of you reading this cannot to it for me, but if I track and follow the guidelines (minus the free fruits thing which does not exist in Kenlie’s world) I have little doubt that I’ll see last results again. And that’s what I want.
There’s no shortcut. There’s no simple solution that will replace my time, my sweat and my efforts. This is about me and my goals and my willingness to do what’s best for me and what matters most to me.
It’s late December, and I realize that I could wait until January to make some kind of resolution….But this cannot wait. My health matters today. My confidence and belief in myself matters today. I believe I’ve reached my tipping point. I’m ready to do things differently right now so I’m done writing, and now it’s time t hit the gym.