Consistency Determination Discipline Exercise Lifestyle Reflection Weigh-In weight loss Weight Watchers

Have I Reached My Tipping Point?

I joined Weight Watchers in 2009, and I lost over 100 pounds.  Awesome, right?   (I know.)  I’ve said it over and over, “I’m proud of my accomplishments with weight-loss so far, etc. I know that losing a substantial amount of weight (and keeping it off) is a good thing, a hard thing…I should be proud of myself,” etc.  But I am so utterly tired of repeating myself, and yet, I’ve spent the last several months feeling helpless to change that.

My goal, when I walked into my first WW meeting, was not to lose 100 pounds.  In fact, I didn’t have a goal beyond the next week.  “Just lose something so you’re a little lighter next week, self.”  That was the plan.  It was not about the key chain or the charms or the 5 pound stars.  Instead, my focus was on nothing more than just weighing less next time I stepped on the scale.  I quickly began to love ‘Bravo’ stickers because those seemingly insignificant things like eating 4 bites of ice cream and tossing the rest or saying no to nachos at the movies collectively yielded big results.

I didn’t get specific about processed and unprocessed foods…nor did I waste time feeling guilty when I indulged in my favorite things like pad thai or cake.  That is, after all, the beauty of Weight Watchers.  I simply tracked it – something that I did religiously when I was losing weight like a champ – and moved on.  And that worked.

Looking back at the last year I am forced to face the realization that I weigh almost exactly what I did at this time last year (3 pounds heavier actually, according to my home scale this morning.)   Over the last several months, I’ve fought tooth and nail to hang on to what I’ve already accomplished though I realize that my efforts look futile.

I still have more than 100 pounds to lose, and I’ve been pretty candid about that in posts over the last year.  I’ve also been candid about the ups and downs, but I haven’t lost weight.

In the fall, I rejoined Weight Watchers, and I started to see the numbers coming down again.  I started to find a new groove then I started traveling.  I started missing meetings, taking birth control pills, drinking less water…and I didn’t fully commit to tracking.  Sure, I did it here and there, but I wasn’t consistent and neither was my weight-loss.  I’m back (still have some travels on my agenda, but not like the last 2 months) so I’m going to face the scale Thursday even though I had planned to skip it until the new year. (Not sure what my thinking was there.  Excuses and denial, I guess.)

I stopped taking the birth control pills last week, and I’ve already noticed a significant increase in my energy levels so I’ll speak to the doctor about alternatives sometime later.  Right now, I’m just going to focus on taking off the ridiculous amount of weight I’ve gained since I began taking them.  I can’t blame them entirely for the change in my weight.  For the record,  I ate some fudge over the holidays and during my travels…and cookies and trail mix, etc.  But I certainly didn’t realize that the scale would show a difference of almost 20 pounds since my last weigh-in.  Seriously?  (And I thought I was doing pretty well.)

Whatever the reasons for it, my weight has been going up NOT down, but the same strategy that works for so many of you will work (again) for me.

  • I will track my food intake everyday – consistently and accurately.  
  • I will follow the Good Health Guidelines that WW has set for me (fruits and veggies, water, oils, dairy, activity…)
  • I will focus on today and not on the big picture (which is clearly too overwhelming.) 
  • I will strive to lose 2 pounds between each weigh-in (realizing that it adds up instead of worrying about how slow it all seems.)
  • I will exercise 4 to 5 times per week (even when I don’t feel like it.) 
  • I will not skip meetings because I don’t want to face the scale. (I’ve only done that once ever, but I will NOT do it again…period.)
  • I will not give up. 

It would be easy to look at my post (and my blog) and say to me “Whatever Kenz.  If you were going to do anything, you would have done it already.  You should just throw in the towel.”  And there are folks who do and will, no doubt, say that in the comments after this post though I probably won’t publish them.

But believe me, no one is as hard on me as I am.  It’s beyond frustrating to admit that I’m still obese even though I’ve been at this long enough to have reached my ultimate goal.  It’s embarrassing and humbling to realize  (and publicly admit over and over) that losing weight is harder for me than I ever could have imagined that it would be as I entered 2010.  But it’s much easier to accept the fact that I need to keep trying than to accept the fact that I have failed so I will not quit.

Here I am again, promising myself (and you) that I’m going to keep trying…I’m going to keep telling myself that I am worth the effort (even during times that I don’t believe it.)  And I am going to make weight-loss a priority again (instead of a chore) starting right now.

Attending Weight Watchers meetings alone will not be my salvation because my leader, Penny, cannot do it for me…WW CEO, David, cannot do it for me…My dad cannot do it for me. Those of you reading this cannot to it for me, but if I track and follow the guidelines (minus the free fruits thing which does not exist in Kenlie’s world) I have little doubt that I’ll see last results again.  And that’s what I want.

There’s no shortcut.  There’s no simple solution that will replace my time, my sweat and my efforts.  This is about me and my goals and my willingness to do what’s best for me and what matters most to me.

It’s late December, and I realize that I could wait until January to make some kind of resolution….But this cannot wait.  My health matters today.  My confidence and belief in myself matters today.  I believe I’ve reached my tipping point.  I’m ready to do things differently right now so I’m done writing, and now it’s time t hit the gym.

 

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34 Comments

  • Reply
    auntiekim
    December 28, 2011 at 12:37 am

    I’m proud of you. My blog didn’t exist when I was struggling the most so I didn’t have a forum to share my successes and setbacks. I’m assuming all of us who read your blog (I’ll bet even the ones who leave non-encouraging comments!) have struggled with weight. We relate to what you’re going through. And hopefully (!!!) we have no judgment. You will get back on track. If there’s a specific issue that’s preventing you from being successful, I hope you are able to address it so you can have success. Let’s make 2012 a great year for all of us. Let’s make it a time for renewal and new beginnings. Big hugs to you, Kenlie.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 28, 2011 at 12:32 pm

      I’ve been addressing those things all year…now I’ve decided that I can continue losing weight while addressing them so we’ll see if that works? I think it will….hope it will…:)

  • Reply
    auntiekim
    December 28, 2011 at 12:38 am

    P.S. I ate like a billion pieces of fudge last week so I certainly don’t mean to sound like I have this all figured out 😉

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 28, 2011 at 12:32 pm

      =)

  • Reply
    Heather
    December 28, 2011 at 12:42 am

    Good for you, Kenlie! I’m so proud of you for your spirit and your constant dedication to get back on the horse! You’ll get there – I know you will!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 28, 2011 at 6:34 pm

      Thanks Heather…just trying not to fall off and be trampled by the horse.

  • Reply
    Jill
    December 28, 2011 at 2:27 am

    There are some great birth control options out there that are alternatives to the pill – definitely worth talking to your doctor about! I switched about a year ago from the Nuva Ring (which I loved) to an IUD (Mirena) because the hormones (specifically estrogen) in the ring were causing me to have sky high blood pressure (as in 150/100 and I’m of average size, eat well and exercise regularly). It was scary going to something I liked to something unknown, but it turned out to be the right decision for me. Not everything is right for everyone, this is just what worked for me, but there are options. Also, I always believe you can set goals/resolutions at any time of the year, why wait for an “occasion”? 🙂 You can do it! 2 pounds at a time!!

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      December 29, 2011 at 1:58 am

      High blood pressure would be enough to make me stop taking them too! Wow…I know there are other alternatives so I’ll discuss them again at some point. Right now, my focus is just on being consistent in what I’m doing again…

  • Reply
    Jilly
    December 28, 2011 at 3:37 am

    Don’t ever give up. I’ve lost and gained weight my entire adult life, never reaching goal. I’ve always been on a diet and have attended WW several times. Last year I started another. Something clicked, I reached goal weight, I am 42 and this was the first time in literally thousands of attempts. Whenever I struggle I compare it to people giving up smoking, just because this time didn’t work, would you advise them to not bother trying again! Keep trying, you will succeed, and it is not failure, just learning when you have to start over. My two pence worth, for me tracking is everything. I know my bad days are days I’ve stopped recording what I’m eating. Good luck, you know you can do it.

  • Reply
    PlumPetals
    December 28, 2011 at 5:13 am

    Losing weight and adopting a healthy lifestyle takes constant effort – it truly is about a change of life. Like you, I am also frustrated that I haven’t achieved what I wanted to achieve despite trying so hard (or so I thought).

    Just keep trying. You’ll definitely ‘all the weigh’ 🙂

  • Reply
    Kris
    December 28, 2011 at 6:10 am

    It took me more than four years to reach my goal weight – from a high in January 2006 to goal in April 2010. And I “only” had to lose 107 pounds to reach goal! And even now, almost 2 years later, it is a fight to stay at (or near) goal, 7 pounds have crept back, and it is a major struggle to fight them off.

    Every time you start again, you are one step closer to getting there. I won’t say we “all” go through this, because I can’t know that… but many of us have. We try. We fail. The important thing is, we try again!

    There is a Samuel Beckett quote… Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better. I take that to mean that we learn each time we fail, until eventually we find the right formula, and success is the result.

    Good luck, Kenlie, you can do this!

  • Reply
    mary
    December 28, 2011 at 7:41 am

    oh kenlie how i can so relate to this and you
    life is crazy isn’t it? and we have all had very busy lives in the past few months
    i don’t know about you but when it gets so busy i tend to fall off the healthier eating wagon
    the thing that is going to work is your outlook
    you want to keep trying…you are not waiting
    you are doing it
    one step at a time my dear, one step at a time
    xo

  • Reply
    Courtney
    December 28, 2011 at 8:29 am

    You ARE worth the effort. We can do it together! “But it’s much easier to accept the fact that I need to keep trying than to accept the fact that I have failed so I will not quit.” Thanks for the motivation!

  • Reply
    Karen P
    December 28, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Hugs. Good for you for going back. I’ve been to my WW goal 3 times. First time 60 pound loss, second time 15 pound loss, and third time 64 pound loss. Used Take Shape for Life (medifast) to loose the third time. Going to weekly meetings at WW for additional support.

    I found the book “Refuse to Regain” by Barbara Berkely,MD to be very helpful this time around. I’ll be using many of the guidelines in her book to finally maintain more than a few months. And the habits of health, from medifast. And not eating wheat, from refuse to regain. And eating only planned foods/meals ala the Blogs that I read and some of the tricks I learned along the way.

    Anyhoo, good for you for going back and restarting. Good luck this year. You are worth it. We are all worth the work it takes. KarenP

  • Reply
    Sabrina
    December 28, 2011 at 9:14 am

    You certainly have the right mind set and in this moment you are making all the right choices for you. That’s admirable. You will do well in 2012!

  • Reply
    Tammy
    December 28, 2011 at 9:16 am

    I made zero progress with my weight loss last year. I’m determined to do something about that this year. Well, actually, now. I brought my tracker to work with me for the first time in a month. Our new session of WW at Work starts one week from today, and I want to be back in the habit of tracking and being conscious of what I’m eating by then. I have no regrets about eating some of my mother’s fudge over the weekend, though!

  • Reply
    Helen
    December 28, 2011 at 9:40 am

    YES thanks for sharing. I was debating skipping my next WI because emotional eating is still an issue for me and I have had an extremely stressful month at work. I attend at-work meetings, and we had one 12/7 and then went on break due to events at the office and everyone being off for the holidays- our next one is 1/4. And I was going to skip it so I could get in a week of better habits before I WI but I am going to suck it up and weigh in, even though I know for darn sure I am up a couple pounds. Then I can see it working the next week adn the week after that. I think I may have finally reached my tipping point? I am tired of not eating healthily.

  • Reply
    Lisa
    December 28, 2011 at 10:33 am

    Oh man – I’m so glad that I’m not alone in struggling! I feel guilty for knowing what my good choices are and knowing that I need to track, but I don’t make those choices and forgetting to measure & track until afterward. I keep kicking myself over and over again. I wish I could get back to how it was when I first started WW when I was so careful & almost paranoid about what I ate!

  • Reply
    Jen al luckandfunny
    December 28, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Well, if good vibes and pride from a complete stranger help, I’m on your side. You have accomplished so much, and you ARE capable of taking it the rest of the way.

  • Reply
    Gail @ Shrinking Sisters
    December 28, 2011 at 10:53 am

    I’m tipping along with you. Looking back over the year, I lost 15 pounds. Not the 50 pounds that I thought I was going to lose but I didn’t gain any weight (and neither did you!)

    There’s no time like the present to turn the ship around if it’s going in the wrong direction, and since my “stern” side is bigger than the “bow” side, it may take a little time to turn it around. But it’s turning and so is yours.

    And now, off to run my “aft” off.

  • Reply
    Stephanie O
    December 28, 2011 at 11:48 am

    Kenlie – this post resonates with me so much! Last year I was on a 4 month plateau (4 months!) during which, according to my eating and activity logs, I should have been losing around a pound a week. It was amazingly frustrating, but in the end I realized – “throwing in the towel” meant gaining back all the weight I’d lost. I was only about half way to my goal weight, but I realized that if I had to keep doing what I was doing just to maintain my weight, I was going to do that. I *was not* going to “give up” and gain weight instead. Even if you never lost another pound you are much healthier now than you were before! (and I know you’re going to figure this out and keep moving down)

    I’ve recently read a couple of interviews with Diana Williams, who researches neuroendocrine control of food intake, body weight, and metabolism. She talks about weight loss and what research has to say about taking off and keeping off weight. Some of the answers could be seen as depressing – people who have lost weight seem to have to eat less than people of the same size who have never been fat to maintain the healthy weight. Yeah, that sucks, but it also confirms what I’ve seen in my own food logs – my body seems to burn fewer calories than lots of “calculators” tell me it should. It’s nice to know I’m not crazy, you know? Anyway, perhaps there will be something in these interviews that resonates with you:

    http://teenskepchick.org/2011/12/08/teen-skepchick-interviews-diana-williams/

    http://teenskepchick.org/2011/12/15/teen-skepchick-interviews-diana-williams-part-2/

  • Reply
    DesertNails8
    December 28, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Losing 100 pounds is an awesome accomplishment! Perhaps your body needed this last year to reset a lot of things after making a lot of changes. It may be working on adjusting & healing all by itself. Your lifestyle became so much more active and haven’t there been a lot of things going on in your life this last year? I think you are wonderful. And it sounds like you have a healthy lifestyle with good nutrition and regular exercise planned out for 2012. That’s always good. Keep up the good lifestyle!

  • Reply
    Bella
    December 28, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    This is such an important post that I know you (and your readers) will come back to again and again for motivation and focus.

    Your plan is solid, and it sounds like you’re not going to allow excuses to creep in and foil your determination. You WILL do this!

  • Reply
    Pj geek
    December 28, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    I’d lost 135 pounds and it was never, ever a certain amount week by week by week. So when anyone says “I will lose X # of pounds at each weigh in”, I see that as a potential flaw in the plan Even when you did it before. Even when
    “the plan” ( whatever the plan is ) says it is so.

    My weight loss patterns changed as my body changed. At first, I might go 4 or 5 weeks with no weight loss and then suddenly lose 12 pounds. My body was changing but the scale wasn’t. The trick was sticking with it when there were no results. I don’t fit in to the calorie calculators and diet tools, and once I accepted that I felt like less of a failure.

    I had maintained the 100 lbs loss going in to my 3rd year , but then I got to my lowest weight, after following a more strict diet and exercise regimem. I rebounded to the strictness and also had physical injuries from exercising, and now have regained about 40ish pounds.

    We are Tenacious. Clearly , I don’t have the answers. I’m still searching. I know that what worked before for me when I seemed to be stuck was to completely change something: the amount of food, the type of food , the type of exercise, etc, etc. What is also hard is that being a person that loves food and has poor boundaries with food already, has to eat gradually less and less food.

    I wish the best for all of us in this challenge. Good luck
    ( I decided to post some of my response as a post on my own blog–thank you for the inspiration)

  • Reply
    Maren
    December 28, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    You know what – F those people that would think like that and say those things to you. You are worth fighting for .. and yes, this isn’t easy – I mean, if it was, we’d be skinny right?? Follow your goals, and you will get there!

  • Reply
    Nina
    December 28, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    I am right there with you – Christmas was a disaster for me – not sure why, but I am depressed! I ate a lot of stuff that I normally avoid. I am stuck at 80 lbs down. (And somewhat avoiding the scale this week!) I just think it’s one of the hardest things someone can do – it takes a daily effort to do more good than bad, and often not quite seeing the results we really want when we do good.

    You are doing amazing … again, I think this is the fork in the road … and it’s all about not giving up half way! Don’t let the blog put any pressure on you – most of us get it and most of us want to see you win this thing. (There is always the lame 1%, but usually those people have a basket full of issues they are not facing right now.)

    I am totally down to make 2012 the best year ever! I know you are too!

  • Reply
    suzanne
    December 28, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    I have to say I love Weight Watchers, in fact I was following ww`s when I got to goal. Last week I decided I could no longer do it on my own and I`m a ww`s gal again.
    This is going to be our year Kenlie!! With honest journaling, drinking our water and exercising we can do it and we will do it 🙂

  • Reply
    Tim
    December 28, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    We all believe in you Kenlie. You can do this!

  • Reply
    keelie
    December 28, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Thanks for sharing this! I really know what you mean about saying the same things over and over again on the blog–I feel like I do it all the time. I recently apologized for it on there. Ha! But the more I thought about it I just have to accept this is the journey, redundancy and all. Like you, though, I’m ready to have some new material to share–like weekly losses again! I lost half of the weight I need to lose in 2010, maintained most of 2011 but up a few this month, and I’m claiming 2012 as my “finish year.” It’s time. Best wishes for this to be your finish year also!

    Keelie

  • Reply
    Brooke
    December 28, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Girl, we have all said these things over and over again at some point in our weightloss. There are plenty of cliche’ to tell you right now, but the truth is………when you are ready, you will be ready. Who cares if it takes you 1 year or 2……….as long as it gets done. You are 100lbs healthier than you were and one day you will be 200lbs healthier than you were. Mental, physical, emotional obstacles get in the way. Sometimes you have to stop, deal with them, them get back to the weightloss.

  • Reply
    KCLAnderson (Karen)
    December 28, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    And you know what? Maybe your mind/body/spirit needed a year to catch with that 100-lb weight loss. As much as I know you want to “get there” it takes as long as it needs to take…and honestly, the longer it takes, the longer it will last.

    Here’s some wisdom:

    Embrace your remarkable life and self for what they are because no matter how different you hope your future might be, your past (and current) life and self deserve your respect…at the very least.

    Persistence means “most of the time and in varying degrees,” not “all or nothing.”

    Comparing yourself to previous versions of yourself can be just as toxic as comparing yourself to others. Embrace the YOU you are right now. You are exactly who you need to be in this moment.

    These things don’t mean “give up trying”!

  • Reply
    Cathy
    December 29, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Love you, my friend! 2012 will be THE year. I figure if the Mayans were right, at least I will weigh less when the world ends.

  • Reply
    Mara
    December 29, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    I’ve lost weight with Weight Watchers in the past (and loved it) but it was too easy for me to eat bad foods and still lose weight. All I had to do was just track what I ate, and if I wanted to eat something bad for me I would and make up for it later. I ended up gaining back a lot of weight because I never learned the healthy habits, and it was frustrating (and made it that much harder to lose again). I am now on a doctor supervised weight loss plan that ‘forces’ me to eat healthy. There’s no more stopping at a fast food place for a burger and then not eating for the rest of the day. I suggest looking into something like this to help you lose the rest of your weight. Or to at least give you a jump start. You’ve accomplished a lot but it might require professional expertise to get you the push you need to make it the rest of the way. And, since I’ve lost 160 pounds, I do have some idea how incredibly difficult your journey has been.

  • Reply
    niki
    January 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    I site here totally amazed.

    You hear that people can lose over 100 pounds but it sounds so impossible. But you have done it! Kudos to you!

    I am inspired. I have 145 pounds to go til I am at a doctor recommended weight. Yikes. I have never admitted that aloud to anyone. Or typed it. My first goal is to lose 30 pounds this year. It is so hard trying not to get ahead of myself and get discouraged. Even if I meet that goal, which would be awesome, I will still have over 100 pounds to go.

    It is going to take time. I didn’t get this heavy overnight and I will not get thinner overnight either.

    Carry on, warrior, you will reach your goal. I believe in you! You’ve already done so fantastically well!

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