No More Boyfriend For Kenlie, (Or Dear Penny, I Want A Bravo)

Many of you are probably familiar with the bravo stickers that Weight Watchers leaders give out when their members do something good, and next Thursday, I’ll be collecting at least one.

Cal and I broke up today.  Well, it was official today, and we discussed it  just before my weekly weigh-in so I walked into my meeting trying not to burst into tears.  And yeah, that lasted until someone said hello.  I let it all out before the meeting.  I cried, weighed in then cried more.  Oh, and I’m down 3.4 pounds this week which exceeded the two that I hoped to lose so I’ll definitely take it.

Anyway, after feeling rather miserable during the meeting (I honestly can’t even tell you what it was about) I went to dinner with some friends who were talking about hitting the gym.  I typically do not workout on Thursdays so I drove home.  And as I was changing clothes I decided I’d hit the gym too.

As a treat to myself, I paid for a day pass to Peak Performance, the fancy gym with the awesome ladder, and decided to sweat until I felt better.  And I did sweat – until they closed.  See Penny?  I deserve a bravo!  (If you read my blog, you may already know that Penny is my WW leader…)

Only halfway through my workout...

Instead of turning to food this week, I’ve stayed on track.  I’ve exercised everyday, and I’ve tracked my food.  And I feel better about myself when I do that so I’m going to continue doing it.  I’ll be in New York for the next week, but I’d like to show at least a 2 pound loss a week from now so I’ll have to be mindful while I’m there too.

So back to the break-up.  I tweeted about it today, and I changed my relationship status on Facebook. (That makes it official, right?)  Anyway, I didn’t share many details, and I probably won’t.  But here’s the short version.  I care about him, but we decided (together) that he isn’t really what I need.  Unfortunately, I changed my mind, but he didn’t.  He wants to be friends, still wants to see me, etc.  But I don’t know if I can do that.  I don’t know if I want to do that.  As I said, I care about him, and it was nice while it lasted.  I got to say everything I wanted to say to him, and I don’t have a single regret about our short time together.   That’s probably all I’ll say about him.

So it’s been a long day, and I have some packing to do.  I’m flying out at an ungodly hour so my plan is to rest as much as possible tomorrow while accomplishing a few things – including another sweaty workout.

I read a quote that inspired me this morning so I’m going to share it with you…

“The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.”

I can’t make someone love me or want me or miss me, and I can’t make “Mr. Right for Kenz” appear in my life (as much as I wish he would.)  But I can continue working toward becoming who I want to be.  Last year was hard, and this year I’ve decided that, hard or not, I’m going to do what I need to do for myself.  I’ve already (re)started, and I think we all know I’m not going to quit.

I hope your day was better than mine, but I was reminded, as I often am, that there are so many people around who care about me.  Thanks for that…

 

 

82 thoughts on “No More Boyfriend For Kenlie, (Or Dear Penny, I Want A Bravo)

  1. BigMamaT

    I’m sorry, breakups suck (even when they make sense)…
    But AWESOME job- choosing to go to the gym rather than binge is a big, BIG deal, girl. Good for you!
    Also, that quote is already made into a little poster and up by my workout stuff, so thanks for that one!

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      I’m not totally convinced that it makes sense…but I’m trying to tell myself that it does…

      That quote is so so so true…you’re welcome..:)

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  2. Cathy

    Great job on the gym. So sorry about Cal, find as many (non-food) ways to feel better as you need.

    Cathy
    Twitter @HealthyBirch

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  3. Dawn

    I am so sorry to hear of your break up – I didn’t see that coming.
    Well done you for not responding to what is a very sad emotional event by heading for comfort in food. That is a real achievement.
    I agree with you to push on, reach your goals and become the woman you want to be physically will help you on the road to being in the relationship you want too.

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  4. Becca

    Reallt sorry to hear of your break up too but that can be a turning point in making things better for yourself again. You have a chance to shine on your own. Hold your head high, eat well and kick some butt. This year could be really good for you. x

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  5. Shannon

    Breakups suck that is the bottom line and I am sorry you had to go through this. You are such an impressive inspiring woman I hope you really know that. As much as you struggle to find who you are and happiness in who you are I struggle to not envy people like you. You are so on the right track and are making a difference so just keep focused and move forward. Congratulations on the weight loss!

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      Sometimes I feel like I’m on my hands and knees scratching to stay on track, and sometimes it’s not so bad…thanks for thinking those things..it’s just a process everyday…

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  6. JoAnn

    Kenz, I am so proud of you! You did such an awesome job this week despite the breakup. Keep at it and in a few months, weeks? you’ll see a real difference in your body (again). 🙂

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  7. Marla

    Breakups suck, but bravo Kenlie! Personally I wouldn’t have even gone to my meeting. Going to the meeting was an important first step.

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  8. Shala

    So sorry, but I know you’ll be stronger for it. Spending one extra minute with the wrong person means you could be missing the right one. So proud you sweated it off at the gym-way to channel!!

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  9. Peg

    Break ups suck, even when it is the right thing to do. Good for you for going to the gym instead of eating your sorrow.

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  10. Chona

    you are such an inspiration! i’m sorry for your breakup, but the way you handled it is so great. you constantly remind me that i need to take care of myself before i can take care of someone else. that i deserve my love before someone else deserves it. and i mean, i totally love you and your blog. haha. even though we’ve never met 🙂

    stay strong and keep it up! you’re an amazing woman!

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  11. auntiekim

    Breakups suck. Kudos to you for heading to the gym. That must have been hard. Congrats on your weight loss. ‘Mr Right-for-Kenlie’ will come when it’s right. Use this time to get yourself ready. **hugs**

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  12. Sharlie

    You are a much better person than I am..I have a tendency to let my emotions get the best of me. But u did an awesome job this week with work outs and weigh in despite everything going on!!

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      I have had that same tendency before which is why I’m so intent on sharing the differences right now..ha

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  13. Summer

    First of all, I am so sorry that you are hurting over the loss of this relationship. It’s sounds like you both are trying to be respectful of each other which says a lot. Only speaking for myself, it took me a long time to realize that just because a guy treated me nice that doesn’t mean we were meant to be in a relationship. I need someone that stimulates me intellectually, someone I am attracted to, someone that has the same religious beliefs as me, same basic moral/ethics, encourages and inspires me, wants marriage, wants children, etc. I know there is no perfect guy, but it’s important that for people in their relationships to be with people that at the minimum have their “must haves”. I don’t know what your “needs” are, but it’s important that you remain true to yourself and honest with yourself about them. It sounds like you are working to do just that. Just keeping being you, being open to possibilities, and making yourself a priority. I’m proud of you for making healthy choices! Take care of yourself and stay busy.

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  14. Steelers6

    HUGS!

    Thanks for sharing, good job on hitting the gym. Wow. Looks like it was quite a workout.

    Have a grand time in NYC!

    Love, Chrissy

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  15. Shannon

    I’m so sorry to hear about your break up Kenlie! Mr. Right for Kenlie will come around and when he does, he’ll never want to let you go! It’s never easy to let go of a relationship, even when the both of you know it’s for the best. Staying “friends” is never easy…so no one could fault you for not wanting to see that friendship through. Just stay true to who you are. Use this as a fuel to your fire… from the look of that picture, you did just that and FOR THAT, I applaud you. Most girls would’ve drowned their sorrows in a pint of ice cream…but not you!

    This is why you are such an inspriation! Keep up all that hard work!

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  16. Megan

    I’m sorry to hear about your breakup – they’re never easy. However, I’m impressed with the way you handled it. And don’t worry…crying is good. And I’m super impressed that you stayed on track through it all. Hang in there!

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  17. Marla K.

    Loved what Summer said above. So true.

    Kenlie.. you are amazing and beautiful and you are getting more so each day. Looking around you and realizing you are surrounded by good friends, loved ones and people who look up to you (like me) that you have never even met. Hugs to you during a difficult time, but I know you will come out on top and better for this!

    I hope you find someone who desires you mind, body and soul! Even with a breaking heart, keep believing this can happen to YOU, because it CAN. I just know it. HUGS!

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  18. Mo

    Your quote says it all – once you do for you, you will find that great pair of jeans (my play on finding the perfect mate)!!! Have a good trip and here’s to your 2012 going better then it started!!!

    MO-tivated

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  19. Xazmin

    I’m sorry that you’re hurting. You know I think you’re amazing. And you truly are an inspiration to so many people. I am proud of you for trying to stay positive and take care of yourself, even though when you’re sad, that’s hard to do. I know things will get better!

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  20. Seriously Shawn

    Well crap! I’m sorry for the heartbreak that comes with a breakup but I am super proud of you for staying on track. You, Miss Kenlie, are one of the strongest people I “know”.

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  21. Desiree

    Kenlie! I am so glad that I have got the chance to get to know you. Your a Intelligent, Beautiful woman and you DESERVE the very best!!! I am so glad that you went workout and felt better about yourself. I am so sorry for the breakup but as we talked last night I hope it did help a lil bit! I know we just met at Weight Watchers but you really inspire me to continue with my journey with keeping it off and staying on track! I am so glad I found your blog and can keep up with your amazing journey! Be very proud of the woman you are now!!

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  22. Deb

    The fact that you have no regrets about the relationship is a great thing. Sorry it came to an end, but if its not what you need, better to start over and try again. And what a great loss this week! That’s awesome!

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  23. Nina

    Oh no!!!!

    Glad you are rocking on – relationships are so hard.

    I have a boot on my foot right now – messed up tendon. (I am also deciding not to throw my hat in the ring for a promotion at work – the old me would have to do it because I would have to prove myself – the new me realizes I need more time to take care of me … and more work will not help this!)

    Here’s to making the hard right decisions that get us to the goal!

    I am trying to be more happy and keep going. Life is hard. Sometimes I want to punch life in the nose.

    Have fun on your trip!!!

    XOXO,
    Nina

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  24. Roz

    Hi Kenlie. I don’t comment often, but had to chime in with my “sorry about the breakup”. Even if you know you’ve done the right thing, it hurts and its hard. Hang in there.

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  25. Penny L

    My dear, beautiful to the core, smart, witty, loving Kenlie – you deserve a roll of BRAVOS for coming to the meeting last night! 99% of us would have stayed home, cried and ate away our pain coming from the loss of a relationship – but not YOU! You are an inspiration to your fellow WW’s members and myself. I know it was hard for you and my heart was breaking seeing the pain in your face, all I wanted was to hug you and wish I could make it the hurt go away. I am amazed at your strength, the way you held it together and participated in the meeting. You my dear are an awesome person and you probably don’t even realize how much you touch people with your kindness. Even though you were down in spirit last night you made another member shine with happiness – you simply told her is was beautiful. She is beginning her journey again and was upset at how far she had backslid – then you came along said those simple words to her. She was beaming when she left and it was because of you. Kenlie – YOU ROCK!! Have a wonderful trip and know that you are in my thoughts. Congratulations on the weight loss!

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      Wow Penny…that is amazing…thank you for sharing that…She is beautiful. Just saying.

      I ate pizza for dinner tonight…used about 8 of the 11 activity points I earned today…feeling bloated and gross, but I’ll be more mindful the rest of the week.

      Tonight has been much harder. I miss him/his company/etc.

      I’ll see you Thursday, and I look forward to getting my bravo. 😉

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  26. Nina Patricia

    I”m sorry about you hurt right now. It is truly his lost. One day you will see how all this was worth it. You are amazing for keeping on track, I know I would not have been able to.

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  27. Amanda Jane

    Kenlie, thank you for sharing such an imspirational post. I so admire your strength, your ability to use the energy and emotion generated from such a distressing experience (your break-up) to help you move forward, to fuel your determination and regather your goals. You rock girl! I’m so going to store your comments in my consciousness and use them to motivate myself!

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  28. alex

    i sometimes stop by your blog. and i love it. i was reading your post and a quote that has helped me a lot to focus more on what i need to do and less on looking for the “perfect one”

    “to find the right person.. you have to be the right person”

    i love it. i think mostly because it’s helped me to be such a better person. for myself.

    it looks like you’re doing exactly that.. you are becoming the right person. just keep working on it. and never. ever. give up!

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  29. Jennifer

    I just got back into reading your blog and found out about this Cal guy, and now Cal is gone….oh! Calgone…BUBBLEBATH! Ok, next Chapter, Kenlie. Turn the page. This is hardly the end of your book, and I cannot wait to see what happens next. My heart hurts for the one change your experiencing; my heart explodes for the other…your weight loss is amazing! Your determination to win the battle is an inspiration.

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      1. Jennifer

        Something so much better is in store for you, so if you enjoyed what you had, just imagine what awaits! Today isn’t yesterday. Tomorrow will be better still. I wish I could make all the hurt go away.

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  30. BrandyRelaxing

    You may choose not to post this, but I will write it anyways… after your blog last week about your boyfriend finding your mind sexy, not your body, I really thought he wasn’t the right guy for you. The reason I say that is that even at 340 pounds, my husband finds me sexy. Okay, I’m sexier when I am thinner, but I think that’s obvious. I don’t think I could be with someone who didn’t think I was sexy both mentally and physically. So I think you made the right decision to break it off.

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    1. Kenlie Post author

      Yeah, I’m sure it was easy to tell that I was struggling with my feelings as I wrote that post..it’s true…I guess you’re right..

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      1. reem

        Hi, first of all sorry for your loss..
        congrats on ur other good loss..
        And I couldn’t help commenting here, this comment is so true, I was married to someone who found my mind sexy and not me physically for 7 years, during which I allowed him -by being with such a low self esteem – to ruin the way I see myself, never that pretty never desirable. and it’s a very wrong thing to do to ourselves cuz we r pretty and desirable and we deserve the person who sees that. ur blog has inspired me so much to lose weight lately and i am still doing it , and it is inspiring me also to never settle down for someone who just think i think pretty.. we deserve better, and we will get better… all the best of luck .

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  31. Maria in NJ

    Hey Kenz, sorry about the break up…but I wanted to say Happy New Year and if you want to get together while you are in NYC let me know I have some free time next week and could take the Greyhound in, just saying…give me a ring if it works for you…

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  32. Tammy

    Sorry, I know breakups are never easy. Feel proud of how you have handled yourself, you truly are amazing. Congratulations on the weight loss, you are going to do great things this year, I have a feeling.

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  33. Kelli

    Kenlie, this post is so awesome I can’t even tell you. Not the part about the boy or anything, but how you decided to work out the pain rather than eat it! I struggle with eating for stress and emotional relief, but now I am going to remember your post and tell myself to go work it out instead. I love your idea of treating yourself to the “fancy” gym– you definitely deserve it girl! Thank you so much! 🙂

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  34. Vanessa

    *HUGS*
    I’m sorry to read of your breakup. I know we don’t ‘know’ each other but I really feel for you. You have handled it so well. You are such an inspiration to me!

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  35. PlumPetals

    Break-ups can be tough, but it seems like you’ve got a handle on things — take out your frustrations at the gym! Just remember how good it felt to lose 3.4 lbs this week and what you had to do to get there. Keep at it 🙂

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  36. dad

    breakups do suck. i was recently reminded of that fact, again, by the same person 2nd year in a row. reality is that life goes on. it’s another opportunity to grow. another opportunity to reflect. another opportunity to self examine and another opportunity for you kenz, to see how many people really do care for you and about you. you are blessed to have the wonderful following you have on this blog.

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  37. Kate

    Breakups suck! Good for you for sweating it out for a bit today! And congrats on the loss this week. You definitely deserve it! Now’s the time to put all that time and energy you were putting into the relationship back onto you! *hugs*

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  38. Bella

    Everything happens for a reason, and you are showing such fortitude by sticking to what you believe in. Never settle. You earned every one of those 3.4 lbs, and as many gold Bravo stars as you want!! Hope your weekend is fab and you can take your mind off of things.

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  39. Chubby

    Biiiiiiig hugs, Kenz. *BIG HUGS*

    Also, I am so proud of you for handling the breakup without food. Lord knows I’d have fallen into a gallon of ice cream at one point or another. You’re a strong woman! Keep goin’, love!

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  40. Heather P.

    Sending a big hug your way Kenz! I too broke up with my boyfriend but it was New Years Eve – just before our 5 year anniversary. I say that because there are so many days when I read your posts that we are seemingly going through the same challenges, on the same day. Your blog really helps me to refocus and keep who’s important first – ME. YOU are an inspiration to all!!!

    I wish you all the happiness in 2012 – you deserve it!!!

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