Being a plus-size girl has its challenges. Piecing together fabulous outfits is harder (though it’s definitely easier for plus-size girls now than it was a decade ago.) Working out is harder (I’ve talked about the side effects of tough workouts before even though I don’t regret them.) And feeling desirable is harder too.
When a guy wants me, it’s not because of my body. He wants me in spite of my body. And while having a boyfriend who finds himself attracted to my sexy brain is awesome, I can’t help but wonder how incredible it would be if the outside were sexy too. And that concept is completely foreign to me.
Some people say that “sexy” is a state of mind, but that’s not true inside my sexy brain. Obesity isn’t sexy to me, and I’m obese. I hate using that term because it sounds so derogatory, but it’s the truth (even if I’m doing what I can to change it. ) And I wish it were different. I wish I was different.
I’m not saying that I don’t have days in which I feel pretty. I do. I had a lot more of them when I weighed 10 pounds or so less than I do now, and I know I’ll probably have them again. And I feel cute a lot. I wear cute clothes and quality make-up. I have straight, pearly white teeth and full lips. I know I’m not hideous, but I’ve never felt sexy...ever…
I give myself pep talks. I stare at myself in the mirror when my make-up is freshly applied, and I eat it up (yeah, I caught the pun) when Cal kisses my ears or my nose and tells me how cute I am which he often does. But those things don’t make me sexy. And if being sexy means having the right attitude then I’m in trouble because I don’t know how to change my attitude.
I will reach my health and weight goals someday, but what should I do until then? Should I tell the world that “I am sexy the way I am, and if you don’t agree, forget you?” Should I go back to thinking “I don’t like how I look so why should anyone else?” Is there a healthier middle-ground somewhere that I’m missing?
Are you plus-size? If so, do you have insecurities about how you look? (Sorry folks…I love you all, but this question is directed to those who are similar in size to me right now.) How do you feel about you body image? Do you have a healthy perception of yourself? Do you believe it when others say you’re sexy? Do they say it?