Last week I mentioned that I’m moving to the D.C. area for at least a couple of months, but I didn’t express the emotions I’m feeling as a result of my impending move. I wasn’t ready to talk about it then, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about it now. But it’s happening next week, and there are several reasons to be excited about it.
First, I’ll be back on the east coast, and I’ll be close enough to New York to be there frequently. In fact, I’ll be spending my birthday weekend with friends and family there in early July. Secondly, I’ll get to spend time with my super-awesome cousin who loves a lot of the things I love. I’ll also live close to Trader Joe’s again which means the fridge will always be stocked with rosemary and garlic chicken breast, vanilla greek yogurt and brie, and I’ll experience the incredible buzz of our nation’s capital during a critical election season first-hand.
I’m not sure how long I’ll be there, and I’m not sure how I’ll feel once I arrive. For years I’ve held a grudge against the DC area because of tough things that happened to me there. I broke my foot on an escalator at the Arlington Cemetery metro stop in 2009, and I’ve never felt the same about the city. But looking back I realize that my life changed in that moment.
The humiliation I felt as four men struggled to carry me up the escalator that day was the motivation I needed to begin changing my life. I joined Weight Watchers a few weeks later, before my cast was removed, and as a result my mind and body are stronger than they’ve ever been. I suppose I have Washington D.C. to thank for that.
It has been hard to feel the uncertainty that I’ve felt over the last year +, and the truth is that I’ve grown to love New Orleans. I’ve met people here that I hope to know forever. I’ve met people who have chosen to love me instead of judging me , people who believe in me. And I’ve learned a lot about my own capacity to love and my desire for it. I’ve learned that I want to be strong, independent and successful, but I want love too.
I can’t say that New Orleans feels like home, but I can say I’d like to come back for a while. New York is still my first love, but I love my school, my friends, being close to my family and listening to amazing live music on any night of the week in the French Quarter. I still have things to accomplish in New Orleans. My case is in federal court now, and I have a trial date so I’ll definitely be around.
I’m not sure what the future holds, but I’m looking forward to making new friends and experiencing new things. There will also be plenty of photo-ops that I’ve never taken advantage of in that city.
My family will always be important to me, but I’ll be close to them no matter how far away I am. When I’m at school I feel like I’m exactly where I belong, and I crave that feeling so I’ll probably be back. Until then, I plan to enjoy new opportunities and experience new surroundings.
Over all, I’m looking forward to the changes that are coming up. I just wasn’t prepared to miss New Orleans, more specifically, the people…Okay, the person. I wish I could just say it to get it off of my chest, but we all know I won’t. I’ll just speak passively about it here instead. I wish he’d just hug me today and say, “I know, Kenlie, and I’ll miss you too.” He thinks what I’m doing is fantastic, and he’s right. Now that I’ve shared my emotions I’ll focus on all of the positives.
I just hope that someday I have a home…a place I truly belong.