Cupcake Question

While we were in New York last week we ate cupcakes from Crumbs, one of my favorite cupcake shops in NYC.  Kelly brought a variety of them to my little birthday dinner, and we all shared them.  Even ‘The Suit’ had a bite or two even though he’s not a fan of cake. (I don’t understand this at all, but I accept it anyway. Hehe…)

Our first night in the city was not without cupcakes either.  We shared three little 50-calorie cupcakes from Baked by Melissa.  Actually, he took a bite of one, and I ate the other 125 calories or so by myself.

I didn’t go as overboard with cupcakes as I have done in the past, but I had three little ones the first day and the equivalent to almost one big one on the second day.  I ate them and enjoyed them so when The Suit learned that I’d probably get one the following day he asked me why.  At first I was aggravated by the question, but I soon became aggravated that I didn’t have an answer.

He did not say “You don’t need another cupcake, Kenlie.”  He did not say “Why would you eat another when you’ve had so much?”  He didn’t ask the question in judgment at all; he asked it out of curiosity.  He seemed surprised, and I felt a little defensive.  The best answer I could come up with was that I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to have one later.

When I realized that I was *not* actually craving one and that my only reason for eating one was that I might want one a month from now, I felt pretty silly.  Around anyone else I probably would have been embarrassed, but I felt relieved that I had found the answer to a question that I’ve always been too afraid to ask.  He makes me feel safe so I can be honest with him and myself, and at that moment I realized I had more thinking to do.

The truth is that I like cupcakes, but I don’t love them as much as I thought I did.  Since January I have expressed to Kelly and on my blog that I’m usually disappointed by cupcakes once I actually eat them, and the same is true now.  They’re good, but they’re hardly life-changing.  And I enjoyed the amazing company and experiences that I had last week more than any cupcake I’ve ever eaten.

Once again, I didn’t think about food as much when The Suit was around.  I thought about it, but it didn’t consume me.  I will remember a lot of things about our last day in New York, but I have no regrets about skipping the cupcake.  I could have had it, but not having it became a liberating experience for me.  On second thought, maybe I will remember not having it.  Maybe I’ll remember taking control of something that has tormented me far too long.

Regardless, I’m thankful for the person who asks tough questions with patience and empathy, and I’m thankful that every moment brings a new opportunity for me to make choices that make my life healthier and happier.  Who could ask for more?

 

 

You Might Also Like

30 Comments

  • Reply
    Grace @ Grace Dishes
    July 17, 2012 at 12:45 am

    I love Baked by Melissa! It’s so much flavor packed into a tiny bite 🙂

    I actually didn’t like Crumbs when I bought that, Magnolia Cupcakes and Baked my Melissa to sample with my family earlier this year. The cake tasted stale/dry and the calorie count listed underneath the muffin made me reluctant to eat another bite.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 1:08 am

      The Suit said that same thing about Crumbs being kind of stale. I didn’t bring him to Magnolia because I was there with a friend in March, and I was really underwhelmed by the cupcakes.

      I still love Baked by Melissa because they’re guilt free and cute. 🙂

      0
  • Reply
    Alyssa
    July 17, 2012 at 1:38 am

    Have you tried Yummy Cupcakes in LA? Definitely my favorite…
    Kudos to you for the moment of self realization!!! <3

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 1:39 am

      No..I’ve never been there. I went to a cupcake place in Manhattan Beach that was okay, and Sprinkles is good.

      0
  • Reply
    Tammy
    July 17, 2012 at 7:17 am

    We have two big cupcake shops here, but I’ve never been to either of them. It seems ridiculous to pay $3 – $5 for a cupcake. Then, about 3 weeks ago, my company celebrated our anniversary. Our large multi-purpose room was filled with table after table of cupcakes from one of those shops. There were several different flavors, but I went for the angel food because I thought it would be the lesser of the evils, so to speak. People all around were scraping off the mound of frosting from their cupcake and throwing it away — the frosting is what makes them so pretty, but it was too much sweetness for most people. I enjoyed the cupcake that I had, but not enough that I will make a trip to buy another. I agree with you – the reality isn’t the same as the fantasy!

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 12:42 pm

      I remember you mentioning the angel food cupcake. I can’t imagine the “too much sweetness” part, but I’m starting to really wish that I could. Maybe I can talk myself into it.

      0
  • Reply
    Karen P
    July 17, 2012 at 8:22 am

    I’m glad that you are thinking about why you are choosing cupcakes and that your friend is helping you do some critical thinking about it. That , to me, shows growth and willingness to make changes for your health. Very good, bravo!

    Hope that unhooking from what can be an addictive properties ( for some of us- myself included) ) of processed sugar leads you to the goals that you want. Safe travels. You are worth it, you are worth the work that it takes. We all are worth it. Karen P.

    PS happy late birthday.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 12:43 pm

      Thank, Karen.

      I don’t think I’ll give up all processed sugar. I didn’t have to do that to lose the first 100 pounds, but I do need to look at it for what it is.

      0
  • Reply
    Brooke
    July 17, 2012 at 9:16 am

    As I write somewhere else about what I eat everyday (yes, I log it for others to see and comment) it does bring a lot to your attention. As I logged yesterday I put down that I had two scoops of ice cream after dinner (reg. scoops, not giant ones, btw) and a reader came back and said that they couldn’t believe that I could loose weight by eating ice cream and cookies in my diet and that they had given up on those things and found themselves wanting to be in smaller clothes more than a cookie.

    Did I take offense………slightly……..do I still feel defensive….yes. But I believe my answer to them was very honest and polite.

    I simply stated that I wasn’t ready or in a place where I was willing (yet) to give up “treats” completely. Though I know I will have a lifetime to eat these things and that a few months or a year or so of not having will not kill me………I can’t do it. I don’t know if I ever will or will ever want to. My mind is pretty made up that I don’t want to do extreme dieting and cut whole foods out of my diet b/c in the end………..I won’t be able to live the rest of my life like that. Though some will point out that I wont’ have a life to live if I don’t cut things out.

    Some people are cut and dry…………..others………….its takes time.

    0
    • Reply
      Steelers6
      July 17, 2012 at 12:33 pm

      I get what you are saying, & diff things work for diff ppl. For you it might not work to totally deprive yourself; for some that can cause binge behavior.

      I didn’t go to your blog, but I take it you are on your way down the scale, so you keep doing what works for you!

      Maybe they were just sharing, not meaning to be hurtful, and sometimes that can even motivate us. It’s great they can cut refined sugars out entirely, and you are probably fitting it in your calorie budget as Kenlie does. 🙂 Wishing you the best!

      0
      • Reply
        Brooke
        July 17, 2012 at 2:27 pm

        I actually don’t write about my diet on my blog, I do it elsewhere, on a favorite travel site. My blog is more of a feel good about who I am and what I look like kinda deal.

        I know there heart was in the right place and though it stung a bit, I can’t deny that I have been down the “cut this out” route and it has failed just as much as anything else.

        I have only lost 37 lbs and its been a 2 year journey of up and down, on and off…….this plan and that…………but I just keep trying and hoping that something will click. I also hold on to the fact that I haven’t gained back up to where I was when I started. I just keep looking for that “click” moment.

        0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 12:45 pm

      I have no interest in giving it up all, at least at this point. I ate cake pretty regularly during the first 100, but I need to make some changes now if I want to move forward. I know that, but I also know that I’m in this for the long haul…and sometimes that might mean consuming sweets. I just don’t want to allow them to control me anymore.

      0
      • Reply
        Brooke
        July 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

        I understand. Its hard to describe. But I feel like sometimes I walk into the kitchen and then next thing I know I’m leaning against the counter with a handful of chips and my other hand putting them in my mouth. I try to retrace my steps…………and try to figure out how and why this happened, but its like a blackout effect………..it just did and I can’t recall what got me here. I think just years of instinct of just grabbing…….eating…….not thinking………..not considering……..its hard to break.

        I only wish one day I can lose 100lbs like you have. Its very inspiring that you did that with no exercise guru yelling at you or some crazy diet plan or tv show. You did it on your own, at your pace and on your own terms.

        I try to do that too, I just wish mine had better results…….

        0
  • Reply
    OperaWife
    July 17, 2012 at 11:25 am

    This is one of my favorites posts you’ve written in a while (I’m a big lurker, not a big commenter). It sounds like The Suit is a good guy to have around (besides just being some srs eye candy…hehe), and I’m happy that his question, posed in a loving way, was something that made you think and subsequently write this post. 🙂 I’m still so proud of you!

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 12:46 pm

      So it seems like everyone agrees that he’s handsome. I’m totally going to point him toward these comments at some point soon. He’s great to have around…He understands even though he views the world from a different angle, and it feels okay to share my honest answers. It helps more than he knows..

      0
  • Reply
    Shelley B
    July 17, 2012 at 11:42 am

    “So much of the reason we continue to eat past fullness is tied to not wanting a feeling to be over, not wanting to lose out on fleeting joy. The truth is that the food will make you feel joy, but treating it with respect and stopping to appreciate one big, beautiful cupcake, and not two or three, is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.”
    –From http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/
    It’s an amazing blog written by this really eloquent and introspective writer who’s managed to lose 135 pounds. She doesn’t give up anything, yet lives in a really healthful way.

    0
    • Reply
      Tammy
      July 17, 2012 at 12:28 pm

      Shelley – that is a wonderful quote! I think I will copy it and put it where I can see it often!

      0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

      Wow..that is intense. I know it’s true, and it’s time to start practicing respect for it and for myself.

      0
  • Reply
    Patrick
    July 17, 2012 at 11:53 am

    My experience with cup cakes is extensive, and I have concluded that they are not worth the time to make let alone eat. Not sure what it is about cup cakes, but they do not hold their freshness well and thus their taste fades fast. Either eat them fresh as soon as they have been made of pass them up.

    When we think about food before we act upon it, we do tend to make better choices. The trick, and a hard one for me, is slowing down enough to think before I act.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

      I love baking them and decorating them, but it’s true…They’re not as good the next day. Even so, I’m not sure how to change what’s in my head unless I can slow down and remind myself that they’re not as life-changing as I say they are. I’m going to try that.

      PS I love seeing you here, Patrick. =)

      0
  • Reply
    Steelers6
    July 17, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    So thought provoking. Makes me think of the whole thing about how the ppl in our lives and the way they eat/view food can have a great influence on our own eating habits. So true.
    I feel like my brain might pull this post up next time I feel like indulging..
    Chrissy

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 12:48 pm

      Our environments definitely affect us. My friend, Sarah, commented recently that her husband doesn’t give much thought to food and over time she learned that there was another way. That was a powerful statement, one of which I hope to learn for myself.

      0
  • Reply
    Courtney
    July 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    That’s amazing, what an “ah-ha!” moment you had! Don’t you love those? You are such an inspiration to me. I read often, comment almost never, but wanted to thank you for being so brave to share this journey with us all.

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 8:23 pm

      Wow, Courtney..Thank you. You can’t possibly know how much it means to me to hear things like this, especially on days like today.

      0
  • Reply
    auntiekim
    July 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    I adore cupcakes and I can’t imagine that will change any time soon. I have realized though that, even though I now split one with my husband instead of eating a whole one, my cupcake-enjoying frequency is still too high. Must work on that.

    Oh, and the suit is sooooooooooo handsome. I’m glad he’s been such a good friend to you.

    0
  • Reply
    Andrea - Making It Healthy
    July 17, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Hi Kenlie…I’m a fairly new subscriber to your blog by email and I have to say, although I don’t know the whole back story between you two, I’m TOTALLY rooting for you and this Suit guy!!!

    0
    • Reply
      Kenlie
      July 17, 2012 at 8:25 pm

      Ohh, thank you Andrea.

      The Suit is an incredible friend…I suppose it’s quite clear that I adore him, and I’m thankful that he’s around. I’m sure I’ll talk about him more in the future too. He’s such a tremendous person..

      0
  • Reply
    Deb
    July 17, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    I used to not be able to stop eating cake/cupcakes if they were around. But after making them a few times, and no one in the house but me ate any, they lost their charm pretty quickly. You can only do so much baking for your neighbors… lol. If I bake cheesecake, I make mini ones in cupcake liners. Then I keep 2 for each of us, and give the rest away. They might taste delicious, but its not worth the struggle to not eat them all and some desserts are pricey to make!

    I still struggle mightily with crackers and with pie, so I just don’t buy those things, though Thanksgiving everyone else brings pie into the house and its pretty hard for me to abstain from eating for pie three times a day. *hangs head* I usually tell myself if I’m “good” I can have a piece of pie, if there’s room left in my day at the end.

    And to quote Andrea, I’m TOTALLY rooting for you and this Suit guy!!!

    0
  • Reply
    Margi
    July 18, 2012 at 12:15 am

    My thoughts about cupcake-too much frosting to cake ratio. I LOVE cake-not as found of frosting. A nice slice of cake=wonderful in my book!

    The Suit is………to you…..?

    0
  • Reply
    Carol
    July 18, 2012 at 9:04 am

    I absolutely get where you’re coming from. I have a rule that each time I go home on holidays (about 4 weekends a year and 1 week in the middle) I can eat whatever I want. But I go way overboard. Eating everything in sight just because I can. And it never ever lives up to my expectations. The feeling I have of “being allowed to eat them” far outweighs the taste of them. It catches me every time. Im inevitably disappointed but still eat it because, as you said, I may want one a month from now. It all comes back to the fact that I use food as a way to relax. Im not overweight at all, but even at a normal healthy weight it is possible to use food for purposes other than hunger.

    0
  • Leave a Reply

    %d bloggers like this: