Emotions weight loss

Still Ruminating

There are so many thoughts swirling inside my head tonight that I don’t really know where to begin.  I’ve been reflecting on my journey and how I want to move forward a lot over the last week, and today I was reminded that I hold the key.  This journey is mine, and success is there for the taking.

After taking care of some things at school I spent the evening at Starbucks with ‘the suit’ and ran into a classmate/friend who works there.  After her shift we spoke at length for the first time outside of class, and I learned a lot about her.  I also learned that she understands where I’m coming from in my battle against obesity.  You’d never guess by looking at her that she could understand my struggles, but she can because she has her own.

She said several poignant things throughout our conversation that left me thinking about my end goal and how to get there.  I got chills several times during our conversation, but she stopped me in my tracks when she said the following:

“Everything after ‘but’ is bullshit.”

Whoa!  How true is that?!  To put it into context the word ‘but’ seems to represent an excuse or an opportunity to put myself down.

“I want to lose weight, but (insert excuse here.)”  

“I’ve lost over 100 pounds, but (insert self-deprecating statement here.)” 

The fact is that I have come a long way.  I’ve faced some major demons, particularly over the last year, and my battle is far from finished.

It wasn’t easy to admit how much I am struggling last week, but no one said it would be.  The whole damn journey is difficult, but quitting and living inside this body would be much, much harder.

I’m so blessed to be surrounded by people in my daily life, through my blog/twitter, Facebook, etc. who understand and are willing to offer me unwavering support no matter how much I need it.  I was reminded once again tonight that I have the tools to do this and that all I have to do is forgive myself and keep trying.

There are no gimmicks involved here.  I can’t bullshit my way through this journey if I expect to get to the finish line.  I have to earn this, and I’m going to do that by making one choice at a time.



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  • Reply
    July 24, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Wow, she’s absolutely right. I never really thought about it that way before. You really have come so far, I know you can get to the finish line!

    • Reply
      July 24, 2012 at 12:06 pm

      When she said that it was as if a light bulb went on in my mind. I’ve been dealing with some intense feelings on it. Wow..

  • Reply
    July 24, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I am struggling with motivation myself.. Last year I hit the 50lb mark mid summer.. and I started to slowly gain back.. I started working part time in the fall, in addition to 3 kids in school a traveling husband, volunteer commitments at the schools…and it seems that my motivation to keep up on all exercise is waning…I give in to snacking more… I am up 13 lbs since last summer… I am bummed but feel tired.. I know it is an excuse but without the motivation I feel overwhelmed..
    Not looking for answers.. just wanted to share.. Congrats on your successes!

    • Reply
      July 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

      I don’t have answers, but I hope you can start moving forward again. I wish the same for both of us…

  • Reply
    Grace @ Grace Dishes
    July 24, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I LOVE THAT! It’s the perfect thing to apply to so many circumstances.

    Good luck with everything and know that you are amazing!

    • Reply
      July 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

      It really is perfect for so many situations, isn’t it?!

  • Reply
    July 24, 2012 at 9:33 am

    “Everything after ‘but’ is bullshit.”
    I love this and will add it to my other new favourite
    “Simple doesn’t mean easy”
    It is really simple to choose the carrot over the carrot cake, but sometimes making that choice is really hard. I’m just at the start of my weight loss journey and I’m taking it one choice at a time. Thank you for the inspiration.

    • Reply
      July 24, 2012 at 12:08 pm

      Wow..Simple doesn’t mean easy is powerful too. I’m going to post that on my FB page now..

  • Reply
    July 24, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Awesome – thank you for today’s easy bit of inspiration, much appreciated!

  • Reply
    July 24, 2012 at 10:42 am


    I’ve read your blog for a long time but don’t think I’ve ever commented. What I’m going to say, I mean to say in the most helpful of ways, not to put you down because you have made some amazing accomplishments. But this is something that I’ve struggled with and have been trying to work on in my own journey.

    About 3 years ago, I lost about 75 pounds. I still have about 25 more to go. But over the past 3 years I’ve just yo-yo’ed within a 10 pounds range. I get serious sometimes, then I get lax and tired of the journey. I’ve always thought, “I’ve lost 75 pounds, why can’t I get my rear in gear and finish this journey.”

    I see you saying the same thing time and time again. You often mention that you’ve lost over 100 pounds already – SUCH an accomplishment.

    I’ve realized that I fall back on that “I’ve lost X” way too much. Yes, I did it – but it’s over and done with. It was an important part of the journey, but it’s gone. I am no longer that same person. Instead of the “girl that lost 75 pounds” I need to be the “girl that needs to lose 25 pounds.” I think I’ve used the excuse of losing a significant amount of weight as a barrier for going further – that excuse has kept me from moving forward on the journey.

    As your friend said, “Everything after ‘but’ is bullshit”. Just like, “I haven’t been doing well on my journey, BUT I’ve lost 75 pounds.” It was a struggle, but at this point in the journey, so what? It’s what comes next that’s important.

    I know I can do this, and I know you can too. We both have the tools to lose weight, we just have to use them. We have to strip away the barriers in front of us – and excuses can be the most daunting barriers of all.

    I wish you the best of luck. You can do this!!

    • Reply
      July 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm

      You’re right..I’ve said so many times that I’ve gotten comfortable with being able to say that I’ve lost over 100 pounds. I’m not even sure how to lose the next hundred.

      You’re right. At the same time I have to remind myself constantly that NO ONE can take that loss away from me. I did it on my own…I earned it, and while I have to do more I can never let myself forget that either…

    • Reply
      Erin Alexander
      July 24, 2012 at 8:47 pm

      I was in this same category where I’ve already lost 20 and I have about 20 to go. So I decided to start over, I made a new account on myfitnesspal and gave myself permission to wipe the slate and clean and star from here. Of course it’s important to remember how far I’ve come but right now I feel like I have to stop looking back in order to move forward.

  • Reply
    July 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

    wow she’s right what a powerful thought thank you

  • Reply
    Emily Sanderson
    July 24, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Kenlie’My name is Emily Sanderson and you met my daughter Hilary at the Chanel Counter at Nordstrom’s in Houston Texas. I am visiting her and her family…..going back to Medina,Ohio tomorrow. Hilary came home Saturday singing your praises..so here I am. I am 69,a recovering alcoholic,with 36 years of uninterupted sobriety. I am proud of that and still am an active member of AA,a program that saved my life. Much of what I have seen so far on your pages…relates to AA’s teachings. All my life I have struggled with my weight…….to coin a phrase “I have had some downs and MANY ups” Think I am going to give All the Weigh a shot. The really odd thing about my struggle with me is that I am a counselor (35 years ) who treats other alcoholics. Can’t seem to to do this food thing…yet!!!! Thoughts on the Cupcakes….In AA ,I learned that…..It is the engine that kills you,not the caboose. Stay away from the first one! sincerely,emily

    • Reply
      Laura Jackson (White)
      March 5, 2013 at 9:52 am

      Emily, it’s been 20+ years, but I was aclient of yours in medina. You saved me…really you did. I’ve been searching for you, and I hope I found the right Emily. I had a stillborn daughter at 16, and you were by my side. If this is you, please email me I’d love to talk. Laura

  • Reply
    Valerie (seattlerunnergirl)
    July 25, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Man, truth really just arrows right into the heart/mind, doesn’t it? Everything after “but” is bullshit. Simple doesn’t mean easy. And another of my favorites: Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining is hard. PICK YOUR HARD.

    Hanging in there with you!

  • Reply
    July 25, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    I’ve just been catching up on my blogs and read your last few posts. I thought I would share this and you can see if it helps you find motivation.

    I’ve lost a lot of weight (started out over 400) and I’ve got forty more I want to lose to get to my goal (180). But for the last five months…I haven’t been able to motivate myself to get there. I really, really want to lose it. But, if I’m completely honest with myself, if someone in my life told me my weight was perfect where it is I would be happy never losing another pound. Why do I feel this way? Because I’m so much better than how I was…but I’m not yet all that I want to be!

    My problem was motivation. I had lots of motivation to get to this point. So I forced myself to wait and look for the perfect motivation. This was very frustrating. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just turn away the cookies or pizza or whatever it was that was a cheat that particular day.

    For me, it was registering for a disney half marathon. I am not, not, not a runner. But I can be. I wouldn’t have believed it two years ago when I couldn’t walk for ten minutes. But I’m giving myself lots of time to train for it.

    And since finding this new motivation, it has been easier to follow my workout and food plan. And I feel motivated to move towards something new. Maybe that’s what you need too. To find the something new that you want to move towards and use it as a springboard for continued weight loss?

    If nothing else, you are way ahead of the curve for maintaining your current weight loss. And I have no doubt that whenever you find what it is that you desire, the weight loss you want will follow.

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