While I was at Fitbloggin I confided in a room full of people who accept me that I spent years of my life wishing I could be anyone other than myself. I put on heirs, tried to convince everyone that I was so much more important than I was while feeling like a lonely, empty person who didn’t have the capacity to just be me. I didn’t know who I was, and I’m still trying to figure that out.
People often ask me what I want to do with the rest of my life, and the truth is that I’m not sure. I have some big ideas, but I can’t tell you where I’ll be, or what I’ll be doing five years from now because I honestly don’t know.
I’m back in school studying Public Relations because I love it, and I’m confident that I’ll be able to make money doing something in that field when I graduate. I’m just not sure which path I’ll take.
I’ve also made incredible strides in accepting myself as I am. I’m still insecure, and I still doubt myself at times when I shouldn’t. I still make mistakes, and sometimes I still find it hard to believe that I deserve to be loved as I am. I still grimace when I think about all of the progress I could have made on the scale during the years that I’ve maintained what I originally lost, and I still struggle with my day-to-day food choices.
Changing your life inside and out is not easy. People who say it’s simple are wrong, but here’s what I know now that I didn’t really understand when I began this journey.
- I have the power to take control, and if I do change will happen. (Note last week’s results.)
- My body is flawed, but it’s strong enough to keep moving forward.
- The time I lost hovering at or near the same weight is gone. I can’t change that, but I can absolutely change the future.
- I don’t have to reach my goal before I start feeling awesome. ( I feel awesome when I’m confidently moving in the right direction.)
- The time it takes to sweat on a regular basis is more important than the time I spend sitting at the computer or knitting or reading a book.
- My life has value.
- I am loved, and I deserve to be loved.
- Whether it’s a workout or a healthy meal or admitting that I’ve struggled I have the opportunity to turn seemingly insignificant choices into big results.