Common Sense and Resentment

Last week I was talking with a friend about the quiet struggles I have faced as someone who needs to lose an incredible amount of weight.  It seems as though many of us reach that first giant milestone before allowing ourselves to hover around the same weight.  I’m not the only one in the world who has done this, and I’d like to delve into some of the reasons I’ve allowed myself to do it for so long.

I feel like I’m coming out of a tough place in which I have spent far too long being stagnant.  I’m a month into my new Weight Watchers meeting now, and the weight is coming off slowly again.  The most important part of the prior sentence is that it is coming off again, but some days, some weeks, I want food more than I want to see healthy results.  I experienced that earlier this week, and the only solution is to admit it and move on.

Anyone who has ever been overweight or been close to someone who has been overweight probably knows that emotions play a big role in the way that we consume food.  I don’t sit around and eat and eat and eat everyday.  I wouldn’t have kept off the majority of what I’ve lost if that were the case.  I’m not eating 2,000 calories a day more than I should, but I am eating a few hundred more than I should if I want to lose weight.  Period.

It’s easy to tell someone how to change it.  “Eat less. Move more.”  Those words make sense, of course, but we all know the obvious stuff already.  The note that I need on my cabinet would say something like, “The food will taste good for a few minutes, but think of how incredible you feel when you’re really in control.”

It’s so easy to forget that weight-loss is a mental challenge more than a physical one. I push myself hard at the gym, and these days Ron pushes me harder.

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It’s an incredible feeling to accomplish things that seemed impossible before I did it.  Earlier this week, he walked in while I was working out on my own and asked me to jump.  He asked me to do a few more things, and before I knew it I was doing jumping jacks.  I’ve been modifying them for years, and now I can do them just like everyone else.  I felt so incredible, so normal, that I cried.

It’s hard to feel like I’ve come so far and still struggle so much with just eating a bit less on a regular basis.  I eat fruits and vegetables and lean protein, but I find myself struggling with my desire to eat extra, unhealthy things most evenings.

I fight feelings of resentment because friends who exercise can throw back a few beverages and an unhealthy meal and just work it off at the gym.  I also fight feelings of resentment when I think about how I’ve lost more weight than many people ever dream of losing, and it’s just the tip of the iceberg for me.  I get tired of hearing what I should be doing from people who haven’t accomplished as much as I have, and I get frustrated by those who assume that I sit around and eat Cheetos all day.  If I did that, I would have gained the weight that I lost back, plus some!

The last couple of months have opened my eyes to the fact that these feelings of resentment don’t solve the problem.  They don’t make me feel better about myself, and they don’t bring my closer to my goals.

I know that I have to accept that this is my life, my struggle and my journey.  I know that the opinions of others shouldn’t matter to me, and they don’t carry much weight as they used to.  Instead, I am focusing on the fact that I am making progress again.  It could be faster, but it’s better than being complacent.

Yesterday would have been weigh-in day, but for reasons that were out of my control, I didn’t weigh in today.  My plan is to go to a Weight Watchers meeting Monday since I’ll miss next Thursday, and I feel confident that I’ll see a loss.  I’m looking forward to heading out of town, but I plan to stay on track this week and while I’m gone as well.

This journey is not easy for me, but I am still working my way into a healthier place.  I’m going to try hard to make this a healthy week, and I’m going to do my best to squelch any negativity or feelings of complacency that try to creep into my mind.   My goal is to be consistent in making smart choices.

Do you ever struggle with resentment as you work to better yourself?

 

 

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23 Comments

  • Reply
    Jill
    April 12, 2013 at 8:42 am

    The struggle is often there for a lot of us. Yesterday after work I had a HUGE craving for Dairy Queen kids meal with fries and chicken fingers. I was hungry and emotional. I went to Bulk Barn and bought some cheese and almonds and a protien bar and felt so much better. I knew I would but the emotions were calling for DQ when what I really needed was some protien. I felt south better making a good decision than those chicken fingers would ever have tasted!

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  • Reply
    Tammy
    April 12, 2013 at 8:43 am

    Just last night I had a huge fight with my husband about my weight. He said he doesn’t understand the yo-yo part. What he doesn’t understand is losing weight is just generally harder for women because of hormones. Right now, I have PMS, but I’m also pre-menopausal -a double whammy of hormones! It bothers me that he eats what he wants regardless of his blood sugar readings, but he had the nerve to call me out on what I eat. He doesn’t see me tracking my food, weighing my food, reading articles and blogs for inspiration – basically worrying about my weight and what I eat constantly. I’m pretty much sick of having to do that when other people just breeze through life eating and drinking whatever they want with no visible side effects. But, I’m trying…

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    • Reply
      Patricia
      April 12, 2013 at 1:45 pm

      Do not let your husband get to you. He is used to you being overweight. Maybe subconsciously he is threatened by your weight loss. My thin ex husband would deliberately stop at a bakery when I was on a diet. Then he would be mad when I said no to treats. He would guilt me into eating cake. After all he had bought MY favorite as a special treat for ME.
      It took a long time to realize he was threatened by my loosing weight. If I was thin I would be attractive to other men. Then I would leave him.

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  • Reply
    Courtney Tucker
    April 12, 2013 at 9:14 am

    I applaud you, Kenlie! And I think what you wrote is 100% true and healthy. It’s helpful to acknowledge your feelings and in fact, you put a lot of my own feelings into words that I haven’t been able to express. I hope that this is the beginning of another great accomplishment for you.

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  • Reply
    Sarah
    April 12, 2013 at 9:18 am

    All the time. And currently battling it… I resent all those people out there who can just work out. Somedays are far harder than others not to be a bitter Betty about having lost all this weight yet I still struggle with mobility and feel like I’ve accomplished nothing. Was called out on it by my Ortho, who incredulously asked if I used the word “only” to describe my 190 pound loss…. Feel like there is a lot of pressure to do it the right way. Fast with lots of exercise and clean eating. Both are great… but full force, not sustainable. You know I am fond of saying there is no substitute for time. Keep at it. You’ll get there. You hung on really well given everything you been through since that summer… It’s time to get back to it. <3

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    • Reply
      Patricia
      April 12, 2013 at 1:48 pm

      If possible change your Ortho. Would you let a GYN talk to like that? You lost 190 pounds!!!Good for you.

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  • Reply
    Dacia
    April 12, 2013 at 9:20 am

    I remember watching ‘The Weight of the Nation’ on HBO and they said that people who have been obese for a significant period of time will never be able to eat the same amount of calories as someone of the same weight that was never obese because obesity changed our cell structure and how our body handles our food intake. So, when I get to the point of maintenance, I know that I will forever have to eat 25% less calories than someone who never was obese. And knowing that makes me resentful. I resent complete strangers for their ability to have never had to struggle with their weight and I resent myself for losing control for so long. So, yes- I struggle with resentment pretty much every day.

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  • Reply
    Bailey @ Onederland or Bust!
    April 12, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Unfortunately, I feel resentment all the time. A friend of mine has about 40lbs to lose and she carries it all in her mid-section. She’s lost about 10lbs so far and it’s very noticeable.. and I feel resentment that she sees such big changed already and it’s easy for her. I have another friend who goes out drinking every weekend and goes for wing nights every week and looks fantastic.. It’s so hard comparing yourself to others and it would make things so much easier if we could just ignore it. I just need to learn to be happy with what I’ve accomplished so far and know that I will get to my goal eventually.

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  • Reply
    mary
    April 12, 2013 at 9:50 am

    all the time…all the stinking time
    but like i posted to you on facebook i have had sort of an epiphany
    this week…suddenly things are so clear and i have a plan!
    xo

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  • Reply
    Patricia
    April 12, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    I lost 100 pounds about a year ago. It was a challenge but I succeeded. The next year I bounced five to ten pounds . Off/on/off/on. My body (not me) was not ready to loose the next 100 pounds. When I re started my program this year I am now steadily loosing. My trick is to very carefully watch what I eat for two days. Reasonable splurging on day three. Then two days. When I am stressed I just force myself to not eat.
    NEVER let another person dictate what does/does not go in your mouth. That is why I am happily divorced.

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  • Reply
    Em
    April 12, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    Yes, I have resentment.

    I resent the well-intentioned as much as the malicious, the thoughtless as much as the spiteful. I resent the beauty standard, and the people who don’t know enough to know how powerfully it works in our lives. I resent the people who grovel before diet culture, who say to it that it is right even though it is wrong in hopes that accepting its dictates will help them out of the spot it put them in.

    Here’s the thing: I have come to feel that it’s not wise for me to try to squelch these feelings. I think they’re fair and reasonable; I know that they’re real. Because my own experience of food and fatness is bound up in eating-disordered behavior, I feel dedicated to not denying or disapproving of my feelings. My resentment feels to me like part of my survival impulse, part of the thing that’s going to guide me back to some kind of sustainable relationship with my body and the world’s understanding of my body.

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  • Reply
    Lori
    April 12, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    I struggle with resentment all the time. Why can’t I eat that piece of birthday cake like my skinny sister without the repercussions of feeling guilty, of having to work out harder, or wanting even more when no one is looking? Why does it seem so easy for some people to stay thin when I lose 30 pounds I gain 10 or more of it back before I shake enough sense into my system to get back on track? Why does this happen to ME, and not to others??

    But it happens to all of us. We are human. And the only thing we can do is to move forward. Don’t go back there. I messed up, you messed up, and we will do it again. So now what? Just do the next right thing. And we WILL get there.

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  • Reply
    Ryan
    April 12, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    It seems to me your thoughts and feelings are coming from a place of “weight loss”. Watching someone else eat/drink and having these thoughts makes it seem to me that you have conditioned yourself to see the world through a “weight loss” lens.
    That is exactly what the myriad of weight loss programs, products, etc. want to happen, I think it is the ultimate goal of these companies is to keep customers seeing the world through a lens that keeps them in business.
    When I stopped measuring, counting, comparing, and just ate and moved in ways that felt good and natural for me, I never again experienced any of these thoughts or emotions.

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    • Reply
      WRG
      April 21, 2013 at 6:17 pm

      Good for you, Ryan. But you’re a man and weight loss–no matter how hard it is for you–will ALWAYS be easier. Women’s bodies are made to store fat: for fertility and breast feeding. Then we go through menopause and it just gets worse: our hormone levels change completely and even if we’re trying hard to make muscle, we tend to lose a lot of muscle (which burns fat) and can have a heckuva time even maintaining what muscle we have.

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  • Reply
    Jenny Scheldberg
    April 12, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    I feel ya.

    I struggle with how I got here. How crazy in denial was I that I let myself get to this point. Uhg. I can only kick myself so many times though before I have to suck it up and remember I got myself here and only I can get myself out of this.

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  • Reply
    Chris
    April 12, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    I don’t think I ever felt resentment about the work I was doing to lose the 80 pounds I did. I think what I resent, in hindsight, is allowing myself to be overweight for so long and satisfied with how I was at the time.

    Honestly, the greatest thing you’ll do for yourself is reach your goal and know that you have changed so many times in so many ways alone the journey. The realizations, the moments of pride those times when you feel like you have nothing more to give, but you keep on going.

    It’s an amazing trip!

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  • Reply
    Sylvia @cowgirlwarrior
    April 12, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    Resentment is huge for me. I resent that my parents taught me some bad habits, though I know they were doing the best they knew how. I resent that I keep losing and gaining the same pounds. I resent all my skinny friends who think weight loss is easy. It’s dangerous to get lost in the resentment. That’s why I try to focus on my journey and respect that everyone’s journey is different.

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  • Reply
    Melinda
    April 13, 2013 at 6:16 am

    Amazing how you always seem to blog about what I am struggling with at the moment. I’m desperate not to lose the ground I’ve gained in the last year but it seems like my emotions are always pushing me towards the old ways. Just knowing others are fighting the same battle helps!

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  • Reply
    Abigail
    April 13, 2013 at 9:30 am

    I’m not so much resentful anymore. I haven’t had the kind of weight loss you have had although I have lost probably 100’s of lbs over the course of my life from different disordered eating habits, and health complications I’ve had. I’m not sure I’m over that phase of resenting people, right now I’m just in a very negative place. Other than all of the health benefits that I want to gain from working out and eating healthy my goal is to be able to go to my favorite stores and shop in the misses section once again. But right now, even though I’m losing weight consistently, working out consistently, and feeling healthy and strong all I can think is “I have at least 70 lbs before I can even THINK about fitting in to misses sizes” and it is seriously bumming me out. But I’ll keep going, I WILL get there, and so will YOU. It’s just difficult when you make all these good choices, and you feel good on the inside (strong, fit, healthy) for that not to be reflected on the outside.

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  • Reply
    Joy
    April 14, 2013 at 7:12 pm

    Kenlie- Resentment,failure, disappointment, guilt and even shame are some of the things I feel during parts of this journey. It’s a struggle everyday to make the right choice on what to put in my mouth. And then added to that is the fight to want to go to the gym. Having done all those things right, get on the scales and see no results….well, I can’t even think of a word for that feeling. Which then leads to ok, if that didn’t work I’m going to eat anything I want which gets me right back into the whole vicious cycle again!! However, I think the fact that we recoginze the struggles and that we TRY every single day has to count for something even if it’s no more than the fact of knowing that we are TRYING!! Chin up!!

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  • Reply
    Shannon
    April 15, 2013 at 3:05 am

    I have felt pretty much the same way you do, from time to time. Right now, I mainly feel resentment towards MYSELF. And, that’s usually who I’ve always felt it towards. I feel jealous towards others who are thin and can just eat anything without it causing them any problems. But I am turning 45 this year, and I’ve been obese since I was about 8 years old. I have at least 100 lbs to lose, and I’ve only just now started Weight Watchers online. My 14 year old daughter is doing it along with me. I see the pain it causes her to be heavy, and I feel bad. I feel like it is mostly my fault that she became overweight, too. But I do try to keep reminding myself that we can do it. And I really HAVE to remind myself. I even print out and post motivational posters all around my house, so I will remember to keep up with it. It is hard though, I know. I wish I could give you a magic answer that would make you feel better, but all I can do is be your friend, and encourage you to keep at it. You’ll get there! I hate that you feel this way, but I tell you what, it sort of made me feel good to know someone else felt the way I do. Thank you for sharing this with us. 🙂

    I’m not trying to spam you, but my daughter just started a blog about this journey we have started, and she would be thrilled to have someone she doesn’t know visit her blog. If you would like to visit, it’s teenyteenloser.blogspot.com .

    Have a great day!

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  • Reply
    Karla
    May 2, 2013 at 8:39 am

    I love this. I haven’t been by your blog in quite a while, but I am loving this!!! I do get resentful… when I compare myself to others. I work on just focusing on ME… as a Mom for years it is all about them… the husband, the kids, the house, the bills, them. them. them… it feels selfish to focus on my, like I am being a narcissist but I now understand when I feel better about me… I can feel better about you, because I am not so wrapped up in myself… does that even make any sense?

    I have more to give others now, of myself, because I am not so consumed by this inner struggle

    You sound like you are doing well. Traveling a lot 🙂

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  • Reply
    Lisa
    May 16, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    I definitely struggle with this on occasion. I’m jealous of my OLD SELF that didn’t know what a calorie was or portion was and I could just ENJOY food without thinking of the consequences. I am sometimes jealous of friends that can eat total crap and not gain an ounce. But such is life. I worked hard to lose 100 pounds and I’m going to work even harder to maintain it. 🙂

    Awareness is a bitch, huh? 🙂

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