Last week I was talking with a friend about the quiet struggles I have faced as someone who needs to lose an incredible amount of weight. It seems as though many of us reach that first giant milestone before allowing ourselves to hover around the same weight. I’m not the only one in the world who has done this, and I’d like to delve into some of the reasons I’ve allowed myself to do it for so long.
I feel like I’m coming out of a tough place in which I have spent far too long being stagnant. I’m a month into my new Weight Watchers meeting now, and the weight is coming off slowly again. The most important part of the prior sentence is that it is coming off again, but some days, some weeks, I want food more than I want to see healthy results. I experienced that earlier this week, and the only solution is to admit it and move on.
Anyone who has ever been overweight or been close to someone who has been overweight probably knows that emotions play a big role in the way that we consume food. I don’t sit around and eat and eat and eat everyday. I wouldn’t have kept off the majority of what I’ve lost if that were the case. I’m not eating 2,000 calories a day more than I should, but I am eating a few hundred more than I should if I want to lose weight. Period.
It’s easy to tell someone how to change it. “Eat less. Move more.” Those words make sense, of course, but we all know the obvious stuff already. The note that I need on my cabinet would say something like, “The food will taste good for a few minutes, but think of how incredible you feel when you’re really in control.”
It’s so easy to forget that weight-loss is a mental challenge more than a physical one. I push myself hard at the gym, and these days Ron pushes me harder.
It’s an incredible feeling to accomplish things that seemed impossible before I did it. Earlier this week, he walked in while I was working out on my own and asked me to jump. He asked me to do a few more things, and before I knew it I was doing jumping jacks. I’ve been modifying them for years, and now I can do them just like everyone else. I felt so incredible, so normal, that I cried.
It’s hard to feel like I’ve come so far and still struggle so much with just eating a bit less on a regular basis. I eat fruits and vegetables and lean protein, but I find myself struggling with my desire to eat extra, unhealthy things most evenings.
I fight feelings of resentment because friends who exercise can throw back a few beverages and an unhealthy meal and just work it off at the gym. I also fight feelings of resentment when I think about how I’ve lost more weight than many people ever dream of losing, and it’s just the tip of the iceberg for me. I get tired of hearing what I should be doing from people who haven’t accomplished as much as I have, and I get frustrated by those who assume that I sit around and eat Cheetos all day. If I did that, I would have gained the weight that I lost back, plus some!
The last couple of months have opened my eyes to the fact that these feelings of resentment don’t solve the problem. They don’t make me feel better about myself, and they don’t bring my closer to my goals.
I know that I have to accept that this is my life, my struggle and my journey. I know that the opinions of others shouldn’t matter to me, and they don’t carry much weight as they used to. Instead, I am focusing on the fact that I am making progress again. It could be faster, but it’s better than being complacent.
Yesterday would have been weigh-in day, but for reasons that were out of my control, I didn’t weigh in today. My plan is to go to a Weight Watchers meeting Monday since I’ll miss next Thursday, and I feel confident that I’ll see a loss. I’m looking forward to heading out of town, but I plan to stay on track this week and while I’m gone as well.
This journey is not easy for me, but I am still working my way into a healthier place. I’m going to try hard to make this a healthy week, and I’m going to do my best to squelch any negativity or feelings of complacency that try to creep into my mind. My goal is to be consistent in making smart choices.
Do you ever struggle with resentment as you work to better yourself?