Dating is hard when you’re overweight. Actually, I suppose it’s tough to meet the right person regardless of size, but I’ve decided that I need to make some changes in regards to how I look at it so I’m starting now. I’m going date-free for at least 30 days.
I rarely talk about dates here (because I have learned from experience that it’s just better that way,) but I date relatively often. In the last six weeks or so, I’ve been on dates with three different guys.
Date #1: Our dates weren’t bad. I think he’s a great guy, but he doesn’t live here (or anywhere I plan on living.)
Date #2: I had a good time withhim. He was a total gentleman, but after ONE date he told me that he loved me. He said he needed to know if we weren’t exclusive, and I got freaked out. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that you have to know a person for more than a few days before you decide you love them?
Date #3: The guy, whom I met online, seemed awesome when we spoke on the phone, but he was a complete mess in person. Though he was well-spoken, he said that his only goal was “to out live his parents because they don’t deserve to bury their son.” I agree, and I hope he gets a grip on himself and his issues whatever they are.
While we were on our “date” which entailed coffee at the bookstore (can that even be considereda date?) I stepped away to go to the ladies’ room, and when I came back he made an excuse (which was obviously a lie) to leave. I was cool with him leaving because I wasn’t attracted to him, but before he left he kissed me...on the mouth...in the middle of Barnes and Noble, and said he’d call me later. It was easily the most awkward kiss of my life. (I still feel gross when I think about it.)
He called this morning, and this is how our call went:
Date #3: I’m sorry I lied about having a friend in crisis. I’m really getting back together with an ex.
Me: Well, first…I don’t believe you. Secondly, it’s irrelevant to me because I am not interested in you either.
Me: PS It was so awkward and wrong of you to kiss me like that in the middle of a public place. Now please lose my number. Bye.
Date #3: Bye.
After the call ended, a few texts were exchanged, and I started to think about how lucky I am. Sure, it was a blow to my ego that a guy blew me off, but I wouldn’t have dated him so there was really no harm done.
Since it was early when he called I went back to sleep, wanting a restart for my morning, and when I woke up I immediately read the Verse of the Day (mark 12:30) on the Bible app on my phone. It said,
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”
Seriously? This was the verse of the day, and immediately I began thinking of everything for which I have to be thankful. I also started thinking that I need to prioritize. I am loved by my family, my friends and God. He absolutely knows that I’d love to meet a guy who means the world to me, but I know that God’s timing is typically different than mine.
I have a big heart with lots of room for love in it, but I don’t know when or if I’ll fall in love with someone in a forever kind of way. I don’t obsess about it, but I think about it more than I should so I’m going to make a big effort to change that.
Over the next month (at least) I am going to make a conscious effort to replace my desire to be with an amazing man with thankfulness. I’m also going to pray and ask God to make my heart feel complete and to wrap me up in the love that HE has for me.
I don’t usually get spiritual here (or anywhere really,) but I’ve changed a lot lately. I look around and think about where I was one year ago, and I’m overwhelmed by all of the love, grace and blessings that I’ve received even when I didn’t deserve any of it.
Last year at this time I desperately wanted my own home, my own space…I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere, and I wanted to feel independent – something that I lacked for far too long. I wanted to control my environment and the DVR, and I wanted to have friends who knew all of my faults and still liked me. I wanted to continue going to school. I wanted a fresh start, and I got it…all of it. I have said thank you so many times, but I’m still blown away when I think about all of the reasons I have to be happy.
Dating can be fun and exhausting, and while I enjoy going to fancy dinners or just talking over coffee or sushi, I am convinced that God has bigger things planned for me at the moment.
He has shown me so much recently, and maybe if I spend my quiet time seeking Him instead of day dreaming about the unknown, I’ll find total peace and fulfillment even if I’m forced to eat dinner and drink coffee with my amazing friends.
I don’t know if 30 days is enough to change my mindset, but it’s a start which will have to be enough for today….