Today has been a great day, but I didn’t reach my steps goal. I’m happy to say that I worked out, but I didn’t start until 11:20 pm when I got home. My numbers were embarrassingly low today, but I can admit that I made other things my priority.
I started school today, and I was busy working on things that had to be done, in addition to having fun with friends in the evening. I know that fitness needs to be a part of my life everyday, and I’ve promised myself to reach my goal before I leave for class since I’ll be there all afternoon and evening.
In other news, I am happy to report that I am feeling good about my choice to not go on dates for at least a month. I feel loved and fulfilled. It’s not like I’ve lost any and all desire to be with someone eventually, but I have allowed myself to focus on other things. There’s someone I think about from time to time. He’s an incredible person, but we’ll never date so, in a way, it feels safe to dream about him once in a while.
I’ve also received several questions about Project Hope, a weight-loss system that Richard Simmons designed for those who want to get serious about losing weight. I proclaimed that I was going to do it, then I didn’t do it. I exercise. You know it. Richard knows it. We all know it, but the commitment to changing my food habits makes me feel weak. I honestly don’t know what it will take to get my habits back under control because I do okay for a while, then I suck at it again.
I’m smart and driven, but when it comes to food, I feel like a complete and utter failure. So to all of you who have e-mailed me asking for answers regarding Project HOPE, I will say this. I looked over the plan studied it and know that I can confidently tell you that if you do it, it will work. It’s a common sense approach to weight-loss, but I have not made the effort to make the plan work for me.
It’s hard to be here and admit how hard this struggle has been. It’s been harder than ever lately. While I was at Fitbloggin’, I managed to gain several pounds which are still taunting me now, and I’m scared.
I’m terrified that I’m going to move so far in the wrong direction that I’ll never get back on track. I cannot let that happen. The workouts help, but they don’t solve the whole problem.
I don’t know what to do. Actually, I do. I need to stop eating more than I need. Calories in, calories out…blah, blah, blah….Spare me. This isn’t about food; it’s about what’s inside my head.
My faults are written all over my body, and it affects almost every area of my life. I need to change, but I don’t have any grand plans for it today. I suppose I just need to vent, admit my feelings of failure and move on.
I have changed. My life has changed. I have so much more than I deserve, and I am so thankful for the changes that have happened on the inside. I’m thankful for my life, my home, my family, my friends, my church, my school…the list goes on…
At this time two years ago I was completely and utterly lost, and now I’m happier than I ever could have imagined. Why can’t I just control my food choices? Why am I so weak? How was I so strong before?
I feel like the girl I was when I lost weight is a complete stranger now. I mean, I never really knew her because I spent so much time lying to myself. Now that I’ve experienced incredible change it seems like the food part should be easy. It’s not.
I’ve had an amazing day, and I’m going to go to bed pleased with what is happening in my life. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with this burdensome cloud of “I’ll do better tomorrow Syndrome” that seems to keep me from moving forward.
My goals for tomorrow include exercising before school, packing a healthy, high protein meal for in between classes and to eat a salad. There’s no ending on a positive note today, apart from admitting that I need to pick myself up and try again.