Feelings, Calories and Another Fresh Start

This is an exciting time in my life because I’m surrounded by so many amazing people.  After the end of my not-quite-relationship, I needed some time to process my feelings, so I took the time I needed.  I was almost over the heartache by the time I posted about it, and now I can honestly tell you that after spending the day with that man today, I’m okay.  It feels good to see him and not feel like I’m falling apart.

As I was chatting with friends earlier, I realized that I’m not romantically interested in anyone.  There’s a guy that I would be interested in if I thought he’d be interested back, but there’s no one calling me every night before bed or texting me 20 times a day.  I like the feeling I get when I think about the possibilities of liking someone who might like me back, but I’m back to focusing on everything that I do have.

I possess a lot of characteristics that someone would be attracted to, but right now, I feel like those characteristics are hard to see because of the cloud of my obesity.  For a long, long time I’ve said that I don’t want to have to change to make someone want me, and it’s true.  I wish that there was a smart, talented, funny, handsome and interesting man in my life who would let me bake for him, sing for/with him, laugh with him and play Scrabble with him.  I wish that I could have that without feeling like I have to change first, but the truth is that I’d like to change regardless.

It’s no secret that I suck at losing weight, nor is it a secret that I need to lose it anyway.  I take responsibility for it, and I think it’s time to change my perspective.  I want a tall, honest, intelligent man who loves Jesus to think I’m beautiful, but I also want to think I’m beautiful.

My priorities haven’t been weight-loss related in a long time.  I’ve changed so much spiritually and emotionally, and I’ve made positive strides in so many areas.  I feel good about many areas of my life, but I’m still letting my weight affect me in ways that I wish it didn’t.

I’m going to try again…What else can I do?

Since moving to New Orleans I have visited several Weight Watchers meetings, but I haven’t found one that makes me want to go back.  I underestimated the chemistry of the meeting that I went to in New York, but I have to start somewhere.  I’m going to start counting calories today, and my goal will be to stay between 1500 and 1700 calories per day on days that I exercise.

We’ll see how that goes.  I’ll also be accountable to people in my everyday life about the numbers on the scale.

Time will pass whether I try to make changes again or not, and right now I don’t care about the numbers nearly as much as I care about creating healthy, controlled habits.

Am I the only one who has to start over again and again and again?

 

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22 Comments

  • Reply
    Mel
    May 18, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    Thanks for your honest posts. Your reminders that the journey of life… And weightless…. Aren’t straight lines inspire me! So glad I came across your blog!

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  • Reply
    K Bergeron
    May 18, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    Love your blogs they encourage me…. I would love to see you on tv. Ever thought about Biggest Loser or Chris and Heidi Powell?

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  • Reply
    mary
    May 18, 2014 at 9:43 pm

    you are not alone in your journey
    so many of us are right there with you
    sharing similar experiences and letting our faith guide us

    xo

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  • Reply
    Sara
    May 18, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    No, you are not the only one that starts over again and again. It’s been one year since I decided to lose weight and it’s still a struggle everyday. But I refuse to give up. Every Monday I started over.

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  • Reply
    Erin
    May 18, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    Nope! I feel like I start over every. Freaking. Day.

    It’s nice to read someone else is struggling too. I don’t feel as alone.

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  • Reply
    Patty
    May 18, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    I’m a silent reader. But I can’t express how much I value your honesty and perseverance! No matter what happens..you are an inspiration to many. .including me! Keep on keeping on!

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  • Reply
    Roger Potter
    May 18, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    Do not worry about having to start over and over again whether it’s due to injury like mine or regular setbacks. Winners never stop picking themselves up and getting back into the game for eventually they will win. You had an emotional setback, your human, but as I read your getting back in the game – I also do feel that attending ‘meetings’ that you can feel comfortable in is also a Key – remember if you goof up – It ain’t the end of the world. Take it day by day and you will win your battle.

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  • Reply
    Erin
    May 18, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    Nope! I’m starting over again for the hundredth time! Actually I started over today and I’m going to rock it this time! So are you!

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  • Reply
    Rashell
    May 18, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    I start over every Monday!!! Keep starting over!!! I’m trying to eat healthy and not so much counting points or calories. Keep it clean as possible. It’s sooooo hard!

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  • Reply
    Becky
    May 18, 2014 at 10:36 pm

    The answer is NO, you’re not the only one who starts over and over and over and over… I’ve been trying to mentally gear up to start over AGAIN. Intellectually, I know everything I should do, but there’s a disconnect between my brain & my actions. Thanks for inspiring me to start again!

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  • Reply
    Barbara
    May 18, 2014 at 10:40 pm

    I feel like I’m starting over everyday. It’s definitely a life long journey. It’s for your honesty and sharing the good, bad, and start overs.

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  • Reply
    Barbara
    May 18, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    Thanks for, not it’s.

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  • Reply
    Brandy
    May 18, 2014 at 10:58 pm

    You are so far from the only one. I’ve started over so many times and it’s so freaking frustrating. I am working on a healthier me currently. I lost about 20 pounds in 6 months and last month really decided it was time to take control of my life and weight. Please know you’re not alone and I’m out here supporting you!

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  • Reply
    sara
    May 18, 2014 at 11:29 pm

    Nope! In the same boat!! Starting over after a terrible winter of “letting myself go”. I had twins a year and a half ago, but I had lost ALL my baby weight within a month of their birth. The weight I carry now is from overeating unhealthy foods for the last year.
    Good luck to you! You are not alone.

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  • Reply
    Stacey
    May 19, 2014 at 8:48 am

    The starting over posts are always the hardest to write and fess up to – you are not even close to being the only one. For many people, weight is a life-long struggle, so there are going to be lots of starting and stopping points, at least for me too!

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  • Reply
    Scarlet
    May 19, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    Hi! I love reading your posts, and have for years now. I struggle with starting over nearly every day, but I keep doing it, and view each day as a new day.:) I was compelled to comment after reading that you are going to be eating at the 1500-1700 calorie level every day. That is truly starvation level for many people, and *could* definitely set you up for failure. Even if you were doing WW and calculated the calories based on the points they would give you, I would guarantee they would have you eating AT LEAST 2100 calories. There are several accurate websites out there that will help you figure out what you need to be eating to maintain your weight, and then start eating at a deficit for weight loss. Two of the calculators are listed on the link I am including below. The link is an article by a wonderful blogger, Amber Rogers, who blogs under the name “Go Kaleo”. She advocates slow and steady, and above all HEALTHY weight loss, and NOT starvation diets. I see that you work out a LOT, so you have to have solid, good energy to keep those workouts up! Anyway, here is the link, and I hope that you don’t think I am overstepping boundaries, I am just trying to help. 🙂 Good luck, and blessings to you! And by the way, you have one of the most beautiful smiles I have EVER seen.

    https://gokaleo.com/2012/04/29/a-primer-on-calories/

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  • Reply
    Judy
    May 19, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    Hi Kenlie,
    The answer is: forget calories altogether, stop counting anything. Refocus on WHAT you eat – lots and LOTS of non-starchy veges, meets, fats, nuts, non-fat yogurt, more veges, more nuts, more veges, more, more —is the answer. (Eliminate sugars or excessively big-time carbs because they clog up your pipes and prevent weight loss.) And whala – easy-peasy. Don’t even have to exercise but, for other reasons, is a perk. No counting, no meetings. . .
    Did I mention, eat MORE and MORE.
    All this is in Jonathan Bailor’s books. And http://www.carriebrown.com has an enormous number of recipes.

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    • Reply
      Scarlet
      May 19, 2014 at 4:15 pm

      Hi Judy! Just a comment from someone who has tried that path….NOT speaking for Kenlie here….but some of us do need to count calories in order to effectively reduce body fat. You CAN get fat overeating high volume, healthy foods. You can stay fat on that diet as well. I am living proof! I LOATH counting points/calories, etc, paying attention to portion sizes, but if I don’t, no body fat reduction happens, sadly. Also, non fat yogurt? Healthy fats in moderation are awesome for you, and much better for you than the chemicals/artificial flavors that they usually replace in non fat foods.

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  • Reply
    It doesn't matter
    May 19, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    You don’t have to be great today, just better than you were yesterday!

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  • Reply
    Anne
    May 19, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    Kenlie, I love the saying, “Just because you lose the game does not mean you give up the sport.”

    Can you IMAGINE if DREW BREEZE would have given up football after losing a game????? There would be no superbowl victory!

    We are all in the sport together … the game of life.

    Love ya!

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  • Reply
    Gail
    May 20, 2014 at 11:01 am

    I suck at losing weight, too, but still I keep plugging along. I feel healthier than I ever have, but still … saddlebags.

    Let’s figure out how not to suck at losing weight!

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  • Reply
    Denise
    May 20, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    No, Kenlie you sure are not alone in having to start over again and again. i think it is sometimes just human nature to slack off on a goal or dream. When we do realize that we are slacking we rededicate and motivate ourselves to work on the goal and dream again, thus a restart. Hang in there! We are all with you in this thing called life. Much love!

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