The last few weeks have felt incredibly busy and productive and slow moving all at the same time. I made a big decision that I’m at peace with now, but I stressed over what was right for a few weeks first. I also just took my last Summer exam, which means that I have two weeks to decompress from school before it starts again. I don’t always whine about needing a break from school, but right now, I’m happy to have one.
I’ve gotten a lot accomplished, but I’m tired. Last night I could sleep. I usually snooze only a moment or two after my head hits the pillow, but I knew that I needed to be up at 4:45 am. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to sleep when I know that I am starting my day early, but my mind just wouldn’t slow down last night. At least I can say that as a result, I know that I aced my final exam. I scored a 99% on my midterm for the same class, and I’m guessing that my final exam will be similarly scored.
I haven’t spent much time online, which seems to be a theme in my life these days. I mean, I still post occasional photos of my iced, nonfat caramel macchiatos from Starbucks on Instagram from time to time, but I seem to consistently lack a need to connect here in the way that I used to. (I’ve been saying that a lot lately…at least when I’m here. Ha)
I’m weighing in at Mom’s house once a week, and it’s so refreshing to see the numbers on the scale inching down. I’m not in the mood to be judged by the numbers here, but they’re moving in the right direction for the first time in quite some time. I started tracking my food intake when I left Fitbloggin after visiting with friends who understand my weight issues, and I’m trying to make good choices one day at a time.
It’s funny. Even at my lowest weight, which was 284 pounds, I was still obese. I was just less obese than now, and it felt so much better (physically) than this. I was more confident – not so much due to my size – but rather because I was in control. I want the feelings of self-control to become second nature again so I’m working on it.
The last few weeks have been tough, but I feel like I can finally relax again. I’m worn out, but I’m happy. I’m also keenly aware and thankful for everything that makes my life awesome.