Let’s Talk About How Much I Weigh Today

I weight 343 pounds. At my lowest I weighed 284 pounds. I realize that the second number is still obese, but I felt much better about myself at that weight than I do now. I’ve managed to stave off gaining for several months now. I’ve even lost a little, but I’m keenly aware of how much I need to make a change.

Kenlie

How many times can I say that I know I need to do something about it? How many times can I admit that I find it hard to ask God to help me in this area of my life? Am I the only one who wishes that I could shed the extra weight without sacrifice? Am I the only person my size who can’t seem to grasp the importance of making my body healthy?

I continue to say ‘NO’ to doughnuts even when they’re staring me in the face, but that’s not enough. I need to break my addiction to instant gratification. I need to look at the big picture instead of the immediate one.

It would be easier to give up my blog and forget that I started something that needs to be finished here. It would be easier to write the new one without any thought to the old one, but that’s not what’s best for me. It’s not making me healthier, and I’m not going to allow myself to feel ashamed of the changes that I need to make.

My goal was to have two blogs so I could focus on the other one, but I’m going to rename this one when I figure out exactly how to do it. It just sums up who I am in a better way now.

I miss the friends that I’ve made here, and I like knowing that there are people who understand what I’m going through.

 

So…I’m back.

 

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17 Comments

  • Reply
    Betty A
    March 17, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    Kenlie, first off, I would never fat shame you, and I’m glad you aren’t going there. I don’t think there is a right answer for everyone. I have gone an got old (at least that what the calendar says) and I just decided one day to get healthy. I talked to my best friend that is a cardiac nurse and she told me about a nutritional supplement, she told me to try to put good foods in my body. I am not going to tell you on purpose what it is, that is not what this is about. It is about the fact that when I started feeling better it was easier to feel motivated to lose weight. Four months after I started getting healthy, I lost my only child, and I was devastated, but something happened that I did not expect. I did not run to food, I did not console myself with the things I used to. I walk everyday, I grieve everyday. I am surrounded by people that try to get me to eat junk every day at work. I just don’t crave it anymore. I still have weight to lose, I have lost 48 pounds and I have kept it off for over a year. In two months it will be on year since I lost my son, and it will be 16 months since I began my journey to being healthy. I may live 30 more years if I am like my mom, and I don’t want to be miserable and sick. For me it was about health, I am past the looking pretty thing. You are beautiful. You are, I hope you find your way to good health. I am so glad I found my path. I am always pulling for you <3

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      March 20, 2015 at 7:23 am

      I can’t even begin to imagine the tragic loss of your son, and I’m so so sorry that you had to go through that. I’m thankful that you didn’t turn to food during that time, and I’m also thankful that you’re always here cheering me on. Thank you, Betty.

  • Reply
    Michele
    March 17, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    Kenlie, your struggle our struggle and I’m so glad that you share it with us. I love reading your blog and seeing your photos on IG. I wish I photographed as lovely as you do. We are here for you no matter how you choose to work on your weight for all the moments you choose to share with us, both the victorious and challenging. Thanks for not giving up on us and this blog.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      March 20, 2015 at 7:23 am

      I didn’t want to stop blogging. I just needed to make some changes. 🙂

      Thanks for being here, Michele.

  • Reply
    Kathie
    March 17, 2015 at 5:59 pm

    I so understand your struggle. I understand praying to God all the time and wanting to lose weight with out sacrifice, you are not alone.
    I think with me it comes down to me feeling I don’t deserve to lose weight or be healthy .. I don’t like who I am so how can I want to look after my body.

    I pray you get can back into the headspace that you were in not too long ago ..the one that got you to your lowest weight.

    Keep going honey ….you can do this

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      March 20, 2015 at 7:25 am

      I definitely want to get back into a good groove, but the weight part just hasn’t been at the top of my list…not. even. close.

  • Reply
    Becky
    March 17, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    YAAAAAY!!! I’m so glad you’re back.

    • Reply
      Kenlie
      March 20, 2015 at 7:25 am

      Well, this post just made me smile BIG. Thank you, Becky!

  • Reply
    Kody
    March 18, 2015 at 2:36 am

    I swear I could have written this post myself. I lost 45 pounds from May November. When I stepped on the scale the other day I am almost back to my 310 pounds. I am so ashamed of myself. I can’t believe I allowed this to happen again. If you find some answers or want to start something together or need to talk or whatever let me know. I am Kody from skinnysized.com in Houston, TX

  • Reply
    Noxie
    March 18, 2015 at 3:50 am

    Yay! I am glad you are back too! We can all pray together that one day God will show us the answers we need to continue on our weight loss journey.

  • Reply
    Denise Stankewitz
    March 18, 2015 at 10:42 am

    Praise the Lord! I’m so very glad to see you’re back because it helps me realize that I’m not the only one who is struggling. Thank you for being an inspiration! God bless!

  • Reply
    Steelers6
    March 18, 2015 at 11:51 am

    Cute picture, cute woman. 🙂 I like those eyeframes. Chrissy

  • Reply
    Sarah
    March 18, 2015 at 1:26 pm

    About a month ago, I had a HUGE wake up call and decided to get my crap together once and for all. My husband—my fairly FIT husband (as in just slightly overweight & very muscular) —was diagnosed with full blown diabetes. It’s hereditary in his family. And —in mine. I see what he’s going through, and we decided, as a couple, that we needed to do better for ourselves and our family. What really set things in motion, though, was this: Nathan went to his doctor the week before we committed ourselves to “better.” He showed her his food log for the week— and do you know she said to him? She said, “Nathan, you’ve spent 37 years abusing your body. Are you about done? This is about what YOU are doing to you. Not what food is doing to you.”

    That REALLY resonated with me! We all have people or situations that have hurt us and we hold onto those things and use them as lessons or building blocks, right? Why then when we’re doing it to ourselves do we not see it?! Why did I not see what I did?! I did this to me. My first step was owning up to it. I’m not big boned or made this way. I did this. I chose this. And now I’m unchoosing it.

    And so we’re done. Junk food is GONE from our house. Our meals are cooked from scratch. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner is planned the day before every day. I signed up with #WW and have lost 11.6 lbs this first month. I work out 3-4 days a week 30-60 minutes a day. I just committed myself to healing the deep wounds that I caused by eating junk and treating my body badly. I ruined my body image and made myself hate ME. And that’s too bad. I’m fixing that. That’s not okay. And I cannot continue to abuse the only body that I’ll ever have. I do NOT want to be dead by 40 because of poor choices that I made myself— and I feel like that’s the road I was heading down.

    I don’t want to tell you what to do or make you feel bad. That is NOT my intention. I would never question ANYONE’S choices. But I guess I’m sharing my story because change IS possible. And you ARE worthy of feeling good about yourself and making those healthy decisions and nurturing your relationship with your body. It took that situation with my husband to sort of shake my proverbial cage, so maybe it resonates with others too? I’ve read your blog a LONG time—and you CAN do this!

    Have a good day! Face forward to the sunshine. Leave all the darkness behind you. All the best!

    Sarah
    http://www.thinfluenced.com

  • Reply
    diana mcadams
    March 18, 2015 at 11:15 pm

    Glad you are back. Miss you when you are not here.

  • Reply
    Deb Willbefree
    March 20, 2015 at 6:16 am

    HA! No, you are not the only one! I just got done similar things to myself just Wednesday…and I was considering starting another blog and sort of ditching…sort of…my WL blog. Because it’s been YEARS. First significant weight loss then regain…then teensy loss…then regain…another teensy loss…then regain…

    You know. sigh.

    I nodded all the way thru this post, but this —> ” I need to break my addiction to instant gratification.” is the sentence that made me stop nodding and think, “There it is.” I’ve said for a long time that I have a food addiction, but you hit the underlying problem…and part of the solution, too.

    Thanks for this, Kenlie, because I also “need to break my addiction to instant gratification. I need to look at the big picture instead of the immediate one.”

    Jesus knows the way…

    Deb

  • Reply
    Sarah G
    March 20, 2015 at 10:13 am

    Yay! I’m so glad you’re back! I’ve read for a long time, but I’m honestly not sure I’ve commented before…Regardless, I’m excited that you’re back in this space, and psyched to be able to cheer you on again, which I’ll try to be less silent about. 🙂 Get it, girl!

  • Reply
    Mike
    March 23, 2015 at 9:21 pm

    YAY! You’re back Kenlie! So glad that your blog didn’t disappear as I had thought it would. So glad that you decided to make a different kind of change and it was a good thing that I didn’t sign off from receiving your posts in my inbox.
    Don’t give up Kenlie. You are doing an awesome job in losing weight and I know that you will continue to strive to meet your goal, no matter the difficulty. You are too strong a woman and a believer to give up. 🙂 You’ve come so far! I have only known you for a short time through your blog, but I’m proud of you. I know that you can do that which you set out to do.
    I myself am still struggling to lose weight; eating healthy daily, avoiding most unhealthy foods and snacks (albeit I will still grab a cookie every now and then), exercising regularly, and anything else that will help me to succeed. Do you know what helps keep me on track? I am doing this with a friend that I have made. We report to each other each week on our weight and tell each other of what exercises we have done over the course of the week. And it’s because of this accountability that I haven’t given up on my goal. Now keep in mind that my friend lives in another country. We are pen pals but we stay in communication all the time through e-mail and we are both serious about our weight loss. We won’t give up!
    But yes, you are not alone Kenlie. Just briefly looking at other people’s posts on this page, you have a lot of friends behind you, including me. I like what Michele said above. “your struggle is our struggle”. You are not alone! You keep going with your workouts and healthy eating. It’s like I tell my friend that I’m doing this with when she feels discouraged. Sometimes the struggle is a good indication that you are doing well. Some people will run into the struggle and just give up and never go back. But you keep going and that’s what important. As long as you keep going.

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